Comments on: Finding Resources in Your Area

By: HotlineAdmin_RE

HotlineAdmin_RE — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 22:24:27 +0000

Martha,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. I am concerned about your safety. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. It’s not okay for your husband to control your medications or to tell you that you can’t leave. It sounds like you’re still in contact with family. Would it be safe to reach out to them for help? They may have heard mixed things in the past, but that doesn’t mean that what you are experiencing isn’t just as serious or even worse than it’s been before. If that’s not an option, is there anyone you trust that you could talk to? Maybe it would be possible to let your doctor know about what’s going on next time you have an appointment. If you’d like to talk to someone about what’s going on, you are always welcome to call and speak with an advocate here on the National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 1-800-799-SAFE. We are always available and are a safe place to talk about it. Give us a call when you get a safe chance.

HotlineAdvocate_RE

By: Martha

Martha — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 10:01:04 +0000

My husband is trying to kill me he wants to give me an overdose so it looks like i did it
. then he wants to use my meds because he heard they will give him a long time erection. he was bad for awhile but i started to make him look good to the family by lying and saying he does’nt do bad things anymore . now they all think hes the best thing in the world. he says he would rather me die than to have to tell me all the bad things that he has done to me in our thirty two years together I don’t care if he tells me I would handle it like I always have. but I don’t want to die. he won’t leave or let me leave and he keeps all my medicine to give it to me when he wants to. what do I do?

By: HotlineAdmin_CH

HotlineAdmin_CH — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:28:45 +0000

Tracey,
I am so sorry to hear that you’re in such a scary situation, but I’m glad you contacted the Share Your Voice blog. It can be very overwhelming to figure out how to get out without help. Advocates here at the hotline are available 24/7 at 800-799-7233 to offer you support, guidence, and resources to help you break free. Leaving can be a very dangerous time that’s why making a plan to safely leave is a necessary step. When you have a moment to safely do so, please read over our safety planning information page (http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/safety-planning/). I encourage you to call the hotline at your earliest convenience so you can discuss options, explore resources and develop a plan with an advocate. We are here whenever you are ready.

Take care,
HotlineAdvocate_CH

By: Tracey

Tracey — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 17:31:32 +0000

I am in a verbally abusive realationship. It gets worse do to drinking and doing drugs. I have 4 children,18,17,11,10. He moved me to Kansas,knowing that i have no family or friends here,. I recently lost my job and im getting unemployment. I did try leavinghim a few years ago,but when i did he broke into my house in the middle of the night and beat me up in front of my kids.I was like everyother women in this situation with kids and took him back. Things are getting out of control,Iam afarid to leave due to what happen in the past.I ahve looked online for help in my area but im not having any luck. Please help

By: HotlineAdmin_RE

HotlineAdmin_RE — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 22:39:14 +0000

Allison,
We would be happy to look up any domestic violence programs in your area that offer support groups for victims/surivors of abuse. I removed your city due to safety concerns, but when you get a chance, please call and speak with an advocate at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are anonymous and confidential and are available 24/7.

HotlineAdvocate_RE

By: Allison

Allison — Sun, 16 Sep 2012 21:46:30 +0000

I’m looking for support groups in my area [in IL].

By: HotlineAdmin_RE

HotlineAdmin_RE — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 18:42:59 +0000

T,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. That sounds like such a scary situation for your daughter and grandkids to be in! I understand why you are concerned for their safety. I am glad to hear that she is getting help from the local DV program, and staying in a safe place. If you fear that he is trying to locate her where she is now, can you talk to her about safety in her new surroundings? Some tips may include, being aware of her surroundings at all times, changing up her routine just in case, and not having her car parked at the place that she is staying. Hopefully the program that she is staying at will be able to help her safety plan, and they may even be able to relocate her to a different shelter if there is the possibility that he has found her and the children. As her mother, you can stay supportive and keep communication open with her to stay informed about what’s going on. You are always welcome to call and talk with an advocate at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are an anonymous and confidential resource and are available 24/7. You can also offer you daughter our number to talk with someone if you think it’d be helpful.

HotlineAdvocate_RE

By: T.

T. — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 05:43:48 +0000

We now have confirmation that he IS in the state she “escaped” to. It can’t be for “friendly” reasons.

By: T. Haas

T. Haas — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 21:28:52 +0000

My 30 yr old daughter and her three children fled from our home state 1200 miles away to get away from her abusive husband. He has physically abused her (put her in the hospital) and has even raped her (he says it isn’t rape if they are married). He has physically abused all three kids (the oldest isn’t his biological child).

Right now they are safe (we believe) and are working with the courts and police where they are. They are in a shelter.
He got served with restraining orders for her and the three kids and recently got served with child support garnishment papers. When he found out his wages were being garnished, he went bonkers. Crazy CRAZY type bonkers and lost his job. He has been making threats to “go finish the job” and has recently learned the town/state she is in but not the physical address where she is staying. He has not been seen in the past few days and may be on his way there.

I’m scared to death for them. My daughter and oldest grandson the most. I feel he would not hesitate to harm or even kill either or both of them. The younger ones to, to some extent because they are the reason he has to pay child support.

I feel so very helpless. What can I do to help? I know the state where they are at are doing a fantastic job helping her but this guy is really seriously crazy and dangerous.

By: HotlineAdmin_MB

HotlineAdmin_MB — Sun, 26 Aug 2012 04:14:46 +0000

It is common for an abusive partner to take it out on the children once you have found the strength to leave him. Now that he has lost the power and control over you, scaring the children is a way to show you he can still hurt you. I am sorry this is happening, no one in your family deserves to be emotionally, verbally, or physically hurt. I am glad you have them in therapy and have talked to your lawyer for help.

You did not mention if he is harassing you during the drop offs. If so, it is a good idea to exchange the children in a public place, like a fast food restaurant or even in front of the police station. Also, you can take pictures of the children before they leave you and another when they get back from the weekend with him, just in case something does happen when they are with him…you will have proof that they were ok when they left you.

For further tips on safety planning with your children and with the exchanges please call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 to speak with an advocate. Two useful websites are: http://www.custodyprepformoms.org and http://www.lundybancroft.com. Thank you for reaching out to the Share Your Voice Community.

Hotlineadvocate_MB