Welcome to the NDVH Survivors’ Blog

Every couple of weeks we will post a new blog entry by one of our many wonderful guest bloggers. We invite you to post your comments and discuss issues openly. We are committed to maintaining a positive, caring, non-judgmental environment and allowing open and honest discussions to take place. We will only step in as moderators if there are violations of our Terms of Use and Community Guidelines. Please read them both carefully. If you have any questions, feel free to contact one of our moderators.

Men Put on Heels for Domestic Violence

Posted: Aug 8, 2010 | Comment

The following blog entry was written by Amanda Dyson.

Men Put on Heels for Domestic Violence

Many of us looked forward to July 4th for the long, fun filled weekend that it promised. Others had domestic violence on their minds.

It has been reported that in July in Tulsa, Oklahoma that domestic violence calls and requests for emergency protective orders are in higher demand after long weekends, especially the Tuesday after July 4th weekend. Part of the reason for the holiday surge may be increased drug or alcohol use and gathering together for festivities. 

In Louisiana, men took a different holiday weekend approach for the Lake Charles 4th of July parade. 120 men, along with women’s shelter employees, put on their high heels to march against domestic violence with shouts of “Man up! Hands down! Stop domestic violence!” The group aims to have more men speak up for the issue and aren’t the only ones using footwear to make a statement.
Recently, men signed up to walk a mile in heels during Riverfest in LaCrosse, Wisconsin. The event raised money for the YWCA and the Carilee Fund and served to bring awareness to sexual assault and domestic violence in the community.

Men are sending an important message by showing their support to end domestic violence.  For some, July 4th weekend turned out to be an interesting weekend to promote awareness and walk in someone else’s shoes. 

References:
Domestic Violence Increase During Holidays
http://www.ktul.com/news/stories/0710/752549.html
Men March Against Violence
http://www.wxvt.com/Global/story.asp?S=12756068
Hundreds of Men Walking in Heels to March Against Domestic Violence
http://www.weau.com/news/headlines/97408309.html

Promoting Active GPS Technology to Protect Victims of Domestic Violence

Posted: Jul 6, 2010 | Comment

The following blog entry was written by Amanda Dyson.

Promoting Active GPS Technology to Protect Victims of Domestic Violence

Laws for sex offenders to wear global positioning system (GPS) devices vary by state. Some states, such as Missouri, Florida, Oklahoma, and Ohio, require certain sex offenders to wear GPS bands for life. Currently, it is not mandatory for abusers in domestic violence cases to wear a GPS tracking device; people are speaking up about this issue.

In March, Assemblyman Felix Ortiz spoke out for legislation he calls the Erika Bill, which would require any individual with an order of protection issued due to domestic violence to wear an ankle GPS monitoring device. The bill is named after Erika Delia, who was murdered by an ex-boyfriend while a restraining order was in effect.  Ortiz made the point that “every 15 seconds an instance of domestic violence occurs.”

Active GPS technology is the safest option for all victims of abuse. Passive GPS tracking devices seem insufficient when compared to newly available active GPS devices that alert domestic abuse victims by call or text if an abuser is in close range. 

This May, a sex offender in Northern California, Leonard Scroggins, removed his passive GPS tracking device. Though this technology is used with other crime prevention strategies, Scroggins was still able to make it to San Diego, where he attacked four women within two days. If he were wearing an active GPS that immediately alerted authorities when cut off, time could have been saved and lives protected.

Passive GPS tracking bands require an individual to physically observe a wearer’s activity at intervals while active GPS bands are able to send instant alerts via cell phones if a wearer violates area guidelines. Active GPS technology costs around $10-$15 a day. The small devices combine GPS and cellular technologies and do not require proximity to a separate stationary transmission box as other available monitoring systems do. These new devices may also help domestic violence victims to feel more secure that their abuser will not be able to get close without warning. Though some GPS companies advertise active GPS technology and may provide 24 hour monitoring, not all devices are said to provide cell phone alerts.

Active GPS technology has become available for local authorities to implement in cases. Recently, GPS Monitoring Solutions demonstrated its active GPS product in California for court employees, lawyers and victims of domestic violence. Their technology concentrates on victim notification and provides real-time location tracking with the TrackerPal.

A Texas based company, Satellite Tracking of People LLC, provides a BlueTag Active band that transmits data at least once every ten minutes. Attorney General and Minister of Justice Kim Wilson wore an ankle bracelet for one week to test the device and feels that it could serve as an incentive for rehabilitation for offenders and cut down on prison populations in Bermuda.

As GPS devices continue to improve and individuals help to speak out on behalf of domestic violence, technology can be used as a safer and more reliable option to protect victims of abuse.

Last year, Cherry Simpson wrote for the Survivor’s Blog on how GPS tracking kept her daughter safe in an abusive relationship. Read her story here. This is only one example of how GPS technology has helped in a domestic violence situation, surely there are many more. Victims of domestic violence can seek an order of protection, but a piece of paper is not always enough. Active GPS devices should still be used in combination with other safety measures and victims should remain alert to the reality that the technology is not foolproof.

 Sources:

http://www.review-news.com/main.asp?SectionID=60&SubSectionID=126&ArticleID=6149

http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/2010/may/30/a-broken-system/

http://www.sbsun.com/news/ci_15200626#ixzz0pdIEoCqY

http://www.theepochtimes.com/n2/content/view/30611/

http://www.gpsmonitoring.com/family-courts.html

http://www.royalgazette.com/rg/Article/article.jsp?articleId=7da313b30030000&sectionId=60

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,164288,00.html

http://www.ndvh.org/2009/05/gps-tracking/

Call for Submissions – Previous Callers to The Hotline

Posted: Jun 17, 2010 | Comment

As we near our 15th year anniversary, we are taking the time to reflect on the many survivors whose lives have been turned around thanks to our caring advocates and their expert advice and counsel. So many brave victims were able to take the first step toward safety and freedom by picking up the phone and speaking with one of our advocates. We would like to invite previous callers to The Hotline to share their experiences. We would love to hear how reaching out for help affected your life and what changes you were able to make with the help of our advocates.

All feedback is completely anonymous but those comfortable with sharing their story of triumph with other survivors, are welcome to include contact information so that we may publish your work. We want to share your story with others so that those who still suffer at the hands of their abusers can feel inspired to escape their own situation and receive the help they so desperately need.

Save a Pet, Save a Life

Posted: May 26, 2010 | Comment

The following blog entry was written by Amanda Dyson.

Save a Pet, Save a Life

In the 1970s, the FBI found that a majority of serial killers tortured or killed animals as a child. Since then, surveys have revealed that 85 percent of women at shelters studied talked about pets being abused by their batterer. It is no secret that animal abuse is a reliable indicator of domestic violence. For this reason, awareness of how to report pet abuse is imperative.

Because the correlation between domestic violence and animal abuse is increasingly recognized by a wide number of individuals and organizations, cross reporting of violence by law enforcement officials, veterinarians, teachers, social workers, and other related professionals is high. Steps taken to report the abuse of an animal can be an effective tool for preventing or stopping domestic violence. In fact, most US states have laws in place that allow for animal abuse to be punishable as a felony. Although animal rights laws cover more issues than harm to companion pets, effective prosecution “can provide an early and timely response to those who are, or who are at risk of becoming, a threat to the safety of others.”

Pets are sometimes used as a form of control over victims, often women and children, to create fear and forced submission. Concern for a pet’s welfare has been shown to keep women from leaving an abusive relationship. For children, 90 percent report witnessing abusive behavior toward pets and becoming upset by the act; “50 percent of these children said they had protected pets, in some cases by directly intervening to keep pets from being harmed.”  In some instances, children learn this behavior and harm animals in an act of anger. It should be noted that cruelty toward animals by children is not a part of a normal stage in a child’s development and should be addressed immediately.

If you witness or know that an animal is being abused, please follow recommendations by the Humane Society: “If you witness animal abuse or neglect, please contact your local humane society, animal shelter, or animal control agency immediately. In most areas, those agencies have the jurisdiction and capability to investigate and resolve these situations. They rely on concerned citizens to be their eyes and ears in the community and to report animal suffering. If you are not sure where to call or if there is no animal welfare agency of that sort in your community, call your local police department or sheriff’s office.” The Humane Society keeps a directory of safe havens for animals at hsus.org. American Humane also provides a list of domestic violence shelters that allow pets at americanhumane.org. If there is no listing for your area, call a local shelter and ask about temporary assistance for pets in domestic violence situations.

If you are concerned about the safety of pets in your home, be prepared with extra provisions for them, emergency veterinary phone numbers, and copies of medical records. Establish ownership of your pet by changing all kept records to your name and choose an emergency shelter that is unknown to the abuser. If you have left an abusive situation with your pet, change veterinarians and avoid leaving animals outside alone.

Any choice to abuse an animal is a sign of a larger problem and is never okay. Preventing family violence can begin with documenting visits to the veterinarian or reporting known pet abuse. If services for pets affected by family violence are not advertised, ask. Reporting violence on all living creatures is required to help end the cycle.

Resources featured in blog entry:

Frequently Asked Questions about Animal Cruelty
Pets as Pawns in Domestic Violence
State Animal Cruelty Chart
The Connection Between Domestic Violence and Animal Cruelty
Children and Animal Cruelty: What Parents Should Know
Common Questions about Animal Shelters
Domestic Violence/Companion Animals

Book Review: Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women

Posted: Apr 29, 2010 | Comment

The following blog entry is written by Conrad Williams, Advocate for the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

Book Review: Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women

As a Domestic Violence Advocate, I am always searching for new material to help our callers. While browsing though Barnes and Noble one Saturday, I noticed a book I had never seen before called “Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence”, written by Edward S. Kubany, PH.D., and published by New Harbinger ($21.95). While most books focus on red flag warnings and getting out, this book focuses on staying out and moving on with your life.

This book is a very thorough manual for moving forward. Every issue is covered and broken down on a subatomic level to set up a good foundation for understanding: PTSD, Guilt, Anger, Grief and Loss (tangible/symbolic). Every chapter has some kind of exercise to gauge your current status and also your progress. Each chapter builds on the previous one in an orderly fashion like steps in a staircase.

There is so much information in the book that I fear talking about it will give away too much. I can say however that there are a couple of chapters on understanding and letting go of guilt. There are also chapters on handling current and future interactions with former partners, going back, learned powerlessness, overcoming fear, and identifying potential perpetrators.

As an advocate I’ve already recommended this book to survivors that are trying to move forward. When I mention the title to the callers who are trying to deal with moving forward, I can literally hear a sigh of relief. The title alone is a form of validation and a catalyst for taking the next step. I also recommend this book for advocates to help understand their clients and enhance their advocacy.

I also had a chance to interview the main author of the book, Edward S. Kubany, PH.D. Mr. Kubany has an extensive amount of experience working with a variety of trauma survivors: Combat Veterans, Natural Disasters, and Battered Women. His inspiration to work with battered women started with a woman that he met while teaching a class on PTSD. This particular woman worked with battered women and referred some of her clients to him.

He was approached by New Harbinger to write a book due to an article written about his form of therapy. Co Author Mari A. McCaig, MSCP is a friend and peer that has a strong background working with crime victims, and Janet R. Laconsay, MA was a Practicum Student at the time of the project.

Partner Abuse and Unintended Pregnancy: Making the Connections

Posted: Apr 1, 2010 | Comment

The following blog entry is written by Margaret Conway:

Partner Abuse and Unintended Pregnancy: Making the Connections

A new study sheds light on a little-recognized form of abuse in which men use coercion and birth control sabotage to cause their partners to become pregnant against their wills.

“Pregnancy Coercion, Intimate Partner Violence and Unintended Pregnancy,” published in the January issue of Contraception, is the first quantitative examination of the relationship between intimate partner violence, coercion and unintended pregnancy. It finds that young women and teens often face “reproductive coercion,” or efforts by male partners to sabotage their birth control or coerce or pressure them to become pregnant. These behaviors may include damaging condoms and destroying contraceptives.

The study of women ages16-29 years of age who sought health care at reproductive health clinics was conducted by researchers at the University of California Davis School of Medicine and the Harvard School of Public Health, in collaboration with the FVPF and Planned Parenthood Shasta Diablo.  It also finds that among women who experienced both reproductive coercion and partner violence, the risk of unintended pregnancy doubled.  The prevalence of reproductive coercion is notable:

• Approximately one in five young women said they experienced pregnancy coercion;
• 15% said they experienced birth control sabotage; 
• 53%  had experienced physical or sexual violence from an intimate partner; 
• 35% of the women who reported partner violence also reported either pregnancy coercion or birth control sabotage.

Reproductive coercion takes many forms, but frequently involves a male partner’s direct interference with a woman’s use of contraception, called “birth control sabotage.” It may include removing condoms during sex to get a woman pregnant, intentionally breaking condoms, and preventing her from taking birth control pills. In addition, a male partner may threaten, coerce a woman to get pregnant (‘pregnancy coercion’), such as telling her not to use contraception and threatening to leave her if she doesn’t get pregnant.

The Family Violence Prevention Fund has an initiative called kNOwMORE to create a dialogue about birth control sabotage and reproductive coercion, which can result in unintended pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted infections, miscarriage, infertility, coerced abortion, poor birth outcomes including preterm birth and low birth-weight babies, and other serious health problems. The website features the stories of women who share their experiences with birth control sabotage and reproductive coercion.

“Janey” tells how her boyfriend forced her to have sex: “Every time I would confront him about his lies and unfaithfulness, he would force himself on me sexually. He always refused to wear a condom and would act offended when I suggested he use one.”  “Carollee” noticed that whole rows of pills would disappear. When Carollee called her boyfriend on the disappearing birth control, he responded that he “knew” she wanted to have his child.  “Sandi’s” boyfriend Chris pretended that his condoms had slipped or broken, when in fact he would purposely remove them.

Those of us who work to stop dating, domestic and sexual violence have long known that many victims face threats, verbal demands and physical violence designed to interfere with their efforts to use birth control. It is a big part of the reason that women in abusive relationships are at a higher risk for unintended pregnancy. This very important study underscores the link between violence and abuse and unintended pregnancy – and the need for providers at reproductive clinics to screen female patients for violence, as well as for pregnancy coercion and birth control sabotage. If we are serious about reducing unintended pregnancy in this country, we have to do more to stop violence and abuse, and help victims.

The kNOwMORE project also works to promote policies and other efforts to increase awareness about reproductive coercion among both men and women, among providers of reproductive health services, and among advocates working to end intimate partner violence, including:

• Increasing awareness among women and men, who may perceive reproductive coercion and physical violence in a relationship as different issues, and may need support and information to connect the dots between this range of behaviors and their reproductive health needs;
• Educating family planning practitioners about effective ways to identify reproductive coercion and provide interventions;
• Encouraging comprehensive sexuality education and pregnancy prevention programs to integrate information about reproductive coercion and healthy relationships.

Have you experienced reproductive coercion?  If you would like to learn more, or are willing to share your own story, please visit us at www.knowmoresaymore.org or email info@knowmoresaymore.org.  Together we can help increase awareness and decrease the incidence of reproductive coercion and its negative health outcomes.

By Margaret Conway

Domestic Violence and Immigration

Posted: Mar 11, 2010 | Comment

The following blog entry is written by Lyn Twyman. She is a survivor and creator of the www.couragenetwork.com. Couragenetwork.com is a community for domestic violence advocates and organizations with a world-wide goal in mind to draw organizations, advocates and individuals together.

Domestic Violence and Immigration
 
I was 5 years old when I heard one of my parents frequent arguments end with a loud smacking sound.  I had just walked in the front door after the school bus had dropped me off in front of my house from a day at kindergarten to the loud yelling and arguing of my parents, unfortunately something I had grown accustomed to.  If you can imagine my father was well over 6 feet with a loud bellowing voice, my mother just under 5 feet.  With frustration and anger my father struck my mother, leaving a bright red hand mark on the left side of her fair, Asian face.  This was the first time I saw the expression of resentment and hate in my mother’s face for everything that led to that point.  That act of violence shattered the facade that my parents had built up to try to hide the truth from me, that their marriage was a sham and in no way functional.  There were deeply rooted problems within their relationship and after that moment my eyes were wide open to them.  Later I would realize there were great amounts of psychological and emotional abuse in my parent’s relationship that would be directed solely towards me.
 
My father was an American born in the south, a victim of abuse and neglect by an alcoholic father who was void of most emotion, except anger and depression spurred by the bottle.  My mother, the eldest of her siblings, grew up in third-world poverty with an extremely controlling mother.  In 1977, my mother started receiving pen pal letters from my father.  She became enamored with the idea of a man she had never met before, a man who promised to take care of her and give her a better life, more than what she could have ever imagined.  About a year later when my mother was 23, she immigrated to the United States.
 
The man who wrote such beautiful words on paper was not reflective of the man my mother met when she came to the U.S. and in less than a month, the fairy tale was over. The stark realities of the deception, lack of respect and obsession over my mother’s every movement was too much to endure. My mother however, was fearful to leave my father with the domestic violence taking place.  My father, a man ridden with personality disorders, would admit years later that his choice to marry my mother was due to the amount of “submissiveness” women like her had for their husbands and the ability to “teach” them and make them become what he wanted.
 
Unfortunately the story of my parents is not unique. It bares many similarities to the stories of many immigrants who find themselves in relationships where domestic violence is present.  One thing that remains consistent however, as with many instances of domestic violence,  is there is one person that seeks to have control over the other who is thought to be weaker.
 
Women and men have shared with me their personal experiences, and those of other immigrants who were involved in domestic violence relationships that they knew.  I began hearing similarities in the stories:
 
• Victims had little interaction with people other than their partner or lived in complete isolation.
• Victims were eventually embarrassed by their partner regarding their own language and culture.
• Communication decreased over time with their families in their homeland.
• Finances were controlled by the abusive partner.
• The partner threatened to have them deported or have their children taken away from them if they showed signs of fighting back or escaping.
 
So many of these stories also began sounding familiar as I realized my mother had faced the same problems with my own father.
 
Help for Immigrants
 
Immigrants who are dealing with domestic violence face many challenges unlike those around them because of language and culture barriers.  Whether waiting for citizenship or seeking refugee status, immigrant victims of domestic violence do have rights and can get help to protect themselves from abuse.  There are organizations like American Immigration Lawyers Association, The National Immigration Project, The Tahirih Justice Center,  WomensLaw.org and specialty organizations like The Asian Pacific American Legal Resource Center,  that help with direct services or referrals at little or no cost.   It is important that immigrant victims get trained advocates to support and assist them in the proper steps to make themselves and their children safer, whether the abuse is physical or not.  Another good online resource is the following link:  http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/immigration.shtml that talks more in depth about the issue and addresses aspects of the immigration process.  Also the spouses and children of U.S. citizens can self-petition to obtain lawful permanent residency under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA).  VAWA also allows certain battered immigrants  to seek safety and independence from the abuser by filing for immigration relief without the abuser’s assistance or knowledge .  
 
Domestic violence is wrong, period.  A person’s nationality does not exclude them from the physical and emotional pain that is inflicted from domestic violence.  The best thing we can do as advocates is to remember the warning signs of abuse, stay informed about the issue,  spread awareness and encourage our Federal immigration system to strengthen laws and distribute violence and abuse awareness materials, making them available in multiple languages to each person that comes to their offices and websites. 
 
I am encouraged about the amount of work that has been done with this issue compared to my mother’s time as an immigrant but there is still much work to be done in raising awareness about the problem.  If you see someone who displays signs of being a victim, offer them in confidence the resources they can go to for help.  You will be surprised how far a bit of information and slice of humanity can go to help save a life and lead someone to new found freedom, hope and truly a much better life.

By Lyn Twyman