Quick Look: Police Reports and Protective Orders

safety plan

Quick Look: Police Reports and Protective Orders

police reportsVictims of domestic violence often feel isolated and aren’t sure where to turn for help. At the Hotline, we’re here to help you find resources and discuss your options if you are in an abusive relationship. For some victims, those options include taking legal action against their abusive partners. Often these actions include filing police reports or obtaining a protection order.

Keep in mind that proceeding with a police report or a protection order is a personal choice, and you should only take these steps if you feel safe doing so. But first it’s important to understand what these documents are and what they can do for you.

Police Reports

A police report is one way to document the abuse and can be the first step toward filing criminal charges. You will be asked detailed questions about the incident and about any witnesses and the perpetrator.

How do I file a police report?
It’s best to file as soon as possible after an incident. Typically, you will need to go to the police station to file a report, or an officer can be dispatched to you. You may be able to file the report by phone by calling your area’s non-emergency number. In some cities you can file the report online. If it’s been a while since the incident happened, you’ll need to bring as much evidence as possible (ex. Journal/log, photos, witnesses, etc.). Provide as much information as you can as clearly as possible, and be sure to express if you feel threatened or have any fears about your partner. Anyone can file a police report, regardless of age (but if you are under 18, the police might contact your parent/guardian).

Why would I file a police report?
It is a way to document abuse and create an official record for the abusive partner, which may be used as evidence in a criminal or civil case.

What happens when I file a police report?
Once you file the report, you become a witness in the state’s case against the perpetrator. The case will be assigned to a detective in your precinct, who will begin an investigation. The detective will likely contact you to ask additional questions and discuss the case. Once the detective has completed the investigation, he/she will submit a report to the County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office.

While you do not control whether the case is prosecuted, most prosecutors will not go forward without your consent. Prosecutors usually consider many factors in determining whether to prosecute without a victim’s consent, including whether there is enough evidence to support a conviction without the victim’s testimony. If you have any questions or concerns throughout the process, you have the right to contact the case detective and/or the prosecuting attorney’s office.

Protective Order

A protective order is an official legal order issued by a state court that requires the abusive person to stop the violence and abuse and maintain a certain distance from the victim. Depending on where you live, it can also be called a restraining order, protection order, an injunction, or an order of protection.

How do I get a protective order?
Different states have different processes, but as a general rule, appropriate forms have to be filled out and submitted to the county court house. A court date will be scheduled and both parties will be notified. If you are under 18, you will likely need parental consent.

Why would I get a protective order?
A protective order is legal protection against the abusive partner and can be enforced by police. Special provisions can be requested such as custody of children, continued financial support, getting the abuser to leave the residence, etc. Some states also require the abusive partner to surrender their firearms.

It’s important to note that while a protective order may help keep an abusive partner away from you, it does not work in every case. Some abusive partners continue to contact and abuse their partners despite the presence of a protective order. Some may become even more dangerous after an order is filed because it threatens their power and control over the relationship. While you cannot predict someone’s behavior, you know your situation best, and it’s a good idea to consider how your partner might react based on what you know about them before obtaining a protection order.

What happens when I get a protective order?
When the abuser does something that the court has ordered them not to do, or doesn’t do something the court has ordered them to do, they may have violated the order. You can ask the police or the court (or both, depending on the violation) to enforce the order. If you are not able to contact the police when the violation occurs, they should take a report if you call them soon afterwards. In some cases, violating a protective order might result in a misdemeanor or felony criminal conviction and punishment. These types of violations can also later be addressed by a civil court, and it is often a good idea to bring them to the court’s attention.

Things to consider before obtaining a protective order:

  • PROS: You will have legal documentation of protection; the abuse may stop; provisions can be made for children, finances, etc.; can still be enforced if you move or leave your home state
  • CONS: You will have to see the abusive partner in court; abuse may not decrease/abusive partner may not obey the order; some orders are not always enforced

Please note that police reports and protective orders are just parts of an overall safety plan and do not guarantee your safety from an abusive partner. Remember, you are the most knowledgeable person about your own situation, and you must use your own judgment about what is best for you. If you are considering taking legal steps against an abusive partner, we strongly recommend that you get in touch with a legal advocate, and we can help you find one in your area. Please call or chat with us 24/7/365. Call us at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or chat by selecting the Chat Now button right here on our website. Chat en español 12-6 p.m. Hora Central.

Resources and additional information:

  • VINE (Victim Information & Notification Everyday): This service provides information about criminal cases and the custody status of offenders 24 hours a day
  • Full Faith and Credit: Refers to Section 2265 of VAWA and requires that a valid protection order issued in one state be treated another state as if it were one of its own. It enables the victim to travel safely without having to establish jurisdiction or secure a new protective order.
  • WomensLaw provides legal information and support to victims of domestic violence and assault.
  • Legal Services Corporation provides legal assistance to low-income individuals and families throughout the nation.

Comment section

66 replies
  1. Be aware that female abusers will also use false claims to obtain protective orders. If you’re a man who is experiencing this form of abuse, remember that the abuse is not your fault and don’t be afraid to tell your story as well. Don’t leave out details due to shame -if you are wondering whether or not to say something you should say it.

  2. Mark,
    Thank you for encouraging people, and men, to reach out for support and help. It can be very challenging for those experiencing intimate partner violence to talk about it and feel comfortable doing so. The Hotline provides confidential and anonymous support and resources to anyone in domestic violence. It is often common for abusive partners to manipulate the legal system in a number of ways, and that is very frustrating for those looking to that system for help and support.
    Anyone who is experiencing abuse by an intimate partner can contact The Hotline anytime. We’re open 24/7 at 1.800.799.7233, and chat services are available from 9 AM to 7 PM CST.
    Please reach out to us, Mark, if there is anything we can do for you anytime.

    Hotline_Advocate KK

  3. Hi, I live in Malaysia, my husband is Malaysian, I have no family or friend here. I have 5months old baby.
    My husband became very aggressive since the baby is born. He told me baby cry make him angry and baby has to get hit to learn.
    I look after my baby all the time and at night I was scared to sleep because my baby would cry for milk. He started hitting me. I can’t live home. I’m scared to death. I’m worry for my baby
    I really need help
    Do you have any service in malaysia?
    Thank you

  4. Hello Sahar,
    Thank you so much for reaching out to our blog community. It sounds like the situation is very frightening and I see that you are looking for help. I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your baby. You sound like an incredibly strong person, and I can see that you are trying to find help and resources to keep yourself and your baby safe. Our program may be able to assist you and talk to you about ways to get out safely, we are anonymous, confidential and available 24 hours a day at (800) 799-7233. Seeing that you are in Malaysia, another resource that could be helpful is the website http://www.hotpeachpages.net . This website contains domestic violence resources for all over the world.I hope that you are able to find the resources you need for help, but of course feel free to call us if you are safe to do so and we can continue to offer support and options.
    Take care.
    Advocate RF

  5. Hi,

    I am looking for help for my sister. Unfortunately, we do not live anywhere near each other. I am in Florida and she is in San Antonio, Texas. She has no family or friends where she lives – they moved to Texas just over a year ago. His family lives there. Her father-in-law lives in the apartment next to hers. She hardly ever returns phone calls or texts from myself or other family members, including our mother. I last spoke with her over the weekend. We tried calling today, and both her phone and her husband’s phone are turned off. That is our only lifeline in knowing she is okay (relatively speaking). Now, we don’t even have that.

    She is married with a 9 year old son. A few things about her: she has not left her apartment complex but a few times in the past year; she does not have any valid identification; she has no access to money or transportation; she is not able to make any decisions about herself, her son, her family – anything. Her 9 year old son pushed her last week and she ended up with a cut and swollen lip and there was no consequences. And this is of course not everything that is going on with her.

    I believe that if I could go over there, she would leave her husband. Although she is not capable of caring for her son at this moment as she will need assistance in getting back on her own two feet and her son does not respect her one bit. Her husband should not care for him either as he is teaching their son to be abusive. Unfortunately, I do not have the financial means to go to Texas.

    Please advise – what can I or someone else do for her? She may or may not be willing to accept help. I am hoping that she will accept help if it is offered. I offered for her to stay with me in Florida if she got out and went to a local domestic violence shelter. She likes that idea, but needs some nudging. I am wondering if I were to call the local police and ask them to do a well-being check on her – and also provide them with what I know about the situation – if they could / would help her? Also, her husband has weapons.

    Any advice or assistance would be greatly appreciated!

    Thank you,


  6. Hi,
    That sounds like such an awful and terrifying situation. It must be so heartbreaking for your sister to be abused by not only her husband but also her son. I’m so glad that you’re helping your sister. Offering support and talking to your sister about different options are the best things you can do for her in an abusive situation. Most victims of abuse feel overwhelmed and stressed out, so they may go back and forth with the idea of getting help. That’s completely normal. Leaving can be just as terrifying as staying for some victims. We also know many abusers make all types of threats to make someone believe that staying is their best option. I’m glad that your sister is warming up to the idea of creating a safety plan. With your support, it probably be easier for her to make a decision and take action.

    You’ve come up with some great ideas already. A well-being check may be a good option and you may consider talking to the police about going when she is mostly likely to be home alone. She may be more willing to talk openly and accept help if he is not around. Going to a domestic violence shelter may be another option. Some shelters can also help with getting identification or transportation. We try to tailor safety plans to each individual situation and we would love to be able to safety plan with you. If you would like a list of resources or to go over a safety plan with one of our advocates, please contact us at 1-800-799-7233. We’re 24/7 and completely confidential.

    Take care,
    Hotline Advocate VG

  7. Thanks for you reply and advice. I think I am going to call her local DV shelter today and the police to do a well being check on her on Monday, when she will most likely be alone – unless her local shelter advises any different.
    Thank you!

  8. I have been on here a few times and you are always so supportive and helpful. I got out with my son 4 1/2 years ago and last year was given sole legal and physical custody of our son. my ex is bipolar among other things and I have grown a pretty thick skin since the only way he can get me is through email until somehow even though my son called with blocked number he got our phone number. he know is texting me daily have claimed to be homeless again, had a heart attack. no reason to live. I actually started to feel bad and when I tried to call to give him advice of course he doesnt answer knowing I would worry. after everything he has put us through and tried to kill me in front of my son he still wears me out but we have been living where we are now far from him for over 3 years. I even tried to go to court claiming harassment but the judge didnt deam him a threat even with all the history and court papers to back it up.
    I am tired of this and even appealed and lost.
    what can I do???
    I just want to be over and done. the only thing I have to do because of our son is email updates. but I just want him out and gone for good since he doesnt ever seem to be willing to stop.
    my nerves are shot and I work 2 jobs and have lung issues and he doesnt pay any childsupport.
    sorry needed to vent

  9. I am wondering if anyone knows how the military reserves can be notified of domestic violence. I/we are trying to help my girlfriend and when he was arrested the state officer said the military would “know” but we have found that not to be true. MANY of us feel they need to know what he has done to more than one woman, but mostly my friend. Does anyone know if there is any communication between civilian and military law enforcement?

  10. Hi Petra,

    Please don’t apologize; our online community is here to be a safe place for people to share their experiences and get support and help. We’re so glad that you’re reaching out. It sounds like you recognize the tactics that your ex uses to manipulate and hurt you, and it’s understandable that you still feel affected by his choices. You’ve done a lot to create a safe place for yourself and your son, and it must be incredibly frustrating to have your son’s father contact you after 4 and a half years. You still have the right to be safe, and nothing can change that, even if your ex is refusing to recognize that right.

    Please know that you can call us 24/7 and talk to an advocate anonymously and confidentially at 1-800-799-7233. We can help you figure out other ways to stay safe, and connect you with local resources like legal programs, if you think they might be helpful. It may also be beneficial to talk about ways that you can protect and take care of yourself emotionally and mentally, as I hear that this situation is exhausting for you. Making sure that you’re getting the support and care you need can be very helpful in building the resiliency needed to get through this situation.

    We’re here when you need us.

    Hotline Advocate AS

  11. Hi Barb,

    We’re so glad that you’re reaching out for support and information. It’s great that your girlfriend has people in her life who want to help her be safe. Working in the intersection of military and civilian law enforcement can be challenging, especially depending on the specifics of the situation. For example, if someone is living on a military base and needed a protective order, they would likely need a military protective order that is valid on the base itself, and possibly a civilian protective order, for the times they leave base.

    We can definitely share the information we have with you or your friend, so that she can make the decisions that she feels would be the safest for her. You can reach us by phone 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or by online chat via our website 9am-7pm CST. All conversations are kept anonymous and confidential.

    Again, we’re so glad that your friend has support and help as she works through what sounds like a dangerous and scary situation.

    We’re here when you need us.

    Hotline Advocate AS

  12. I have a friend who separated from her boyfriend and child, there was verbal abuse during the relationship and then physical abuse during the break where the police were involved and charges were made out. My friend went of the grid for a few weeks and I just found out that they are now back together. 1) I am sad 2) I have no idea what to do here, she is an adult and makes her own decisions and if I interfere I will end our friendship… do I let this just play out? Man, I feel horrible!

  13. Hi Andrew,

    We’re so glad that you’re part of our online community, and are reaching out for support. Seeing someone you care about in an abusive relationship is incredibly challenging and scary. It can be difficult to balance your concern for you friend and your understanding that, as an adult, she has the right to make her own decisions. Having the support of loved ones can be incredibly empowering for someone who is being abused, especially as you treat her with respect and show her that she deserves to be safe.

    Our Hotline advocates talk to friends and family members every day about supporting a loved one who is in an abusive relationship. We can help you figure out how to provide support and help for your friend, as well as identify ways to take care of yourself during this scary time. You can reach us by phone 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or chat online 9am-7pm CST. We keep all conversations anonymous and confidential.

    Take care,

    Hotline Advocate AS

  14. I have been with my husband for six years. The abuse has gotten out of control. It started off first verbally, then it went to physical with him crying and apologizing making me forgive him to very physical and verbal. He doesn’t apologize anymore he just says you deserve it. You’ll learn to do what I say or shut up when I tell you to etc. we have two kids together and they are very young 1 and 3. I am doing my best to protect them from all of this. It breaks my heart to say that it has happened in front of them before. He drug me up to this area away from my family. From what I read that’s what abusers do. They take you away from people that they know will help you. Every time I try to call the police he breaks every phone in the house and holds me hostage so I can’t go to a neighbor. Then he will start hitting himself with objects such as a lamp saying he’s going to make sure that I go to jail if he does. It’s just a terrible situation and I just wanted to get advice and devise a plan to once and for all

  15. Chelsea,

    Thank you so much for sharing with our blog community. It sounds like this has been such a dangerous situation, and like things have definitely escalated. You are right, people who are abusive do isolate their partner from their support system. That is one of the many strategies that abusers will use to gain power and control in the relationship. That also includes trying to manipulate the situation so he can seem like the victim, or minimizing the abuse so you can feel confused through it all. Check out the power and control wheel to find out a little more about the other strategies that are used.

    I am so glad that you are reaching out. It sounds like you are really trying to think about all the ways you can get safe. Know that you can definitely call us 24/7, The National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 1800-799-7233 to talk through what is going on as well as brainstorm options and a plan to leave safely. We know the most dangerous time in an abusive situation is when you are trying to leave, he is going to do everything he can to make sure that does not happen. We can help make that plan. If you are unable to call us by phone, we do have a chat line that operates Monday-Friday from 9am-7pm CST where you will still be able to talk to an advocate.

    I hope you are able to contact us.
    Until then,

  16. Yes, my son is going through this in Washington State. His girlfriend with whom he lives, came from behind him and hit his head with a kitchen pot splitting his head open. If he threatens to report her abuse she will only she hit her arms and head on the edge of the wall to create bruises telling my son if he reported abuse she would say it was self defense.

    The girlfriend is delusional, continually lies, has so much rage and has abused my son and their six year old daughter shamelessly. It is impossible to remain silent anymore. I will surely go crazy. SHE has moved them 2200 miles away now and I cannot monitor this situation anymore and I am terrified. In the past I could distract her and take the abuse myself but now that I am not there she is surely going to hurt my family. My son continues to take the abuse thinking she will take the daughter away and no one will be there to monitor her and stop her from hurting the daughter.

    She will pretend to ‘roughhouse’ with the daughter as an excuse to hurt her. She always injures the daughter by bending her fingers or toes back until she cries out and accuses her mother of doing it on purpose. My son does not like her to use the curling iron on his daughter’s hair because the girlfriend uses the opportunity to burn the daughter. This woman uses any opportunity to hurt people or animals. The neighbors animals are not safe if they come into her yard.

    I agree, in no way would I want this woman alone with my granddaughter and even if the authorities took the daughter they almost always give the child BACK to the mother. This is complicated by the fact society does not realize how abusive women can be towards men. Many men suffer in silence thinking judges, police, and the law in general will automatically believe the woman when she says the man hit her….even though she may have self inflicted the wounds and much of her story is fictitious. She has bragged about her ability to ‘cry on cue’ if need be.

    She has managed to lose his phone and all contact with him must go through her. He has almost no privacy, even at his work she repeatedly calls until he is reprimanded. He lost his last job because of her behavior. She can be nice but it does not last long, then she is back to her rage.

    It is unbearable sometimes. I truly lack the skills and the knowledge to deal with her and I cannot imagine the living hell my son must go through.
    I have experienced only a small portion of her behavior….he came so close to suicide in May of 2014 he told me he just wanted the abuse to stop. He said he thought of his daughter being alone with her and he could not go through with the suicide. Thank God. I don’t think there is a way to stop her. I cannot now contact my son without her knowledge of our calls…she turns on the speaker phone so she hears every word. He is totally under her control. I fear she will kill my son eventually….and fake abuse or a beating to justify her actions. She is that violent and manipulative. I sometimes feel like an episode of ‘Dateline NBC’.

    If I call the police to check on things I will never be able to talk to my son or granddaughter again, she will cut off all communication. She has actually cut me off now…she called screaming and I told her to call back when she could calm herself down. I have been cut off since then. This is how she maintains control over everyone in the situation. It’s as if you no longer live in the United States of America…you live in the United States of Rebecca.

    Could he leave and take the daughter with him. Are there shelters for men with children like there are for women with children? Would they be protected?

    Thank you for your attention.

    Mrs. M*****

  17. Hello Mrs. M.,

    We’re so glad that you’ve reached out to our online community. Your son’s situation is terrifying, and we understand how being 2200 miles away from him and your granddaughter makes it all the more frightening. All of you deserve to be safe, and no one has the right to be controlling and abusive. It sounds like you and your son are doing everything you can so that he and his daughter can be safe in a very dangerous situation. His girlfriend is choosing to be incredibly manipulative and it sounds like your son feels trapped.

    There are resources all over the country that provide help to men who are being abused. You’re right about the challenges men face given the stigma of masculinity in our society. Truthfully, it can be difficult for any survivor to speak up about the abuse that they are enduring and ask for the help they need. This can be even more scary when you don’t think that anyone will believe you.

    If you would like to contact us, we can definitely talk about what your son is going through and how that’s affecting you. We can look at what resources might be available, and talk about ways to take care of yourself while you support your son through this traumatic experience. Having a loved one going through this type of crisis can have pronounced affects on someone, and taking care of yourself is extremely important. You can reach us by phone 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or online chat 9am-7pm CST. All of our conversations are confidential and anonymous. I know it may be difficult to get our information to your son, given his girlfriend’s control of the phones; perhaps you could reach him at work or leave a message there with our information. We’re here to help however we can.

    Take care,

    Hotline Advocate AS

  18. I am in a situation that makes me feel uneasy. I feel a huge hole in my stomach, no appetite and my heart beat just goes crazy on me. My husband has been abusing me for a long time. I try to shut my mouth and not say anything, I feel like he enjoys persecuting me with texts, e-mails and verbally threatening me everyday. One day does not go by without him harassing me. My daughter feels the same way. The abuse is unending and I now feel abdominal pains when I get stressed over what he says to me and my daughter. The pain is unbearable, it feels as if my tummy is going to blow up. I cry over the pain at night and wonder how I have gotten to this point. He threatens that if I sell my minivan, I will suffer consequences. I need money to fix two broken molars. I need to get some heavy dental work done and he says there is no money for me to do anything. My only choice is to sell my minivan to get money for this need. I am desperately looking for work and applying, but because of bad credit, I’m not getting hired. I can’t live like this everyday and neither can my daughter. He calls her ugly names and insults her badly, and my heart sinks and I wish I could grab my daughter and run away for ever. Neither one of us wants to live with him anymore. It’s hard to wake up to insults, demands, name calling, threats of not giving me money for food or anything else. This guy is just not happy, he is miserable and enjoys hurting me and my kid. She cries and asks to be taken away from here, but without money where can I go and where is it safe for both of us? I need to talk to someone, because I feel horrible, I feel too much pain inside and I need to scream for help. IS there anyone out there reading? listening? 🙁

  19. Dear Maria,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Many callers tell us that the abuse they suffer also affects their health. It sounds as though the abuse is causing you severe digestive issues. I hope that you can access you public health services and see a doctor or visit a clinic to find out what is going on.

    Your husband sounds horrible and the abuse he puts your daughter through must be devastating for her as well. Maybe you could consider a domestic violence shelter? This would allow you some time to get on your feet and they may even be able to help you find employment.

    I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline so that we can discuss options and resources for you. The number is (800) 799-7233.

    Hotline Advocate MT

  20. Hi,

    We are in ——, Colorado. My daughter has been in an abusive relationship for over four years. They have a three year old daughter together. Her boyfriend has been arrested for domestic violence several times and has a history of taking the child, hiding her and threatening to take her to Texas. My granddaughter has often come to my house telling me that daddy say’s she is “bad”….she pulls her hair when she is frustrated…and often has welts on her skin. There is a family physician involved but I don’t know that he reports anything to social services.

    Last November, my daughter called me because she was barricaded in a bedroom with the child. I could hear her boyfriend screaming that he was going to call the police. I called the police. As I waited on the line, I learned that the boyfriend fled the scene because he had marijuana on his person. My daughter couldn’t leave because he had the car seat.

    The police officer arrived and arrested her because her boyfriend ran up to them in the parking lot and claimed to have had a ripped shirt. I haven’t seen my granddaughter since II babysat her the day of her mother’s arraignment. Friday, I asked my daughter when I could see my granddaughter and was told that the father had taken her to Texas and that my daughter signed papers allowing him to do this. She refused to tell me when her daughter would return.

    I have no idea where she is. I have no idea if she is safe. My daughter told me to respect the decision to allow the father to take the child and that I needed to stay out of their lives. I know her boyfriend is angry that I called the police.

    First, I don’t know how to find out if the child is safe.
    Secondly, I’d like to know how to advocate for other women in this community. We have Primary Aggressor laws in Colorado but this police department is obviously not following that protocol. Is there anything I can do?

    Any advice will be appreciated.

  21. Hi Sheila,

    Your situation sounds really scary and I want to thank you for reaching out. Having someone you love and care about being treated with abuse is a very frustrating thing especially when there are children involved. We have a page on our site about supporting loved ones being abused that may be helpful here. Also, please feel free to reach out to an advocate to talk about this situation. We are here everyday on chat from 7am to 2am CST and reachable 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.

    Also, thank you for wanting to get involved in your community around the issue of domestic violence. The best place to start would be by contacting your local domestic violence shelter. One of our advocates can help you locate one in your area as well.

    Take care,

    Hotline Advocate LC

  22. Been in abusive relationship in the past. Few sever incidents happened in the past and I didn’t take legal actions against my then-partner. Having evidence such as photos and witnesses ,also Doctor’s notes, can I still seek legal help or is it too late ?

  23. Hello Bahar,

    Thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry that you had to go through that abusive relationship. Documenting abuse is always a good idea. Photos, witnesses and doctor’s notes are all valid forms of documentation. Laws differ by state so unfortunately I can’t answer your questions directly but it may still be possible to take legal action. I encourage you to contact The Hotline directly. Our advocates can explore options with you, provide legal information resources and connect you with a legal advocate in your area. You can reach us 24/7 by phone at 1-800-799-7233 or through chat everyday from 7am to 2am CST.

    Take care,
    Hotline Advocate RG

  24. I live in NYC…I’am in a long term relationship for the past 7 years. I had left my part to move to GA but things got tough for me and my sister, and we had to come back to nyc. I had went into a women shelter, but try to fix thing with my partner so we got back together i never called the police although they have knocked on my door during a dispute… look i don’t care for police i just want to… he’s getting worse by the the day… i just had back surgery i lost my job and my sister won’t let me go because my situaton is unsafe for her kids i should’ve stayed in the shelter but i thought my absence changed him…. i love him i don’t want him to to jail i just want leave I’m so tired of arguing and fighting… i don’t have any children no job no police repot and no where to go he knows where the —-women shelter is… i don’t know what to do

  25. This post has been modified to remove identifying information.

    Hello Jennifer,

    That certainly sounds like a difficult situation that would be best served by communicating with you directly. Please give us a call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. Our advocates would be happy to provide you with some valuable resources, such as alternative shelters, and possible strategic solutions.

    Take care,
    Hotline Advocate RG

  26. Shennise,

    Thank you so much for reaching out. It sounds like your friend is in a really difficult and complicated situation, and I’m so sorry she is going through this. I’m really glad that she has your support and care through this. That’s huge! Here is a good page on helping a friend that you might like to check out. It’s not always easy to know how to help, but from what you’ve described, it sounds like getting her in touch with some legal and emotional support could be a really great start. If you would like to reach out to us directly, we would be happy to connect you with resources in her area that you could share with her, as well as some safety tips. If it would be safe for her to reach out, we would also be happy to talk with her directly and help her with anything she needs right now. We’re here 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, and on live chat 7am-2am CST at http://www.thehotline.org. We look forward to talking with you.

    Advocate MT

  27. Hi Cheryl,

    Thank you so much for your concern. Since we are completely confidential, we do not contact police on behalf of our callers or chatters. From what we know, police involvement may not be the safest option and it’s important for each person to be able to make the decision about whether to involve police for themselves.

    If you have any other questions, I would encourage you to reach out to chat with one of our advocates who can discuss any concerns further with you. We are here 24/7 by phone at 1-800-799-7233 or by chat at from 7am – 2am CST every day.

    Thank you again and take care,
    Hotline Advocate AC

  28. Hello, I have a question for you. I have a sister, that lives in Ft. Lauderdale Florida. She has written me a very nasty email, and continues to tell my other sister nasty things about my other sister and I. I have the proof of this email, it is verbal abuse. I have not responded to any of this. I’m very tired of all of this belittling, and her making me feel horrible. Please if someone can help me and guide me what to do.? I live in Minnesota and I have deleted her from Facebook and blocked her from calling me, can I file a verbal case against her???? Any help would be greatly appreciated….

    Thank you

  29. Hi Shannon,

    Thank you for reaching out with us. There is nothing that you could ever do to make it ok for her to treat you with any form of abuse. Verbal abuse is very traumatic to experience and you have a right to protect yourself from that. You always have the right to report abuse to the police. The police typically are only able to respond to physical incident of abuse and threats to harm someone. That doesn’t mean you will not be able to report what happened to the police. Our services are geared towards domestic abuse in intimate partner violence and I want you to get the best legal help possible. Reaching out to your local legal aid organization can help you find support. You can locate them at lsc.gov.

    Take care,
    Hotline Advocate LC

  30. Hello, tonight I was physically abused and my life threatened. I am my wife are going to be divorced although we have not started the process yet. We live in the same house and have verbally agreed to sell the house and split everything 50/50. While my wife was away I had new carpeting installed to make the house easier to sell.Therefore moving everything upstairs to the down stairs of the house. While moving things I and my sons threw away things that we did not want or did not use anymore. When my wife returned she went looking in the trashbags and found some of her items in there. When I got home from work my wife was upset and blamed me for throwing the items away. I did throw some of the items away but did not know that these were hers. I just thought they were just leftovers from my sons such as markers and crayons when they were children. As i work nights, I went to bed and when I awoke my wife started to yell at me. I tried to explaine that I did not do it on purpose. This is when the violence began first she bagan to beat me with a coat hanger, then hitting me with a clothes stand, then punched me in my face, and while walking away threw a tub of wood putty hitting me in the chest. Then the verbal threats came as she stated “I just want to cut your face off” and then stating “I would do worse if I knew I could get away with it”. Being a man I’m not sure anyone would believe such an account like this. As I sit here in shock, I’m not sure what I should do or what action I should follow as I have children who would be affected.

  31. Hello Tim,

    We’re so glad that you’re part of our online community and we appreciate the courage it took to share your experiences with us. It sounds like your wife’s choices created a very scary situation for you. She had no right to be verbally or physically violent or threatening to you, and I’m sure having children in the house made the situation more terrifying. Everyone has the right to be safe and should have access to the services and support they need.

    It may be helpful to think about your safety while you’re still in the home together. Since every situation is different, there isn’t one path to safety that works for everyone. If you’d like to call or chat us when it’s safe to talk, our advocates are here to help you figure out what you need to be safe. We’re here to be a safe place for you to share your experiences, brainstorm safety plans, and get information about local programs. You can reach us 24/7 by phone at (800) 799-7233 or chat us here on our website every day from 7a-2a CST.

    We’re here when you need us.

    Hotline Advocate AS

  32. I have been in an emotional and physically abusive relationship for 8 years. Today he hit me seven times and I sat on the couch. I curled up in a ball. A 200+ pound man hitting you like a man. I ran to my neighbors and had to ice my face. His mom just passed away so I felt it to be not right to have him put in jail. After some time I be returned home. He was sleeping and I quiet as a mouse, then he awoke, screaming and yelling and in my face with a fist raised. I ran back to my neighbors. And after much prodding from her I finally got the courage to call the cops. 30 mins later they arrived and said what do u want to happen here. Very cold and uncompassionate. Saying no witnesses, he said she said an if he had a mark I would go to jail. He wouldn’t answer the door so I had to give them the key. I went back to neighbor’s they came down with him in back seat. He said I also hit him and had a scratch or some mark I didn’t quite hear or digest what he was saying, i was already churning with fear. The cop said if I press charges he is gonna and we both go. Naturally I didn’t want to go to jail especially since I didn’t do anything but curl up and take punches, hitting me with his show, kicking me and kneeing me. After finally being brave to call the police this is my biggest fear. Now he feels unstoppable and I am so afraid. I knew I shouldn’t have called the police, that he would lie and silver you’ve the police as he does with everyone. The rage and violent snaps are for when no one is around. He is smart, his mom was a cop he knows what to say. He always gets away with it. Always. And now that I called the police and he didn’t get arrested its 10x worse. I knew I shouldn’t have called and this is why. What I don’t understand is why the police were so cold, immediately already assuming he had marks on him and that it was both of us combating not just him. He has multiple assault & battery charges and is currently on bond & has court in 3 days for assaulting two of the neighbors. Even that case(s) he is skating by. He knocked a guy’s teeth out and they dropped it from felony to misdemeanor and may take a plea for probation this Friday. I do not know what is going to happen, I have to file a restraining order tomorrow. I am beyond saddened by the police, my fear and just everything. I feel hopeless. I feel drained. The daily mental abuse is enough already, everyday he yells about something and call a me all kinds of names. Dumb, moron or I will probably kill myself because im weak he says. Right now I feel we ask. I have no family and few friends, I realize I’m isolated and he controls everything. Money, friends, and even my time. This is a horrible situation to be in and with no where to go its horrific. I have a dog who I love more than anything. I won’t leave her here to be treated badly but I can’t live in my car with her or go to a shelter with her. This is where he has me, he knows this and uses it to have power over me. He knows me being homeless is a huge fear because I was once. This is why perhaps I endured so much abuse because of that fear and the lack of confidence, for my first 18 years of life my father would always say I’m just a pimple on someone’s ass and I do not ever remember my parents saying I love you, hugging me or showing any kind of affection. This is why I feel insecure, and not confident. Having a loving supportive family who is there for you is everything again a situation like this. I don’t have that. I have nothing. Nothing but intense fear. This is why women do not call and report abuse. I didn’t lay one finger or anything on him. I’ve never been accused of it either so for the police to immediately suspect it was a mutual assault is baffling to me. I thought maybe he knew I was going to call the police so he called but he didn’t. So I am flabbergasted at their demeanor. I wrote so much, I’m sorry there is probably many mistakes as I’m on a small kindle and writing and scrolling is difficult. I don’t know what’s going to happen and that’s scary.

  33. Hello Saving Hope,

    That sounds like a completely terrifying situation! I am sorry that your partner has been treating you so violently. It sounds like you may need medical attention. If so, you always have the right to go to the ER. His behavior that you described is really scary and I am worried about your safety. It is upsetting that after all of the courage it took to call the police, they did not treat you with respect or provide you with the support that you deserve. The police response is not okay and it is unfortunately not uncommon for law enforcement to respond in this way to domestic violence calls. You are right that there are many reasons why people do not report domestic violence to the police. You did absolutely nothing wrong and you are very brave. What happened was not your fault.

    It is more than understandable that you are feeling scared and unsure of what to do next. Even if you are feeling stuck, there are always options and resources that our advocates can go over with you. If you contact us directly, an advocate can help you make a personalized safety plan for you and your dog. You mentioned that you are filing for a restraining order and it can be helpful to meet with a legal advocate who can assist you in this rather than going directly through the police. A Hotline advocate can connect you with legal assistance in your area that may be able to offer free services. I encourage you to reach out to us anytime by calling 1-800-799-7233 or between 7am-2am CST on chat. Your wellbeing and safety are so important and we are always here to support you in this.

    Hope to hear from you soon,
    Hotline Advocate RG

  34. He’s making me send nudes and thretoning to post them on the internet and i cant let that happen

  35. Hi Alexis,

    That sounds really terrifying, to have him harassing you like that. It is absolutely not ok for him to be threatening you with nude photos and to be harassing you after the break-up. It’s so understandable you are feeling scared right now. There is information at endrevengeporn.org that may be helpful for you to look at, and may have more ways on how you can protect yourself against him using those nude photos against you by posting them on the internet.

    It sounds like your situation is really intense right now, and I would encourage you to give us a call at 1-800-799-7233 any time 24/7 or chat us online from 7am-2am CST every day, and we can more about safety-planning and ways to keep yourself emotionally and digitally safe during this stressful situation.


    Hotline Advocate CC

  36. I am only 10 years old and my life is like Cinderella except for the Happily ever after and Prince Charming…… My Mom has moved some where else they had gotten a divorce……..and i have to stay with my Father…My Father makes me clean around the house all day while my two older brothers play video games and watch movies…..also if I refuse to clean my father would hit me with a belt

  37. Hi. My name is Dale. I’m a 40 year old male. About 6 months ago I got into a relationship with a woman, who at the time . I thought was the sweetest woman alive. She lived with her mom and her mom seemed sweet also. I fell in love with this woman so quickly. A couple months later my girlfriend was getting evicted from her place due to non rental payments. I tried to help her but she was way to far behind on payments. So I rented a moving truck and I moved her into a new place so she could start over. A bit later she’s evicted again. This time I tell them to come live with me. Only one month living together I see how they really are. The mother is so controlling and verbally abusive. My girlfriend also shows signs of controlling behavior and abuse but my love for her blinded me on a lot I think. Just recently I asked my girlfriend who some man was on her Facebook and she got very angry. Then I ask why is she so angry. Her responce is . You don’t trust me. I then said well why not just tell me who he is so I can feel better about it. Then her mom starts in. She tells her Daughter. I don’t like the way Dale is talking to you. Really at that point I haven’t said anything out of the way. Took only a few minutes and the mom is calling me all sorts of degrading names. Of course I’m offended and hurt so I say one cuss word at her. Then the girlfriend said she is going to slice my [email protected]#$!& throat. I left emediatly and went to the police. I told them everything and they said they can’t do anything. They live in my home and if I want I can evict them and that will take 30 days. Seriously. I tried to patch things up between us all andnit was good for a few days but I got my life threatened once again. She seems serious and believe me. This woman has the looks alone that can kill when she’s angry and screaming. I can’t even live in my own home that I pay for. What do I do? I have no family and I have no friends because I work all the time.

  38. Hi Jill,

    I’m so glad you’re part of our online community. It took a lot of courage to reach out to talk about what’s going on at home. It sounds like things are frustrating and scary at home and you deserve to be safe and to have all the support possible. Since our expertise and resources focus on intimate partner violence, Child Help, the national child abuse hotline, may be able to better help you with this situation. Their 24 hour, confidential hotline is 1 (800) 422-4453.

    Some other great resources are the National Runaway Safeline and their 24/7 hotline is 1 (800) 786-2929 and Your Life Your Voice and their hotline is 1 (800) 448-3000. Both of those programs also have online chat via their websites, so I included links to the sites in their names. I hope you’re able to find the help and support you’re looking for.

    Take care,

    Hotline Advocate AS

  39. Hi Dale,

    I’m so glad you found us and commented on our blog. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what you’re going through. You have the right to be safe and to be treated with respect and it sounds like your girlfriend and her mother are both violating those rights. The language you’re describing – profanity, degrading names, threats – are all types of verbal and emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is any sort of verbal criticism, put down, humiliation or manipulation. While physical abuse may leave visible scars, emotional abuse can be more damaging. For more info, visit: Emotional abuse

    You don’t deserve to be treated like this or to feel unsafe in your own home. It must have been so frustrating when the police said they couldn’t help. There may be other legal resources that a local legal professional would be able to discuss with you. Many domestic violence programs offer a variety of services including counseling, support groups, and legal services. If you can safely give us a call or chat online, we’d be happy to provide you with information about local programs. It sounds like you may also be feeling isolated in this situation, so you might find counseling helpful as well. All of our conversations are confidential and our 24/7 hotline is (800) 799-7233. Our online chat is available on our website from 7a-2a CST every day.

    We’re here for you.

    Hotline Advocate AS

  40. I have a question. I recently got out of prison for property crimes and I was on probation. Well my boyfriend who I took the fall for when I got arrested immediately became abusive and controlling when I got out. He wouldn’t even let me go check in with my PO saying if I did he would call in advance and tell him I’ve been using drugs and commuting crimes and he would beat me up as I tried to walk out the door. I believe he did this to keep me having a felony warrant. So he would be able to abuse me without having me call the Cops om him. Well now I am having my parole revoked and when they catch me I’m going to prison and I have every intention of going to prison to do my time but there are a few things that need to be done first. I have to save up a certain amount of money and make sure my sick mother has everything she needs to be good while I’m gone however my bf has recently assaulted me to the brink of death and now I’m afraid I’m going to be killed and I want to press charges but I’m afraid of being arrested. Do you think they will arrest me if I try to file? What should I do?

  41. Hi everyone ! I’m a newbie here but wanted to tell my story. I met a guy at my work and we began hanging out.he had a gf at the time but didn’t mind wanting tu b with mi.I told him tu tell her the truth n its not fair. He always told me stories about her saying she likes to fight ,but she,was always the one bleeding in the hospital. Then he said she had cancer . One day she just up n left with all her stuff and went back to their hometown. It was wierd how she left but I was just happy tu have someone now.we then dated and worked together.one day he was really mad idk why but as we were going tu pick up another coworker mi and ex were arguing and he punched me out while I was driving .caused me to stop immediately and fall tu the ground.I was bleeding bad and he threatened the other coworker and I wanted to go to the police and hospital but he wouldn’t let mi.I stayed with him idk why after that. I just started tu realize something was wrong with him.he started blaming me for everything . I became afraid but I loved him n wanted tu see if my love would help him stop being an angry person .everything I did was wrong or I was cheating and I never have.he would make me feel bad and try tu make me lie about him hitting mi and that I was sleeping with people who were trying tu hlp.they all said he was crazy.I felt he was but I loved him .long story short.
    I finally broke up with him because he hit mi again calling mi names.he hit my ex bf knocking him out in the street when my ex was bringin mi sum things from his mom.they r still nice people n I definitely don’t want any ex smh. Well he’s been stalking me evwrday .I moved but scared tu go outside alone or get my old job back because he stakjs there tu.police r never on time n don’t do shyt because they can never catch him. He just wants mi tu be scared and say he will kill me wherever he sees mi or whoever I’m with.I miss him this still and idk y.I guess I feel sorry fr him because he has no family in my state idk.I want tu tlj more about this tho.I’ve never been in this situation and I’ve never been with an abusive man before.idk why tu do. Comments r welcom.

  42. I just want to talk about it and see other people’s,view or opinion. I feel terrible and just want to let it all out.

  43. Hi Chyanne,

    That sounds like a very serious and dire situation. It’s so unfair to you that your partner is preventing you from fulfilling the terms of your parole which may mean you will go to prison again. No matter what you have done, you still do not deserve the abuse from your partner like that. If you are worried about your safety and want to file that order but are scared of the consequences in terms of your warrant, you may want to reach out to a legal advocate at a local domestic violence organization and ask them what your legal rights are in regard to this. We are unable to give legal advice as it varies depending on your state, but you might also find state-by-state information at womenslaw.org. If you’d like us to help you find a local legal advocate in your area, you can reach out anytime by phone 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or chat with us online 7am-2am CST at the hotline.org. We can also help you to safety plan more around your situation, and think through what your next steps may be in terms of finding freedom from this abuse that you have been through.

    Take care,

    Hotline Advocate CC

  44. Hi Feaniqx,

    That sounds like such serious abuse that you went through in your previous relationship, and it’s so unfair to you that he is still threatening you and stalking you even after you have been able to get out of the relationship. I’m sorry the police have not been helpful for you in terms of keeping yourself safe from him. Even if he was really abusive to you, it’s understandable that you miss him and are struggling with moving on and finding closure from the relationship. Finding closure from abuse can be hard sometimes, and it’s important to be kind to yourself and give yourself the space and time to work through this. It sounds like you may benefit from talking this through with one of our advocates. I would encourage you to give us a call at 1-800-799-7233 any time 24/7 or chat us online from 7am-2am CST.


    Hotline Advocate CC

  45. I have a question
    I currently stay at the family house with my sister and her partner and their kids. They have a very unstable relationship fussing and fighting constantly. And honesty in getting tired of it. There has been numerous times where I had to call the police because things was getting out of control. The last time I called the police which was last month they both went to jail after they both got out I can’t help but to feel they placed blame on me because they was in jail. So what should I do? At what point do I call the police? When the kids get hurt? Or when she seriously gets injured?

    Every time I call the police things die down for a minute she lets him In back in the house sometimes 1 or 2 days later. Then it’s another cycle if their mess over and over constantly. If I had the funds I would’ve move out but I don’t have a car yet and I’m trying to save up for that since I work. I just want to move out asap cause I’m tired of it I hate it for the kids but I can’t take it anymore and I’m afraid something drastic would happen if it continues because it steadily getting worse.

  46. Hi Bianca,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences with our online community. It sounds like you’re going through a really stressful situation right now, and what you are describing is a common phenomenon — abusive behavior tends to escalate and get worse over time. It’s always your right to call 911 or contact law enforcement any time you may believe it is necessary or any time you believe that you or other people in the house are in danger; it seems like involving law enforcement has had negative consequences in the past. It may be helpful to work with your sister on some safety planning strategies to help everyone maximize their chances of staying as safe as possible at home.

    Our advocates can help you talk through specific safety planning strategies and ideas and explore options for next steps. Our advocates can also connect you with local resources that may be able to offer support to you, your sister, and her kids. We’re available to talk from 7 AM – 2 AM CST by chat at http://www.thehotline.org, and 24/7 by phone at 1-800-799-7233.

    Take care,
    Hotline Advocate AC

  47. Hy in 2014 my sister was shot dead infront of her two childer.de guy ws a police officer.I’m nt working and de state daznt help me wth anything.wenvr I’m alone I alws cry.I cnt share wat happen wth othr ppl cz I alws cry.I’m trying 2 be strong 4 my sister kids.bt I thnk I’m failing.

  48. Hey Caroline,

    I am so sorry that you and your family had to go through the devastating loss of your sister. That sounds completely terrifying and heartbreaking that a police officer killed her, especially in front of her children. No one should ever have to deal with something like this. It is more than understandable that you are crying a lot right now as this is a very sad and frightening thing to have to heal from. It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders now and you deserve to have great support. I can hear that you are doing everything you can to be strong. Feeling sad and overwhelmed does not mean that you are failing. If you would like to talk with us directly, our advocates are always available to offer support and talk over your situation with you. You can reach us on chat through this website from 7am-2am CST and 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. Hope to hear from you.

    Take good care,
    Hotline Advocate RG

  49. I came here looking for help. I am sorry to see you closed comments to the Man up series. These mens hurt is real attend yes we are ignored. People are resentful that we need help also and are being forced to recognize us. My own situation I produce vivid photos of the abuse. She produce three people who said I said mean things to her in public but could not remember what they were. The rules are the same for men and women. Standing up to your abuser and saying no more is not abuse. Saying no to a woman is not abuse. The female judges only statement in her decision was that we said mean things to each other. The black eye, the bleeding finger nail gouges on my neck from her nails did not matter. She looked at the photos for less then ten seconds and moved on.

    There is nothing on this site that addresses or even says how women abuse men. The man up series does hurt because that is what you all tell us to do when it happens. Man Up. Real men can take it. Quite being so sensitive. I need help. The flash backs and the fear are real. Every time I hear the voice of an angry woman, in public, on TV the memories come rushing back. Her laughing after she did it and calling me a wimp because I couldn’t and no one would believe me. She was right.

    A lot of abuse would end if you would teach what abuse is, not just abuse of women. My sons and daughter have learned from this and they will be more likely to abuse or be abused because of what they experienced. It is their normal. You should be proud of what you have accomplished however it might be time to change your approach. I doubt you will because myself, my sons, are not worth enough. We are not. You are proving it. It we were worth it, women would also benefit. Justice served on the wrong person is not Justice, it is vengeance

    I have to go this alone. No one will understand. No one cares. Everyone thinks I must have done something to deserve it. I did, I never hit back. that is what I get for being a worthless man.

  50. My name is chels I’m a little over six months pregnant, my ex had another ex with two children who were constantly just being plain crazy and manipulating every situation and involving their kids in emotional abuse. She has said a lot of off the wall things to me, to the point where I was thinking she may be crazy enough to hurt me. And because my ex refused to stick up for me or try to put a stop to it, we had a fight and I finally left. Reading this I have noticed that a lot of what he said over the year and a half was emotionally abusive towards me, our fight included him destroying my property and throwing my things everywhere, threatening the cops on me, constantly saying things about my work schedule, saying going to school was a waste of time for me, going through my phone, calls, pictures, ect. If i was to ever go out with friends, I would either be threatened with the relationship ending or come home to find I was chain locked out. Never have I cheated, or lied about who I was with, so I could not understand his insecurities. I work at a family business, an all ladies facility, but I do have high suspicion that if it was not my families (or all women) I would have been told to quit or cut back on hours. Mind you, I have never ruined his property, never stolen from him, even given all his acts. When it comes down to it, I have not seen anything too crazy since I left, but I need to know if I should try to get some sort of restraining order given all he has done, and especially because I refuse to let my daughter into that life. In another situation if he stoops back to be with his ex, I do not trust her caring for my child, given he gets his visitation rights. It is unfortunate, because a lot of what has been said between his ex/ me or him/me was destroyed when he threw my phone against a wall. Some direction would be helpful! Thank you

  51. Hi Chels,

    Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with our online community. You are absolutely right in recognizing your ex’s behavior as emotionally abusive. I am so sorry that he and his ex put you through so much upset and manipulation. It sounds like he was very controlling with you and used withholding trust and feelings of jealousy as an excuse to justify his abusive behavior. There is never an excuse for someone to be abusive. Nothing you possibly could have done would make it so that you would have deserved to be treated like this. It must have taken a lot of strength and courage to leave that relationship.

    It seems like you may have some legal concerns around custody and restraining orders. WomensLaw is a great online resource where you can search for your state’s specific laws around custody and restraining orders. If you like, you can reach out to us directly and an advocate can asses your situation with you and connect you with legal aid resources in your area that can offer support on both of these topics. Advocates are available on chat through this website from 7am-2am CST and 24/7 on the phone at 1-800-799-7233. Hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care,
    Hotline Advocate RG

  52. Hi CK,

    We appreciate you being a member of our online community and taking time to share your experiences. We regret any confusion or frustration caused by our guest blog post, “Man Up”. We would never state or imply that men cannot be survivors of abusive relationships. In fact, we have a blog post that specifically addresses that experience, “Men Can Be Victims of Abuse, Too”. We know that domestic violence has no boundaries and anyone can find themselves in an abusive relationship. The best way that we see of ending all violence is by working together, side by side, to create the safe world full of the healthy relationships that each person deserves.

    The experiences you had in your relationship sound traumatic and so painful. You never should have been treated that way, by anyone. You have the right to be safe and to be treated with respect. It took courage to reach out for help and to tell the truth about what you survived and what your partner chose to do to you. We’re so sorry that you didn’t find the support and help you needed. We want every person to have access to the resources they need. If you would like to talk about your experiences or get connected with local programs, please know that we’re here for you. Our 24/7 phone hotline is 800-799-7233 or you can chat online with us here, every day from 7a- 2a CST.

    We’re here for you.

    Hotline Advocate AS

  53. I just called 1800-799-7233 looking for a help. A young lady just try to do the survey to me, and asked me what kind of race I belongs to. I didn’t tell her, then she wright way disconnect my call without saying anything. Is this organization a survey company? Please do not cheat people who already had pain in life!!!!

  54. Hi Sadness,

    I am sorry to hear that you were unable to be helped by one of our advocates. It may be that the line got dropped in a low service area or somehow disconnected, which can happen sometimes. Also, we are not a survey company, but trained advocates against DV and intimate partner violence. We do a brief optional survey with our callers/chatters during each call for our own statistics, but you always have the right to opt out or decline to answer any of the questions you feel uncomfortable with.

    I highly encourage you to call us back whenever you’re available so we can get you the help you definitely deserve. We apologize again for any inconvenience and hope that you can reach out to us again if you need. Again, our 24/7 phone hotline is 1-800-799-7233 or you can chat with us on our website, every day from 7a- 2a CST. We’re here for you.

    Best wishes,
    Advocate KB

  55. Hi Alex,

    Thank you for reaching out to us. No one deserves abuse and it is hard to hear about someone being abused. Because we do not know the safety of the woman who left that comment, we are unable to guarantee that contacting her will not compromise her safety or that she wants to contact her. We only talk with people who contact us. I noticed that she left the comment on a website in the United Kingdom. Our resources and support we offer is limited to individuals in the United States and its territories. We do have the American Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center in our database at 866uswomen.org. Also, their is most likely domestic abuse agencies in her country. If you would like to find out more information about how you could support her, we are here 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 and reachable on chat from 7am to 2am CST.

    Take care,

    Advocate LC

  56. Admin note: This comment has been edited for safety per our community guidelines.
    I’m 16 and my boyfriend is 18. My parents want to get a restraining order against him for abuse and sexual assault. The thing is he has never once raised a hand to me but my parents say they have proof he has hit me and have a picture of the bruise. I bruise really easily so running into a door could’ve done it. They also say they can get him for sexual assault, but in my state the age of consent is 16 and he made sure I was 16 before we had sex and I consented to it all, so it’s not illegal. Can he get in trouble for any of this even though he didn’t do anything wrong at all?

  57. Hi Makenzie,
    Thanks for your email. I am sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you are really worried about the whole situation with your parents and your boyfriend. Unfortunately, we are unable to comment on legal matters like this or look into individual cases via email or direct message. However, you are more than welcome to reach out to our advocates, as they have an extensive database with access to legal resources and referrals that may be of help to you and how to deal with your situation. Because of our age, I’d love for you to reach out to loveisrespect.org–which is a project of The Hotline for young people like yourself. Please call 1-866-331-9474, chat online at loveisrespect.org or text “loveis” to 22522. Our services are totally free, confidential and 24/7/365! We hope to hear from you soon, so we can help you figure out the next steps.


    loveisrespect Admin

  58. I made a false report of domestic violence on my boyfriend *I’m gay* and even though I wrote no statement and tried to explain to police multiple times that it was all a lie. I’m going to show them the Facebook messages of me threatening him with police because he was leaving me… I know I’m a horrible person but I’m willing to honest to god go to jail just to save him…he’s innocent and I ruined his new years and Christmas and it’s eating me alive.

  59. Thank you for your message to The Hotline. I am sorry about everything that you have gone through–it sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot! For privacy and confidentiality reasons, we don’t provide advocacy via DM, but I’d love for you to get in touch with our advocates so you can talk things through and find ways in which we can support you! You are also welcome to call or chat with us anytime – we’d be happy to help you come up with some options for you. Our number is 1-800-799-7233 and our website http://www.thehotline.org Our chat is also available 24/7/365. I hope this helps. Please take good care of yourself.
    The Hotline Admin

  60. Hi there, everything is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that’s actually excellent, keep
    up writing.

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