Comments on: Counseling for Domestic Violence Survivors http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 Thu, 23 May 2013 12:01:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 By: Domestic Violence | PutItInFocus http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-18482 Domestic Violence | PutItInFocus Mon, 18 Mar 2013 17:21:41 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-18482 [...] form of counseling, but finding one that fits well with your family is the bigger challenge. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a great place to get [...] [...] form of counseling, but finding one that fits well with your family is the bigger challenge. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a great place to get [...]

]]> By: shell http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9016 shell Mon, 10 Sep 2012 15:27:38 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9016 your poor brave daughter, im 23 and i didn't have the guts to go to the police, or the hospital, or anyone, because i was drunk and i knew what it would look like. if the system isn't offering counselling then seek it yourselves, for your daughter, because you can't bury these things they just come back worse your poor brave daughter, im 23 and i didn’t have the guts to go to the police, or the hospital, or anyone, because i was drunk and i knew what it would look like. if the system isn’t offering counselling then seek it yourselves, for your daughter, because you can’t bury these things they just come back worse

]]> By: HotlineAdmin_RE http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9013 HotlineAdmin_RE Sun, 09 Sep 2012 21:44:14 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9013 Tabatha, Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. You have every right to be upset. It sounds like your daughter has been through a lot and she deserves to get help. I'm not sure that I can speak to what's going on locally though. Is there a victims' advocate at the local hospital? A good way to find sexual assault support services would be to contact the RAINN hotline, which is the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, at 1- 800-656-4673. They should route you to your local rape crisis center. That, or you are welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline can look up local programs that have sexual assault support services. HotlineAdvocate_RE Tabatha,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. You have every right to be upset. It sounds like your daughter has been through a lot and she deserves to get help. I’m not sure that I can speak to what’s going on locally though. Is there a victims’ advocate at the local hospital? A good way to find sexual assault support services would be to contact the RAINN hotline, which is the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, at 1- 800-656-4673. They should route you to your local rape crisis center. That, or you are welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline can look up local programs that have sexual assault support services.

HotlineAdvocate_RE

]]> By: HotlineAdmin_RE http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9012 HotlineAdmin_RE Sun, 09 Sep 2012 21:31:54 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9012 Amy, Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. From what you've shared, it sounds like a very unhealthy situation. Calling you names or threatening you is definitely verbal and emotional abuse. Drunk or not, he had no right to put his hands on you. It sounds like that was a really scary situation he put you in. This may have been the worst time, but you mentioned that there have been other times where he has called you names and gotten abusive with you even before this had happened. There are a lot of red flags that this person is abusive, and that this is likely to continue. You deserve to feel safe. If you'd like to talk to someone about your relationship, you are always welcome to call and speak with an advocate confidentially on the National Domestic Violence Hotline. We are available at 1-800-799-7233 and are 24/7. An advocate could help you talk through your concerns about the situation and see if there's anything we can do to help. Also, loveisrespect.org has a chat and text helpline where you could talk to an advocate or ask questions if you feel more comfortable with that. HotlineAdvocate_RE Amy,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like a very unhealthy situation. Calling you names or threatening you is definitely verbal and emotional abuse. Drunk or not, he had no right to put his hands on you. It sounds like that was a really scary situation he put you in. This may have been the worst time, but you mentioned that there have been other times where he has called you names and gotten abusive with you even before this had happened. There are a lot of red flags that this person is abusive, and that this is likely to continue. You deserve to feel safe. If you’d like to talk to someone about your relationship, you are always welcome to call and speak with an advocate confidentially on the National Domestic Violence Hotline. We are available at 1-800-799-7233 and are 24/7. An advocate could help you talk through your concerns about the situation and see if there’s anything we can do to help. Also, loveisrespect.org has a chat and text helpline where you could talk to an advocate or ask questions if you feel more comfortable with that.

HotlineAdvocate_RE

]]> By: HotlineAdmin_RE http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9010 HotlineAdmin_RE Sun, 09 Sep 2012 21:24:33 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9010 Morgan, Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community. Neither yourself, your siblings, or your mom ever deserved to be treated like that. It sounds like this has been an ongoing situation of abuse, and that even while you are no longer physically around him, he is still doing things to stay in control. It's normal for someone whose been in an abusive relationship like your mom has, to struggle with staying away from their ex partner or fully cutting off contact. She may even be staying in contact with him to stay safe. It's not your fault that this is happening. Your father made the choice in his relationship and family to be abusive. That is something that takes a lot help to change about a person. Your mom may still be waiting for that to happen. It takes a lot of support to heal from abuse. There are local programs that work with victims of domestic violence, that oftentimes offer free counseling services or support groups. Maybe that is something yourself and your mom could get involved in. If you'd like to talk to someone about what's going on, you are always welcome to call and speak with an advocate here at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline could look for local resources for help. HotlineAdvocate_RE Morgan,
Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community. Neither yourself, your siblings, or your mom ever deserved to be treated like that. It sounds like this has been an ongoing situation of abuse, and that even while you are no longer physically around him, he is still doing things to stay in control. It’s normal for someone whose been in an abusive relationship like your mom has, to struggle with staying away from their ex partner or fully cutting off contact. She may even be staying in contact with him to stay safe. It’s not your fault that this is happening. Your father made the choice in his relationship and family to be abusive. That is something that takes a lot help to change about a person. Your mom may still be waiting for that to happen. It takes a lot of support to heal from abuse. There are local programs that work with victims of domestic violence, that oftentimes offer free counseling services or support groups. Maybe that is something yourself and your mom could get involved in. If you’d like to talk to someone about what’s going on, you are always welcome to call and speak with an advocate here at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline could look for local resources for help.

HotlineAdvocate_RE

]]> By: Tabatha http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9008 Tabatha Sun, 09 Sep 2012 20:09:59 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9008 Help, our 13 year old daughter was raped on Labor Day, I am so Godly proud of her for coming to us and telling us, we took her to the ER and requested the presence of the Police so that we can press charges, again I am Godly proud of her for enduring the sexual assault kit, photos and the gathering of evidence, I take my hat off to every human being who has ever had to endure such a process. However, if it had not been for our strong Christian Faith and our love and support of each other as a family, I don't know what we would have done. So, I ask to whom it may concern, please help our family to understand why, NO ONE AND I DO MEAN NO ONE, has contacted us since we left the SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner) Forensic Nurse in the ER. Our daughter is 13, really, seriously, NO ONE could respond to us from then to now REALLY, she's 13, and there's no kind of intervention available to her or her family REALLY, yet the system expects ABC and D from the person that's been assaulted, and the person that's been assaulted gets WHAT, No Help, No One, Nothing, she's 13 REALLY, SERIOUSLY!!! Help, our 13 year old daughter was raped on Labor Day, I am so Godly proud of her for coming to us and telling us, we took her to the ER and requested the presence of the Police so that we can press charges, again I am Godly proud of her for enduring the sexual assault kit, photos and the gathering of evidence, I take my hat off to every human being who has ever had to endure such a process. However, if it had not been for our strong Christian Faith and our love and support of each other as a family, I don’t know what we would have done. So, I ask to whom it may concern, please help our family to understand why, NO ONE AND I DO MEAN NO ONE, has contacted us since we left the SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner) Forensic Nurse in the ER. Our daughter is 13, really, seriously, NO ONE could respond to us from then to now REALLY, she’s 13, and there’s no kind of intervention available to her or her family REALLY, yet the system expects ABC and D from the person that’s been assaulted, and the person that’s been assaulted gets WHAT, No Help, No One, Nothing, she’s 13 REALLY, SERIOUSLY!!!

]]> By: amy http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9005 amy Sun, 09 Sep 2012 12:56:04 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9005 Hi. I am a 21 year old female and the other night my drunk boyfriend attacked me. We had met up and when I realized he was drunk I asked him to please get out of my car. He exited, slamming the door so hard and then turned around and punched my car window- then wiping the blood all over my car. For some reason I reacting by jumping out of the car, instead of staying in it. He cornered me into a corner where he screamed in my face, and grabbed my arms...someone jumped in-between us, he then pushed them out of the way to get at me.. punching his hand through the window next to me... I am sick to my stomach and cannot seem to process what happened. He had been angry before, kicking me out of places or calling me awful names when drinking. He won't stop calling and texting me, apologizing and telling me how much he loves me. I don't know what to do. I know I can not be with him, but I feel so sick to my stomach every time he calls or messages me. Am I a victim of domestic violence? i really don't know. Hi. I am a 21 year old female and the other night my drunk boyfriend attacked me. We had met up and when I realized he was drunk I asked him to please get out of my car. He exited, slamming the door so hard and then turned around and punched my car window- then wiping the blood all over my car. For some reason I reacting by jumping out of the car, instead of staying in it. He cornered me into a corner where he screamed in my face, and grabbed my arms…someone jumped in-between us, he then pushed them out of the way to get at me.. punching his hand through the window next to me… I am sick to my stomach and cannot seem to process what happened. He had been angry before, kicking me out of places or calling me awful names when drinking. He won’t stop calling and texting me, apologizing and telling me how much he loves me. I don’t know what to do. I know I can not be with him, but I feel so sick to my stomach every time he calls or messages me. Am I a victim of domestic violence? i really don’t know.

]]> By: HotlineAdmin_MB http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9003 HotlineAdmin_MB Sun, 09 Sep 2012 01:26:00 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9003 T, It takes a lot of courage to reach out and tell someone what is happening in your relationship. You have been through so much harmful abuse. Choking is a very aggressive action, as is head butting, being kicked and elbowed in the face. No one ever deserves to be treated that way. You mentioned he has tried to change but he still places the blame on you. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their actions and it is common for them to place the blame on the other person. The fact that he is still doing that makes me think he really hasn't changed and is still displaying signs of an abusive individual. It is normal to be confused by the behavior of an abusive boyfriend, especially when they are being nice between the hurtful moments. When you think of what a healthy relationship looks like, does it involve feeling anxious and nervous? Healthy relationships are based on trust, respect, kindness, and individual freedom...it does not include hitting, choking, or verbally assaulting your partner. It would be helpful to call our hotline and discuss futher the dynamics of your situation. Advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. I am glad you reached out to our blog community, you are going through a great deal and I hope you will call us for further guidance and support. Hotlineadvocate_MB T,

It takes a lot of courage to reach out and tell someone what is happening in your relationship. You have been through so much harmful abuse. Choking is a very aggressive action, as is head butting, being kicked and elbowed in the face. No one ever deserves to be treated that way.

You mentioned he has tried to change but he still places the blame on you. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their actions and it is common for them to place the blame on the other person. The fact that he is still doing that makes me think he really hasn’t changed and is still displaying signs of an abusive individual.

It is normal to be confused by the behavior of an abusive boyfriend, especially when they are being nice between the hurtful moments. When you think of what a healthy relationship looks like, does it involve feeling anxious and nervous? Healthy relationships are based on trust, respect, kindness, and individual freedom…it does not include hitting, choking, or verbally assaulting your partner. It would be helpful to call our hotline and discuss futher the dynamics of your situation. Advocates are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. I am glad you reached out to our blog community, you are going through a great deal and I hope you will call us for further guidance and support.

Hotlineadvocate_MB

]]> By: A http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-9000 A Sat, 08 Sep 2012 12:46:30 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-9000 I know I am not in a place to be giving advice but here's the thing. You deserve so much better, you deserve to be treated with respect and love. You have to remember no matter how nice he may act or how he promises to change the abuse will keep happening, it is just a big cycle. I understand if you're scared to leave but even if you love him with all your heart and can't let go, you have to leave him and move on with your life. If you have had the strength to stay with him this long I know you have the strength to leave him. You can let go because this is unhealthy if you are with someone who puts you down and you deserve so much better and don't let anyone tell you different. I'm sorry but you can't help your boyfriend change and it wasn't you who made him this way so why must you put up with this abuse that he is directing at his past pain? I know that sound selfish but how are you ever going to be happy? Are you just going to let him beat you up until you have no more willpower just because it makes him feel better? No, you fight. You are a strong woman, anyone who puts up with psychical and mental abuse that long is strong. I know it will be painful leaving the person you have known for so long but it is not worth staying with him if it means getting hurt. I have seen the endless cycle of someone who says they're sorry and even cry only to do it all over again, and again. You have the power to leave so I encourage you to do that and keep your head high. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you luck, remember you and you alone have the power. You just have to use it. I know I am not in a place to be giving advice but here’s the thing. You deserve so much better, you deserve to be treated with respect and love. You have to remember no matter how nice he may act or how he promises to change the abuse will keep happening, it is just a big cycle. I understand if you’re scared to leave but even if you love him with all your heart and can’t let go, you have to leave him and move on with your life. If you have had the strength to stay with him this long I know you have the strength to leave him. You can let go because this is unhealthy if you are with someone who puts you down and you deserve so much better and don’t let anyone tell you different. I’m sorry but you can’t help your boyfriend change and it wasn’t you who made him this way so why must you put up with this abuse that he is directing at his past pain? I know that sound selfish but how are you ever going to be happy? Are you just going to let him beat you up until you have no more willpower just because it makes him feel better? No, you fight. You are a strong woman, anyone who puts up with psychical and mental abuse that long is strong. I know it will be painful leaving the person you have known for so long but it is not worth staying with him if it means getting hurt. I have seen the endless cycle of someone who says they’re sorry and even cry only to do it all over again, and again. You have the power to leave so I encourage you to do that and keep your head high. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you luck, remember you and you alone have the power. You just have to use it.

]]> By: Morgan http://www.thehotline.org/2012/08/counseling-for-domestic-violence-survivors/comment-page-1/#comment-8999 Morgan Sat, 08 Sep 2012 12:22:16 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3934#comment-8999 I am in a complicated time right now. You see it's not me who got the stick end of a abusive relationship but my mother and I fell like I have to express this somehow. My dad is pretty much bipolar (Or at least he pretty close to it) because of his bad bad childhood and my family is kind of poor, so he has mood swings a lot. She had been with my dad for over twenty two years and I can't image what he used to do to her before he stopped being physical because as I heard, it was worse before I was born. It was because of of his way he treated my mother that she cheated on him a little after I was born (I am not saying she was right for doing this) because my dad had once punched my mom because he was mad at his boss and took his anger out on her it was a little after this that she met a co work who was so nice to her, he didn't beat her or yell at her and made her feel pretty. So she cheated until my dad found out and of course he wasn't happy. It was this that he always brought up when he was mad as I remembered him calling her a wh*re when he was mad at her and that's how I learned the word. So this is how my childhood started. When I was growing up with my other siblings he would always yell at our mom but as we got older he started to yell at us too, he would get so crazy blaming our mom for not having enough money or how dumb we were because of her or the fact of how she cheated on him. It would get to a point that he would threaten us and point guns at us, he once killed two of our dogs years before with a gun because of a simple mistake my older sister had made when she was about twelve, and half a year ago he would shock our dog with a shocker when he got mad. He would always go so crazy and then say he was sorry and then he would do it again, and again and again. He would tell our mom she was the problem and tell her to leave, but of course such she was the source of money he had her come back (our mother was the only one with the job while he just stayed at home). the first time I was slapped by my father is when I was nine, I think it was because I said something dumb but after that whenever he got angry he would slap me.Sometimes he would slap my siblings and I around but my mom, he would hurt her a lot more. He would yell at her for hours while we just did nothing but he him insult us and threaten our mom and then when I was about eleven years old we left. However after just one night we came back because his promise to change, that's when it was fine for a bit until it got worse. He would manly complain how broke he was and wanted us kids to get him all the money he put into us, it got to the point that he told our mom to kill herself and make it look like an accident because he wanted her life insurance.That was the second time we left and after four days and him checking into rehab for his drug taking we came back for the second time. It was better this time around, he was nice for a few weeks before it crept back in again, of course this time he never slapped us again but the metal abuse got worse. He would be so nice at one moment saying how proud he was of us and how much he loved us but a few days later he would say we were pieces of crap and shout at us, it was because of this that we never hung around him and he hated that. He said we should hang around him more and love him just as much as our mother. I'm sorry but in times like this our mother was the only stable parent who never yelled at us or shot down our dreams. Instead we had to do what he wanted, he wanted us to be swimmers and be great at it but I never wanted to and if we got a bad time at a swim meet he would take my mom into their room and yell at her, I couldn't get everything but I could hear a good amount of it. Also while he snapped or yelled at us he never wanted us to say anything back on the threat of kicking the crap out of us, you know how people say the term "arguing"? well there was none of that, it was just him shouting and insulting us and my mom. One time during a trip with our some friends he made me feel so ashamed when he caused a scene in a public place because we had forgotten to pack something. It was because of that our friends knew what was going on and that sucked as I had someone say to my little brother "If you every need anything just ask" and they were some pity looks. Then about three or four years ago my oldest sister left the house in the middle of the night without our dad knowing because she could not handle him anymore, this was because after mom she was the one who was blamed. Now here is the hard part, we left for a third and last time and we have not went back yet for almost a year. However I cannot say the same for our mom. We had left our house and went to a safer place while my dad is still at the house and my mother visits him every week. She brings him food and stays with him for hours (my dad does not have a job or a car, my mom has the car. Like I said we are poor and only have one car) and it makes me fell worried. He will be calling her consonantly and she had to listen to whatever he says and there has been a couple times in the last few months when she went to visit and he acted scary and she won't tell me what he said. My brother, sister, and myself keep telling her to do something as he is always bothering our mom making her stressed but our mom will just tell her that she just can't leave him at the house because he has no car. But I am scared as I have a feeling that if he got a car she would still see him, what makes it worse he might come to see us. I have not seen my dad in ten months and I don't miss him one bit but i am scared that he might hurt my mom will she is visiting him or once he gets a car he will track us down, and he said he wouldn't do that but he might not keep his words as there has been times that he didn't keep his word. that I don't know what to do because we do not have enough money to give him a car and move out of the state and I begged my mom to do something before she gets hurts but she doesn't. We shouldn't be like this, I know I am causing enough stress on my mom because she has to put up with me ( I am a troublesome teen as I love to talk a lot. I will nag someone's ear off if I have an idea) and she has to put up with the bills in the place we are at. I can't find a good job and it would be impossible even if I did as I am in college and I need all the study time I can get because I am slow at learning, also I have no social skills whatsoever so I am just extra baggage to my mom. In the mean time I have my dad over here bugging her all the time and I try to make it better for her, I study and I don't cause any trouble at school, but she is so stressed. Sometimes she will cry when she thinks I now looking and when I try to ask what is work, she won't tell me. It makes me feel so useless and somethings I am sorry she ever met my dad, somethings I wished she married someone else so maybe she would be happy. My mother is a great, beautiful woman. She never once yelled back at our father no matter how much he insulted her and put up with him and us all these years. I just wished there was something I could do to make her stop seeing him anymore, he is supposed to be out of our lives and she should be moving on but she hasn't. I am sorry for rambling on so long but I had to get this off my chest as it has been killing me to watch this happen to my mom, she keeps coming back to him even after all the abuse and the fact that we moved away. I am in a complicated time right now. You see it’s not me who got the stick end of a abusive relationship but my mother and I fell like I have to express this somehow. My dad is pretty much bipolar (Or at least he pretty close to it) because of his bad bad childhood and my family is kind of poor, so he has mood swings a lot. She had been with my dad for over twenty two years and I can’t image what he used to do to her before he stopped being physical because as I heard, it was worse before I was born. It was because of of his way he treated my mother that she cheated on him a little after I was born (I am not saying she was right for doing this) because my dad had once punched my mom because he was mad at his boss and took his anger out on her it was a little after this that she met a co work who was so nice to her, he didn’t beat her or yell at her and made her feel pretty. So she cheated until my dad found out and of course he wasn’t happy. It was this that he always brought up when he was mad as I remembered him calling her a wh*re when he was mad at her and that’s how I learned the word. So this is how my childhood started. When I was growing up with my other siblings he would always yell at our mom but as we got older he started to yell at us too, he would get so crazy blaming our mom for not having enough money or how dumb we were because of her or the fact of how she cheated on him. It would get to a point that he would threaten us and point guns at us, he once killed two of our dogs years before with a gun because of a simple mistake my older sister had made when she was about twelve, and half a year ago he would shock our dog with a shocker when he got mad. He would always go so crazy and then say he was sorry and then he would do it again, and again and again. He would tell our mom she was the problem and tell her to leave, but of course such she was the source of money he had her come back (our mother was the only one with the job while he just stayed at home). the first time I was slapped by my father is when I was nine, I think it was because I said something dumb but after that whenever he got angry he would slap me.Sometimes he would slap my siblings and I around but my mom, he would hurt her a lot more. He would yell at her for hours while we just did nothing but he him insult us and threaten our mom and then when I was about eleven years old we left. However after just one night we came back because his promise to change, that’s when it was fine for a bit until it got worse. He would manly complain how broke he was and wanted us kids to get him all the money he put into us, it got to the point that he told our mom to kill herself and make it look like an accident because he wanted her life insurance.That was the second time we left and after four days and him checking into rehab for his drug taking we came back for the second time. It was better this time around, he was nice for a few weeks before it crept back in again, of course this time he never slapped us again but the metal abuse got worse. He would be so nice at one moment saying how proud he was of us and how much he loved us but a few days later he would say we were pieces of crap and shout at us, it was because of this that we never hung around him and he hated that. He said we should hang around him more and love him just as much as our mother. I’m sorry but in times like this our mother was the only stable parent who never yelled at us or shot down our dreams. Instead we had to do what he wanted, he wanted us to be swimmers and be great at it but I never wanted to and if we got a bad time at a swim meet he would take my mom into their room and yell at her, I couldn’t get everything but I could hear a good amount of it. Also while he snapped or yelled at us he never wanted us to say anything back on the threat of kicking the crap out of us, you know how people say the term “arguing”? well there was none of that, it was just him shouting and insulting us and my mom. One time during a trip with our some friends he made me feel so ashamed when he caused a scene in a public place because we had forgotten to pack something. It was because of that our friends knew what was going on and that sucked as I had someone say to my little brother “If you every need anything just ask” and they were some pity looks. Then about three or four years ago my oldest sister left the house in the middle of the night without our dad knowing because she could not handle him anymore, this was because after mom she was the one who was blamed. Now here is the hard part, we left for a third and last time and we have not went back yet for almost a year. However I cannot say the same for our mom. We had left our house and went to a safer place while my dad is still at the house and my mother visits him every week. She brings him food and stays with him for hours (my dad does not have a job or a car, my mom has the car. Like I said we are poor and only have one car) and it makes me fell worried. He will be calling her consonantly and she had to listen to whatever he says and there has been a couple times in the last few months when she went to visit and he acted scary and she won’t tell me what he said. My brother, sister, and myself keep telling her to do something as he is always bothering our mom making her stressed but our mom will just tell her that she just can’t leave him at the house because he has no car. But I am scared as I have a feeling that if he got a car she would still see him, what makes it worse he might come to see us. I have not seen my dad in ten months and I don’t miss him one bit but i am scared that he might hurt my mom will she is visiting him or once he gets a car he will track us down, and he said he wouldn’t do that but he might not keep his words as there has been times that he didn’t keep his word. that I don’t know what to do because we do not have enough money to give him a car and move out of the state and I begged my mom to do something before she gets hurts but she doesn’t. We shouldn’t be like this, I know I am causing enough stress on my mom because she has to put up with me ( I am a troublesome teen as I love to talk a lot. I will nag someone’s ear off if I have an idea) and she has to put up with the bills in the place we are at. I can’t find a good job and it would be impossible even if I did as I am in college and I need all the study time I can get because I am slow at learning, also I have no social skills whatsoever so I am just extra baggage to my mom. In the mean time I have my dad over here bugging her all the time and I try to make it better for her, I study and I don’t cause any trouble at school, but she is so stressed. Sometimes she will cry when she thinks I now looking and when I try to ask what is work, she won’t tell me. It makes me feel so useless and somethings I am sorry she ever met my dad, somethings I wished she married someone else so maybe she would be happy. My mother is a great, beautiful woman. She never once yelled back at our father no matter how much he insulted her and put up with him and us all these years. I just wished there was something I could do to make her stop seeing him anymore, he is supposed to be out of our lives and she should be moving on but she hasn’t. I am sorry for rambling on so long but I had to get this off my chest as it has been killing me to watch this happen to my mom, she keeps coming back to him even after all the abuse and the fact that we moved away.

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