Welcome to the NDVH Survivors’ Blog
Every couple of weeks we will post a new blog entry by one of our many wonderful guest bloggers. We invite you to post your comments and discuss issues openly. We are committed to maintaining a positive, caring, non-judgmental environment and allowing open and honest discussions to take place. We will only step in as moderators if there are violations of our Terms of Use and Community Guidelines. Please read them both carefully. If you have any questions, feel free to contact one of our moderators.
She couldn’t do it alone
Posted: Oct 28, 2010 | Comment
This blog post was written by Christina Owens. We thank her for sharing her and her mother’s story to help other victims.
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By the time I was six, I knew the drill all too well. There would be a little bit of yelling, things would be thrown about and Dad would strike Mom. She would cry and apologize and I would hide. That was my job, when things got ugly I was to be invisible and I had gotten incredibly good at it.
A few years later, it was important for me to be visible and to cry for help because the strongest woman I know was at her weakest moment in life. She was being choked and didn’t have a voice. I was afraid for her life and got help the only way I knew how – by dialling 9-1-1. The police came. They handcuffed Dad and put him in the police car – this wasn’t the first time they had been called to our house on account of domestic violence, but it was the first time that Mom’s friends decided that it was time to get involved.
They knew some of what went on at our house. They could hear it and they knew that the police had been to our house before. But they were never willing to talk to Mom about it. Maybe they didn’t know what they would say to her or maybe they felt as if it wasn’t their “place” to say anything. But one thing is certain: Mom couldn’t escape the abuse alone. Dad owned her. Her self-esteem was at an all time low and she really believed she was good for nothing. She was afraid to leave – afraid that would put her (and me) in more danger than just enduring the pain. He paid for everything we had and was financially responsible for us. And, above all else, she truly loved him. It would have been difficult for her to make it on her own and she didn’t know the first step in getting out safely.
She was never willing to press charges and, as a result, Dad never had to sit in jail for long. Mom’s closest friends were aware of this and went to work quickly. They reminded her of what she had and helped boost her confidence. They gave her the willpower she needed to change her thinking from ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can.’ They told her that his behaviour was not okay and reminded her that she had a small child who was looking up to her as an example to life.
Mom cried. She didn’t want to continue living this way, but she didn’t know how to get out, she’d been living this way for so long that it had become the norm for her. Mom’s good friend offered to let us live at her house, at least for a while, until we could figure something else out. Her friends encouraged her to move – to get out. They promised her they’d hide our location from him.
They promised we wouldn’t be alone. (more…)
Verizon Wireless HopeLine Program Provides Support for Victims
Posted: Oct 9, 2009 | Comment
Verizon’s Nokia Shade cell phone has become available online. This is the first phone to have #HOPE pre-programmed in the contact list. Customers who dial #HOPE from the Nokia Shade or from any Verizon Wireless phone are automatically connected to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline).
Verizon Wireless has been a long time champion for Domestic Violence prevention. They run a HopeLine program year round which collects no-longer used wireless phones, batteries, and accessories and provides them to victims of domestic violence. According to The Hotline CEO Sheryl Cates, Verizon’s efforts have been a great success.
“Over the past year, the Hotline received more than 1,000 calls through #HOPE, so it’s clear that many victims are relying on wireless technology and #HOPE from Verizon Wireless as a vital safety link for them and their families,” said Sheryl Cates, CEO of the National Domestic Violence Hotline. “We are happy to see Verizon Wireless and Nokia take the next step and pre-program #HOPE into the Nokia Shade device. This quick and easy access to the Hotline and our advocates will make it even easier for victims to find the resources they need for safety and independence.”
Please click here for more information about Verizon’s efforts.
Calling All Well-Meaning Men to End Domestic Violence
Posted: Aug 27, 2008 | Comment
Campaign Updates – August 28, 2008
News
Did you hear the Boston NPR interview of the MA Governor on ending domestic violence? Did you know a group in Minnesota is making afghans for domestic violence victims? By following the Million Voices Campaign on Twitter you can hear about domestic violence in the news and read campaign announcements before anyone else.
YouTube is an amazingly addictive place to share your favorite videos. We have bookmarked our favorite PSAs. Unfortunately there are not any videos on YouTube for the Million Voices Campaign. We’re looking for a few creative souls to produce a promotional video or two for the campaign to let us share with America. So grab your camcorders and start filming to spread the word about domestic violence and the Million Voices Campaign!
Teen Link – Ask an Advocate
Hi. My brother is in a bad relationship. His girlfriend is always accusing him of cheating on her even though he’s not. He won’t tell me what’s happening most of the time, but I’m pretty sure she’s hit him before too. Can guys be abused too? And would you help him if he called you?
Yes, guys can experience abuse just like girls. Although most resources are directed towards females that are being abused by males, the same resources can be used by guys to determine if they are being abused by their partner.
Your brother can always contact us by chat or phone (1-866-331-9474). Helpline advocates are trained to talk to guys and can discuss the signs, factors, and behaviors that constitute abuse in relationships.
If you have a question for Ask An Advocate, please go to loveisrespect.
Opportunity for Action
There are a couple talented photographers amongst us, and we made them Million Voices Campaign Flickr Favorites. We’ve decided to open the opportunity to others with creative abilities. Use your talents to photograph a message about domestic violence and the Million Voices Campaign then submit to our new photo group.
A Call to Men: It’s Time to Become a Part of the Solution
by Anthony Porter A CALL TO MEN
It’s time for those of us who are “well-meaning men” to start acknowledging the role male privilege and socialization plays in sexual assault, domestic violence as well as all forms of violence against women. As well-meaning men, we must begin to acknowledge and own our responsibility to be part of the solution to ending violence against women.
What is a “well-meaning man?”
A well-meaning man is a man who believes women should be respected. A well-meaning man would not assault a woman. A well-meaning man, on the surface, at least, believes in equality for women. A well-meaning man believes in women’s rights. A well-meaning man honors the women in his life. A well-meaning man, for all practical purposes, is a nice guy, a good man.
We must remember that silence is affirming: when we choose not to speak out, we support the behavior. We must accept our responsibility that sexual and domestic violence won’t end until well-meaning men become part of the solution. While a criminal justice response to violence is necessary, cultural and socials shifts are also required. Read 10 Things Men Can Do To End Violence Against Women.
Share this newsletter with a well-meaning man in your life and ask them to join the Million Voices Campaign.
Contact Us
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE/ TTY line: 1-800-787-3224 Mailing Address: P.O. Box 161810, Austin, TX 78716 Web site: www.ndvh.org e-Newsletter editor: Kelly Wagner, kwagner@ndvh.org
Email Subscriptions: The National Domestic Violence Hotline sends a Vital Link e-newsletter every two months and sends Million Voices Campaign e-news twice a month. You may decide to receive all our emails, no emails at all, or only certain emails that interest you. If you would like to change your email subscription options, please email kwagner@ndvh.org.
Million Voices Campaign e-Newsletter – August 7, 2008
Posted: Aug 7, 2008 | Comment
Upcoming Events
NDVH Events:
Oct 28 – Vital Link Awards, NYC
Member Sponsored:
Jul 30 – Baton Rouge, LA
News
Same great newsletter – only better! We have been busy this summer improving the campaign based on your feedback. We’ve added web and newsletter features based upon the needs you have shared with us:
When GFWC of Baton Rouge emailed us a flyer in response to our last Opportunity for Action, we created the Tell Me When & Where, a listing of member-organized events.
We are also offering members who are coordinating events to request for volunteers.
We have taken one of your favorite sections of the newsletter and turned it into a web feature called Great Actions & Good Ideas. In addition to recognizing great actions of your fellow campaign members, it will also highlight other good ideas.
Teen Link
40% of tweens age 11-12 say friends have been a victim of verbal abuse according to a recent study by loveisrespect and Liz Claiborne. Check out the CBS Early Show coverage. For more information, view the loveisrespect teen & tween dating abuse study summary.
Liz Claiborne, the founding sponsor of the Teen Helpline, has made a loveisrespect t-shirt available on their website. They’re the same t-shirts our staff and peer advocates wear when they’re out representing the Helpline. Plus, a percentage of each sale benefits loveisrespect, so check it out!
Prepping for DVAM – Opportunity for Action
The end of summer is near, and the Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) of October is right around the corner. Across the country, groups will be holding events to bring public attention to the pervasiveness of domestic violence.
If you would like to organize an event in your community, please look at these great DVAM event ideas! We will continue to update the DVAM resources on the website as they become available.
Please keep an eye out for additional materials and information! If you already have an event planned please let us know by sending a flyer to kwagner@ndvh.org. We will put it in the newsletter and post it on the website. Don’t forget to request help from additional campaign members through the volunteer request form.
Reflections on the Campaign
In the last newsletter we posed a question to you about the role of media in reshaping the discussion on domestic violence. We received overwhelming positive feedback, but we also received an intriguing question posed by several members: How can we hold the media accountable when there are so many others that are dropping the ball? The members provided different examples based on their own experiences and it proved an excellent point. The media is not our only concern. The whole system needs changing and you are the answer!
Demanding an end to domestic violence is about change – change in perception and a change in the system. But change will not occur if society remains silent. We need to challenge ourselves and others to take action and respond appropriately to domestic violence. Your voice matters, and your actions make a statement. When you merged your pledge with others across the nation, you began the seed of change. Your whisper became the song of many. An end to domestic violence is about changing the status quo, and you are the catalyst.
Read previous newsletters in the E-newsletter Archives.
Contact Us
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE/ TTY line: 1-800-787-3224 Mailing Address: P.O. Box 161810, Austin, TX 78716 Web site: www.ndvh.org e-Newsletter editor: Kelly Wagner, kwagner@ndvh.org
Email Subscriptions: The National Domestic Violence Hotline sends a Vital Link e-newsletter every two months and sends Million Voices Campaign e-news twice a month. You may decide to receive all our emails, no emails at all, or only certain emails that interest you. If you would like to change your email subscription options, please email kwagner@ndvh.org.
July 2008 Vital Link E-Newsletter
Posted: Jul 31, 2008 | Comment
News Briefs
Hotline News:
We are pleased to announce Rose Kirk has been named President of the National Advisory Board. She is currently Vice President of Corporate Employee Communications at Verizon Wireless. Prior to her work with at Verizon, Kirk has led marketing programs both for private firms and large corporations such as SBC. She holds a B.S. degree in Journalism from Arkansas State University and is completing a Masters Degree in International Affairs from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. Dede Bartlett is the Board’s past president, having served since its inception in 2004.
Teen Helpline News:
In June, actress Camille Winbush (The Secret Life of the American Teenager) joined Helpline director Candice Hopkins and staff in several dating abuse prevention presentations to Los Angeles area high school students. The assemblies were part of an effort to help spread awareness and prevention of dating abuse to California teens. More calls and online chats come in to the Helpline from California than any other state.
Million Voices Campaign Update:
The Million Voices Campaign is taking strides to increase our web presence. We are examining online social networks to determine which ones best suit our needs. Right now, you can find regular campaign updates in our bi-weekly e-newsletters and on Twitter. To connect with members around the country, check out our forum, In Your Words, where members respond to monthly topics related to domestic violence.
Vital Link Awards
Online Registration Now Open
The 5th annual Vital Link Awards ceremony is the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s premiere annual event. Each year, celebrities and prominent citizens, survivors, volunteers and staff, gather to recognize individuals and corporations who have dedicated significant time and resources in the fight against family violence. This year, the Hotline is pleased to announce the following honorees:
- Vital Link Award- Verizon Wireless Foundation
- Inaugural National Volunteerism Award- General Federation
of Women’s Clubs (GFWC) - Media for Change Award- Seventeen Magazine and MySpace
In addition to receiving the Hotline’s highest honor, Verizon Wireless is showing their support in the fight against domestic violence, along with and FedEx and the CTIA Wireless Foundation , by sponsoring the awards ceremony. Get details and register to attend the Vital Link Awards online.
Domestic Violence in the Headlines
A quick look at recent media coverage of DV-related news
- CBS news: Horrors found in tween, teen dating
- New York expanding law to protect more victims
- Woman shot and killed outside her workplace
- Five members of West Texas polygamist sect surrender
Subscribe to our newsletter:
The Hotline sends a Vital Link e-newsletter every two months and sends Million Voices Campaign e-news twice a month. If you would like to receive the news from the Hotline, please email amckendree@ndvh.org.
Million Voices Campaign e-Newsletter – July 3, 2008
Posted: Jul 3, 2008 | Comment
As we celebrate the 4th of July, take a moment to think about the meaning of freedom and our rights as people. It is a basic human right to live free from fear, especially of one’s own partner. Everyone has the right to live in a home where they feel safe.
What can we do as Million Voices Campaign members to guarantee everyone enjoys this basic right for all? We can take a stand. We are uniting with a common voice to say: “Domestic violence is no longer tolerated in America.”
News
Member Count:12,700 members strong! Our goal is to reach 20,000 members in July. If each current member recruits just one more person, we can definitely make it!
GFWC Conference:
Representatives of the Million Voices Campaign recently attended the international conference for General Federation of Women’s Clubs in Chicago. Approximately 1,200 people attended. It was inspiring to see such a dedicated group of people working diligently to end domestic violence.
Vital Link Awards: Tickets for the 5th annual Vital Link awards ceremony are now on sale. Visit www.ndvh.org/vitallink for ticket prices and event details.
Teen Link
Bill of Rights may remind you of history class, but stifle that yawn because it’s important for you to know that as teens you have the right:
- To always be treated with respect
- To not be hurt physically or emotionally
- To refuse sex or affection at any time
- To have friends and activities apart from your boyfriend of girlfriend.
Great Actions & Good Ideas
What have you been doing in your homes and communities on behalf of the Million Voices Campaign? Send your pictures and stories to kwagner@ndvh.org and you might be featured in an upcoming newsletter!
Opportunity for Action
When you are at holiday festivities this coming weekend, please tell two other people about the amazing campaign you joined to help end Domestic Violence in America. Even better, find a way to incorporate purple (the color for domestic violence prevention) into your decorations or food. Let everyone know that freedom from violence should be part of this Independence Day weekend.
Policy matters
The word “VAWA” is often used in the domestic violence movement.The Violence Against Women Act is a landmark piece of legislation that sought to improve criminal justice and community-based responses to domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking in the United States. The passage of VAWA in 1994 and its reauthorization in 2005 has changed the landscape for victims who once suffered in silence.
The U.S. House recently proposed an international version of VAWA, H.R. 5927, which will support domestic violence programs in other countries.
Contact Us:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE/ TTY line: 1-800-787-3224
Mailing Address: P.O. Box 161810, Austin, TX 78716
e-Newsletter editor: Kelly Wagner, kwagner@ndvh.org
Subscribing: The Hotline sends a Vital Link e-newsletter every two months and sends Million Voices e-news twice a month. If you would like to subscribe to receive these email updates in your inbox, please contact kwagner@ndvh.org.
Million Voices Campaign E-Newsletter- June 19, 2008
Posted: Jun 19, 2008 | Comment
Campaign Updates
A CALL TO MEN, a men?s domestic violence prevention organization, has recently partnered with the National Domestic Violence Hotline for the Million Voices Campaign to End Domestic Violence in America. They will be listing us in their publication and on their website to encourage men to be a part of this exciting grassroots campaign.
Representatives from the Million Voices Campaign and the National Domestic Violence Hotline will be appearing at the upcoming International convention of the General Federation of Women?s Clubs in Chicago starting June 27th. Be sure to stop by our booth in the exhibitor area!
Member Count: 12,000! Thank you to those who forwarded our first newsletter. We received a number of new registrations by the next morning!
Teen Link
Seventeen percent of teens say their partner has made them afraid not to respond to a cell phone call, email, IM or text message because of what he/she might do (Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU) for Liz Claiborne Inc., January, 2007). Teen dating abuse is more than just physical violence. It is also the use of threats and control.
Let your friends know that causing fear is not love by adding loveisrespect.org to your MySpace friends list. View our MySpace profile.
Opportunity for Action
Thank you to everyone who submitted posts for the Share Your Voice action item! There are many stories of hope and strength that remind us why we are a part of this important campaign. For those who haven?t made it to that area yet, check it out here!
Ready for Action: Are you a member of an online forum, blog, or journal? One of the best ways to spread the word about domestic violence prevention is to speak to people that are already listening to you. Take a moment to let your online friends know that domestic violence is an intolerable act and that you have chosen to join the Million Voices Campaign to End Domestic Violence in America. Don?t forget to include the campaign web address http://www.ndvh.org/million
Volunteer Recognition
The Follansbee 20th Century Club in Follansbee, WV, is very active in their community when it comes to domestic violence. They use their monthly meetings to generate supplies for the local shelter. The Club President submitted the photo of this billboard they sponsored advertising the National Domestic Violence Hotline number! Way to go!
Prevention Matters
As a member of the Million Voices Campaign to End Domestic Violence, you are a part of the new vision in preventing domestic violence. The campaign is a grassroots effort inspired by the 2006 Decade for Change Summit.
In 2006, leaders from across the United States met to discuss bold new approaches to reduce domestic violence in America by 2017. A few of the guiding principles they set for prevention efforts include:
- Encouraging greater confidence that domestic violence can be replaced with mutual respect.
- Recognizing that the causes and solutions to domestic violence are complex.
- Reaching out to be all inclusive and culturally sensitive in all our ideas and actions.
- Recommending community-level participation that will open the door to new ideas and unique strategies.
We hope these values motivate and guide you as a campaign member for the Million Voices Campaign to End Domestic Violence in America. Read the final report for the Decade for Change Summit.
Read previous newsletters in the E-newsletter Archives.
National Campaign Sponsors
Contact Us
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE/ TTY line: 1-800-787-3224
Mailing Address: P.O. Box 161810, Austin, TX 78716
Web site: www.ndvh.org
e-Newsletter editor: Kelly Wagner, kwagner@ndvh.org
Email Subscriptions: The National Domestic Violence Hotline sends a Vital Link e-newsletter every two months and sends Million Voices Campaign e-news twice a month. You may decide to receive all our emails, no emails at all, or only certain emails that interest you. If you would like to change your email subscription options, please email kwagner@ndvh.org.