DVAM Challenge 15: Commit to Ongoing Wellness

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

DVAM Challenge 15: Commit to Ongoing Wellness

At The Hotline, we take the health and wellness of our callers, staff and community seriously. In the spirit of the week’s theme — committing to change — we want to encourage our readers to commit to taking care of themselves. This could mean emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. No matter where you are in the issue of domestic violence, you deserve to be healthy and happy.

For advocates, this could mean making sure you’re in a good mind space to best help your clients. For friends and family members who are witnessing the painful abuse a loved one is experiencing, this could mean talking to someone about your feelings. For victims, this could mean talking to one of our advocates and safety planning. For a survivor, this could mean having your go-to person to call when you’re tempted to contact your abusive ex.

We recently wrote about moving on emotionally after an abusive relationship. Here are a few of the ideas we outlined for taking care of yourself emotionally.

  • Identify things that help you calm down — taking a warm bath, reading a book or taking deep breaths can help you de-stress
  • Remind yourself why you left — journaling about your abuse can help you remember the reasons that you left and can be particularly helpful if you’re having second thoughts about leaving
  • Identify a call buddy for when you’re missing your ex — talking to a friend can help you resist the urge to reach out to your ex when you’re down
  • Talk to a counselor or join a domestic abuse survivor’s therapy group
  • Talk to your family or friends — community members and neighbors can also be a good resource
  • When an anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc. is coming up, prepare yourself — try to make other plans, set a strong support group in place to help you through emotional times

Your overall wellness is important. For today’s challenge, identify one thing you can do that will improve your health and wellness this week. It doesn’t have to be a big area. It could be as simple as promising yourself a jog after work. It could be choosing to call us at The Hotline and talking with an understanding advocate. It could be spending time with a friend so that you can de-stress. Whatever it is, we challenge you to make one act for your wellness this week and see how good it feels.

Comment section

6 replies
  1. i want help from last 7 years my husband not with me he already gave me divorce but not agree with other people he don,t give me any money.

  2. Tehmina,

    If you need further guidance, support, or help please call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 to speak with an advocate at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Thank you for reaching out to our Share Your Voice Blog.


  3. Hi I am sort of a survivor of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. I have spent my whole life around the wrong people and keep getting hurt. But the worst thing to ever happen to me was falling in love with my ex fiance who later turned out to be abusive. And after spending 4 years on and off with him in and out of my life I don’t know how to move on.

    I still love him so much but hate him at the same time for ruining what we had, he is the love of my life and I have no one to talk to because nobody understands why I still love him after what he is done. I don’t know the answer to that and its so frustrating for me I struggle with it every day. Every single day of my life I hurt so much and feel empty with out him here. I have tried everything to move on and get over him. I ran away to Texas all the way from Wisconsin just to get away from him. But the love & pain still followed me.

    My life took a turn for the worse after him, I was in 2 domestic abuse shelters and 2 psychiatric wards. I have PTSD, Severe Anxiety, Severe Depression, & Borderline Personality Disorder. I used to be on alot of medication but am now trying to live a normal life without it since the prescriptions cost so much. Im trying so hard to prove to my friends and family I’m not crazy. But I cant explain it I am in love with a man that tried to kill me 4 times and now I blame myself for everything. I cant seem to write him out of my life we remain friends to this day we talk occasionally on the phone I don’t know how to breathe or live even without him in at least a piece of my life.

    He is my addiction and I cant break it. Dear God I pray every day I can break away from this curse they call love. After him I just keep seeming to mess up my life more and more. I cant hold a job, I can’t make up my mind on anything, and I keep going down the wrong path. I turned to drugs and alcohol and stayed around alot of bad people so I could numb myself from the pain. Now I have no idea how to get my life on the right track again I have went so far off course. Its not as easy as everyone try’s to make it.

  4. Kaitlin,

    You are right that it is not as easy as some may think it is. It is normal to feel love for him even though he has hurt you terribly. Healing takes time. Also, if you are still in contact with him it can make it that much harder to move forward. Some things that may (or may not) help you through the process are: journaling your feelings and writing down the hurt he has caused you; volunteering, which will not only give back to the community but will help in making friends as well, and going to support groups in your area. I know you mentioned having worked with a psychiatrist, but a counselor specifically trained in domestic violence may be beneficial. You can call 24/7 to the Hotline for further support and referrals at 1-800-799-7233.

    If you like to read there is a great book called It’s My Life Now: Starting Over after and Abusive Relationship by Meg Kennedy Dugan and Roger Hock. Thank you for reaching out and sharing with our blog community.


  5. I was married for 3o years to a man who has multiple personalities which I didn’t know at the time we were married. He will make you believe he is always right and beat you down either physically or emotionally. I still feel stuck after being divorced from him the last 8 yrs which he still owes back alimony, and his lawyer wrote our divorce decree with all the things my x wanted it to say. My attorney was from a shelter out of town and the judge and his attorney were friends, so you can ONLY guess how what was allowed to be said, which makes me sick even though he was charged with 2ened degree aggravated assault when he broke my hand and I finally had him arrested.

  6. Adnerb,

    Thank you so much for sharing with our blog community. It sounds like this has been such a stressful and overwhelming situation. We know that there are a lot of people who unfortunately, do not understand what happens in abusive relationships. And how victims can continue to be victimized through the justice system. Know that you can always reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you would like to talk this through. Advocates are available 24/7 to brainstorm ways to continue healing through this process.

    Until then,

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