Is Abuse Really a “Cycle”?
Often people reach out to us when they have questions about their relationship or what abuse looks like. Each relationship is unique, so the questions vary from person to person. One question we often get asked is, “is abuse really a cycle?”.
At The Hotline, we use many different words when we’re describing abuse: systematic, power, control, pattern, and purposeful. One word we don’t use when talking about abusive relationships is cycle.
This way of describing abuse began in the 1970s and today, the “cycle of abuse” is still talked about in courtrooms, therapist sessions, in the media, and more.
Here at The Hotline we don’t use that descriptor, for a variety of reasons. Here’s why:
- To describe abuse as a cycle makes it seem like there are four predictable, repetitive steps of what is going on in any relationship at any given time.
2) Incident — often a physical altercation
If abuse was a cycle, it would be predictable — you could know what to expect and when to expect it. But the reality about domestic violence is that it doesn’t happen that way. While there may be recognizable patterns going on in a relationship (ex. you know your partner tends to get more confrontational after going out drinking) the violence rarely occurs in a predictable cycle.
- It’s sometimes used to blame victims for the continuation of abuse.
In her essay “Reframing Domestic Violence Law and Policy,” Professor Leigh Goodmark writes,
“Describing abuse as a cycle becomes problematic when this language is co-opted to be used against victims, particularly in a court setting — ex. “Why didn’t you leave during the calm stage?”
No one ever asks to experience abuse. The fault lies with the abuser, not the victim, so it’s important that we don’t use language that blames the person suffering abuse.
The model that more accurately describes what occurs in an abusive relationship is The Duluth Model and its Power & Control Wheel. It explains the many tactics an abusive partner uses at any one time to establish and maintain power and control over their partner.