what can the hotline help you with

What Can The Hotline Help You With?

Dialing 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) will connect you with an advocate to speak with confidentially at any time, 24/7, 365 days a year.

The Hotline offers help to callers at any stage. Whether you’ve called before or maybe feel nervous about reaching out, it’s helpful to know what we can speak with you about and how we can assist you. We speak to everyone from people who are just slightly questioning something that might be going on with a partner, to others who need immediate assistance in an abusive situation. We also speak with survivors of abuse looking for support.

The Hotline can additionally provide help to those who aren’t personally experiencing abuse, but know someone who is, like a friend, family member, co-worker or community member. We can discuss what’s going on and provide you with resources and next steps.

Here is what else The Hotline offers:

  • Direct Connect: We can immediately put you in contact with sources of help right in your own community (We have access to over 5,000 shelters/service providers across the US). We’ll connect you with places that often can help with protective orders, counseling, support groups, legal help, and more.
  • Advocacy: In certain situations, we can advocate for a caller (ex. To get into a specific shelter program).
  • Education: We’ll provide you with info about everything from the dynamics of an abusive relationship, red flags and warning signs to look for, healthy and unhealthy characteristics of a relationship, and more.
  • Language line: We have both English and Spanish speaking staff, and access to interpretation services for over 170 different languages
  • Complete anonymity and confidentiality
  • Safety planning: We’ll talk with you about creating a “safety plan” for what to do if you find yourself in a difficult situation, or help with emotional safety planning (for instance, after ending an abusive relationship).
  • TTY line for the Deaf, Deaf Blind and Hard of Hearing: We’ve partnered with the Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Services (ADWAS) to ensure Deaf Advocates are available to callers. These advocates are available Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. (PST) by videophone (855-812-1001), instant messenger (DeafHotline) or email.

A call can be as short or as long as you would like it to be. Over 60% of our callers report this is their first call for help – if you haven’t reached out before, you’re not alone. Give us a call today to speak with one of our advocates.

37 replies
  1. shawn says:

    Can you help me with funds for gas so I can get away and to the safety of my family? I have a car but need gas money.

    • HotlineAdmin_SG says:

      Shawn,

      This sounds like a difficult situation. Unfortunately that is not a service we can provide directly but an advocate at the HOTLINE is available to help you find a local resource that can help. We are available at 1-800-799-7233 and are completely confidential and operate 24/7.

      Another resource that may be helpful is http://www.211.org/ Through the United Way hotline and the online database, you may be able to find a local program that can assist you.

      HotlineAdvocate_SG

  2. Ann says:

    After 15 years of a “perfect marriage” with not even one argument, my husband started cursing at me, calling me names, and talking to me like I am stupid and incompetent. I was making plans to leave, giving myself several months to get things in order because I am disabled. One of my trusted doctors who has cared for me since before my marriage warned me that he has seen too many patients of his leave their marriages only to end up in nursing homes.

    I know enough to leave at the first sign of physical violence, but where do I draw the line at the situation I am in? I have warned him that I expect and deserve respect. We both grew up in homes with emotional abuse and talked about not ever living that way well before and after we were married. He refuses counseling.

    What should I do? Do I need help, or should I ride this out? I never thought I would find myself in a situation like this.

    • HotlineAdmin_MCo says:

      Hi Ann,

      Thank you so much for reaching out. I know it must have taken a lot of strength to share your story with us. That is an incredibly hard situation. I know it must feel like such a betrayal of trust to have your husband suddenly become so emotionally abusive. It can be very disorienting and disarming to have this behavior come, seemingly, from now where. But know that you have a right to be respected and loved. What he is doing is absolutely unacceptable.

      Here are the Hotline, we believe that even a “little” abusive is way to much. Emotional abuse is, in many ways, just as harmful as physical violence. Having said that, you are the expert in your own experience. You know better than anyone else what it is that you need and where that line exists. The other thing that we know is that abuse almost always escalates.

      I would encourage you to call us at 1-(800)-799-7233. We are confidential and anonymous and we are here 24/7. There, you can talked to an advocate who can connect you to local resources and explore many options with you.

      Thank you again for reaching out.

      HotlineAdvocate_MC

  3. Ann says:

    Can you please remove the posts with my real name in them? I thought it said it would not use them. Thank you.

    • HotlineAdmin_MCo says:

      Of course. Sorry for the confusion. Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you need anything at 1-(800)-799-7233.

      All the best,
      HotlineAdvocate_MC

  4. Lourdes says:

    Que puedo hacer? tengo que estar con el, pero cada dia es mas difícil, cada vez me exige mas pero dependo de el!!!

    Conoci a mi esposo en mi pais e iniciamos una linda aunque muy rapida relacion, decidimos que yo vendria de vacaciones y si funcionaba nos casariamos, en principio todo fue muy bien y decidimos casarnos, al momento de firmar los papeles empece a enterarme de cosas diferentes a las que el me habia dicho y empezaron los problemas, empece a conocer a una persona totalmente diferente, que sigue a todas las mujeres que le gustan, compartimos la computadora y recibe constantemente mensajes de sus amigas ya que pertenece a varios chats rooms en los que constantemente contacta mujeres, desaparece con mucha frecuencia, el dice que eso no es importante, pasa en su oficina en casa, la mayor parte del dia con la puerta cerrada, ademas de recibir y hacer llamadas a cualquier hora del dia y de la noche, que atiende a puerta cerrada.

    El pago nuestros gastos los primeros meses, sin dejar de insistirme en que trabajara en lo que fuera, en cuanto empece a trabajar exigio que compartieramos gastos, ahora estoy cubriendo todo y asegura que yo le miento y que recibo mas dinero del que tengo, dice que lo mando a mi familia, eso no es cierto!!

    Hace meses que no tenemos relaciones relaciones sexuales y discutimos todo el tiempo, ya no soporto mas, pero dependo de el hasta tener mis documentos legales en este pais, estuvo muy agresivo y gritando durante tres dias hasta que complete el dinero que me estaba pidiendo, entonces se tranquilizo y hoy ha estado de buen humor.

    Esto ha sido horrible, pero no tengo adonde regresar a mi pais y no tengo dinero para empezar de nuevo, estoy desesperada, esperando que se le ocurrira ahora.

    • HotlineAdmin_CO says:

      Lourdes,
      Muchas gracias por contactarnos y por compartir su voz con nosortos en nuestra pagina. Debe de ser muy dificil y doloroso para usted pasar por lo que esta pasando cada dia. Encima de todo eso, usted se debe de sentir sola en este pais. Usted tiene mucho valor y fuerza para poder pedir ayuda. Usted no esta sola. Aqui estamos para poder hacer todo lo posible para tratar de ayudarla. Usted tiene derechos en este pais y merecer vivir feliz en una relacion sadulable. No ese bueno ni sadulable lo que le esta siendo su esposo a usted. En una relacion sadulable las personas comparten los responsabilidades de la casa, los gastos, y apoyan uno a orto. Si usted quiere hablar con nosortos por el telefono, aqui siempre estamos 24 hours a dia y siempre hay alguien que saber como hablar Espanol. Sobre el telefono podemos buscar servicios en su area donde le pueden tratar de ayudar. Aqui estamos para escuharla y constituir un plan de seguridad. Porfavor hable cuando pueda a nuestro numero que es 1-800-799-7233 para hablar de sus opciones.

  5. Ang K says:

    Ok where to start..I met my husband 10yrs ago lord help me in a trailer park. It was after 6mons of dating that I let myself be talked into trying meth for the first time at the age of 28. I had a very bad experience so needless to say I’ve never tried again. We have had our ups n downs but made it thru some tough times together. It wasn’t till recently that I became aware that our entire relationship had been one big lie
    Not only had he been doing drugs behind my bck he has borrowed money from ppl we know n not paid it bck. I called him on it n he went apeshit started choking me then head butted me in the face I was told if I filled a complaint that he would make sure by any means possible he would make it out like I was crazy or he was just protecting himself. What should I do?

    • HotlineAdmin_SG says:

      Ang,

      Thanks for sharing with our blog community. It sounds like this has been a really scary situation. Trust and communication are both very important in order to have a healthy relationship and it sounds like those things are not present here. You have every right to discuss an important issue with your partner and have your input respected. Unfortunately it is very common for a person who is abusive to threaten to turn the blame around so they are not forced to hold themselves accountable for their behaviors.

      It does sound like a lot is going on, please feel free to give the HOTLINE a call at 1-800-799-7233. An advocate is available 24/7 to help guide you through this difficult situation.

      HotlineAdvocate_SG

  6. Nubia says:

    Hola yo conosi ami novio ase 4anos el era muy diferente ahora todo el tiempo me pega,me humilla me dise malas palabras vivimos juntos tenemos una nina aella tambien le pega yo le llame la policia una ves porqe me pateo y me golpio en la cabesa y ami hija la avento al piso so lo arrestaron yo me fui a vivir con mi mama despues me busco y me rogo un mes q iba aca mbiar ytodo volvi con el pero no lo iso me mintio yahora nose q aser nesesito ayuda no tengo donde irme con mi hija no tengo trabajo q puedo aser???

    • HotlineAdmin_SG says:

      Nubia,

      Muchas gracias por escribirnos en nuestra pagina. Con lo que ha escrito, se oye que es una situacion muy peligrosa, y usted no merece este maltrato. Desafortunadamente es una situacion muy comun, el abuso pasa por que una persona quiero control sobre su pareja y encuentra cualquier manera de obtener ese control. Mucha gente que es abusiva hace promesas de cambiar para manipular a su pareja sin ningun esfuerzo de cambiar. Usted no esta sola en esta situacion y si gusta hablar con nosotros sobre el telefono, puede contactar a la Linea Nacional de Violencia Domestica, 1-800-799-7233. La llamada es anonima y confidencial y puede hablar con alguien en espanol 24 horas al dia. Aqui podemos hablar de sus opciones y tambien podemos buscar ayuda en su area.

      HotlineAdvocate_SG

  7. Sadie L says:

    I am so heartbroken. The birth of my son became the death of my happy marriage. And I feel constant guilt over the hate I have towards my innocent sweet boy that I love more than my life. But I suffered undiagnosed post-partum depression, severe sleep deprivation and that all turned into severe anxiety/stress/clinical depression. I was so exhausted the first year of my son’s life with little help from anyone. My husband says he gave up when our son was 8-months old and emotionally separated from me and I woke up from my fog to find I had a baby that I didnt know how to care for and my husband that didnt love me anymore, abandoned, rejects, and emotionally has me hostage and verbally stabs me in the heart with every interaction that can start with just the wrong tone in my voice saying hello. My son is almost 4 and more often says he doesn’t want me only his dad which also breaks my heart. I have no family near, or close friends or any support network. I’m struggling financially and trying to save my job which has been effected by my personal life issues. I feel like I might have a heart attack from my heart physically hurting so much from the mental war going on in my head. I can’t lose my son. He’s all I live for. I feel like he’d be better off if I just went away and then they would both be happy finally. But I have no one else and nowhere else to go. Im all alone in this and my heart physically hurts in my chest constantly now. I cant call anyone because I caught my son’s cold and have lost my voice. Im sitting in my car in my driveway contemplating running away while they are inside but where do I go? And that would just upset my son making him think I left him and it would just piss off my husband and make him hate me more. I die inside when the man that used to adore and love me so much that people thought we were still newlyweds 10 years later now looks at me with such contempt and resentment and wont even let me have any physical contact with him-not even touch his hand. No sexual intimacy going on 6 years now, except once as pity sex on our anniversary 3 years ago. My love language is touch. His is words of affirmation. We have always had communication issues but its like now he’s just lost that filter of grace to love and be patient with my difficulty and different way of processing my thoughts/expressing myself. He thinks that no matter what I say is a lie or untrue because I have to explain my responses to his questions before I really know the answer he wants. Black & white. There is no gray or other perspective or possibilities. He says the day We came home from the hospital is the day I changed and this is all my fault and he is just a victim of this new person he doesnt want to be with because she (I) reminds him too much of his traumatic childhood with his step-mom. I wish some days that I would have a heart attack and die to end this pain but then he’d forever hate me for dying. And my son needs me even if he says he doesnt want me sometimes because I make him brush his teeth and try to get him to bed before 11pm

    • HotlineAdmin_SG says:

      Sadie,

      Thank you for sharing with our blog community. It takes a lot of courage to contact someone for help and it is so great that you have. It sounds like this has been such a difficult situation and you do not deserve any of it. People who are abusive will often find a way to justify their behaviors by placing blame on their partners, especially by bringing up the past during times of vulnerability. Know that you are not alone in this situation and a hotline advocate is always available to talk with you about your possible options and can help you find ongoing help in your area. If you would like to reach an advocate please call the HOTLINE at 1-800-799-7233, we are available 24/7 and your call is anonymous and confidential.

      HotlineAdvocate_SG

  8. Marilyn says:

    This is like my roommate. He opened my blouse and lifted my dress and apologized but then became worse and worse as time went on. He used to call and has relocated , and found another woman to support him. The local PD called me and asked me if I was sodomized and forced to do oral sex.
    My abuser confessed but the PD did not want it and accused me of being in a mental hospital which I was not. ACLU said I should get a victim’s advocate to outline a charge against him but I cannot find one. He claimed he stopped taking drugs 29 years ago but I do not know. He is schitzoid effective, delustional,, manic depressive and bipolar and if I cannot get him arrested maybe I could get him committed to a mental hospital on the grounds he injured me and does not know what he is doing. I just want to get him out of circulation.

    • HotlineAdmin_VW says:

      Dear M, Thank you for reaching out to our Blog.

      We have have removed some identifying information in your post for your safety in accordance with our community guidleines. You have demonstrated great courage in reporting these crimes against you. You always have the right to make a police report. However, to have someone committed to a mental hospital without their concent may not be possible for you to do in your state, and it often is expensive to do, requiring an attorney’s help. Have you tried contacting a sexual assault hotline near where you live? If you need contact information for a local program, try contacting the National Sexual Violence Resource Center at 717-909-0710 or http://www.nsrc.org –or– call us here at The Hotline 1-800-799-7233, any time 24 hours a day seven days a week. Maybe we can offer some suggestions for finding legal help in your area.

  9. s. says:

    I’m 18 and still live with my parents. My dad has been verbally abusive to me my whole childhood. He is also physically and verbally abusive to my mom. She isn’t going to leave him, so I need to get away myself. I’m already out of high school so I’m not really their responsibility. I’m 6 months pregnant and a full time college student and I work part time as a sever. I don’t make enough money to get an apartment so I really need housing assistance…or income-based housing. I’m not sure where to start but I need to get out before my baby comes into this horrible house! If I do go to family services, what do I ask for help?

    • HotlineAdmin_VW says:

      Dear Sinia, You sound like a very brave young woman, ready to face the difficult choices of an adult. I admire your courage and energy. Have you talked to a counselor at your college? or a social worker at a local parenting program, or sought a referral from the 211 phone number? The 211 operator is funded by the United Way and will have referrals to local non-profit agencies in the area. One of them may be helpful to find housing for you. And contact Childhelp the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1800-422-4453 or childhelp.org for local counseling for you. Take care of your health. If you need to talk, call us at 1-800-799-7233, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, we are confidential and anonymous.

  10. steph says:

    How do I get out of the house safety with my kids.? Every time I try and leave he keeps my kids away from me. He is both physically and mentally abusive towards me. He’s even beaten when I was pregnant with my daughter. I need help and I honestly don’t know what to do me and my kids all live in the same place. Someone please help me where can me and my kids go and be safe.

    • HotlineAdmin_CO says:

      Steph,
      It takes plenty of courage to be able to reach out and ask for help.In doing so it demonstrates how strong of a woman you are. It sounds like he is doing the best he can to prevent you from leaving. You do not deserve to be mistreated in any kind of way and deserve to feel safe. At The National Domestic Violence Hotline there are always advocates available to speak with you 24 hours a day. When you are ready and safe please give The Hotline a call to discuss possible options and safety planning. You can reach the Hotline at: 1-800-799-7233

  11. Nga says:

    I’ve been marriage for 19 years and my husband is on probation for drug charges. He is living with us (myself and our two sons in Sr. high) and presently have no income. I have a very good job and pay for every expenses in the house. We have some argument about spending off and on and he turns abusive calling me names. It’s getting more abusive over time and this morning he again turned violence with cursing and broke a few items in the house. I tempted to call 911 but held back b/c they could take him to jail. I called my brother in law and demanded my husband to move to his house. Instead he did not but left in a car. My brother in law left after that, and now my husband is back and starts cursing loudly again.

    I don’t know what to do next. How to get him moved out of the house w/o involving policemen, trials…. What should I do? Three more hours and my sons will be home, should I get my boys involved in this? I’m panic not knowing what to do next.

    • HotlineAdmin_CO says:

      Nga,
      Thank you for sharing your story. It must truly be difficult for you to endure all of the abuse from your husband.You do not deserve to feel unsafe and treated in the way that your husband is treating you. In a healthy relationship both people work together to overcome problems and do the best they can to find solutions to their problems without placing the blame on the other. It is important to take steps in keeping yourself safe during this time. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help safety plan with you and do the best that they can to help you find options and resources. Advocates are always willing to speak with you and are available 24 hours a day. Please feel free to call The Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

  12. August Aria says:

    Okay…so I can’t figure out how to put this in words. For a while now I have wanted to seek counseling or something because I don’t feel right. I realize that in these situations you never go back to being the way you were before. It has been nearly two years though. I thought that I would have made better progress than this. I feel as though I have become self-destructive. Not in the sense that I would hurt myself but more in the sense that everything that I do I purposely destroy. I have days where I don’t want to get out of bed and for the most part don’t. I try to be as social as possible but it is hard. I’m not sure what I need to do. I want to talk to someone but face-to-face might be too much. I wasn’t sure if the hotline was something I should try.

    • HotlineAdmin_MCo says:

      Hi August,

      Thank you so much for reaching out to us. I know it must be very difficult to share these things but I am glad that you did. Recovery from domestic violence is often a complicated and messy process. And struggling with it alone can make things so much harder! There is no time table for healing nor is there one road map for every experience. This can be very scary but it can also be very empowering because it means that there is no wrong way to do it. What you are feeling and going through right now is a perfectly normal response to the trauma that you’ve been through. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t incredibly difficult!

      But know that you are not alone. You are not the only one going through this. And you certainly do not need to face this alone. There are others who have been in your position who have gotten through it and are thriving.

      The Hotline would be a great place to start. We can talk about some of your experiences, explore ways to take care of yourself and connect you to local resources that can provide counseling and support groups. We are here 24/7 and we are completely confidential and anonymous. Our number is 1(800)-799-7233.

      We look forward to your call.

      In Solidarity,
      Hotline Advocate MC

  13. Kimberly says:

    My mom is in a verbally abusive relationship. She won’t do anything about it, but I want to. I’m just worried about my dad losing his job over it. He is still my dad and I love him, but I don’t love them together anymore. She doesn’t eat anymore because she always has knots in her stomach from worrying about what he’s going to yell at her for today. I’m 19, and this has been going on for as long as I can remember, but it’s only been getting worse. She has personality disorders now, because of the way he’s treated her, and he gets mad at her for the way she is. I can’t bear to see my parents in a relationship like this. If I do something about this, could he lose his job over it? He is a police officer.

    • HotlineAdmin_MCo says:

      Hey Kimberly,

      Thanks so much for commenting. I know this must be very painful for you to talk about but glad that you did because breaking the silence is the first step towards liberation from violence. It also must be incredibly difficult for feel stuck in the middle of that situation. It can be hard to determine what would be best when you are in that position.

      One thing we know about domestic violence is that it can be very confusing for the victim. The abusive partner is often threatening the victim if they leave. They are often blaming the victim for the abuse or telling them that the abuse does not exist. The abusive partner is often making many promises for change and they can be very manipulative. That is why it can be so difficult to leave.

      The best thing that you can do in this situation is ask your mother what she needs. Tell her that you love her, that you know that this isn’t her fault and that you are there to support her in anyway that she needs. Because the abusive partner is constantly undermining her self-determination, it is so important that we do the opposite. We want to build her up and let her know that she is stronger than her trauma.

      As for your father, I’m not sure what would happen if you were to report this. I know that different departments handle situations like this differently and not everyone is educated about the dynamics of domestic violence.

      I would encourage you to call us at 1(800)-799-7233 so that we can connect you to local resources and perhaps develop a plan of action to support you, your mom, and keep both of you safe. We are here 24/7 and we are completely confidential and anonymous. And of course, you can give your mother our number as well. We would be happy to talk with her and see how we can best support her through this.

      Best of luck until then,
      Hotline Advocate MC

  14. meli says:

    I have been with my partner for 9 years .I had cheated once and afterwards he began hitting me, verbally and sexualy abusing me til this day. I have two young children and ive called the police on him, for hitting me. but then i feel terrible for my daughter because she cries her self to sleep when she doesnt see him. I cant take this anymore i just want to die sometimes but i stay strong for my kids. Im writing today because i need help. Im obviously suffering from some mental state of mind that i need to change. I dont want to keep thinking it will all get better one day he will change. I need to change.

    • HotlineAdmin_MCo says:

      Hey Meli,

      Thanks for reaching out. I know that it can be very difficult to talk about your experiences. But breaking that silence is the first step to getting the support that you deserve.

      Nothing justifies that things that he has done to you. There is no excuse for verbal, physical or sexual violence. And none of this is your fault. There is literally nothing that you can do that would force him to commit those violent acts against you. He is making the choice to be violent.

      I know it must be so difficult to see your daughter distraught like that but I know that you did what you thought was going to keep you and your children safe. And that is absolutely ok. Like I said before, this isn’t your fault. And what you are feeling is absolutely normal for the situation that you are in. Domestic violence can leave a lot of mental scars and trauma.

      I would really encourage you to call us at 1(800)-799-7233. We are confidential and anonymous and there is always someone here to answer the phones. So please feel free to call us whenever you can. We will be able to talk about some of the things that you have been through, connect you to local resources that can provide counseling for you and your children and develop a plan to take care of yourself and keep your family safe.

      We look forward to speaking with you. Until then,
      Hotline Advocate MC

  15. Kay says:

    My daughter is 19 years old. She still lives at home and is financially dependent on us. She was in a relationship for about a year that turned emotionally and physically abusive. He gave her two black eyes and many bruises. When she broke up with him, we had to call the police for safety. Unfortunately, he kept calling and calling and has worked his way back into her life. She has not admitted to us that she is seeing him, but lies about her whereabouts. I found out that she is seeing him from his Facebook and Twitter.
    I am devastated and so worried. What do I do, she has a lot of mood swings, so I’m worried that if I confront her she will leave to him and not come back.
    Any advice would be welcome, I don’t see a counselor until next week for advice on what to do

    • HotlineAdmin_VW says:

      Dear Kay,
      Thank you for reaching out to the Share Your Voice Blog for support and information. Your courage has given us a chance to respond to you and other parents who share your fears for their daughters. Being young and trusting of everyone we meet, believing in young love and the promise that nothing bad will happen to us, seems common to most victims of dating abuse. It’s hard to hear the voices of caution (from our patents, our teachers, our friends-even ourselves) that whisper, “Take it slow”. At any age, it’s confusing when someone says, “I love you”, then causes us emotional and physical pain.

      Good for you to arrange counseling. It will go a long way to help keep you focused and strong through this trial. But here are a few tips for helping your daughter: Reminder her that she has a safe place with you and you will always listen without judging her.
      Remind her you are concerned about her health, safety, and happiness. Support her in social activities where she engages with friends and family having fun.

      Encourage her to call us –The Hotline, 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 or our sister program, the National Dating Abuse Helpline, at 1-866-331-9474.
      And, please call yourself. There is always someone here to answer your call.

      Also, check out these helpful websites:
      loveisrespect.org (Go to “Facts on Abuse”, then to “Suggested Action Steps”).
      loveisnotabuse.org ( provided by the Liz Claiborne Companies).

  16. jizzy says:

    HI WELL I MET MY BOYFRIEND TWO YEARS AGO I THOUGHT HE WAS THE PERFECT MAN AT FIRST THEN HE TOLD ME HE USE TO USE DRUGS BUT NOT ANYMORE SO I SAID OK WE CAN WORK IT OUT I SAID WE CAN BE TOGETHER LONGEST YOUR NOT DOING IT HE SAID NO WELL A COUPLE OF MONTH WENT BY AND I LOST MY JOB AND HE HAD TO TAKE ANOTHER JOB SO HE CAN HELP ME OUT TILL I GOT ON MY FEET IT WAS OK BUT I WAS SEEING DIFFERENT THINGS IN HIM HE WAS FALLING ASLEEP STANDING UP I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG SO I ASKED HIM HE SAID NO SO A COUPLE DAYS LATER I CALLED HIS MOM AND I ASKED SHE TOLD ME HE WAS BACK AT IT AGAIN SO I SAID NO WAY WILL I BE WITH A MAN THAT DOES DRUGS SO I CALLED HIM OVER AND ASKED TO SPEAK WITH HIM I TOLD HIM I DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM AND HE TOLD ME IF HE CANT HAVE ME NO ONE CAN OK THAT WAS REALLY SCARY SO I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING HE WENT HOME HE CALLS AND TELL ME THAT HE’S COMING OVER I SAID OK WHEN HE GOT HERE HE WAS SO MESSED UP WITH THE DRUGS THAT HE PULLED A KNIFE OUT ON ME AND HE GRABED MY NECK AND CHOKED ME TILL I COULDNT BREATH AND THEN HE LET GO WHEN I LOOKED AT MY EYES THEY WERE ALL RED IN THE INSIDE THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE PUT HIS HANDS ON ME HE SAID SORRY I TOOK HIM BACK THE SECOND TIME I WENT TO SEE HIM AT HIS HOUSE AND I GUESS HE WAS MAD AND I SAID SOMETHING TO HIM THAT HE DIDN’T LIKE AND HE REALLY PUNCHED ME ON MY HEAD SO BAD THAT I DROPPED TO THE FLOOR I WENT HOME CALLED HIM AND TOLD HIM I DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM ANYMORE I PRESS CHARGES ON HIM TWICE HE STILL DOESNT LEAVE ME ALONE HE HIT ME AGAIN WE WAS DRIVING AND HE ACCUSED ME OF BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE HE PUNCHED ME ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE I CALLED THE COPS AND HE WENT TO JAIL HIS PARENTS BAILED HIM OUT OK HE CAME THE FRIDAY THAT PAST I JUST WASNT FEELING GOOD AND I WAS IN THE CAR I SAID SOMETHING TO HIM AND HE DIDN’T LIKE WHAT I SAID SO I JUST KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN SO I CALLED MY MOM JUST SO I CAN TALK WERE I LIVE I HAVE NOBODY MY FAMILY LIVE IN ANOTHER STATE SO I HUNG THE PHONE UP AND HE SAID SOMETHING AND I SPOKE BACK HE GOT SO MAD THAT HE PUNCHED ME TWICE ONE ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE AND HE BUST MY LIP WIDE OPEN I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THIS MAN THAT SAYS HE LOVES ME CAN DO THIS I JUST HAD ENOUGH JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO I WANNA LEAVE BUT HE KNOW WERE MY FAMILY LIVES AND I KEEP ON TELLING HIM I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM BUT HE JUST WONT STOP I DON’T KNOW JUST WISH I NEVER MET HIM

    • HotlineAdmin_SG says:

      Jizzy,

      Thanks for sharing your story with our blog community. It takes a lot of strength to reach out and I am so glad you have. This sounds like a really scary situation. A person abusing drugs is not an indicator for violence, and that may be his way of justifying that abusive behavior. It sounds like you have done so much to reach out for help in your community and he is not responding to that, but it is not your fault. Unfortunately, people who are abusive will often feel like they are invincible, even above the law.

      I encourage you to contact the HOTLINE at 1-800-799-7233 to speak with an advocate about a safety plan and other options that may be available. We are available 24/7 and everything is completely anonymous and confidential.

      HotlineAdvocate_SG

  17. NunYoBiz says:

    I’m super skeptical about the “we are confidential and anonymous” claim this site/your blog purports, given only a handful of the posts here that I have seen so far.

    To wit:
    1) Someone named “Marilyn,” was responded to only as “M” …yet her original post still shows with her (presumably real) name. This kind of error shouldn’t be overlooked!

    2) Another post by “s.” was responded to publicly with her (presumably real) name in the administrator’s reply! Again, an unacceptable oversight, in my opinion, ESPECIALLY for victims that are clearly fearful and/or in need of help.

    3) Some of the names were seemingly ambiguous, yet the responses included phone numbers with area codes that can easily be discerned to where the writer is/was/may be located, which, again, seems like dangerous information to leave out on this website.

    Please amend your policies in order to protect those of us who need it most in a truly ANONYMOUS & CONFIDENTIAL way.

    And lastly, spellcheck doesn’t catch grammar mistakes like “we believe that even a little abusive is way to much.”

    Thank you.
    Be well.

  18. kstonebock says:

    Hi NunYoBiz,

    Thank you for showing concern for victim safety. I can assure you that we also take these considerations seriously.

    This blog post is meant to highlight the services offered to those who call us. The post mentions the call center repeatedly, with phrases including, “Dialing 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) will connect you with an advocate to speak with confidentially at any time, 24/7, 365 days a year.” The National Domestic Violence Hotline, the call center, is confidential and anonymous. We work very hard to protect and serve victims.

    We have never claimed that this website is anonymous, which is why we have our community guidelines: http://www.thehotline.org/community-guidelines which include the line, “Anything you post can be seen by all visitors.” There is a link to these guidelines on the left hand side of the blog and we do frequently refer to these guidelines. Even so, we still try to protect victims by removing identifying information when possible.

    All of the numbers given in response to comments above were national numbers to hotlines and do not hint at the location of the original poster.

    We pride ourselves on having actual advocates offer help whenever possible, including responses to blog comments. Typos will happen sometimes, our responding advocates are human, but their responses are always meant to encourage and support victims and survivors.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

    Kelly
    NDVH Marketing Coordinator

  19. tammy says:

    i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years.he has become a verbally abusive drunkthat i left for a month and let him convince me that things would change.he hasnt..he talked my son and his family into moving in with us.its getting worse.we have no money and no place to go.my son used his money to pay my boyfriends property taxes and hasnt been able to find a job.where can we get help?

    • HotlineAdmin_CO says:

      Tammy,
      Thank you for sharing your story with us on here. You are such a strong person to keep moving forward and asking for help. It sounds like your situation has gotten worse. There is help and resources even if you have no money, you are not alone. If you contact The Hotline, there will be advocates willing to do the best that they can to help you. The Hotline is available 24 hours a day and is completely confidential. You can reach The Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

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