DVAM Challenge 17: Commit to Saying No More

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

DVAM Challenge 17: Commit to Saying No More

Today’s challenge #17 is about adding your voice to the collective movement against domestic violence and sexual assault. The NO MORE campaign was started to unify the efforts of the many people working to end violence.

The following is from the NO MORE website:

NO MORE was created  by 50 individuals from many different backgrounds who were frustrated by the fact that even though domestic violence and sexual assault are devastatingly pervasive and widespread– impacting rich, poor, young , old, male, female, white, brown, black, from every region and religion– they aren’t a priority in this country.

There are many ways to get involved with the NO MORE movement. You can download the symbol, you can share a message on a social media site, you can spend time on the website learning about the statistics around these types of violence, you can add your photo to the NO MORE gallery. Today’s challenge is to select one way and get involved. Make sure to visit nomore.org.

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  1. Following is my story. The girl is me and I did not include the wonderful man’s name for his protection although he deserves no protection. I am posting in the hopes that one woman reads this and is inspired enough to leave her situation of abuse.

    Once upon a time there was a young girl; a strong independent girl full of life.
    She found love in a wonderful guy. He was her dream and her prince @.
    He was well regarded by his friends and peers and she respected and adored him.

    Suddenly things began to change. It was the moment she moved into his house and got engaged.

    He took his anger out on her soul behind closed doors. He disrupted her to her core. The girl’s emotions were traumatized by his outbursts. He took her strength until she had no more. She was weak from his verbal assaults. She continuously built him up for that is what he needed but he endlessly broke her down.

    Every time he broke her down she knew she had to go. She deserved so much more. How could this be happening? Everyone knows he is a wonderful guy.

    She remembers how he kept her so afraid; so isolated. It is not so easy for the girl to forget all the abuse he denies and laughs about. His verbal assaults created bruises that will never fade. The bruises on her back from being thrown up against an open linen closet and held there by her neck faded but the bruises of emotional pain and torture remain.

    How can the girl forget the abuse? How can she heal and feel safe for he assured her he would knock her head off and put her in the ground.

    Countless abusive text messages especially when she traveled for work; accusations of betrayal coupled with outrageous jealous outbursts and name calling. He would accuse her of affairs with men and women alike and he often broke up with her over text message.

    Allegations of betrayal when in a foreign city because the girl didn’t know what her dinner plans were when questioned so frequently. How could she not know what her plans were at 3pm in a foreign city? Shenanigans he would cry!

    She knew she would be punished when Southwest canceled her flight home due to the weather. So sick from the abuse she braced herself for what would come. Yes, another break up.

    Christmas Eve her beloved father died. Four days later her son had his tonsils and adenoids removed. During her grieving process and her son’s recovery he broke up with her.

    The girl’s daughter was in the hospital 90 minutes away from home for 10 days. After working all day, traveling 3 hours to visit her sick child in the hospital the girl was exhausted. The wonderful guy broke up with her over text message while visiting her daughter at the hospital. She wasn’t paying enough attention to him he claimed. He didn’t feel close enough to her.

    He often spoke poorly of his friends, colleagues and family members. The girl didn’t understand how he could speak so poorly of the people closest to him. He exhibited intolerance of other races. The girl came to learn that this was due to his low self-worth and outrageous jealous nature. It was his attempt at keeping her isolated and believing nobody was as great as he was.

    With her strength in his possession she found it in her to counter his verbal assaults but she grew sick. She knew she had to leave. She knew she had to leave the wonderful man she couldn’t comprehend did not exist. She came to the painful acknowledgment that the wonderful man was not real; he simply did not exist.

    It was his public image the man regarded and protected at all cost. She became a threat to his image because she experienced his verbal, physical and emotional abuse. She could have told the world he isn’t who he portrays. She was now the enemy.

    Would the world believe the enemy? The broken girl who lost her strength, who lost her independence, who lost her will. Would the world believe that this wonderful man did not exist? She walked away silently and hid her bruises. She did not speak to his world about the demons within him.

    The girl was no angel for at her weakest she reacted to his abuse and taunting. She misbehaved by throwing objects and for this she was punished. The man was not punished.

    He took no accountability. He blamed the girl for every outburst and often times acted as if they didn’t exist. His drinking was her fault. His verbal and physical assaults were her fault. If it wasn’t for her he wouldn’t act this way.

    It was a long journey but the girl took her strength back. She no longer allowed him to have it for it wasn’t his to take. She took her life and independence back; he no longer controlled her. She is at peace and is full of life again. She is at peace.

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