National Domestic Violence Hotline Blog

LGBTQ Relationships and Abuse

Approximately 23 percent of LGBTQ men and 50 percent of LGBTQ women experience abuse from their intimate partners (VAWNET). This means that members of the LGBTQ community are slightly more likely to experience abuse than straight couples.

Same-sex partners who are abusive and controlling use all the same tactics to gain power & control in relationships as heterosexual abusive partners – physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, financial control, isolation, etc. But same-sex partners who are abusive also reinforce their tactics that maintain power & control with societal factors that compound the complexity a survivor faces in leaving or getting safe in a same-sex relationship.

Same-sex abusive partners use discrimination and rejection to control their partners, and may threaten to ‘out’ them to family members, employers, community members.

• Survivors may experience incredible isolation in LGBTQ relationships that are abusive. Friends or family may have rejected them, distanced themselves or made unsupportive, homophobic statements when the survivor came out or talked about their relationships.
• It may be hard for someone who is LGBTQ to recognize that their relationship is abusive, especially if it is their first time being in a same-sex couple. They may simply think that this is what all same-sex relationships look like because they don’t have the experience to tell them otherwise. This misconception may also be encouraged by their abusive partner.
• Some legal remedies that are available to heterosexual survivors are not available to gay, lesbian, trans or bi survivors. Because some states do not legally recognize same-sex relationships, survivors may be unable to seek protective orders. Same-sex survivors who are immigrants are unable to self-petition under VAWA.

If you are in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship and not sure where you can get support, please don’t hesitate to give us a call. We’re here 24/7 and serve everyone affected by domestic violence.

We can help connect you to local programs, including some, like these, that specifically serve the LGBTQ survivors of partner abuse:

Northwest Network of Bi, Trans, Lesbian, and Gay Survivors of Abuse
Seattle, WA

Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project
Cambridge, MA

The Network la Red
Boston, MA

New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project
New York, NY


1is2Many Campaign PSA

On June 21, the White House unveiled a PSA supporting Vice President Biden’s 1is2Many campaign, a landmark effort to end dating violence. Last year, Vice President Biden launched the 1is2Many initiative to focus on a troubling fact—women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rates of relationship violence. The PSA features President Obama, Vice President Biden and many male sports leaders including Eli Manning, Jeremy Lin, Jimmy Rollins, Eva Longoria, David Beckham, Joe Torre and Andy Katz.

Young women still face the highest rates of dating violence and sexual assault. In the last year, one in 10 teens have reported being physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend. One in five young women have been sexually assaulted while they’re in college.

The 1is2Many campaign has consistently used The National Dating Abuse Helpline as a resource for young adults to seek help. If you or someone you know is under the age of 24 and would like to speak to a peer advocate about your relationship, text “loveis” to 77054 or chat online at or call 1-866-331-9474.

National Domestic Violence Hotline Blog

Father’s Day & Survivor’s Guilt

Father’s Day can be very difficult for a family still experiencing the aftermath of family violence.

For a mother whose former abuser is the father of her children, she might feel guilty as she watches the families around her celebrate fathers and know that her children won’t be honoring their dad. She might feel that she is doing her children an injustice by separating them from their dad, even though being together meant that the abuse continued.

For a father who is separated from an abusive partner, he too might feel like he didn’t do the right thing by breaking up a family, as he watches other families celebrate together. He may feel pangs of guilt that he isn’t a “good dad” because he pulled his children away from their mother.

In times like these, parents need to remember that leaving an abusive relationship is ultimately healthier for a child than staying with an abusive partner.

Even if an ex partner was not abusive to the children, they were more than likely still affected by the abuse. Children are far more perceptive than they are given credit for, so if something was happening in their home they more than likely knew. Growing up under the same roof as domestic violence can have a profound impact on children, both physically and emotionally.

Witnessing domestic violence can affect children’s future relationships. It can mean that they are more likely to be abusive or abused. Children who grow up in a home where abuse occurs often have trouble connecting with, trusting and engaging with an intimate partner. This can lead to a lifetime of solitude or unhappiness.

Children who witness domestic abuse sometimes internalize the situation and begin to blame themselves for what is happening. They feel that they are the cause of the violence. These children often suffer from intense depression, suicidal tendencies, high anxiety levels and sometimes even develop post traumatic stress disorder.

Some children do the opposite, though, and externalize their home life (Safe Start Center). They can become highly aggressive or unruly, lashing out and misbehaving in other aspects of their life.

Witnessing domestic violence in the home can affect children physiologically, too. The American Academy of Family Physicians reports that children who live in violent households are at a higher risk of developing stomach problems or chronic headaches. They often have trouble focusing and learning in school.

It’s absolutely normal for parents to feel guilty for separating their children from the other partner on Father’s Day and other holidays. In fact, it shows how much they care about the happiness of their children. However, it’s important to remember that children are much safer, happier and healthier when they are not living in an abusive environment.

National Domestic Violence Hotline Awareness

Citi Employees’ Recycled Phones Help Domestic Violence Victims

We are incredibly grateful for the support we’ve received from Citi and Verizon Wireless. We wanted to share this article written by Irene Blake, Coordinator of Citi’s US “Wireless Drop-Off” to share their impressive support of The Hotline. The picture shows The Hotline Advocates giving thanks.

Citi holds a drive each year to gather and donate wireless devices our employees no longer need. The drive is an important component of our Sustainable Technology program, and combines Citi’s commitment to responsible asset management through recycling with our passion for active involvement in the communities where we work and live.

In 2011, our US employees collected more than 2,500 no-longer-used wireless devices. We wanted not only to keep them out of landfills, but also to give them new life while helping those in need. We worked with HopeLine® from Verizon  to have our “data-scrubbed” devices recycled and disposed of under a zero-landfill policy.

Even more importantly, Citi and Verizon Wireless are turning these donations into support for domestic violence victims. Our donated devices are being put to work in the community through a $10,000 grant awarded to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH). This grant will aid NDVH in its mission to provide support to domestic violence victims through advocacy, safety planning, resources and most importantly hope.

Now in its sixth year, Citi’s “Wireless Drop-Off” is one of the ways we are working to promote environmental and social sustainability. To date, we have recycled more than 15,000 mobile devices through this program and donated $76,000 to non-profit agencies that work to combat domestic violence.

For more information on HopeLine from Verizon, visit Learn more about Citi’s environmental and social responsibility efforts here.