DVAM Challenge 2: Information is Power

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

DVAM Challenge 2: Information is Power

This week, we’ll be focusing on how information is a powerful tool for survivors, victims and advocates alike. By knowing more about domestic violence, we’ll be able to identify it when we see it in our homes and communities, and we will know what options are available for those involved.

During this week of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, think about what you know about this issue. What questions do you still have? Do you know where to find the answers?

Remember the power you have in sharing what you know to those around you. Online channels like email, Facebook, Twitter and more can be so impactful. You never know who in your network may need to know more about domestic violence.

DVAM Challenge 2: Post one of these messages below as your Facebook status or Tweet it out to your followers.  Don’t want to use social media? Then simply tell someone you love one of these facts below. 

– More than 1 in 3 women & 1 in 4 men in the US have experienced rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner (CDC, 2010)

– Intimate Partner Violence can affect health in many ways. The longer the vio­lence goes on, the more serious the effects. (CDC, 2012)

– You have the right to a healthy relationship with a partner who treats you with respect.

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  1. I am a survivor. I wish I could say I escaped. I took our children and our clothes in garbage bags and left while he was at work 3 years ago. I maintained custody in the courts, although it hasn’t been easy and has taken nearly every cent I had. The divorce was final a year ago. I just wanted to be away from him. When we were there, he never tucked our children in, never bathed them or fixed them a meal. Now, he wants more time with them. He has continued his abuse of them, both physical and verbal. He has access to medications and has injected them with unknown substances. CPS says there are no obvious effects on the children and is closing the case although two of the children spoke candidly about being injected. During the investigation, I went to the judge and asked for cessation of visitation while he was being investigated. It was granted….for all of an hour. I got a phone call on my way home from the court. I live in a very rural area, and it was over an hour drive. The judge himself called to tell me he made a mistake, and all the order was meant to say was that my ex couldn’t inject our children. He does all kinds of things, and repeatedly the courts say ‘don’t do that’. Don’t make the children go in the pen with the bull (after one was trampled and had to have stitches). Don’t hold a knife to the pet’s throat to threaten the child. Don’t pinch or poke, twist the skin of, or otherwise physically punish the child. The courts don’t even address the verbal abuse, like telling a 9 yo child if she tells anyone he injected her, he will go to jail and it will be all her fault. or telling the 13yo you just choked that if he tells his teacher, he won’t get to see his father anymore, and it will be all his fault.
    I will continue to do what is best for my children, getting them counseling (they don’t want to go because their father told them I was just paying a counselor to make them hate him), giving them a safe home, where they can relax and not have to be ‘on guard’ constantly. They want to see him..he is finally promising to give them the love and attention they have craved all their lives. I wish I could tell a better story, one where it is easy and life is all better since we got away. Perhaps it will be with time.

  2. “Telling Amy’s Story” will be shown at Del Mar College (Center of Economic Development), 3209 S. Staples, Corpus Christi, TX in Room 106 at 3 p.m. in observance of the YWCA’s “Wek Without Violence”. It is FREE and open to the public. There will be panelists available from different organizations in the community for the question and answer period after the film. Light refreshments will be served. We ask that you help spread the word regarding this powerful film in hopes of helping someone in need.

  3. I left an abusive relationship on September 17, 2012. I was engaged to a guy that turned out to be a con man. He perpetrated all the classic signs of abuse: isolated me by telling me it would be just him and me because (supposedly) his family was against him and me for coming into his life shortly after a previous relationship with another woman. I moved from Michigan to Maryland, therefore I had no family, friends, or job when I arrived. This con artist swore up and down that he would support me through my doctoral program as he had a business . Come to find out the “business” was a janitorial service. He lost the contract for this service almost immediately after I arrived and I was forced to get employment instead of going to school. This man masqueraded as a “minister” he presented this online and in real life. He even had an expired ministry credential. He presents himself on line and to people he respects i.e. a pastor
    as the utmost holy man of God. behind closed doors when he was alone with me he was the exact opposite. Every word out of his mouth was a curse word. I asked him to refrain from addressing me like that and he said that for some reason I was the only one that compelled him to c urse (blaming.) A big red flag happened when as soon as I moved in with him, he wanted me to put the utilities in my name. He had a previous balance from another address that he was avoiding paying. He projected his lack of responsibility onto me. In the mean time he became more abusive, emotionally doing things like always using sarcasm about everything. it got to the point where I wouldn’t even want to talk because every reply was a sarcastic curse. He was also very jealous of the fact that I had more education than he did. I possess a Master’s degree in Pastoral Counseling and a BA in Psychology. he would throw this up in my face as if I was wrong for pursuing my dreams, He often expressed that he felt like a worm because he was intimidated by my education. This man was the worst, most deceitful lying dog I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. He could not pay a single bill nor support the household. We were evicted three times from various places because of this. This man had an anti social personality disorder that manifested as an extreme callousness and disregard for the feelings of others. He looked at people for what they could do for him. There was a lack of empathy and callous disregard for the feelings of others. We once lived in the most horrible dump where I found out he had a guy jerry-rig the television to steal cable tv from the 84 year old lady who lived downstairs from us. What kind of “man” steals from an 84 year old woman? As all this was happening, I knew I had to leave. We were actually engaged to be married but after I saw the extent of his lies, manipulations, deceit, and ineffectualness, I wisely decided to hold off on that. I began to make plans to leave. I had a car, he did not. He could not get one because he owed the state of MD a fine and could not have a car registered until he paid the fine which was about $5000.00 he was also jealous of this. My car needed to have the powertrain computer replaced which cost close to $1000.00 He did not give me one cent to help pay for it. i asked him not to smoke
    before he got in the car because of the smell. He pitched a fit and said he didn’t ever have to ride in it.
    He never wanted me to have the means to escape which is what that car was. The last straw was when he started a sham record company. He met people on line and arranged to be their ‘MANAGER” and promote and distribute their music. These poor people signed contracts with this charlatan who had no means to do anything he said he could do. I became more and more revolted by him. Some of the emotional tactics he used were to belittle me with sarcasm, he wrote a five page diatribe about how everything wrong that happened in the relationship was my fault. He practiced elective mutism which is on an infantile level. he would go for many days at a time not talking to me and acting as if I weren’t there. He hollered and screamed curses at my beloved cats. I SAY AGAIN, WHAT KIND OF “man” is abusive to animals? That was intimidation; although if he had hurt one of my cats I would have knocked him in the head with a baseball bat. All this time I knew I had to leave. But I was very scared. I had a part time job that was very sporadic so saving money was impossible. I went on an interview spurt trying to get a job to save money to leave. I went on many interviews and no job was offered. I was praying to God every day for miracles. In the mean time I started to wean out any unnecessary items and prepare my things to be moved. I kept telling myself that I could look for a job for years and if I didn’t just leave I would never leave. The catalyst happened when the electricity and gas were shut off for non-payment. I knew this was coming and that the Lord was speaking to me through metaphor. The darkness stood for spiritual darkness. The power went out in mid-July. We lived in a ground floor apt. and I had to open every window so as not to suffocate from the heat. this put me in a vulnerable position because I felt unsafe and unprotected. My man should be my protector. When I saw he could not protect me, I knew it was time to go because I can protect myself better than that and I thought I would be better off by myself.
    My faith is in the Lord Jesus Christ. I kept on praying and set a date to leave. I was terrified. All I could save was $220.00 which was enough to get me to Michigan stay in a motel for a couple of nights. I planned to leave the con artist on the following Saturday but on Friday I was wavering. I asked the Lord for one last sign that I should leave the next day. That night the sign came. In the morning I had a clear conscious and was ready to follow through with my plan. as soon as he left for work I packed as much of my stuff that I could fit in my car and my cats and I left at 8:30 that evening. I drove the whole night only stopping three times to use the bathroom. it took me 12 hours but when I crossed the Michigan state line I was so overjoyed I began to cry. I was so scared, but I knew I had to move forward so I asked God to help. I had to stay in a motel for a couple of days. Then my cousin let me stay with her for two nights but she and her husband were reconciling and I had to leave. at that time I was officially homeless.
    Everyone kept telling me to place my cats and go to a shelter,. I declined. But I kept praying. At my lowest point I went on Facebook and wrote a letter to my friends explaining what all happened and that I was at my lowest point. I told them I was not fine, that I was homeless and penniless. I did not know it, but was writing a letter to God. And he heard my prayers. The next morning at 6:00 A.M my daughter called exclaiming that one of my friends said I could come stay with her. The friend turned out to be a friend I met at the cat shows and we had stayed in touch on Facebook. She said, “I sure don’t have mucb but I will share what I .My cats and I Arriv ed to find a big Beautiful house. We have our own room but the cats have full run of the house. There is a Jacuzzi tub in my area My little laptop was done and my friend happened to be a computer technician. She fixed my computer and I am on it right now!
    So many things need to be done still but the Lord is able. He delivered me all that way in a car with over 100,000 miles, He drove it, I was just along for the ride. It takes courage to leaved the known for the unknown. But as Mark Twain said, ” Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is acting despite your fears.” This is what I did. I took a gigantic leap of faith and the Lord caught me. All I had to do is c ome back home.

  4. I wasn’t hit this time. Neither kids. Was actually opposite. He gave me so many promises! He APOLOGY! For the first time really (I thought) apology… Was all fake. After months I felt more and more lonely&Alone, left with house, kids, bed. My friends also left me because I was fighting for him and my family, but they were trying to protect… But I sent themaway…

    He was pretending…

    Tonight I was driving home on highway with kids, he knew that he Texted me that he moved out with His Son (who I love just like my own)… We had lunch together. Plans for tomorrow….

  5. Come from Romania 12 years ago i fall in love with my husband who was born in Jamaica. My husband comes from a family with lots of issue , they very intelligent people but very low self esteem. They was taking and replace in father custody from them own sister who love dearly her father . I always believed that healthy kids has to have mother and father and that was the reason that i was with my husband for so long, because he was a working sometimes 16 hrs. and i was always with my son. That time i did not understand how my friends was telling me that my husband could had an affair ,i was blind and never listen to them. 2 years ago ask me for divorce and implored him to not leave cause my believed and all this time he can do what he wants cause hi is the man. I will teach anyone that ones your partner never ask your opinion in making a decision should not stay cause never change . We leave for 11 years and i never was ask one like i wasn’t intelligent at all.I was back home graduating accounting and here i graduate medical assisting. In last 3 months he tell that he found someone like him from the same country and i push him to go .I answer to him that h chooses her not me pushing. On 08/06/2012 comes from her home and blind and probably she told him to finish with me found me on my son bed sleeping with him cause he locked door to our bedroom put his gun to my head on the same bed with his child. My son feel that his mom is on danger and had a bad dream cause after 1:30 am and try to talk on sleep that make him to realize what his doing and said now he does not believed and tell me that is my imagination . So my point is that you can leave with someone all your life and you still don’t know him.

  6. What a privilege and honor to post the following comment on behalf of “The Hotline”!
    I am currently permanently disabled. My previous field of expertise was Domestic Violence (DV). Although retired, due to my current/ongoing health-status–my passion shall always remain within the realm of DV. Why?

    My marital life lasted a total of 21 years. I state “total” due to the first divorce… my whereabouts realized… and subsequently as all too many victims KNOW… fear does control! Thus; a second marriage to the same husband I divorced, transpired. Why?

    Multiple reasons as opposed to excuses became motivational factors in remarriage to the same alleged batterer/abuser. I was living in fear, anxiety, stress, walking on egg-shells, etc.–all over again. But, I actually had not completed the transition from being a victim of DV–to becoming a survivor of DV. There were only 10-11 months between first divorce and second remarriage.

    My testimony, in my view, may be a powerful tool in sharing such (if so desired by the audience/reader(s))–in attempts to stop the “Cycle of Abuse”. No, sadly, DV will never go away. But forces… advocates, volunteers, shelters, intervention, law enforcement, and more so–TCFV (The Hotline) can certainly make an impact in jointly combatting DV. You may question “making an impact”.

    Making an impact means action! Action(s) instigated and initiated by society as a combined and educated force. What determines the outcome and/or progress in saving lives of victims, his or her children, loved ones, family and friends (of such)–converts to involvement and becoming aware of the dynamics of DV. In my view, personally and professionally, society’s perception of DV is oftentimes misleading.

    Society may view DV as solely a black eye, broken bone, stabb wound, gunshot wound, and/or contusions and abrasions to the intimate partner’s anatomy. My my! I can unquestionably share with whomever may be reading this comment, that being a victim of DV is NOT solely physical abuse. On the contrary; domestic violence is facted. How?

    Domestic Violence (DV) can also be verbal abuse, monetary abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, stalking, sexual abuse, etc. The dividing factor is (in some cases, unfortunantly) is criminal vs. non-criminal abuse. This topic can be explained per request. I must insert the following statements in spite of the difference mentioned. Verbal abuse can KILL. Psychological/emotional abuse can KILL. How?

    Many, many years ago while attending a university, I compiled a research paper titled “Getting Away with Murder”. Facts and writings were based on truth/reality. A victim can encounter so very much verbal abuse that it can/may cause health issues (not only psychological or mental health issues). In turn, the victim may encounter an elevated heart rate leading to a massive heart-attack. So what is the bottom line?

    The bottom line is: although an investigation/autopsy determines cause of death as either natural causes or specifically heart failure… was it literally murder by his or her perpetrator’s mouth? Did his or her MOUTH kill the victim? If the answer becomes “yes”–then just how many alleged batterers/abusers are walking the streets in this great Nation of ours–FREE?

    He or she may be your neighbor, one who sacks your groceries, mail-carrier, perhaps school teacher, perhaps intertwined with law enforcement… who knows? Well, only the murder. Yes, he/she falls under the umbrella of those (allegedly) “Getting Waya with Murder”!

    In closing, I must salute TCFV/”The Hotline”! I thank you for ALL you do! If any reader doubts help available, a safe-place for new beginnings, individuals/staff who care, and HOPE in personal change of circumstance (DV)… fleeing from the home riddled with violence… PLEASE call “The Hotline”.

    That (“The Hotline”) is what this, so to speak, is ALL about! It is all about YOU! I support such and will continue to do so, until God calls me “home”. Thank you for your time and attention given my comment. Be blessed in knowing YOU are loved and there is HELP for YOU!

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