Finding Resources in Your Area
We often get callers who aren’t sure what services are available to them. They feel alone and that they lack options. We can connect them to resources in their local area to help them in their time of need.
The Hotline is a national service available to anyone. Our advocates can talk through specific situations, provide feedback and connect callers to vital resources. Our goal is to help survivors and their family members and friends understand the dynamics of power and control in abusive and unhealthy relationships. We also help create safety plans, or outlines of what to do in certain situations, that are both practical and effective for someone experiencing abuse.
We maintain a database of over 4,000 domestic violence programs. These programs vary from state-to-state and even from community-to-community on what services they offer and how they offer them. We use this database to give callers information about what resources are available to them in their communities. We can even connect callers to those services immediately.
There are some very common trends among these programs. Most programs offer:
- Some type of emergency shelter for survivors who are in immediate danger — this is typically short-term housing in a communal setting at a secure location
- Counseling and/or support groups
- Legal advocacy — especially advice in how to file a protective order or handling court appearances
- Community advocacy — they can help connect survivors with other programs in the community that can help rebuild their lives like childcare, employment resources and permanent housing
- Transitional housing — this is longer term housing, such as apartments that are available for one or two years
Some, but not all, community programs also offer:
- Battering intervention programs for abusers
- Assistance for immigrants to self-petition their immigration status under VAWA
- Customized or culturally specific services for communities of color, deaf, LGBTQ survivors and teens
If you’re unsure of the services which are available in your community, give us a call. We can help you locate and learn about the resources that are at your disposal.
This entry was posted on Monday, July 9th, 2012 pm31 6:37 pm
Categories: awareness, Hotline News, share your voice
My daughter is attempting to get out of her violent and abusive relationship. I am helping her look for a resource in the Petaluma area to assist her in relocating. She is not married to this man; however, they both share a lease which just changed from 6month lease to a month-to-month. She is giving notice to the management company today however she is concerned this will ruin her credit and thus the future opportunity to find another more suitable home to live in. She is currently staying with a friend. Is there a woman’s group she could connect with to help her through this time emotionally? I am living out of state and feel helpless. What can she do and want can I do to help her? Concerned Parent, Emily
Emily,
I am so glad you contacted our Share Your Voice blog. It can be extremely difficult to be the parent of someone being victimized and to feel like there is nothing you can do to help. But believe me, just the fact that you are loving and supportive is a huge help. Additionally though, I would suggest you offer her our hotline number (800-799-7233). Advocates can locate what counseling and other resources are available in her community. If she does not feel comfortable calling herself, we’d be happy to give you those resources to pass along. We can also offer you both emotional support as needed. I would suggest you check out the page on our website labeled, “How can I help a friend or family member who is being abuse?” (http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/). This is a great guide for helping parents be supportive in the best ways possible. We are here 24/7 waiting to assist you both.
Take care,
HotlineAdvocate_CH
i just left my husband 2 days ago and am staying with a friend..i have our 2 girls with me also 7 & 11..i have stopped contact fully with him for a little over 24 hrs now and he is starting to get more hateful..i am not far from him and fear not only for mine and my kids life but for my friends and her kids life..he has never hit me but he can be violent as his brothers are also and his father was to his mother..i left while he was out on the road (truck driver) and because i was told the DV shelter there would take me in..didnt know you had to call ahead..my friend came and got me and i left his car there and came back with her..i have gone to dfs and applied for assistance but choose not to file for child support because it would tell him where i was at.i have put all his calls to where they go straight to voice mails and saving them..this last one i got is the worst so far but know they will get worse..i have very little money and no job experience nor worked in 15 years..i feel totally helpless and no where to go safe..his other 2 kids work in this town and i feel i have to watch my back..fear!!!! funny thing is my new dfs case worker knows all about him and his brothers because her husband is a cop and has put away my husbands older brother in prison before..could you please give me some advice or something to help me out..i know for a fact its going to get worse before it ever gets better..to make it worse he hates my friend im staying with horrible..that just puts her and kids in worse danger..he is very possesive of me..please help asap…. thank you
Kathryn,
Thank you for contacing us. It takes a lot of courage to leave an abusive relationship, and it sounds like you are really scared and confused about what to do next. Due to safety concerns, I did remove some identifying information from your post. We really would like to help you, but the internet may not always be the safest way to talk about these things. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’ve been in a really abusive relationship. Abuse can escalate when you are trying to end the relationship. If you get a safe chance, please give the Hotline a call at 1-800-799-7233. Advocates are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and we are completely anonymous and confidential. There may be other local resources that you could get in contact with as well, and an advocate could get you connected with programs locally.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
I was in an abusive relationship for over 10 years we got together when I was 18 years old.It was wonderful at first but quickly escalated to jealousy, controlling to verbally and mentally abusive to horribly physically abusive where I was raped and beaten black & blue.It was pure torture! Sometimes we would physically fight over weapons such as shotguns & razor blades and drano ( his way of controlling me & keeping me there) I got numb to it all and let it go on for so long. Then one night it got do bad I thought he would kill me. I then decided to leave and not say anything.Because anytime I mentioned it before he would jerk the phone out of the wall and break my cell and take my keys.
I’ve been gone now for two years and loving my new life I finally feel alive again! But lately old memories are re surfacing and I just found out he is moving a little over a mile from me and I’m scared anything I can do? I had a court orders DVO but it expired 2011.
Hi Just wanna live,
Thank you for sharing your story with our Blog Community. I’m so glad to hear that you were able to get out of the abusive relationship safely and that you love your new life! It sounds as if your situation was very scary and it is not okay that he is continuing to try to live near you. While we cannot offer specific legal advice, if you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 an Advocate can offer emotional support as well as help look up local legal resource that may be able to assist you. You deserve to continue to enjoy your life and live it to the fullest.
Thanks again for reaching out to our blog community,
HotlineAdvocate_SS
I have been married for 2 ½ yrs…together 5 ½ years. We each have 2 minor children from previous marriages. He has been verbally and physically abusive to me most of our relationship. Before we got married and we moved in together, he had me sell all of your furniture and belongings….we have nothing. He also makes 3x my salary and controls our money. I need to find divorce legal assistance ASAP, as last night was the most recent physical abuse incident.
Thank you.
Hi Melissa,
Thank you for sharing your story with our Share Your Voice Blog community. Due to confidentiality and safety concerns, your post had to be edited to remove identifying information. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now and you deserve so much better than the abuse he is putting you through. If you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 an Advocate can help you locate local domestic violence resources and legal resources. Additionally, an advocate can help you create a safety plan specific to your situation. If you are on a safe computer, the following websites may be helpful as well: http://www.womenslaw.org and http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/index.php.
The Hotline is available 24/7 and is confidential and anonymous.
HotlineAdvocate_SS
I have been in an abusive relationship for almost 5 years now. It was just emotional and psychological abuse for the first 2 years. It is physical now and have been steadily getting worse. He has become more and more mentally unstable over the past few weeks and last week he admitted that he’s about to snap and start murdering people.
I never told anyone…I never even looked up anything about abuse I was so scared until 3 days ago because I started to fear him snapping and killing me. I told a friend, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but he’s been helping me talk about it and make a plan to run away but neither of us really know what to do so I need more help, but I have been under complete control for so long I try and try but I am having difficulty picking up a phone to call the hotline. I am afraid I do not have much time to leave but I am having serious mental blocks when I try to prepare things to leave, and I fear if I leave un prepared I would be found and killed anyway.
We have no children but we work at the same company so I fear I will have to quit my job. I cannot prove any of the abuse because he was very careful to not let me outdoors when I had a mark, and he would not let me make too loud of a sound when he’d hit me so. I don’t know if I could involve the police even if I weren’t so afraid to.
Looking for help
Hi Tooscared,
Due to safety concerns your post had to be edited to remove identifying information, but I am so glad that you reached out for support to our Share Your Voice Blog community. It takes a great deal of courage to reach out for help. Unfortunately abuse does typically escalate over time. If you call the Hotline an Advocate can talk with you about your situation and help you develop a safety plan, as well as identify any local resources in your area. The Hotline is confidential and anonymous. Advocates understand that it can be challenging to pick up the phone and call and you are welcome to let the advocate who answers know how scared you are. We can also talk to your friend, if you would like to give him our number as well. Advocates are here to support you, 24/7 @ 1-800-799-7233.
Thanks again for sharing your story in our Share Your Voice Blog Community,
HotlineAdvocate_SS
I am being stalked and harassed by my father. At his hands, I have suffered years of violent, incestuous, overall degrading abuse. It took a long time, but I finally cut him out of my life. Unfortunately, during that process I have lost the ability to call on family members for help who would be out of harm’s way. I’m afraid that if I get a restraining order he will do exactly what he did when my mother got one against him; which was to completely ignore it and send his friends to do the dirty work. Thankfully he has yet to narrow down my exact location, but I’ve seen him several times near where I live, because due to a conversation with my aunt, he figured out which county I’m currently living in. I’m scared that he will hurt my son if he gets a chance and has threatened to. To put it bluntly, my father is a terrifying man. Is there help available that will get us far away from him?
Dear Scared on the West Coast,
Your situation sounds very scary. I’m sure it took quite a bit of courage to finally attempt to remove him from your life. You have every right to call the police if you are in danger or even to make a report of what he is doing. When dealing with a stalker it helps to keep a log of all the incidents. Womenslaw.org has useful tips on dealing with a stalker, http://womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=178.
It is great that you are thinking about options to stay safe. Protective orders can be beneficial, but as you stated sometimes they may not be the best option for everyone. There is a resource called the Address Confidentiality Program that may be of use to you. If you would like a number to learn more about this, you can call us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.
It is terrible that he is getting away with hurting you and your family, none of you deserve it. A hotline advocate would be able to offer guidance and support and go over additional options with you if you’d like to call. Thank you for reaching out through Share Your Voice Blog community.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
My sister is in a abusive relationship she has came home with black eyes but she wont leave her boyfriend, she is only 19 yrs old…he is also mentally abusive telling her things like nobody is gonna want u with a baby and stretchmarks. I have tried my best to get her to stop seeing him, i recently called the cops on him for beating her but his mom convinced her to drop all the charges. I’ve very concerned about her and my nephew, i dont want him growing up thinking this kind of behavior is ok. Worst of all this family says everytime he hits her its for a good reason they dont help her out when he beats on her. I need help asap
Jess,
It can be heartbreaking to see your sister being hurt by her boyfriend. I think it’s in our nature to want to rescue someone being abused, espcially a sibling. Calling the police without her consent can put her in a dangerous position; maybe you can work out a code with her that would let you know when she wants you to call the police. It is important to recognize the kind of help she needs from you right now, which might not include calling the police or telling her she has to leave him. Asking her, “How can I help you?” can be a simple but helpful thing to say to her.
Here is a link to our website and how to help a friend or family member: http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/
Letting her know you care about her and that she doesn’t deserve to be hurt this way can be powerful words for her to hear. And either of you can call an advocate at the hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 for additional guidance and support. Thank you for contacting our blog community.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
I want help too.im eden from ethiopia.i dnt want to live in this country.im living with my family and the insult,regect,hit me.i dnt want to live this way.
Eden,
I am sorry that you are experiencing abuse from your family, no one ever deserves that. There is a website with information about getting help in Ethiopia at http://www.hotpeachpages.com. I hope this will help you. You can always contact an advocate at our hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 for support and guidance as well.Thank you for contacting The Share Your Voice Blog.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
To Scared; I feel for you Your story sounds so much like mine it brought tears to my eyes.Please call the hotline or come and join us we have a group on cafemom.com heres a link ;
http://www.cafemom.com/group/758/forums/758/Domestic_Violence_Main_Discussion?use_mobile=0
It’s women that are going through the same thing your are and women that are domestic violence survivors like myself my username is crystalj606
The women on there are very understanding and will help you anyway they can with resources and useful info.
It’s important that you get out of this situation it even more important that you get out SAFELY!!!
You should go to the court get a DVO or some court order to keep him away once you’ve left.
I know how unbelievably hard this is for you.But you are important you deserve to have a happy and safe life. I’d love to talk to you and help you through this. It comes down to choosing your own life over his! Chose life it does get better ! I’m living proof it’s never to late.It was the hardest & easiest decision I’ve ever made, hard because I was scared to death and thought I loved him.Easy because I wanted to live and realized if he loved me he wouldn’t hit me.
People say Abusers are ” out of control” but if they were out of control they wouldn’t think enough to only hit in places covered by clothing or be polite and nice when the police arrive .Ut shows they are in total control.Ive learned the hard way Abusers Abuse Because The Can & Want to! They get what they want when they want it they manipulate it works for them do they choose to do so.please join our group & find me.
Just want to live,
I am very glad to hear that you found the courage and strength to get out of your abusive relationship. Thank you for giving support to “To Scared.” It is important to be mindful that what might work for one person may be dangerous for another. Protective orders and calling the police can be beneficial when dealing with an abusive partner, but for some they may actually make matters worse. It is great to offer words of encouragement and links to helpful online support groups, while remembering that everyone’s situation is different and each individual needs to decide what is the safest option for their particular situation. Thank you for sharing with our blog community.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
It would be wonderful if there was a real way to escape violence. Yes, there are some resources, but they are not adequate to actually plan a permanent, lasting escape. What if the resources in your area are inadequate or nonexistent?
Hi Jennifer,
I am sorry to hear you are having problems getting access to resources in your community. While this can absolutely hinder someone’s ability to leave a situation, it’s not always impossible. Advocates here at the hotline would be happy to safety plan with you and discuss possible plans of action. We may be able to provide a fresh perspective and suggest options you had not considered before. At the very least we may have some useful information on how to take care of yourself as best as possible while living in a violent environment. In addition, you can always find information about safety planning on our website (http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/safety-planning/). Please know that we are here 24/7 to support you and offer an understanding ear. All you have to do is call 800-799-7233 when it is safe to do so.
Take care,
HotlineAdvocate_CH
Kathryn:
I want to let you know that if you are in the midwest, you can gladly depend on my help. I am a newlywed and my husband is beginning to display some anger issuesf from way back when he was a teen. Apparently, his dad was an alcoholic and left his family for another one. My husband drnks and has a difficult time holding a job. So i recommended that he remain self employed, printing shirts for special occasions. However, I am detrmined that if he gets worse, I am not leaving. HE will be leaving, even if I have o get help getting him out!! And f he become angry, I will ignore him and go about my day. But if becomes violent and relapses into the problems he displayed in earlier years, I will defend myself. I am so tired of hearing that the women have to leave. Call the police and let the abuser get out! After they have left, take measures to keep them out. There is no need to run. If you have witnesses, use them and blockwatch programsd for your witnesses and defense.
Lena,
We appreciate you joining our Share Your Voice blog to share your support. However, per our community guidelines (http://www.thehotline.org/community-guidelines/) we ask that you please not give advice or tell others what they should and shouldn’t do. Every person’s situation is unique and just because one thing works for you doesn’t mean it will work for others. Instead, try to frame it in a way that suggests possible plans of action, but doesn’t claim that this is the only or best way to handle something. Please continue to offer your support and participate thoughtfully in the blog discussions, but perhaps read over our community guidelines first so you can make sure you are being as helpful as possible.
Take care,
HotlineAdvocate_CH
Trying to help my grandma her husband has become abusive and threating to kill her, he has shot holes in the house but she doesn’t know what to do. She is not in good health and cant really leave. I live three hours away wanting to help her but not sure what to do. We think that he is mentally unstable because he can go weeks and be great then something sets him off and becomes very aggressive! Please help I don’t know how to help her.
Thanks,
Her grand daughter
Stephane,
Thanks for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. It sounds like your grandmother is in a really difficult situation. It can be so hard to know what to do in these situations, especially when you are seperated by a distance. If at all possible, please pass our hotline number (800-799-7233) on to your grandmother. We can work with her to figure out the best plan of action and what resources are available for her particular needs. Also, if you are able to call, we can offer you some additional support and answer any questions you might have. I also encourage you to read the page on our website for friends and family memebers of someone who is being abused (http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/) . It is important to take care of yourself amidst such difficult times so that you can be as helpful as possible when needed.
Good luck,
HotlineAdvocate_CH
I have been married for 21yrs. My husband has always had alcohool problem, very jealous, possessive & controlling. I thought this was just the way he loved me, however he lost his job in 2007 & never was able to get a normal job again. He got fired twice from two different jobs that he was able to get through my networking, he started suffering from Depression, mixing alcohol to medicine, it was a horror @ home, I have 3 girls one on her own one in college & my youngest is home 15yrs. Our life become a nightmare & threaten to kill us so many times he said the day I think of leaving him I will never see the daylight ever again!!! He try strangling me in 2010, my daughter @ the time called 911. I was so scared of what was going to happened next , he was taken to jail for 4months. I did let him come back home because he has nowhere to go & no money. I thought he will learn from that & be a better person, my daughters where not happy with my decision of letting him come back home. However he doesn’t drink anymore but he overdose on his meds. We don’t share the same room since then. He is lazy, sleeps all the time he has started this job as a town car driver for the last few months but he barely works, he calls in sick all the time. I recently had a conversation with him regarding this situation & told him that I can’t do this anymore it has been over 5yrs since I am the only Maine provider for the family including his mother who lives with us & side always with him. However I feel so down & trapped, obligated to provide for this people, he doesn’t want to leave neither his mother, he keeps telling me this is my house& I am not going anywhere but with his threat I can’t ask for help while being under the same roof. There is times where I refuse to let myself fall asleep @ night just because he is awake & that make me very worried. My daughters sleeps with me in the bedroom, I make sure the door is locked. I had a courage to take my decision & taked to him about ending this relationship in good term but the way he looked at me was very hateful & scary. He doesn’t want to leave & said ok! It looks like everyone is heading to the CEMETERY. I got chills hearing that. It has been a week ago & I am more scared & don’t know what to do???? Does he mean it? Does he just want to scare me so I will not leave him? I don’t know. My life is just a spin of thoughts in my head. I don’t want to leave because I pay for the mortgage, utilities etc….if I leave I have to stop paying for all that because I will have to pay for my rent, utilities etc…and I don’t want to lose my house. He has told me in the past that he was going to make me lose everything & end up in the street with nothing. I see things happening slowly but surely just the way he had said it to me. Please help!!!!! How can I keep my daughters & myself safe by staying in the same home since he & his mother refuses to leave.
Nadia,
I am so sorry to hear about what you and your daughters are going through. It’s an extremely stressful and scary situation to be in, to say the least. But please know, that you are not alone. There are programs throughout the country that offer all kinds of assitance to women effected by abuse. It can be very overwhelming to think about what your options are, especially when you are unaware of the resources available to you. That’s why advocates here at the hotline (800-799-7233) are standing by 24/7 to offer a listening ear and to provide you with local supportive resources. It took a lot of courage for you to reach out for help today and I’m glad you did. This is the first step towards getting you and your daughters’ freedom and safety back. Call us whenever you are ready.
Good luck and take care,
HotlineAdvocate_CH
I’m looking for group counseling. I was engaged to a manipulative, lying, cheating, player/womanizer that emotionally abused me through neglect, abandonment and nasty games. I loved him but he had major issues with women and cheating. The things that went on was likened to the Jerry Springer Show. Which is NOT who I am. (He liked hookers and happy endings as well as smoking pot). I come from a good family and have morals and integrity. My ex was also narcissistic. There was also physical violance especially when I questioned him. I was pushed, thrown on the floor, my mouth held shut and face squeezed so hard I had major swelling and still have sinus problems from it. He did worse things early on when he was drinking, he forced sex on me one night ripping off my clothes (he became sober 2 years ago). We were together for 4 years, engaged for 1 and he dumped me in March only to travel, go on dating sites, date, have sex etc then want back with me. I was determined not to let that happen again. Stalking and harrassing started. I got a PFA and it has been continued twice. Ist time he was ordered into counseling and to come back a month later. I took the stand then saying I was more wanting him leave me alone, that I wasn’t afraid for my life. It was continued again until August 30 he must take court ordered anger management classes. I feel depressed and traumatized. I’m fighting so hard to keep a man part of me still loves away because he is sick and I can’t live in his world of chaos and drama. I need help. Do I “qualify” even if relationship is “over”? I have little doubt if charges are lifted August 30th he’ll be back. Maybe not right away but at some point. I need to get strong!!! Please help me?
Hi Joan,
Thanks for sharing your story in our Share Your Voice blog community. It must have taken a great deal of strength and courage to go get a PFA as it sounds like you were in a very scary and abusive relationship. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way, but you do deserve some help and support. If you contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 an Advocate can talk with you, offer support and also look up local resources in your area for both individual and group counseling. Every program is different, but most programs will work with both victims who are currently in and those who have left abusive relationships. Ending the relationship is one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship and a Hotline Advocate can also help you create a safety plan as well. Advocates at the Hotline are available 24/7.
Thank you again for sharing your story,
HotlineAdvocate_SS
My friend is in an emotionally abusive relationship. Her partner has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and sometimes he takes his meds and other times he doesn’t. For the past several days, he has not gone to work, won’t let her take her young boys for a walk together and has locked her out of the house. He will carry one of the boys around the house so that she would only be able to take one of the boys with her when he leaves the room. He trashed the livingroom by dumping cereal all over the floor. While looking for his library card, he threw everything on the floor and if it was hers, he ripped it up and threw it away, including pictures, cards and photos of and from her children. He broke into her lockbox and removed his pellet handguns and actually was trying to teach a 2 year old how to disengage the safety on and how to pull the trigger. She wants out but wants the boys with her since she doesn’t trust him to care for them and he would leave the state if she left. He screams at her to leave the house and that it is his house (they rent). When she called the PD, he met them in the driveway and told them that she was crazy and they wouldn’t talk to her or would not let her finish a statement because he would interrupt because they wouldn’t question them separately. I don’t know how to help her get out of the house with both boys. She wants help and she wants out but doesn’t know how. He won’t let her use the computer and she has to hide her cell phone. She doesn’t work and he took what money she did have in her purse after he dumped it out. How can we help her?
Hi Erica,
Thanks for posting in our Share Your Voice blog community. It sounds like your friend is in a dangerous situation and she is very lucky to have your friendship and support. You are welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline @ 1-800-799-7233 and talk with an Advocate about your friend’s situation. Advocates are available 24/7 and the Hotline is confidential and anonymous. An Advocate can help brainstorm ideas with you and also provide you with local resources for your friend. You may also find the book “Helping Her Get Free” by Susan Brewster helpful as it has information for family and friends of a person in an abusive relationship. The website http://www.womenslaw.org also has a tab called “Helping Others” that provides information for family and friends and tips for helping with safety planning. Womenslaw also has legal information on custody issues. In addition there are also tips on our website for family and friends at: http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/
Thanks again for posting in our Blog Community,
HotlineAdvocate_SS
I recently got married to a man I only dated for 2 weeks, but have known and been friends with for over 20 years. Things were really good at first but after a couple more weeks he started drinking more and more. He is a career criminal and been to prison many times. Everything appeared to be good to the outsiders. The real emotional abuse started when he wanted me to hurry up to leave to return beer cans…. when I wasn’t fast enough for him… ( his boss could see just how many beer cans and bottles there were)…. he started yelling at me and I had no idea what I had even done. We always held hands while I drive and when I reached out to hold his hand, he was like don’t even touch me. Thus was so confusing to ne. I was married once before but was divorced over 14.years ago. And he is now very concerned that I will cheat on him and divorce him. From that point on he became very jealous of every single male acquaintance I had including my father. He even became jealous of my ex-husband. If the exhusband attempted to contact me about our children. He started calling me thewhole time i was at work and suspecting tgat i had a lover with me at work. my current husband would think that he was really trying to get back with me. I had never experienced these kinds of actions emotions and feelings before.
It did escalate very quickly and started to become physical after 1 month. He also started withholding sex from me. He stole all my anxiety meds and the last of our money. I was on medical leave. He was drinking more and more everyday and then the drugs came. Once the drugs entered the picture he was a completely foreign person to me. He ended up getting arrested for drug charges and when he was released on those charges it got worse. I couldn’t take it anymore. He left for the day to hang with the fellas and I immediately went and filed for a restraining order, and filed a police report. He was served and arrested that night. I then got a domestic violence grant that helped me fund relocating to a new home. The only problem is that when he was released for credit time served he continued to harass me all night long via blocked phone calls. I almost got fired from my job. I am having major difficulty with getting the rent covered. I am trying to find legitimate resources that will help with supplementing my rent for 1 month. I am very scared of losing my apartment and having nowhere to live. I do have a grandchild on the way and I don’t want this child’s life to start off with no home to sleep in. Please help.
My husband started bringing in my animals ( I was a former) and killing my favorite ones in front of me. Then he would threaten to kill me just as he killed my animals. I was terrified of him. I had NO one. My parents were dead, my children all in college. I locked myself in my room after he killed my beautiful Pomeranian female mom who had puppies. He put the knife to my throat as he slit hers. I got away and locked the bedroom door. I called the Susquehanna County, Pa. police and they laughed and said, When you have a dead body we will come.”
I then called the Women’s Abuse center and they refused to help me, said I called the wrong office and refused to tell me the right number to call.
I called the Crisis Center in Washington, D. C. and the guy told me my problems were so bad I might as well KILL myself.
This is the reason the next day I ran away and didn’t look back!!!!!! NOBODY ever helped me!!!!!!!!!
Now I can’t find any friends or anyone to help. How can you say there is someone out there to help???? You LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nancy,
It certainly sounds like you did not get the help that you deserved. I am glad that you were able to get out of the relationship safely, it sounds like it was incredibly dangerous. You are welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you ever want to talk or get support. The Hotline is available 24/7 @ 1-800-799-7233.
HotlineAdvocate_SS
I need some advice not sure if this is the right place though. My sons father that has custody over our child was arrested for domestic violence. He plead guilty to the charges. he got out of jail. I talk with my child every night. My son is always telling me that his dad is hitting him, making him cry, laughing when my son gets beat up yelling at him to shut the f*** up. I am in need of some help to get my son out of the abusive situation he is in. Since I do not have custody I cant fly to California where he lives to get him. All I know is the situation is not healthy and my son is always asking to come live with me. if you have any advice that could help I would be grateful. Thank you.
Hi Brittney,
Thank you for posting in our blog community. Your son is lucky to have a mom that he is able to talk with every night who can offer him support. There is a great website at http://www.womenslaw.org for information on legal issues and custody. Also, you may call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for ideas and other resources. The Hotline is confidential, anonymous and available 24/7 and an Advocate may be able to assist you in locating resources that will be helpful to your son’s specific situation.
Thanks again for posting in our blog community,
Hotline Advocate_SS
I was in a verbally and physically abusive relationship for 5 years and it took another year after the relationship ended to truly see how unhealthy and distructive the relationship was. After the relationship ended I find it hard comitting to another relationship. It’s been about 5 years since I’ve been in that relationship and recently I got into my first argument with a guy I really care about, during the argument he yelled at me and as soon as he did that my heart dropped and I began to cry uncontrollably. I haven’t been yelled at by a man since my abusive relationship and when this guy did that to me it took me to such a dark place. I’m worried that I have a lot of issues that I haven’t delt with and that it’s going to effect my future relationships… I just don’t know how to take the first step to get help.
Hi Stephanie,
Thank you for posting in our Share Your Voice Blog community. What you are experiencing is normal. It can take time to heal from an abusive relationship and you deserve help and support while you are healing. Some people find counseling or support groups helpful. Other people like to read and most people work on rebuilding their support system. Everyone is different, so the important thing is that you feel supported and that your healing journey works for you! If you would like to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline @ 1-800-799-7233 an Advocate can talk with you about what you’ve been through, offer support and also help locate local resources that may be helpful as well.
Thanks again for posting in our blog community,
HotlineAdvocate_SS
Ive been with my boyfriend since 2005 and we have one daughter. I want to leave him but i dont know how. I live 5 hrs away from my family and i can’t drive an i dont what to live with his family cause they will enable him. Please give me some advice how to leave him.
Nichole,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous times. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re not sure that you’ll have a safe place to go, where he wouldn’t be able to find you. There are local domestic violence shelters that offer services to victims of abuse, and that may be an option if you want to go somewhere safe. It’s important that he not know about what you’re planning. When you get a safe a chance, I would encourage you to contact someone at the National Domestic Violence Hotline to discuss safety around leaving an abusive partner. The Hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
I am trying to get COMPLETELY out of a tri-fecta of abusive. I am very logical, great common sense, good morals. I mess up whenever my emotions take charge. And I always seem to go to the extreme without even trying. I am a people pleaser & I HAVE to be needed or I go into a deep dark depression. Which of course starts the horrible cycle of stupid decisions. I know this relationship is wrong, I have never felt “love” Like this before. The pain & loss are excruciating, I strive for even a tiny moment of happy from him. I struggle each day to convince myself the hateful things he says are not true. For some reason God brought him in my life. I can’t seem to walk away without any contact at all. I’m so afraid of losing him, even though I know I never had him. He is a very, very sick man. Until he realizes that AND accepts that fact AND wants to get better, I can’t help him at all. Yet I sit there playing Russian roulette in the hopes of the chamber being empty at that moment. Why can’t he see? His father is the exact same way. He takes crap from his father and fears him. Yet treats his mother like crap & is jealous of his step-father who is a sick and dying Vietnam Vet. It is so hard going minute to minute, hour by hour without him in my life, missing his voice, his gentle touch, the utter perfection my life is when we are together. I assume this is all part of the disease. The pain is just too powerful and the “highs” are so incredible! I’m just a sexual, Barbie doll to him, I know this and keep going on like it will get better, I just have to be the little train that could. Meanwhile for the past year I have isolated myself, been gang raped and beaten by his “friends”, punished by cops as if reporting rape to get out of ‘trouble’ with boyfriend, left beaten and overdosing on ecstasy the night of the rape and just being an annoyance to ER doctor and cop, dr didn’t feel like following protocol and do rape kit, making me feel 10x’s more violated since although I know my attackers ( at least 3 of them), they walk away. This is the 3rd time in 20 years I have been raped and not once has anyone been punished. I believe greatly in karma, but this is just insane.. I’m trying so hard to be strong. I don’t know who to trust, if love is even real, what is wrong with me and please help me fix it.
Jkdenada,
Thank you for sharing you story with our blog community. You have been through a lot. No one ever has the right to make you do anything you don’t want to, or to harm you phyiscally or any other way. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you are struggling with knowing that this is an abusive relationship but not knowing how to get strong enough to make a change. There’s nothing wrong with you for caring about this person or for hoping that they will change. Abusers tend to be angry and aggressive one minute, and kind and sweet the next. It’s part of the control in the relationship for his moods to fluctuate when ever he feels like it. Some people describe living in that kind of relationship as “walking on eggshells.” I’m sure not every day is awful, but you have shared some very scary and abusive things he has done to you, and I have concerns for your safety, both physically and emotionally around him. If you get a safe chance, I would encourage you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and are completely anoynmous and confidential. An advocate could talk to you about what’s going on in your relationship, and also look up local support services, if that’s something you’d be interested in.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
Im looking for a support group and/or counseling in NYC area????
he hasnt hit me yet but the emotional/ psychological abuse and manipulative controlling behavior is affecting me I don’t know what to do how to be who i am anymore I’m 25 years old living with my boyfriend.. please help me
Karen,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. Living with emotional and psychological abuse can be very stressful and painful. It’s very hard to feel safe in your relationship when your partner is trying to control what you do and how you feel. I am unable to offer resources via the blog, but I would encourage you to contact us here at the National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 1-800-799-7233. We are a safe place to talk about it, and are available all day, every day. An advocate on the Hotline can not only talk to you about what’s going on in your relationship, but also look for support services for victims of domestic violence in your area. Please give us a call when you get a safe chance.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
My husband admitted that he just married me so he can have legal paper here in US,now that he is green card holder his attitude and personality changed,not like the first time that we met. I petition all his kids and 2 of the boys were already in the military,he send them to go there so they will have a stronger connection here. He is verbaly abussive and emotionally because he knows that i only have knowledge of everything.He gave up the apt we live in because his kids are not there anymore and he told me to go to my sister because he doesnt want to spend anymoney for me,he doesnt give money for food and before he ask me to pay for my own rent. He even get my salary to cover the money he lost in gambling and never pay me back,because if i dont he will shout and cursed me with painful low degrading words.
Diolita,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help and share your story. It sounds like your husband is very emotionally and verbally abusive towards you. If you’d like to talk to someone about what’s going on, you are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are anonymous and confidential and are available 24/7. An advocate on the Hotline could explore some options with you and also look for local resources for victims of abuse.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
I am looking to help my Daughter and her 2 small children. It is 9:45pm Friday 8/10/2012 and my daughter just stopped by where I live. And my Daughter has a cast on 1 arm that is the result of being pushed down to the ground recently and a broken finger that happened today. And she needs a place to go. She is now homeless and gone to sleep in a tent with her children . I am not able to take them all in and will not allow her husband to stay either way. I spoke to my daughter tonight and she is willing to leave him if we find a place for her and her children. But have not had any luck with finding a lace that has a opening. Can anyone lease help us. She is comming back in the morning to see me. We are in Macon County Tn. Thank You
Valinda,
I am sorry your daughter is in an abusive relationship. She does not deserve to be hurt. An advocate on our hotline can look up domestic violence shelters in your area. You can call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 for referrals. If a shelter is full, it is important to call everyday to check availability. There may be other resources and options that an advocate could talk over with her, as well. Like the possibility of obtaining a protective order against him; which might be able to help her stay in her home and have him removed from the house. Please give us a call so we can better help you find help for your daughter.
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
My sister has been married to an abusive man for over 40 years – I don’t know for sure if he has hit her but he has pushed her around and is horribly verbally/emotionally abusive. Four years ago she lost her sight during a surgical procedure. (He HAS pushed her around since becoming blind.) Her children are adults and struggling to help her. She has tried to get out of the relationship. He has become somewhat ‘psycho’ – has some kind of supposed black outs, has episodes of amnesia, has spent time in a psyche ward a few times in the last year, and so on. He is becoming progressively worse and doctors have no answers for his problems. Recently he has attempted suicide by crashing his car into a tree at full speed (in front of their house, but first called her tell her
to wait for the sound) and this past week he’s been out of it again. Yesterday she made a ‘feeble’ attempt to kill herself and later walked out of the house while he was sleeping after they had been fighting.. (She has no training to be out by herself). Her family (children) are at a loss as to where to go for help. She had made an attempt to start divorce procedures earlier this summer but he talked her out of it. The kids all work full time yet try to keep her ‘covered’ by having someone there almost all the time, but they feel their hands are tied in trying to help her. Please … can you help me to help them, to help her? Thank you. Jane
Jane,
It is terrible what your sister is going through. Pushing falls under the umbrella of physical abuse and she does not deserve to be treated that way; even if he is having mental health issues. I’m sorry to hear that she feels her only way out of the situation is to harm herself. It sounds like her children are being very supportive, is it possible for her to live with one of them? This situation sounds very complex. It would be great if you were able to give our number, 1-800-799-7233, to her. If she calls us we can better assess her situation, safety plan with her, and go over her options. Advocates are here 24/7 and can talk to her, you, and/or her children for support and guidance. Thank you for reaching out to our blog community.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
I am a smart woman- successful. I served 26 years in the Air Force. I am with a man that I don’t love and he doesn’t love me. He is a user.He won’t help with bills, mortgage or anything .He wont leave and I feel that I’ve worked too hard to accumulate “things” for me to just leave. If I leave my home my mortgage and credit score that I worked hard for will be in jeopardy. I don’t know what to do I need a friend and I have just recenty reached out to my family but am too ashamed to let them know everything. I am 58 years old and am sick of myself. I have talked with my doctor and talk anti depressants but she doesn’t know the full extent of what I go through. I just don’t know what to do.
Deborah,
I am sorry to hear that you are in a loveless marriage. It sounds like you are taking care of the financial necessities and it is unfair that he is not helping you. It might be hard to see this now, but if you are the one contributing to all the household bills, then it’s possible you have the financial ability to live on your own. It sounds like talking to a legal advocate might be a good option, to find out what your rights are, especially concerning your things and home. You can call the Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 for legal and counseling referrals in your area. Thank you for reaching out through Share Your Voice Blog.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
I married to an abusive American man one year and half ago. I moved to US from Canada left my job and comfortable life to live with him. He became more controlling and emotionally abusive once i start to live with him. He let me pay for most things in the house with little money I brought with me from Canada. He became more controlling, criticising about ever thing I couldnt do anything in the house without his permission. One day for some reason we had a fight and he grabbed my neck from the back and he pushed me hard to the ground I did get a chance to call the police and also I was scared what will happen after that, so I packed my things and came back to Canada after four months living with him. He has taken a lot of money before and after i moved to US. I came back to Canada emotionally divested and finically destroyed because of this individual. I have no contact from him it has been almost a year he just abandoned the marriage. I have been depressed since this happened can’t sleep at night and my health is not the same. This individual took ever thing my money, may life and self-worth. Please if you can provide me with any information because it happened in US I can’t seem to find any help here in Canada and also in US. This individual committed a crime but still living his life like nothing happed. I will be very grateful for any information you provide.
Aida,
Thank you for sharing your story with the Share Your Voice blog. It sounds like you went through an extremely difficult and scary experience, but I’m glad to know you’ve gotten away from him safely. Because it can be very difficult to recover from abuse, counseling from an experienced professional can be very helpful in your process. It sounds like you could also benefit from speaking to a legal advocate about your financial concerns. Advocates at the hotline (800-799-7233) can check our database to see if there are any legal domestic violence resources where the incident occurred. Please feel free to call us at your earliest convenience, we are available 24 hours a day/7 days a week.
Take Care,
HotlineAdvocate_CH
I am a man. My wife has been abusive but not physically. I now see problems in the kids. There is little information about what I need to do to protect them. She is basically just like what all the other comments are except physically abusive. Some days are worse than others. I am afraid if I divorce then I can’t protect the kids. Is there evidence I need or counseling available for her. Not sure what to do.
Thanks for any help.
Chris,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like your wife has been emotionally abusive in your relationship. There may be help for her if she was willing to seek services, but also, there is help available for victims of abuse if that’s something you’d be interested in. You are welcome to call and talk with an advocate on the National Domestic Violence Hotline. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline could talk to you about what’s going on, and also look for local resources for help.
HotlineAdvocate-RE
my 4 kids and i are victims of domestic violece caused to us by my boyfrriend his abuse was so dagerouse i was forced to leave.. we have no home and am staying with a relative across the boarder. what can i do i need to get a place,kids need to attend new schooli need help,
Lailanie,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. It sounds like you are in a dangerous situation. If you’d like to talk to someone about it, you are welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and are anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline would be able to find out more about what’s going on, and also see if there are local programs for more help.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
a criminal case has resulted from the latest abuse does anyone have suggestion
I am a 57 yr old female whom left domestic abuse after 26 yrs of marriage.I left with me no house,no spousal support and left the car too..Left everything.It hI have for the most part held on. worked learned new things been a struggle and all of this time I had had my daughter with me whom is now 30nwith 3 children. but for the last year I have lived with her and the boys. I just in May stopped working due to a verbsl abusive doctor I walked out and this was the 4th and last time the 3 others someone from the office caconfrontationlled or came and got me to come back to work for them I might mention one of them was the dr,s wife. since I have left it seems that I have edured some of the worst verbal and chest bumping from my daughter and degrading me with this in front of my grandsons ages 20 months ,3 and 9 yrs of age. this is a state subsidized housing apt. and I am not on the lease. she threatens me all the time .I have allowed her to use my car for work and she often has it more than me.I care for the boys while she works at a pizza shop . I have been in and I am the one whom gave up my disability check to provide descent furniture and beds for the boys and many other things has well.she has threaten me with bodley harm and threats of someone else hurting me. I dont trust her I hate that my grandson are subjected to her aswell
Debra,
Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like although you are out of an abusive marriage, you are continuing to be abused by your daughter, both verbally and emotionally. It’s not okay for her to threaten you or get in your face and push you around. It can be difficult to start over after an abusive relationship. Have you contacted anyone locally for support services? A good place to start for local referrals would be 211, which is the United Way’s referral service for assistance with food, housing, counseling, and healthcare. And also, If you’d like to talk to someone, you are always welcome to call and speak with an advocate here at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. We are available at 1-800-799-7233, and are 24/7.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
I was raped, physically and emotional abused by my mother & others growing up until age 17yrs. After graduation I moved out out and to find a better life for myself. I began dating but found my self dating all wrong guys noone hit me. They would make me feel happy at the moment but within time I would feel lose & negative so I would bounce around looking for someone tp love me & hope to find myself. Years later I had a son and I’m a single parent working to provide for me & him. I still feel I am that lose 17 year old. My.relationships haven’t go any better! I bece to cligy & needy& veral abusive & controling…I still feel lost in
so many ways but I just drag along to provi ded a roof over my child’s head. But I would like to know what can I do to stop being negative, verbal abuser, controlling, how’s to f0nd myself & l)ove myself ip& others????
Red,
Thank you for reaching out to our blog community. I’m sorry that you had to endure such abuse growing up. Going through sexually, emtotional, and verbal abuse will definetly have an impact on any individual and their future relationships. It will take the help of a professional therapist to help you work through the abuse in your past and learn alternative behaviors to your anger. If you have an Employee Assistance Program they will have counselors you can talk to for free or if you do not have that program there is a website http://www.helppro.com in which you can look up therapy in your area. You are also welcome to call the Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 for referrals in your area.
It takes courage to admit that you are being the abuser in a relationship and to reach out for help. I hope that you are able to find a counselor to help you become a healthier individual in your relationships.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
I left an abusive relationship two months ago. I did get help from the shelter in my area for a couple of weeks. My husband lost it. If he would have found me, I don’t think I’d be here. The first place he looked was the hotels in the town we lived. Then a friends house. All the while, the police were trying to serve him with a PO. Finally they got it done and we went to court. He didn’t fight the PO and it’s now good for a year.
He was abusive in a lot of ways. He destroyed a computer in front of my kids. He told me I was worth less than the pets. He has hit me and dragged me out of bed because he needed something right then. He’s also told me I couldn’t take care of my kids and that I wasn’t a good mom. I believed him for a long time.
He did however win rights to see my children. This is scary for me because I feel like one day he’s going to hurt them. He tells them things that emotionally hurt them. The latest was a suicide threat. I’m working with a lawyer, but she doesn’t think a judge will take the little time he has with them away. So I’m forced to watch my kids be tortured every other weekend. I do have them in therapy and it seems to help a lot My older kids don’t want to go back, but the lawyer thinks it looks better for me if I attempt to send them. It’s very frustrating. I’d be very happy if he’d just go away, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon.
S,
It is common for an abusive partner to take it out on the children once you have found the strength to leave him. Now that he has lost the power and control over you, scaring the children is a way to show you he can still hurt you. I am sorry this is happening, no one in your family deserves to be emotionally, verbally, or physically hurt. I am glad you have them in therapy and have talked to your lawyer for help.
You did not mention if he is harassing you during the drop offs. If so, it is a good idea to exchange the children in a public place, like a fast food restaurant or even in front of the police station. Also, you can take pictures of the children before they leave you and another when they get back from the weekend with him, just in case something does happen when they are with him…you will have proof that they were ok when they left you.
For further tips on safety planning with your children and with the exchanges please call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 to speak with an advocate. Two useful websites are: http://www.custodyprepformoms.org and http://www.lundybancroft.com. Thank you for reaching out to the Share Your Voice Community.
Hotlineadvocate_MB
My 30 yr old daughter and her three children fled from our home state 1200 miles away to get away from her abusive husband. He has physically abused her (put her in the hospital) and has even raped her (he says it isn’t rape if they are married). He has physically abused all three kids (the oldest isn’t his biological child).
Right now they are safe (we believe) and are working with the courts and police where they are. They are in a shelter.
He got served with restraining orders for her and the three kids and recently got served with child support garnishment papers. When he found out his wages were being garnished, he went bonkers. Crazy CRAZY type bonkers and lost his job. He has been making threats to “go finish the job” and has recently learned the town/state she is in but not the physical address where she is staying. He has not been seen in the past few days and may be on his way there.
I’m scared to death for them. My daughter and oldest grandson the most. I feel he would not hesitate to harm or even kill either or both of them. The younger ones to, to some extent because they are the reason he has to pay child support.
I feel so very helpless. What can I do to help? I know the state where they are at are doing a fantastic job helping her but this guy is really seriously crazy and dangerous.
T,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. That sounds like such a scary situation for your daughter and grandkids to be in! I understand why you are concerned for their safety. I am glad to hear that she is getting help from the local DV program, and staying in a safe place. If you fear that he is trying to locate her where she is now, can you talk to her about safety in her new surroundings? Some tips may include, being aware of her surroundings at all times, changing up her routine just in case, and not having her car parked at the place that she is staying. Hopefully the program that she is staying at will be able to help her safety plan, and they may even be able to relocate her to a different shelter if there is the possibility that he has found her and the children. As her mother, you can stay supportive and keep communication open with her to stay informed about what’s going on. You are always welcome to call and talk with an advocate at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are an anonymous and confidential resource and are available 24/7. You can also offer you daughter our number to talk with someone if you think it’d be helpful.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
We now have confirmation that he IS in the state she “escaped” to. It can’t be for “friendly” reasons.
I’m looking for support groups in my area [in IL].
Allison,
We would be happy to look up any domestic violence programs in your area that offer support groups for victims/surivors of abuse. I removed your city due to safety concerns, but when you get a chance, please call and speak with an advocate at the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are anonymous and confidential and are available 24/7.
HotlineAdvocate_RE
I am in a verbally abusive realationship. It gets worse do to drinking and doing drugs. I have 4 children,18,17,11,10. He moved me to Kansas,knowing that i have no family or friends here,. I recently lost my job and im getting unemployment. I did try leavinghim a few years ago,but when i did he broke into my house in the middle of the night and beat me up in front of my kids.I was like everyother women in this situation with kids and took him back. Things are getting out of control,Iam afarid to leave due to what happen in the past.I ahve looked online for help in my area but im not having any luck. Please help
Tracey,
I am so sorry to hear that you’re in such a scary situation, but I’m glad you contacted the Share Your Voice blog. It can be very overwhelming to figure out how to get out without help. Advocates here at the hotline are available 24/7 at 800-799-7233 to offer you support, guidence, and resources to help you break free. Leaving can be a very dangerous time that’s why making a plan to safely leave is a necessary step. When you have a moment to safely do so, please read over our safety planning information page (http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/safety-planning/). I encourage you to call the hotline at your earliest convenience so you can discuss options, explore resources and develop a plan with an advocate. We are here whenever you are ready.
Take care,
HotlineAdvocate_CH
My husband is trying to kill me he wants to give me an overdose so it looks like i did it
. then he wants to use my meds because he heard they will give him a long time erection. he was bad for awhile but i started to make him look good to the family by lying and saying he does’nt do bad things anymore . now they all think hes the best thing in the world. he says he would rather me die than to have to tell me all the bad things that he has done to me in our thirty two years together I don’t care if he tells me I would handle it like I always have. but I don’t want to die. he won’t leave or let me leave and he keeps all my medicine to give it to me when he wants to. what do I do?
Martha,
Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. I am concerned about your safety. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. It’s not okay for your husband to control your medications or to tell you that you can’t leave. It sounds like you’re still in contact with family. Would it be safe to reach out to them for help? They may have heard mixed things in the past, but that doesn’t mean that what you are experiencing isn’t just as serious or even worse than it’s been before. If that’s not an option, is there anyone you trust that you could talk to? Maybe it would be possible to let your doctor know about what’s going on next time you have an appointment. If you’d like to talk to someone about what’s going on, you are always welcome to call and speak with an advocate here on the National Domestic Violence Hotline, at 1-800-799-SAFE. We are always available and are a safe place to talk about it. Give us a call when you get a safe chance.
HotlineAdvocate_RE