Safety Planning for Holidays and Weekends

Holidays are often a time of joy and community, but for people with an abusive partner, the holidays (or even a long weekend) can be stressful and dangerous. Spending time with family and friends, dealing with extra stress, and traveling can challenge safety planning during any holiday or long weekend. Family and friends may struggle to help or support the survivor during this time. We suggest safety planning for holidays and weekends to help families and survivors feel safer during these moments.

safety planning holidays and weekends
safety planning holidays and weekends

You are not alone.

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men aged 18 and older in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Safety planning for holidays and weekends tips

Communication tips
What to know

Many survivors feel isolated by their unhealthy or abusive partners. Connecting with family and friends can be an important step in healing.

Tips for a survivor

Create a plan to keep checking in with someone during a holiday or long weekend. You can also create a code word, which allows you to let someone know you need help without tipping off their partner. Be sure to agree on what action the code word calls for: does it mean they will call you, come over, contact the police, etcetera?

Tips for a family member or friend

It can help to discuss safe times and ways to communicate. You might consider if there are times during the day when the survivor is typically away from their abusive partner. Or it might be safer for them to email or text rather than call. (It’s best to make sure the abusive partner does not have access to the survivor’s email account or phone before using these methods to communicate).

It may feel instinctual for family or friends to say an abusive partner is not welcome at a holiday function. You have the right to say who is or isn’t welcome in your home but understand that isolation is a powerful tactic of abuse. If the abusive partner cannot come, they may not let the survivor visit either.

Emotional support and safety planning can help both you and the survivor move forward. Keep in mind you can talk or chat with a Hotline advocate to figure out what works best for you. If you’re worried about someone experiencing abuse and not sure what to say, learn more about how to help a friend or family member.

Travel tips
What to know

Traveling is a common part of holiday or long weekend plans. It makes sense that survivors would not feel safe spending time in a small space, like a car or plane, with someone who hurts them.

Tips for a survivor

Before traveling, take time to plan for your emotional and physical safety  and if you’re  traveling with children.

Planning tips
What to know

A survivor knows best what will help them feel safe and discussing ways to make parties or family visits safer with the survivor is critical.

Tips for a family member or friend

Ask questions. For example, ask if alcohol tends to worsen an abusive partner’s behavior. Could the family or friend group make a commitment to not have alcohol around, or to limit the amount served? If you’re a survivor who does not feel safe sleeping in the same room as your partner, consider talking with your hosts or family about finding a separate couch or sharing a room with other guests or family members.

Tips for planning for time alone
What to know

Abuse is about power and control, and many unhealthy or abusive partners may try to exert control by keeping their partners from spending time alone or with others. So, it can be helpful to brainstorm ways to get some space.

Tips for a survivor

Consider brainstorming reasons to get out, like helping someone with holiday plans or shopping; you can get creative with these ideas. You can call The Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for creative ideas on safety planning for a holiday or a long weekend.

Tips for a family member or friend

You might ask the survivor to go on a shopping trip or errand with you, go for a walk or workout, invite them to a religious celebration or have them help you with a chore/holiday prep activity.

Tips for safety planning with children
What to know

Protective parents work really hard to make the holidays a special time for their children.

Tips for a survivor

If you have children with you this holiday, our post on safety planning with children is a good place to start. The post covers unsupervised visitation, safe child exchange, and ideas for children living with an abusive parent.

Self-care tips
What to know

The holiday season is stressful for many people, but getting through the holidays while experiencing abuse can feel really overwhelming.

Tips for a survivor

Taking time for your health and wellness can make a big difference in how you feel. To learn more about how to build in self-care while staying safe, check out this page.

Tips for a family member or friend

Seeing someone you care about being hurt is also stressful. Remind yourself that you can’t make decisions for someone else, but you can ask a survivor what they need and offer help. We do our best helping when we are taking care of ourselves, so try to make your own plans to get rest, get good nutrition, talk to supportive friends and do things you enjoy.