A Man Can

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A Man Can

On January 4, The Hotline was honored with a visit from sportscaster James Brown, host of CBS Network’s “The NFL Today” and representatives of The Verizon Foundation is support of his A Man Can campaign.

“Domestic violence is an epidemic in all of our communities,” Brown said.  “That deepened my personal commitment and desire to help end domestic violence.  It’s my hope that millions of men join me in this campaign.”

Through this campaign, Brown is promoting respect and equality – respect for yourself and in your relationships — and he’s asking men to be informed and be appropriately proactive when they witness disrespectful or abusive behavior.

“I’m here to encourage men and help them understand that they can have a very meaningful impact, much more easily than they think,” Brown said.  “Don’t laugh at that inappropriate joke.  Second, don’t condone domestic violence with your silence.  If you know someone who is abusive – physically, verbally, emotionally or financially – you as men can play a positive role, just like the coach of a team, and be helpful in changing behavior.  This campaign will build awareness around the issues of domestic violence prevention and the resources available for helping those experiencing domestic violence and those who perpetrate it.”

Rose Stuckey Kirk, president of the Verizon Foundation, said: “Domestic violence knows no boundaries.  It affects men and women, every race, every culture and all socioeconomic levels.  That’s why a very important part of this campaign is educating men and women on how to help someone in need.  That means referring people in need – men and women who are experiencing domestic violence – to resources that can help them live a violence-free life. Verizon welcomes this partnership with James Brown, whose leadership and commitment have helped elevate domestic violence prevention in our national dialogue.”

During the visit, a film crew documented Brown’s tour including conversations with Hotline President Katie Ray-Jones, listening on Hotline crisis calls, a discussion group, and a one-on-one meetings with a survivor to further educate himself on the issues of domestic violence. The final video of documenting Brown’s Experience is available below and on YouTube.

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  1. I have experienced physical as well as mental abuse several times. The latest being this past Sat.night. I need some resources to help me and my 5 year old get out of this house and start again.

    Please email and help lines etc. shelters that can might help me.

    Thank you

    1. Paige,
      Thank you for reaching out to us. It takes a lot of courage to share what you’ve been through. You and your child deserve to feel safe in your home. If you get a safe chance, I would encourage you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous times, so I would encourage you to call when you are able to discuss this freely or when your abuser is not around. An advocate on the Hotline could talk to you about local programs for assistance, possibly with a safe place to stay or legal referrals to help you get safely out of this relationship. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential.


  2. February 10th 2012

    I am in fear for my life.

    There has been a VOP. I am a crime victim of an assault. I was attacked in front of my child, and family. In my own house, by a person that I have had an O P against. I have this act of crime on my in home surveillance cameras, as proof to the VOP and crime. I had went to my local community police station, and made the reports. And the police did not arrange an arrest. My life and my son’s life are in danger. Because no arrest has been made yet. The repeated offender, perpetrator/assailant is still at large. And has stated and said. That if I called the police, this person said they were going to put an end to my life and my family, in due time.

    I am a disabled American, and a father to a special boy. I said it in that manor because my son is Autistic. He has special needs. But he is very special to me. It’s been a little over 3 years now that I was first given by the courts, sole & physical custody to my son. And as I have always been, his sole care taker & provider, the custodial parent as well
    We have been abused and victims of crimes. And we need help. And I am in need to get some counseling. To get past this trauma and abuse. I don’t want my son and to violated, and victimized anymore we have been violated and victimized. There was and has been a VOP crime. And the police have still not made that arrest. I was assaulted and attacked, in my home. There still is a full Order of Protection in place and in force. But it was violated and broken, by the assailant. It has been enforced and placed against the perpetrator/assailant. For over 3 years now. To help protect and provide added protection for me, my son, and my family. But this OP was violated and broken, and I am in fear of my life. The O P has been violated and broken several times. And because the repeated offender is not a citizen. She says and comments that because of that. She doesn’t have to comply with our laws and justice. Because when she was arrested on 3/6/09, the arresting officers only just put down for the cause of arrest, just a VOP. On that night the perpetrator came into my home to try and abduct & kidnap my son. To flee back to her country with my son. The next time when she assaulted me, on 8/10/10, the arresting officer only put down, a VOP. And so since that arrest, this individual comments and says that no matter what she will do to me, or to my son. She says she will get away with it, or not be charged for her real acts of crime. She seems to feel that she will not be charged with any crimes that she commits and acts upon me and my son. And so the violator never gets charged, or accounted for the crimes that are truly committed by her. I am living in constant fear and danger. I am a target for her because of my disabilities. And she takes advantage of my limitations and disadvantages. I can not protect or defend myself, and she takes advantage of that. And because of my son’s Autistic condition, it makes him much more prone and vulnerable. My son can not tell from harm, danger, fear, or if and when someone is an abuser. He can not feel or sense, or tell. The differences of any of those signs and symptoms. This makes children with special needs an easier victim. She even makes us feel helpless, and useless. Because how she mocks and makes abusive comments about our disabilities. And as she had said that night that she attacked and assaulted me. In which she said she will put an end to my life, and I will end up dead if I go forward and report this. I have been abused by this person, and so has my son. For on going years now. And I can not live this way any longer. Enough is Enough. I need help, and for this to be rectified and corrected. In which an arrest should have, and has to be made. This repeated offender has no respect for our laws, or for me, my son, and family. I don’t want to end up being killed, or for this to be a fatality. Justice needs to be served, and this person needs to be charged with the crimes that were committed. I had made a police report, but because I am a male. The domestic police officer who took my report. Did not take my report in the truthful way or manor. Of what happened to me, and of the crimes that were committed to me, my son, and family. And because of the way that officer took my report, and the way it was handled and processed. I have had to live in this constant danger and fear. Because the perpetrator/assailant is at large. And because of the death threats I have been getting. In Which I have documented and dated. I made a police report about the death treats, and the police did not make any further attempts to consult with me about them. I have even saved the ones I left on my voice mail. But because the female police officer did not make or send an alert of the VOP. I am living in constant danger with my child. I am in fear of my life. Because the person who attacked me told my mother and sister. That if I would call the police and make a report. Or if I would call the police on her. That she would put an end to my life and everyone in my house. On the night that I was attacked and assaulted, in front of my son and family. I have all that took place on my home surveillance cameras. I had to install hidden security cameras, inside my house. And also outside my house. I have 9 different cameras situated inside & outside my home. Because how much this person would abuse me. She had her passport taken away from her, back in March of 2009, when she tried to flee with my son. And so the surveillance cameras were for my child’s protection. If she could she would flee & abduct my son, back to her country. She has nothing to keep her here, except our for our child. Everything with relations to every family member, every relative, and her entire immediate family member live over there. She doesn’t even like our country, as she said she wanted to wind up in Europe. And as she threatened me on numerous occasions, that when she gets her chance she will flee. So the security cameras were needed. I am still getting death threats, and she has had a number of different men wait outside my house. They linger and wait for me to leave my house. And I have been approached by these men. And it is very scary and intimidating. This is not some sort of falsifying facts that I say here. If that female officer that took my report in February. Did the right thing, and did what a VOP calls for. I wouldn’t be in this kind of fear & danger. She treated me and took exception to the fact that a male, can not be the victim. And took and made my report, as if I was the one who did something wrong, or as if I was the criminal. Because of the way she took and made my report out to be. I have been confined to my house, and I continue to get death these treats at all hours of the night. Due to the fact and consequences of an erroneous and incomplete police report. That I have suffered from living in such fear of being killed. And I have the same thoughts and feelings of my son and my family’s lives, fatally ending. Because the police did not, and have not made the arrest to the person that violated and hurt me and my son. Again she the perpetrator said that she will put an end to my life, and my family’s life. If I would call the police on her. And she has not been held responsible yet for her crimes that she committed and caused. And justice has not prevailed. I will not rest until this violent repeat offender is picked up and an arrest is made. An O P was broken and I and my son have been crime victims. I was violated, and crimes were made. An OP was violated and broken. She will not rest, until I am taken out. And she wants me killed, either by her own doings, or by one of her men. Especially since I went to make the police report. I am a born American Citizen, and an American with disabilities, and my son as well. And I should have much more rights and protection, then a non citizen. I respect our laws and our justice system, but she doesn’t. And her wanting and wishing for me to be dead. Means nothing to her, because she doesn’t respect humans, or our laws. And if something fatal happens to me. Because of police wrong doing, police cover up of facts to a VOP, and because of police discrimination. In which I was not treated as a crime victim, and in which I was treated by a one-sided biased female police officer. If that officer had only took a neutral stance. And did her job, to investigate the history that the perpetrator has had. Then I would be able to not have to live in such fear & danger. This is something that you read about. In which she is so convincing and capable. To influence and per sway one of her men friends. To take me out of her picture. She is pretty enough, and very believable. And when you see the facts and proof to her actions, ways, and words. It doesn’t take much to see what the end result can be. And I have more then enough reasons to be in complete fear of my life. I am also in fear because she would make me think. By how often she would say to me that if I report her to the police, or call the police when she would abuse me. That the courts would think that I am just a one sided, alienating parent. That’s out to get her in trouble with the law. And that is, and has never been the case. I would never false a report, or an arrest. And so by hearing these statements all the time from her. I have also feared that. I feel that maybe the courts do look at this type of doings. And so I became intimidated by that as well. I just guess I became more of a victim. And I wish I had the strength to over come a lot that was being done to me and my son. But I just didn’t know what to think. I didn’t get any help or support from the police. And with anyone else I had reached out to. I just can’t believe that someone could just get away with violating Orders of Protections. And not have to face up to justice. I have never acted out, or tried to retaliate against her. And I never would. But how can someone assault me, strike me, and keep hitting me with physical force. And nothing happens to her, for her acts of crime. Nothing is done for her to have to face justice, and be held accountable. Since this crime incident, my life has been on hold. And I can not seem to get any help. Especially since that police officer that took my report. Because if only the action to act upon a VOP, was done. I would not have to remain a crime victim of violent abuse and harm. And justice would have prevailed. I live for my country’s laws and rights. But the assailant does not. If the only attention that would come back to me as to offer me counseling and guided help. So I can recover from my fears and living in danger. That I wish for some form of help. I only want to be able to over come this. So I can be all I can be, as a father to and for my son. I want to get some help, and wish that this can be addressed. And rectified with justice. If this continues, or if she does not get have to face up to the crimes that she has commits, to me and my son. And with no justice or consequences for when she commits a VOP. And even after and though I report her last attack to the police, went in to make the report. And no results come out of an arrest to the perpetrator. The next time can be fatal. They are getting worse and worse. And she gains more and more confidence that she can and will get away with breaking the law. I don’t want to become a Domestic Fatality. She has a long history. And I just wish for help, and some form of police right doing. And our laws to prevail. I had sent this e mail to a few different faxes. But I did not get any correspondence. And the death treats that I’m still getting, in which I reported and saved as well. And the police dept have not checked back with about them. And the death threats are also getting worse. I just want this to be reviewed, and my voice or words to be taken seriously. My son is only 5 years old, and he really needs his daddy. To be there for him, every step of the way. Until he reaches and accomplishes many and much of his milestones and achievements. And till he reaches or has a full recovery, and he can be independent. I want to be around, to be a positive role model and image. For him to reach god willing, these times and accomplishments. But if this continues, and no actions are taken with a VOP. It is possible a next time without our laws to preserve and protect. I could end up another fatal victim. In which this should have been corrected, and rectified for an arrest. I just want to be safe, and seek some forms of treatment or therapy from this abuse and violence, that I have been left with. I will leave my e mail at this point. Because I have and still am receiving death treats by phone, and I am in fear for my safety, my child’s safety, and my mother and sisters as well. If the attacker that violated me and my son. Had been brought to justice. I would have left an alternate phone number. But I am in fear for my life.


  3. I need help. I was abused as a child to the physical extreme. I reported once to my principal, and that night my father beat me unconscience. I never told again. I am an adult who has struggled all my life with this. I have let myself be manipulated and controlled by everyone around me. I never got help because I was afraid and ashamed. I never truly cared for myself . I got involved with a woman who I thought was perfect, and thru the years watched her abuse my kids from previous marriage, abuse relitives kids, abuse kids in her daycare, abuse my mother, and abuse me. I never believed anyone who confronted me, I protected her. Last year I attempted suicide. I finally got away. What she did then is beyond reason, and now I am fighting for my life. I have to report this, but fear no one will believe me. There are two children of three with her I believe are in danger. Short and long term. Please help me help those children. I don’t know what to do. Every time I try to fill out the forms, or make a call, I get upset
    and give up. I convince myself that no one will believe me because of what she has done. I am lost, and my time is running out.

    1. Ronald,
      It sounds like you’re in a very scary situation and feeling helpless, but you do have rights. It takes a lot of courage and strength to ask for help. I’m glad that you contacted our blog and we would be glad to offer you support and as many resources as we can to help you and your children. With situations as complicated as this, it is easier if we are able to speak to you directly so we can brainstorm ideas. Please feel free to contact our 24/7 hotline at 800-799-7233 at your earliest convenience. All calls are anonymous and confidential.

      Good luck and take care,

  4. I have been accused of domestic violence by exwife for the purpose of retaining custody of my children.these reports are false reports.some of these reports have been investigated and turn out to be false.my exwife has also accused me of sexual assault which never happened. I feel that nobody listens to me.I feel ignored by every person who I talk to.I can not afford any legal advice.I went to legal aid and was told I can not get the help because they were already helping exwife.I am afraid of going around my children because I am thinkig she will keep making these reports.I also called 1800-799-7233,and just felt the lady did not believe me.I also feel my children are in danger with their mother.I filed for divorce for adultery. MY ex wife was meesiing around with another man.Since our divorce 3 years ago,exwife has already lived with 3 different men.The first man was under house arrest,and I was told my children were in danger.
    I was granted custody after the divorce.My children were taken away because of these false reports.please help.

    1. Jorge,

      I am very sorry to hear that you are not receiving the help you deserve. It is terrible that your ex-wife is manipulating the system and telling them that you are hurting her. It is possible to contact your State Coalition for domestic violence to see if they may be able to refer you to a lawyer. It must be heartbreaking to not be able to see your children, though it sounds like a good decision, for the moment, so that your ex won’t make any further false reports. If you fear that your children are in danger you can report it to Child Protective Services or talk to an advocate at http://www.childhelp.org for guidance about child abuse/neglect. Also, http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org has information concerning father’s rights.

      Our advocates at 1-800-799-7233 do the best that they can to help any caller (male or female) with support, resources, and guidance. I’m sorry that you did not feel like you were heard on our hotline. You are always welcome to call again or even call us for a local crisis number.

      Thank you for sharing your voice with our blog.



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