partner-suicide

When Your Partner Threatens Suicide

partner-suicide“I’ll kill myself if you leave me.”

It seems like a no-win situation. When someone you’re close to says something like this, it can feel like the world just stopped spinning.

People who have a mental illness, such as Borderline Personality Disorder, typically have a higher risk for suicide. Depression, a history of substance abuse, and other disorders carry risks as well. If your partner truly wishes to die and has a plan and intention to follow through, get immediate help. Call your local emergency number, or call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

But what if your partner regularly threatens suicide, particularly whenever you’re not doing something he or she wants you to do, or when you’re trying to leave the relationship? First, understand that this is a form of emotional abuse: your partner is trying to manipulate you by playing on your feelings of love and fear for them. You might get angry when this happens, but you also might feel like you have to give in to them in order to avoid a potential tragedy. When your partner makes these threats repeatedly, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and possibly help your partner as well.

Tell your partner you care about them, but stick to your boundaries. Giving in to threats over and over does not make a relationship healthy, and it only creates anger and resentment on your end. You could say something like, “You know I care about you very much, and I understand you’re upset right now, but I will not _____.”

Put the choice to live or die where it belongs – on your partner. You can’t be responsible for another person’s actions, no matter what – and this includes when your partner chooses to be abusive. An optional response is: “I think our relationship should be based on love and respect, not threats. I really care about you, but this is your choice and I can’t stop you from making it.”

Remember that no matter what your partner says, you don’t have to prove anything. Even though they might be saying something like, “If you really loved me, you’d stop me from killing myself,” the real truth is that there are unhealthy patterns in your relationship. Until those unhealthy patterns are addressed, they will most likely continue no matter how many times you give in to your partner’s demands.

If your partner often says they’re going to kill themselves when things aren’t going their way, they’re not showing you love – they’re likely trying to control your actions. If this is the case, consider the tips above and try to get help where you can. You might try talking to a counselor or other professional therapist, if that’s an option for you. But remember, you are not your partner’s counselor, and you can’t force your partner to get help if they don’t want to. They have to make that choice for themselves.

Please keep in mind that these tips may not be right for everyone; you know your own situation best. If you’d like to talk through these tips with one of our advocates, please get in touch with us by phone 24/7 or online chat everyday from 7am-2am CST. We’re here for you!

69 replies
  1. Chelsee says:

    My partner always threatens suicide when arguments escalate. He says he will kill himself and let me live with it especially if I try to leave. I’m still here because I keep thinking things will get better but it seems to be getting worse. Prior, he would hit himself and punch holes in walls. Recently things have gotten worse. He’s starting to get physically abusive towards me. Things are good when it’s good. But when things gets bad, it’s gets really bad. I’m still young. Not married. No kids. Just engaged. I don’t want to have kids if this is what life will be like. I don’t want to bring them into a world like this. How do I know when to draw the line and say enough is enough? And how can I get the courage to leave without fearing he will kill himself?

    • HotlineAdmin_VG says:

      Hi Chelsee,
      Wow, that sounds so scary and upsetting. Threatening suicide is effective in keeping you in a relationship because of the guilt and worry it causes. I’m so sorry that your abuser keeps using the threat of suicide. If your partner is truly suicidal, he needs more help than you may be able to provide him. It’s not a burden that you should solely carry on your shoulders and it’s unfair of him to put that burden on you.

      It’s really common for abusive relationships to have really good times and really bad times. It such an extreme. The good times are what usually keep people in abusive relationships. Only you can decide when enough is enough. Trust your instincts. While we can’t make that decision for you, we can talk to you about it and offer support at 1-800-799-7233. We’re anonymous and confidential.

      Take care,
      Hotline Advocate VG

    • ANNA says:

      I’ve been in similar relationship. It never occured to me that he was going to do it if I leave, I thought like a chess and told him that I would stay as long he behaves himself… I sneaked away week and half later and brought lady cop undercovered, told him she was a friend that needed ato get away from her abusive husband, he find it hard to be rude to tell her to go elsewhere so he wanted to talk privately with me… she quickly draws and pointed gun at me, he steped in front of me, she said to hand cuff him, he thought we were being held hostage. He was in for a surprise for and was arrested on the spot and was sent to a treatment center for illness & mental heath care system. Thankfully he wasn’t dangering himself and others.

      • HotlineAdmin_MCo says:

        Anna,

        Thank you so much for offering your support to our blog community. It sounds like you did exactly what you needed to in order to keep yourself safe. I’m so glad it worked out! Please know that we are available here 24/7 at 1 (800) 799-7233 if you are needing any further support. We are confidential and anonymous.

        Until then,
        Hotline Advocate MC

    • n/a says:

      I often consider suicide especially when fighting with my spouse. He’s a narcissist jerk that thinks that I should want nothing but to serve him and only him. Every friend I had is now gone cause of him, even some of my close relatives. This is my first marriage, his second. He has two kids by the same girl, I have none, so you can tell where my rating is in this situation. Every since the day we were married, we had problems. He would get upset at me and hang out with his friends all night, sometimes over night. We would get into physical fights, he would back me into corners literally in our apartments and yell and argue. He would slap me on furniture like the couch and ottoman or bed repeatedly claiming he was only trying to calm me down. He has stolen money out of my bank account many of times but I’m the stupid one that made it so easy for him. He constantly manipulates me to do things for him, whether it be to loan him my car so he can go to work and keep it all day. Or him secretly getting his own bachelor’s pad after our lease was up on our first apartment after we got married, while I moved back in with my parents. That’s only a fraction of what his boy has put me through. I have tried to leave him many of times but no more what I seem to go back to him and I seriously don’t know why. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m completely insane and there must be some sick,twisted part of me that doesn’t mind the drama. And yet I still suffer. So yea I’m suicidal, cause I figure why continue the cycle cause I keep failing miserably to completely leave him. He knows I’m suicidal, he was the one who placed in under 72 hour hold at the military hospital which led to my early dismissal out of the military. But I can’t blame him for everything, I’m the one that keeps coming back. Since I am suicidal, I’ve tried numerous of times to end in but somehow I’m still here, my only only results of a barren woman with a high tolerance for everything except alcohol, go figure.

      • HotlineAdmin_RG says:

        Hello n/a,

        Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. I am so sorry that your partner is treating you in such a violent and harmful manner. He sounds very manipulative and scary! There is nothing you could possibly do that would make the way he is treating you your fault. He is the only one responsible for his abusive behavior. It is more than understandable that you are hurting so much right now. If you do feel like you may attempt suicide, you always have the right to call 911, The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or us here at The Hotline. Your wellbeing and safety are so important and you deserve to have lots of support.

        The behavior of his you have described is emotionally, physically and financially abusive. He has no right to treat you that way. There is no shame in staying or returning to an abusive relationship. There are many reasons that people stay in abusive relationships. On average, people who do leave, leave and return to their abuser between 7-11 times. You are not alone in your experience. I encourage you to reach out to us directly. Our advocates can talk over your situation with you, help you make a safety plan for what you want to do, and can connect you with resources in your area that may be able to provide you with support around the abuse. You can call us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or chat with us through our website from 7am to 2am CST.

        Take good care,
        Hotline Advocate RG

  2. Lee says:

    I believe suicide threats should be considered death threats. My sister’s partner threatened suicide. In the end, she murdered my sister and then took her own life. When someone doesn’t value their own life, they don’t value yours.

    • HotlineAdmin_AS says:

      Hi Lee,

      Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with our online community. We are so very sorry for your loss of your sister.

      Talk of suicide is something we definitely take seriously, especially when talking about a survivor’s safety. If you are in a relationship and you are concerned about your partner’s talk of suicide, please know that you can reach out to our Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 and speak to an advocate confidentially and anonymously. We can discuss your concerns and work together to figure out ways to increase your safety.

      We’re here when you need us.

      Hotline Advocate AS

  3. Sara says:

    I am going threw this right now I have been the victim of gaslighting for about 4 years now with physical episodes from my boyfriend he has slapped me hit me spit on me as well as pulling me down by my head and slamming me on the ground I have made the final decision to leave today and was out the door and he threatens to shoot himself the only reason he is alive right now is because i wouldn’t let him get to the keys to the gun lock . now he has turned it into my fault and the mental abuse starts again. I am so torn i fear for his life. I dont think i love him anymore but i love what we once were the man i thought he was and the abuse has been a slow grow to what it is now but i also Hate him for this for making me stay so he didn’t shoot himself im so angry and hurt and i need to get out but i am so emotionally confused.

    • HotlineAdmin_RF says:

      Sara,
      Thank you so much for your input to our blog community. I can hear that you have been through a very difficult situation. Your strength is apparent in your words and I am so glad o see that you have reached out. You mentioned that he threatened suicide and it was a deciding factor in your staying. We know a few things about suicide threats by abusive partners that I think it important to share. We do see that a lot of abusive partners use threats of suicide to manipulate their partners into staying, of course it is not something that you are in any way responsible for, his actions and behaviors are his own choices. I know that it can be difficult not to hold that to yourself when you have someone saying that it would be your fault, but it most certainly would not be. Another thing we see from threats of suicide is that it can also heighten the legality of the situation for yourself, which is a concern that I see from reading your post. It sounds as though you have done everything you can to keep yourself safe, and you should be incredibly proud of the steps you’ve made so far, and anything we can do to help you create a plan to help you feel safer we would be more than happy to do.
      Know that we are here 24 hours a day and are completely anonymous and confidential through our hotline at 800-799-7233. Reach out to us any time and we can provide support, options and perhaps local resources.
      Take care.
      Hotline Advocate RF

    • janet says:

      I’m going through this right now every time I try to leave he threatens his life. I have dealt with this for 7 years and I have finally decided to leave.

      • HotlineAdmin_MT says:

        Janet,

        Thank you so much for reaching out. Hearing suicide threats is so scary and stressful, and it can make leaving feel so much harder. I know that it takes a lot of courage and strength to make the choice that you feel is right for you in the face of those kinds of threats, and I want you to know that we’re here for you if you ever need support or resources. Leaving can be a scary and sometimes dangerous experience, so if you’d like to reach out to us directly, we could be happy to help you create a safety plan and connect you with any local support you need to help you through that process.

        Take care and stay safe,
        Advocate MT

  4. AB says:

    I was able to get to [my boyfriend] before his second attempt. I was able to calm him down and he has since regretted his actions. But I am traumatized and do not know what to do.

    • HotlineAdmin_AS says:

      Hello AB,

      That experience would be traumatizing to anyone, and there are programs available to provide you with the support to process what happened and help you with your healing process. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255 and via chat at their website http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. If you would like to talk about your relationship and safety, you can also call our Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Our advocates are available 24/7 and we keep all conversations anonymous and confidential.

      We’re here when you need us.

      Hotline Advocate AS

      Some details were removed from your post per our community guidelines, which can be found here.

  5. j says:

    My husband is severely depressed, our marriage is not going well, and he is stock piling pills I think. We both get 60 5mg valium each month, but I never take mine that much because we have 3 small children I take care of. But the last 3 months my pills have been disappearing..bottle and all. On average it’s about 40 each time…that’s 120 of mine he has somewhere. Now my concern is that he’s going to take all these pills and kill himself! I’ve looked everywhere for them and he talks about dying a lot…all the time. He is on methadone also which scares me too. He has numerous medical problems…he had a pacemaker/defibrillator put in in November, he has titanium in his back which causes chronic pain, he says something is wrong every single day, no exception. He’s a hypochondriac so severely, he will obsess about having cancer if anything hurts at all. And when something is actually wrong with him he is inconsolable, mean and says he should just die. He has no interest in any thing, he will not hardly interact with the kids even. I am honestly afraid to leave them with him alone!!!! He sits in the recliner for hours and does nothing, the last 4 days he has been withdrawing from the methadone so he has been horrible to all of us. I don’t know what to do, I’m not sure if you can even die from valium overdose, but I’ve seen him when he took a handful…there are railroad tracks about 100 yards from our home…another thing that scares me! Years ago he threatened to jump in front of a train when he was withdrawing from crack cocaine. I’ve begged him to go to mental health or see our family doctor, but if he does go it just ends up with him trying to get pain pills. I am trying my best with 3 kids and literally being a single parent even with him living here with us! He has no family that care about him or that I can go to for help. My family wants me to leave him because of all the issues from the past. I love him and want him to be the man I fell in love with again…what can I do?

    • HotlineAdmin_AS says:

      Hello J,

      I’m so glad that you’re part of our online community and know that you can reach out for support here. The situation with your husband sounds overwhelming and terrifying. You and the kids have the right to be safe, and your husband does not have the right to take that safety and security away, regardless of what he is going through. I can hear how much you love him, and are scared for him. That is such a difficult place to be, because you cannot save him. The only person that can change his decisions and actions is your husband. Making safety plans may be helpful while you are going through this to ensure that you and the kids are as safe as possible, no matter what your husband decides to do.

      There are also resources out there that may help, and our advocates are here 24/7 to help you get connected. You can call our Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 anytime you need a safe place to talk; all conversations are confidential and anonymous. One of the programs that may be helpful is the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependency. Their website http://www.ncadd.org/ has a lot of information about addiction, as well as resources for family members and friends.

      We’re here when you need us.

      Hotline Advocate AS

  6. Matt says:

    My wife of 13 years has always talked of suicide and not wanting to live like this anymore. She was diagnosed with OCD, depression and high generalized anxiety. Since she always talks about it a and later tells me that she would never do it, i never know when to take her seriously. She has checked herself into homes and therapy sessions but seems to be looking for a fix instead of a change. I love her so dearly and it kills me to see her like this but at the same time it is so hard to have her tell me that i don’t love her when i don’t jump when she feels like this. We have a 11 year old son that has ocd and anxiety and i am so scared that if anything were to happen to get that he would shut down. What do i do?

    • HotlineAdmin_MT says:

      Hi Matt,

      Thanks for reaching out. You should never feel that you are responsible for your partner’s life, or that you have to do what they tell you to keep them from hurting themselves. It sounds like a really tough situation and a lot to go through for your whole family. I would encourage you to contact us directly, either by chat or phone when you have a chance. We would be happy to talk with you about your situation and some possible ways to help.

  7. Cas says:

    My boyfriend tells me he is gonna kill himself every time I try to leave. He also crys every time I try to call him out on the things he does to me. Every time I try to leave he says he will kill himself, hurt my family, my car, take our daughter away from me bc his mother is a lawyer, get me fired from my job…he has broken many of my things bc he would rather destroy then tell the truth…even when I’ve caught him red handed…I don’t want him to destroy everything I’ve worked so hard to get…what am I supposed to do? I spend most of my time shut in a room bc I just can’t be around him anymore…somebody please help me…I can’t keep living like this…

    • HotlineAdmin_CC says:

      Hi Cas,

      You will never be alone as we are here 24/7 to support you and find you additional resources to meet your needs on your journey.

      Please give us a call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. Your situation sounds dire and our advocates would be happy to provide you with some valuable resources and possible strategic solutions.

  8. Tara says:

    Yesterday, during a very stupid argument I threatened to leave my husband (I wasn’t going to – I was just annoyed). I then discovered my husband looking up information on how to kill himself, he admitted to me that the thought of us being apart makes him not want to live anymore. He confided that years ago when he was in high school there were times he had thought about taking his own life, because he was lonely and felt unloved. I love my husband deeply, he is a kind, generous and amazing man but I am heartbroken. I don’t know how to help him, he says he is fine now but all I can think is that every marriage has disagreements and what would happen if something would push him over the edge.

    My husband is not abusive in any way shape or form, so I don’t think this is him doing some sort of emotional blackmail, I just don’t know what to do.

    • HotlineAdmin_MT says:

      Hi Tara,

      That sounds like a really scary and upsetting experience and I can understand how you might be frightened of saying or doing anything that might increase the chance that your partner would commit suicide. As you said, every marriage has disagreements, and for a relationship to be healthy it’s important that both partners always feel that they can voice their feelings and concerns without fear of their partner’s reaction. And you should never feel responsible for your partner’s life. It sounds like your husband is in a very low place, and I would recommend reaching out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline to talk with them about the situation and some possible support for you and your husband both during this hard time.

    • HotlineAdmin_ND says:

      Hi, Darlene:

      Yes, Katy Perry’s performance at the Grammy Awards was very powerful and moving! I also enjoyed the spoken word artist who performed, too. Thanks for sharing this info. It shows how music and the arts can be used as a tools to raise domestic violence awareness.

      All the best,

      Hotline Advocate ND

  9. Mike says:

    So when do you draw the line between caring for someone else and for your freedom? Not leaving because a love one threatens to commit suicide can become a prison in the long run.

    • HotlineAdmin_MT says:

      Hi Mike,

      Thank you for your post. You’re absolutely right. Drawing that line can be hard, but here at The Hotline we believe that caring for yourself is essential, and love should never feel like a prison. If you or someone you know is dealing with a situation like this, we would be happy to talk with you about that and discuss some options. You can call us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.

  10. Des123 says:

    I have been with my now ex fiancé for 4 years now. Things were great at first then slowly got to the poin of physical abuse, hitting punching kicking pouring beer on me and then emotional saying no one wants me I’m a nasty person and so on! We now have an 8 month old son. I always stayed due to promises of “Change” but that never happened! Having my son made me realize I needed to leave that environment because the abuse didn’t stop Now I live with my mom and on a day to day basis he brings flowers to the door step. I made it clear I do not want to be together. But he repeatedly tells me he is killing his self. Even pulled the gun out while we were driving with our son in the truck. Constantly send me pics of guns he is gonna do it with and saying I’m ending my life cuz of you! I don’t want to be with him nor do I think I love him but he is my sons father so I do care! I can’t take the constant stress I deal with everyday! And every time I say I’m going to contact anyone he says it will be to late if i call someone so I don’t in fear that he will…. I don’t know how to break away from this?….

    • HotlineAdmin_CC says:

      Dear Des123,

      That sounds like an incredibly emotionally difficult situation to be in with your ex-partner, and you definitely do not deserve for him to continue to treat you like this. The choice to live or die is his and his alone to make, and you are not responsible for that choice at all. Please give us a call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or chat with us from 7am-2am CST. Your situation sounds dire and our advocates would be happy to provide you with some valuable resources and possible strategic solutions.

      Best,

      Hotline Advocate CC

  11. jason says:

    my best friend told me today that if i did not go out with her today she said she was going to put a rope around her neck and kill herself she has bi polar disorder that is the second time she threatened to take her own life but the question is i do not know if she is serious or not it makes me angry but at the same time it makes me feel sad what do i do i am confused ?

    • HotlineAdmin_MT says:

      Jason,

      Thank you for reaching out. It sounds so upsetting and scary for her to say things like that, and it’s very unfair for her to try to make you feel that you’re responsible for her life. You’re not and you never could be. If she is truly suicidal, that’s part of a much bigger personal issue that she is going through, and whether you go out with her when she wants you to or not is not going to change that. If you feel that she is serious about these threats, I would encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and talk with them about possible options for help. But it’s also important to assess whether this is a serious cry for help or a threat that she is just using to get her way. If you find that her suicidal comments come out mainly when she’s trying to get her way, that may be a red flag for emotional abuse. If you think that might be the case, we would be happy to talk with you about that and help you come up with some possible steps to deal with this. We’re here 24/7 by phone at 1-800-799-7233, and 7am-2am by online chat at http://www.thehotline.org.

      Best,
      MT

  12. jim says:

    My wife threatened suicide for the very first time tonight. After our second child was born three years ago, during PMS, her mood is like nothing I’ve ever seen. She confessed to me that for about three days she hates everyone. Well, I’m pretty sure today is one of those days. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and keep my distance. However, this evening, she told me that she should just shoot herself so that she will be out of everyone’s hair. I don’t know if I should take this seriously. I am hiding all ammo from our firearms just in case.

    • HotlineAdmin_ND says:

      Hello, Jim:

      What an unsettling and difficult situation for you to be in. It’s concerning that your wife is threatening to commit suicide. We encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-8255 for assistance 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.

      It sounds like your wife may be emotionally abusing you and that is not okay. We encourage you to please call us 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat online at http://www.thehotline.org everyday from 7am-2am (CST). We would be happy to discuss your concerns in greater detail and offer some resources that may help your situation. Please get in touch with us when it’s safe to do so.

      Take care,
      Hotline Advocate ND

  13. Braden says:

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 months, he’s 18 and I’m 15, but he was 17 when we started dating. Today I broke up with him and he is threatening suicide. He’s done this before but he has actually acted on these sayings before and has even been to a mental ward. I couldn’t handle it so I removed him off of all social media and I blocked him. His friend texted me swearing at me saying that I’m a horrible person and that if I cared about him at all then I would give him the satisfaction of talking to him. But how do I talk to him when I am to weak to fight his manipulation and then fall back into a relationship with him. His friend is staying with him so he doesn’t hurt himself but what about tomorrow? If he does kill himself could I be held responsible for it and sent to jail? (Or Juvi)

    • HotlineAdmin_CC says:

      Hi Braden,

      You are not responsible at all for your boyfriend’s actions if he does hurt himself. You have to put the responsibility to live or die where it belongs, on him. http://www.loveisrespect.org/content/when-your-partner-threatens-suicide/ is a good article that talks about how to respond and what to know when your partner or ex-partner threatens to commit suicide.

      You are right that he is being manipulative, and when you blocked him you were doing what you needed to be emotionally safe from his abusive behaviors. It’s not fair to you at all that his friend tried to make you feel guilty for making that decision for yourself. If you do not want to talk to him or get back together with him, that is absolutely your right to set those boundaries and stick to them.

      If you need to talk more about your situation, please reach out and call us 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or chat online at http://www.thehotline.org everyday from 7am-2am (CST). We would be happy to discuss your concerns in greater detail and offer some resources that may help your situation.

    • HotlineAdmin_LC says:

      Hi Sad,

      It is extremely painful to hear someone you care about say those things about you. Even when there is a conflict in the relationship you deserve to be respected. For your boyfriend to say those things to you is an abusive behavior and it is unacceptable. Regardless of what he may say or try to make you think, him saying those things is not your fault. If you would like to talk to an advocate about what you are experiencing we are reachable 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 and we have our chat active from 7am to 2am CST.

      Take care,

      Hotline Advocate LC

  14. Kimberly says:

    Oh, how I wished I knew this information a year ago! After 23 years of marriage, my husband became mentally ill and abusive. During one particular argument a couple of years ago, he made a lame attempt at suicide because I said I didn’t love him anymore. I stayed with him for another year. Finally, I could take it no longer. I chose a time when he was gone, packed up my stuff and my son and left. When he returned and found me gone, he tried texting and calling, but I ignored them until my phone died. The next morning, after plugging in my phone, I found many more messages, many of them saying “goodbye” and “take care of the kids”. I feel so blessed that my phone died. It probably kept me from being pulled back home. I tell this story for one reason: while he threatened suicide, I am convinced that he believed I would come back to him, and that is why he left goodbye messages on my voicemail. He didn’t, however, count on the fact that my phone had died and I wasn’t receiving his messages. Until I stumbled onto this article, I hadn’t even realized that the threat of suicide to a partner was “abuse.” I know that sounds dumb, and I am an educated person. But the point is, I continually tried to please him (when he would never be satisfied), and let him control the shots. Never again. I have my life back, and my teenage son is thriving. Sadly, my life is better without him in it, and I can’t imagine having to go through a divorce situation because he would have tried every trick to prove me an “unfit mom”.

    • HotlineAdmin_MT says:

      Kimberly,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story! Ending an abusive relationship is never easy, and when suicide threats are made to manipulate and scare you, it can be especially hard. It took so much strength to leave as you did, and I’m so glad to hear that your life is happy and healthy again. And I so admire that you’re taking the time to share your story to support and inspire others. You’re amazing!

      All the best,
      Advocate MT

  15. San says:

    I’ve been married for eighteen months and my relationship was perfect, within a few months everything started to go really bad, I think what cause a lot of trouble in the beginning is that I wasn’t very open with my partner about my life, she knew I had two kids from a previous relationship and that I didn’t have much contact with them since they are in a different country, she is very impulsive and so do I which I don’t know if is good or bad, when we start arguing and things start to get bad I like to get away and calm myself down by stepping out of the house which to her is just like throwing more wood on the fire, so what happens now is that I try not to leave the house and try to stay calm which is so hard for me sometimes, specially when she insults me or when she starts to hit me then somehow I loose control of my emotions and I explode in a way I don’t like because I hardly recognize myself I break things and throw stuff to the walls when she hits me I just hold her tight and even I don’t hit her she gets bruises on her arms from me holding her back, so in all this time we’ve been already in a couple of this situations which is extremely sad to our marriage I don’t want to loose what I have with her I do love her but sometimes I don’t know what to do since I’ve been noticing more and more how unhealthy our relationship is, like yesterday she pinch me all over, she hit me in the face several times and I started bleeding from my mouth I hold her several times and then let go I just wanted her to calm down since her daughter (10) was in the house and I try to avoid a bigger fight so she won’t notice our big issue, so I left the house and when j was on the way I text her saying that I was going out of the country since the border is six hours away so in my impulsiveness I told her that I was going to disappear from her life ( which was exactly what she requested earlier ) I ignored all of her calls and text until she started talking about committing suicide and then she sent me pictures with a knife on her hand and some scratches on her legs so I came back home and we didnt talk much I was very upset but I didn’t show it her daughter didn’t have a clue of what was happening so I told her to send her out with her sister which she did and everything was calm she told me that she was sorry and started crying after a few hours she started making trouble again about my kids saying she wishes that they die she cursed them and started crying again ” my kids don’t have anything to do in our lives, she doesn’t even know them and she doesn’t even want to so I try to keep them out of this relationship ” after she say all that I told her that her “I’m sorry” was fake and u didn’t believe it so she started throwing everything that was in the nightstand to the floor including the nightstand itself then grabbed the knife and attempted to cut her self on the arms this time I stopped her and took the knife away but at the same time loose control of myself by watching her doing this so I went crazy too, screaming and saying “so do you really want someone to get hurt right” repeatedly and at the same time cutting myself on the arm several times, she started crying and saying she was sorry and begged me to stop but I was already lost on anger, fear, disappointment and didn’t listen right away.
    Once everything past I was very calm went to the kitchen and used the first aid kit to take care of my wounds she wanted me to go to the hospital because I was bleeding considerably but what was I going to say in the hospital? So I manage to calm her down and to stop the bleeding I cleaned my wounds and patch them up. Sorry I feel like I am going out of the way

    At this point I don’t know what to do, I really love this girl and I don’t know what to do to help my marriage survive, the truth is that this is no healthy at all and I don’t want this to get worse in anyway
    Reaching this level of abuse to ourselves just makes me wanting to walk away from it, all she says now is that she wishes to be dead so she can have some peace, please help

    • HotlineAdmin_MT says:

      Hi San,

      Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. It sounds like you’re going through so much right now. From what you’ve described, it’s clearly a very unhealthy and dangerous situation and it does make me concerned for your safety and wellbeing. No matter how we may feel, violence is always a choice and it sounds like your partner is comfortable using violence and threats to get her way in arguments, which is never okay. I’m so glad that you’re reaching out for support, because you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. This may be something that would be best addressed by talking with you directly, so if you’d like to talk, you can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or 7am-2am CST through online chat at http://www.thehotline.org . We would be happy to talk with you about some ways to try to stay safe and connect you with some local resources to help get you through this. In the meantime, please make your safety a priority and know that you have every right to step back, leave the home, or do whatever you need to do to stay safe.

      We hope to talk with you soon!
      Advocate MT

  16. Helpless says:

    I have been I a relationship for5 years. It was about controlling me from the start. At first I thought I could make him trust me and forget all his previous insecurities from past relationships but no matter how hard I tried and everything, more so everyone I gave up in my life it is never enough. He has a medical condition and I’ve never held that against him but only tried to encourage him to look after himself properly. He’s can’t hold a job down, he constantly blames his illness for this. He became addicted to meth last year and it truly destroyed me watching. Him do this to himself. I begged and begged him to quit and its All we fought last year. I do believe he is very depressed but doesn’t seem to want to be active in changing his life and believes all he needs is me with him and he’ll be ok. I have supported him with all the resources I have to give and have been left feeling shattered. I falling apart and don’t recognise the person I have become. I have gone from being a happy person to an angry one, one who breaks things and yells and cries all the time. I have never hit him but it scares me that I could. I hate what i am now. I told him I needed professional help so I can help him and he says they’ll just tell me to leave him and take my money and if I do so he will kill himself. He has been clean for almost a month now and i feel as though all he does is attack who and what I am now he isn’t focused on the drug. Anytime I try and talk to him about my issues they never are as bad or worthy as his issues. I’ve tried to help him as much as I can but its never enough and he threatens me with suicide all the time, says I can’t see my friends and I can’t talk to anyone about what I’m going through with him. I want out of this relationship but I so scared of what he might do. I tried to remove myself from an argument last weekend which ended with me driving away and being chased and yelled at to go back to his house from a car window. It was pysco and i went back to his house only to have it happen again in the early hours of the morning in which I finally got home. I can’t keep going through this. Help

    • HotlineAdmin_LC says:

      Hi Helpless,

      Thank you for reaching out. From what you have shared, you have been in a very painful and draining situation for a long time. It is hard to love someone so much while they continue destructive habits and abuse. His threats of suicide sound like how he is controlling you and that is never ok. You deserve to be able to take the steps you need to build a healthy life for yourself and to make yourself a priority. There are options to help you leave safely. If you would like to reach out to an advocate, we can help you come up with a plan to safely leave. You can reach us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 and we are reachable on chat from 7am to 2am CST.

      Take care,

      Hotline Advocate LC

  17. Víctor says:

    My girlfriend lives in the US but I don’t. She is threatening to kill herself because I’m breaking up with her. I wan to contact the suicide hotline but I don’t know how to do it from my country (Mexico) can someone help me please?

    • HotlineAdmin_LC says:

      Hi Victor,

      It is really scary to hear about someone close to you threatening suicide especially when they are so far away. Alerting friends or family that you know about her threat can help protect her by having someone near her check on her. They can also contact 911 if they are in the United States to do a welfare check. It is possible that she is using the threat to try to control you and keep you from leaving. This is a very cruel way for someone to emotionally abuse you. It may help to look over our definition of abuse here. Her actions are her own and they are not your fault. You have a right to leave and take the steps you need to have the life you want.

      Take care,

      Hotline Advocate LC

  18. Kayla says:

    So… I’m in a really sad situation… I got married to my undocumented husband.. Every time we get into stupid arguments He would always bring up the fact that he was not my first and I was his… We had a argument two months after our wedding… And I guess that him not being my first really got to him that night… So he went on a drinking spree and it ended up him getting booked for dui and a third degree felony for not stopping… So he’s in Mexico.. I was working on his visa application at the time and going to school… Well that put a major set back on the visa process… It didn’t look like they would grant him it any time soon… I forgave him… Moved to Mexico for three years… Had two wonderful babies with him.. But he started staying out late with his coworkers bosses drinking… Sone nights come back dead drunk.. I would get upset about and confront him about it and he told me he’ll never change… Each time I forgave him… He started getting physical pushing throwing things and that’s where I took a step bavk and thought to himself… What’s gonna happen here to me? I stay home… Cook clean care for babies… And hope that My husband don’t come back drunk… I wasn’t working or going to school… I couldn’t leave the house without him.. Was too dangerous… I felt it was a dead end.. Too unsafe for our kids.. So we both agreed that me moving back to u.s. with the kids would be the best decision… So I can go back to school and work on his visa again.. So we can have a better life.. We can do way more family activities here in u.s. and I can be a financial supporter too.. (He would bring up the fact that I don’t help him with anything.. I just take his money also I reason why I wanted to help) But now he’s saying I took the kids away from him… I’m heartless and I want a different man… And he’s telling he wants to kill himself because I want him dead… I’m heartless… That’s not true! And I tell him that… I’m here trying to make a better future for us.. Him our kids and me… I don’t know what to do,..

    • HotlineAdmin_AC says:

      Kayla,

      I’m so sorry to hear about everything you’ve been going through. It sounds like you’ve put a lot of time, effort, and work (material and emotional) into your relationship, and it must be so hurtful to be put down, manipulated, and physically threatened. No one ever deserves to be treated with abuse, no matter what; your husband being upset that he wasn’t your first is not only unfair to you, but also a manipulative blank check that he seems to be using as an excuse for his abusive behavior.

      It sounds like there’s a lot of complicated stuff going on in your situation; our advocates are more than happy to talk through everything with you and help you come up with a plan for the short or the long term that feels safe, achievable, and right for you. Hotline advocates can be reached by phone 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or by chat from 7AM – 2AM CST at .

      Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with us and our online community. I wish you the very best of luck.

      Take care,

      Hotline Advocate AC

  19. Skye says:

    Hi I was just wondering if trying to save my marriage n we are newly weds is a good thing? I mean we have had our violent days and we just want to be better for our kids and each other. But we get a lot of negative feedback when we ask our families to help. We our trying to go counseling and my husband wants to go treatment but I don’t want to hear all the negativity.

    • Advocate says:

      Hi Skye,

      Thanks for sharing what you are experiencing with us. It is definitely not easy to repair an abusive relationship, so I am happy you reached out. Ending abusive behaviors is something that takes lots of time, commitment, and mutual respect for both individuals, so it is often the case that abusive partners do not change. However, it is possible if the abusive partner learns to take responsibility for their unhealthy behaviors and stops trying to control the relationship or their partner.

      As far as family support goes, it is often the case where families do not like to see the people they love experience abuse, so it makes sense that they are hesitant for you two to continue things. However, you are the only one who knows your situation best, so you always have the right to decide what you think is best for you and your family. You deserve to have support and to be safe.

      It is great to hear that you are both seeing counselors, hopefully individually, as we do not recommend couples counseling in abusive situations. If you would like to get more help/support for what you are going through, or would like us to find a local resource for you and your partner, you can always call us at 1-800-799-7233 or you can contact us through chat 7a-2amCT at http://www.thehotline.org

      Best of luck,
      Advocate KB

  20. Jason B says:

    Some years back I was deeply in love with a woman, so much so I honestly think It was the first time I was truly in love in my 35 years on this planet. One thing lead to another and we broke up. I was quite a mess. I pushed away all my friends and and just wouldn’t go from my bed. I blamed her for all of my pain and hurt, and told her if I couldn’t have her in my life I didn’t want to live. Now at the time I honestly felt like I wanted to die. Here was the girl of my dreams and I never even questioned if she was the one and If we would spend the rest of our lives together. To have that security and comfort taken away is pretty awful for anyone. I did threaten to kill myself partially because I wanted her to tell me no it would be OK we can work it out together bla bla bla… And partially because I was so messed up I did want to die… My reasoning would be because then she would know that I did love her and I really couldn’t live without her.

    I suppose the point in me writing this was to say I never had intentions of inflicting harm or manipulating her then I was just being a selfish ass, because all I could think about then was the loss and sadness of losing someone I so deeply loved. For a long time I blamed her for everything after we broke up. But the reality is I was the catalyst, she just spoke the words that ended us. Now years later I feel only guilt… Guilt for how poorly I treated her after we broke up. Things I said and so on trying to get her back. I still love her and likely always will, but now I spend my days trying never to repeat my mistakes instead of blaming others for my poor life choices.

    I hope this helps someone understand the other side of this suicide threat junk. While some will use it as malevolent control… Sometimes it’s just extreme fear and desperation.

    • HotlineAdmin_AC says:

      Hi Jason,

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and insights with our blog community. I’m so sorry that you went through what sounds like a really wrenching and painful breakup. It’s normal to be upset and afraid when a relationship ends before we’re ready for it to end, and we definitely encourage anyone who is experiencing serious thoughts of suicide or self-harm to reach out for the professional support they deserve (The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at and 1-800-273-8255 is a particularly helpful resource). At the same time, it is important to realize that using threats of suicide that are deployed to scare another person into doing anything — like providing continued emotional support or staying a relationship they no longer want to be in — is a common tactic of emotional abuse. Moreover, using threats of suicide to try to stop a relationship from ending or in any way influence the behavior of another person is not okay and not healthy even when the threats of suicide aren’t occurring in the context of an abusive relationship.

      Thank you again for sharing your story with us — it takes a lot of courage and emotional maturity to open up about your experiences. It sounds like you have done a lot of reflecting about the relationship and how it ended; you always deserve to have support while you go through something so emotionally fraught and difficult. Our advocates are here to talk with you about your thoughts and feelings and to refer you to local resources for more long-term support as well. If you’d like to reach out and talk to us, our advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 and from 7am-2am CST at .

      Take care,
      Hotline Advocate AC

  21. Anonymous says:

    After 5 years of domestic abuse I decided to get a divorce he keeps treating to kill himself I have a DVO on him and have not contacted him once but he always sends me letters. What should I do?

    • HotlineAdmin_AS says:

      Hello Anonymous,

      We are so happy that you are part of our online community and know that we’re here for you. I’m glad that you’re reaching out for support during this incredibly stressful and scary situation. Your ex has no right to disregard your protective order or put you through the difficult experience of hearing repeated plans of suicide. You have the right to be safe and I’m sorry that your ex is disrespecting that right.

      We are definitely here to be a safe place for you to talk about what’s going on and figure out what you need in order to be safe. Every situation is different, so there isn’t one plan or resource that will work for everyone. Our hotline advocates can brainstorm ideas with you about possible solutions and programs that might be helpful. Please feel free to reach out by phone 24/7 to 1(800)799-7233 or by chat here on our website, every day from 7am – 2am CST. All conversations are confidential and anonymous.

      We are here when you need us.

      Hotline Admin AS

  22. trapped says:

    My boyfriend of 8 months threatened to kill himself after i broke up with him, he went offline for an hour and put me though emotional stress and abuse. He is serious about doing this and i love him to pieces but i couldn’t do our relationship because of constant lies and emotional manipulation. I got really upset and cried for ages before i started texting him asking him to have me back and that i would never break up with him again. I’m depressed and empty right now but for him everything is back to normal and he’s acting like none of this ever happened. please help me i feel like i have no way out. The saddest part is if he had just talked to me even after i broke up with him i would reconsider being with him cause he is an amazing guy but what he has put through right now has changed how i feel about him. I don’t want to feel like i’m responsible for his life. i don’t know what to do because at the same time i won’t be able to live with myself if anything ever does happen to him.

    • HotlineAdmin_AS says:

      Hi trapped,

      We’re so glad that you’re part of our online community and know that we’re here to support you. It takes a lot of courage to talk about what’s going on, especially during such an overwhelming and stressful situation. You have the right to be safe and to make the decisions about your life. It’s not okay that your boyfriend has been abusive and manipulative to you at any time for any reason. I can hear how hurtful his choices are to you and how much you’ve cared about him. I know this isn’t how you wanted this relationship to be.

      You are not responsible for any of his choices, whether he’s choosing to be abusive, harm himself, or commit suicide. You cannot control what he does, only he can, and he is the only person who can choose to stop being abusive and choose to keep himself safe. It sounds like you feel very stuck in the situation. We’re here to be a safe place for you to talk about what’s going on, making plans to take care of yourself and stay safe, and find out about local programs that may be able to help. This page has some great ideas for taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally while you’re in this abusive relationship. Feel free to reach out any time and talk to one of our advocates, confidentially and anonymously. Our 24/7 phone hotline is 1(800)799-7233 and our chat is available 7am-2am CST every day.

      We’re here when you need us.

      Hotline Admin AS

  23. Unknown says:

    I have been date my boyfriend for 3 years not and we were engaged. We bought a house together in January and moved in together I started noticing he was drinking a lot. Finishing 3 bottles of wine in a night. He is a police officer and works nights so on his days off he’d stay up and drink all night. Things begin to get hard between us. We would get into arguments almost everyday. I have a son from a previous relationship and I no longer felt safe with all the drinking he was doing. We have become so distant and I had chosen that it was best that me and my son leave for our own safety. 5 days ago he had gotten so drunk I woke up to go to work and in front of me and my son he pulled his gun out and put it to his head. I tried to calm him down and told my son to go down stairs. Nothing I said would calm him down so I tried calling the police and he grabbed me trying to take the phone from me while still holding the gun. Being a police officer he knew he could lose his job. I was finally able to call the police and they arrived I had to go get a restraining order because I no longer feel safe. We both own the house but I have no where to go he can not come to the house for the next two weeks but I don’t know what I’m going to do after that. I don’t know if the judge will extend it for longer he is a cop and his father is a retired police chief and I fear he will get away with what he tried to do.

    • HotlineAdmin_CC says:

      Hi unknown,

      That sounds like such a scary thing for you to witness. When abusive people are police officers and have that power as well as an accessible firearm, it can make the situation you are in even more intense. I’m sorry you are feeling alone and unsafe right now but you did a smart thing calling the police and having them get involved and him out of your home for now.

      There is a resource called Abuse of Power that is specifically related to people in positions of power, like police officers, but also abusers. It may be something you would like to read more about.

      It sounds like your situation now has gotten really dire, in terms of not knowing what to do next and that you no longer feel safe. Please feel free to reach out and chat with us on our website or call 1-800-799-7233. We can help you safety plan and find local community resources that may help with not only a safe place to stay but more long-term support, counseling, and legal assistance.

      Best,

      Hotline Advocate CC

  24. Confusedguy says:

    Hi. I don’t really know where to start with this, but I am very confused and quite desperate.

    A year ago I went to university. I lived in a flat with other students who were on my course. One of these was the person that would soon become my boyfriend. We got into a relationship really fast and it was very intense considering we lived together AND we studied the same course at university- it was suffocating. Regardless, we tried to balance things but in the end it all became too much. One thing lead to another and eventually we broke up.

    I have been separated from him for about 2 months now, but have tried to keep some form of friendship because it’s inevitable that I will see him again as he studies the same course as me at university. However, one night we were in my room just having a chat as friends…out of nowhere he asked me “will we get back together ever?”… I replied with “I don’t think that will happen”, and then he tried to kill himself in front of me. This traumatised me as I had to restrain him from doing so. He promised me he’d never do it again…

    A week later we went out with our friends (we also share the same group of friends). Later that night we had a mini-debate, he over reacted and tried to kill himself in public in front of me again. This terrified me even more because I had no idea he was capable of this.

    He is currently not in the same city as me, but he called me today and asked me again if we will ever get back together. I gave him a kind yet honest response and he replied “well there’s no point in me living, i’m going to kill myself if we can’t be together because I love you”. He then hung up the phone. This felt like a good bye message and completely terrified me, I blamed myself. He told me afterwards that he had overdosed on antidepressants. I feel so low and I blame myself, even though part of me knows that it isn’t my fault.

    I feel as if I am never going to be able to escape this situation. I love him very much but I know we can never be together. The fact that we go to university together and will likely be in the same class next year makes this ordeal even more awful, I feel completely trapped and I can’t see a way out.

    Please help

    • Advocate says:

      Confused,

      That definitely sounds like such a traumatic and scary situation, so I am glad that you reached out for help. From everything that you said, it sounds like you could definitely be experiencing emotional abuse. Even though he may want to be with you, you have established that is not the same thing that you want, and it is healthy for him to respect that boundary. As individuals, we always have the right to decide for ourselves what we want and/or who we want to engage in a relationship with. No one should ever be forced or threatened into a relationship, because that does not respect the right of the individual to choose.

      If he is threatening to kill himself if you don’t get back with him, then that is very controlling, manipulative, and again, emotionally abusive behavior. It is actually a common red flag to indicate an abusive partner, and something that they do to maintain power and control in the relationship.

      If he does choose to end his life, then that is completely NOT your fault at all. You are never to blame for the actions of someone else. He is the only one responsible for his behavior just as you are the only one responsible for your actions. So if he does chose to end his life, then unfortunately, that was HIS choice to do so. You cannot be blamed nor should you feel guilty, but I completely get how it would be upsetting for you.

      There might be some possible solutions for the situation that you are experiencing under TitleIX, a law made to help protect victims on campus and in school settings. I can’t say for sure so you would have to talk to your school directly, but if you are able to talk to a university counselor, you might be able to have something worked out where you and he do not have the same schedule or class times.

      I really encourage you to contact us so that we can discuss everything further in more detail, but if you feel more comfortable talking to your school, that might be an option as well. We are here through chat 7am-2amCT at http://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-7233.

      Best of Luck,
      Advocate KB

  25. Lindsey says:

    My 28 year old sister is controlling my entire family with her actual and implied threats of suicide. She had a fight two years ago with my mother where the issue was over escalating concerns of how violent my sister could be. She had just tried to slam my mom’s fingers in door because my mom was “annoying” her with questions about her depression. Since then she has stopped attending family events until my mom seeks councilING and apologizes for calling her violent. My self my three other sisters and my mom feel giving into these demands will lead to even more controlling behavior. My father on other hand feels her alienation my lead to worsened depression and her actually going through with her threat for suicide. This has literally ripped the family apart. I am concerned the stress of all this will kill my parents in form of a heart attack. My two younger sisters feel she is stressing them out when they are put in middle pressed for info on depressed sister. Depressed sisterling had contact with father who tried to force all us to “play nice” to get her to rejoin group. She came to one family event at Easter at my dad’s begging. She came with chip on shoulder and was horrible to everyone. Two days later fight between mom and sister erupted all because my mom contacted her to tell her some mail for her came to their house.she insisted again that mom seek counciling for calling her violent. She since showed up to a family picnic and caused a scene because no one except dad wanted to talk to her. We are all just done with the emotional rollet coaster . My dad is still concerned she kill herself if we all abandon her. But am I wrong in believing this will not stop if we do not put our feet down. What should we do to make this all stop. She had councilING but it did not seem to help.

    • Advocate says:

      Hi Lindsey,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. That seems like such a frustrating and stressful situation for your whole family to be experiencing so I am glad you reached out. If your sister is using the threat of suicide as a mechanism of control over you and your family members, then that is definitely concerning and possibly emotionally abusive.

      I can’t say for sure how she feels or what is going on, because only she knows for certain, but if she has attempted suicide before, then there might be more going on than just her trying to control everyone. However, if she is only threatening, but never following through, then that could be a manipulative power tactic. If she does choose to end her life, then that is completely not your or your families fault at all. She is the only one in control of her, so she is the only one responsible for her actions. If she does chose to end her life, then unfortunately, that was her decision and nothing that you could have done to force her otherwise.

      Also, we mostly deal with intimate partner violence and dating abuse, so unfortunately I can’t really speak much about abuse between siblings. However, I definitely encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ that way you can speak to them more about what could be going on. If the first counselor did not work, it could be a good idea for your sister to get another counselor, sometimes it takes some time to find the right person. Maybe try goodtherapy.org to find someone in your area.

      Best of Luck,
      Advocate KB

  26. Jax says:

    Hi,

    My husband and I have been married for 2 years, together for 5. We gave never really been truly happy. When we started the relationship I used to be a strong and confident person. However I feel that he is emotionally abusing me, constantly putting me down, never building me up.
    He has threatened suicide a lot, and I have stopped him twice. Every time I ask him to do something about the abusive behaviour he threatens me with suicide, I do not know what to do, as I have now become an emotional wreck myself.
    How to I get him to stop his behaviour, so that I can be a stronger person again?
    I have my own business, but he is constantly criticizing every aspect there of, belittling me and my ideas, I want him to stop but how do I do that without him killing himself?

    • HotlineAdmin_LC says:

      Hi Jax,

      Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story. Using threats of suicide to control you is a very cruel abusive behavior. You have a right to speak up against abuse and to have a life free from abuse. The hard truth is that you can’t change him. There is nothing you can say or do to make him change. He will only change if that is something that he wants to do. It may help to read over our page on change here. You can’t control his actions but you can control your own and how you decide to move forward. Just because he is threatening to kill himself, doesn’t mean you are responsible for his actions or that there is no way to escape the abuse. If you are wanting to reach out to an advocate about what you are experiencing, we are always here. You can call us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or you can chat us from 7am to 2am CST.

      Take care,
      Hotline Advocate LC

  27. Lost and unimportant says:

    So I’m a wife and if I tell my husband I am feeling suicidal he says I am manipulative. I hate these stupid boards. Yes, I am upset and everything a suicidal person feels but I am not allowed to express it?? —–

    • HotlineAdmin_CC says:

      Lost and unimportant,

      It’s understandable you are feeling upset by this blog post, and I’m sorry to hear that you have been feeling suicidal and not finding support from your husband. Threatening suicide to control a partner is a very different behavior from telling a partner you are feeling suicidal or considering suicide, and then seeking out help for those feelings. This post is discussing threatening suicide as a tactic of emotional abuse, or as a way to make your partner act a certain way or make a certain decision they wouldn’t otherwise make. What it means essentially is threatening suicide to control the person you are with, which it does not sound like what you are doing.

      If you want to discuss your relationship more with us, please feel free to call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or chat with us from 7am-2am Central Time at thehotline.org/help.

      I would also encourage you to seek out long-term support from a professional counselor if you feel like that’s a good option for you, or if you are in crisis and contemplating suicide you can reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255 or by chat at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

      Best,

      Hotline Advocate CC

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