My Story: Kimberly Claborn

hotline-hope-4My mother was in an abusive relationship with my father since before I was born. They met when she was 18, and even then he had a tight hold on her. When I was a child, my grandparents gained custody of me because of my father’s abusive and controlling behavior. A few years later, my mother gave birth to twin girls, and my father’s desire for control intensified. He worked to isolate my mother and my younger sisters from the rest of my mother’s family. He controlled where they went and who they could see, as well as all of their finances. After he lost his job, the financial abuse got worse. He took my mother’s paychecks so that she had no money for herself, my sisters or even basic necessities.

Growing up, I never knew what a holiday was like with my mom and sisters. My father ultimately got the final say in where they spent holidays and who could be there. My mother would often work on holidays to earn overtime pay, which my father would then take from her. This went on for years, and in my early 20s I decided that I had to help my mother and sisters get away from my father.  

I started researching resources for women living with domestic violence. I came across the National Domestic Violence Hotline late one night and saw they were a 24-hour hotline. I gave them a call, and that was where I found my saving grace. I didn’t know who else to turn to, but knowing I could call experts who could help me handle my situation, understand my frustrations and let me vent meant so much to me. I would even say the advocate, who I talked to on a nightly basis, became one of my best friends. She listened to me for hours and truly became a friend, someone I could trust.

After a long struggle, and several calls to The Hotline, my mother and sisters are finally free. To be able to call my mother whenever I want, see her whenever I want and have her and my sisters spend holidays with me is an indescribable feeling!

I now donate to The Hotline’s Giving Campaign every December. I feel it’s my duty and my way of saying thank you for what this organization has done for me and so many others who reach out to them for help. The Hotline truly helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel, even when you feel you are crumbling. I can’t explain the love I have for this organization!

Because of my family’s experiences, I have become incredibly passionate about raising awareness about domestic violence and organizations like The Hotline. It’s so important to understand this issue and what so many people are going through. I hope that with my story, I can reach victims and their friends and families worldwide and let them know that it is NEVER too late to escape a life of abuse and control.

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5 replies
  1. June says:

    [Admin. note: This comment has been edited for safety per our community guidelines]

    It has taken me 70 years to get to this information. In the 1990, through therapy, I was to determine to identify my mother as a narcissist. That information did not keep me from marrying another one. 25 years later he filed for divorce, recent. After much research, I have learned this is the procedure they use. Suck everything out of you and discard you. The part I played in the divorce was because I used the “no” word and refused to meet his demands.

    About 2 months before the divorce was final, I found out that he was in a narcissist men’s group. The PHD was feeding into the narcissist behavior and he was believing it all.

    We had been in therapy for many years, including marriage counseling yet no was able to diagnose the narcissist behavior and the gaslighting. He would never use the gaslighting technique in counseling.

    Why are we not educating the professionals that there is a ramped amount of violent domestic abuse, especially verbal, going on in our society?

    Thankfully for my daughter and son-in-law, they physically rescued me from that life, that I am still alive today. Suicide was the only escape I could think about. When I got here and was looking for the mental health professional, that I was used to, there was very little help, except to have the police sent me to the ER. PS: Before the divorce, he had me picked up at gun point, so he could save my life.

    I would like to help other people that is going through this type of abuse but I have not been able to find this type of advocacy.

    Thanks for listening.

    • HotlineAdmin_BR says:

      Hello June,

      Thank you for sharing your story here. It sounds like you have been through so much, and you did not deserve to be treated that way by your ex husband. You deserve respect and to live a life free from abuse. We would be happy to speak with you should you want additional support, and we may be able to find resources in your area if you’d like to help others who are experiencing abuse. Please give us a call any time at 1-800-799-7233 or chat live here on our website from 7 a.m. to 2 a.m. Central time.

  2. George says:

    I am a 54 year old white male. I am a aggrieved non physical domestic violence mental and verbal abuse victim. Many years of abuse from 2 people. 1 is my mother and other is the man. They both use each other as a shield. They have never been charged with any crime. I am guilty of not reporting them earlier. My mother is not the angel as she claims. She is far from it. I suffer with this psychological and emotional abuse on a weekly basis. I want to tell someone of this because they are up in age. I can’t confront them because they will evade me and avoid me. They live 6 miles from me. They evade family members. Civilly they should be held for monetary. Crime wise I believe the statute is pass. They look down on people as peons. He is a world war 2 vet and he thinks he is above everyone. They both think that the world owes them something. He is the mastermind behind everything. She sides with him. You will never see them together in public only far from where they live. Many years ago, the —- police would never do a fully investigation on these 2. They both get pensions. They should be held accountable. I have sent 3 short notes to my county prosecutors office. Ty.

    • HotlineAdmin_JL says:

      This post has been removed because it was not in line with our community guidelines. Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community.

    • HotlineAdmin_JL says:

      Hi George,

      I’m sorry to hear your situation is so complex and stressful. That all seems very frustrating for you. It sounds like you’ve taken some really great steps in seeking help for the emotional abuse you have experienced from your mother and the other man you mention here. You never deserve to experience abuse. It also sounds like there’s a lot going on for you and you may be seeking some additional resources, and if you’d like to talk about this situation further with an advocate I encourage you to do so! We are available 24/7 by phone at 1-800-799-7233 or by chat from 7am-2am through our website.

      Take care,
      Advocate JL


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