Comments on: Moving On Emotionally After An Abusive Relationship http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 Sat, 25 May 2013 11:19:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 By: rose http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-26147 rose Sat, 25 May 2013 11:19:26 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-26147 just want to share my experience with the world on how I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 6years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience because I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him through his email address; dr_lovetemple@yahoo.com rose just want to share my experience with the world on how I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 6years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce… I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to loose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used roots and herbs… Within 7 days he called me and was sorry for all the emotional trauma he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily, the kids are happy too and we are expecting our third child… I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news… Just thought I should share my experience because I strongly believe someone out there need’s it… You can email him through his email address; dr_lovetemple@yahoo.com rose

]]> By: HotlineAdmin_SG http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-25509 HotlineAdmin_SG Tue, 21 May 2013 03:13:10 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-25509 Kari, Thanks so much for sharing with our blog community. It sounds like a lot has been going on and it sounds like a very difficult situation. We understand that abuse happens because one person wants power and control over their partner, and finds many different ways to gain and maintain it. Most importantly, the label of "is this an abusive relationship" is not as important as how it is making you feel and it is not fair that you are feeling hurt right now. You share many valid questions that may be best answered with a more extensive conversation. If you feel safe, I encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. An advocate is available 24/7 and the hotline is completely anonymous and confidential. HotlineAdvocate_SG Kari,

Thanks so much for sharing with our blog community. It sounds like a lot has been going on and it sounds like a very difficult situation. We understand that abuse happens because one person wants power and control over their partner, and finds many different ways to gain and maintain it. Most importantly, the label of “is this an abusive relationship” is not as important as how it is making you feel and it is not fair that you are feeling hurt right now.

You share many valid questions that may be best answered with a more extensive conversation. If you feel safe, I encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. An advocate is available 24/7 and the hotline is completely anonymous and confidential.

HotlineAdvocate_SG

]]> By: Kari http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-25447 Kari Mon, 20 May 2013 15:23:46 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-25447 I don't know if my relationship is abusive or not. It just feels very difficult right now. There is one particular issue where my husband scolds me as if I'm a little child. He uses my first name in a stern voice and I just feel so degraded when he does that. I get so upset but I don't know what to do with those feelings so I just pretend I don't care until I'm alone and then I cry a lot. The thing he scolds me for is that I'm a skin picker. I always have been since I was a little kid. I have tried to stop and been to therapy for it, but stopping is difficult and I don't always want to stop because picking my skin is so soothing. He sees it like it's an addiction that I just have to stop. When he scolds me I just start fantasizing that he will leave and never come back. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm one of those people who's just supposed to be alone. I am so sad about this one issue and I don't know if it's me or him. Sometimes I think it's him, but those thoughts are scary and honestly, if it is an abusive relationship I don't see myself ever leaving. Maybe a lot of relationships are a little bit like this? Where's there's one issue where a partner is controlling and really problematic? I don't know any more. I have first aid products that I use to clean my skin after I pick and last night while I was sleeping he either hid them somewhere or else threw them away. I feel like something in me broke when I saw he'd done that. If he doesn't like me picking then shouldn't he just be an adult about it and break off our marriage because he can't live with someone like me? Why does he stay if he hates the way I am? Why does he think he can change me by scolding me? I feel so conflicted, so overwhelmed, so alone. I'm crying at my desk at work. I don’t know if my relationship is abusive or not. It just feels very difficult right now. There is one particular issue where my husband scolds me as if I’m a little child. He uses my first name in a stern voice and I just feel so degraded when he does that. I get so upset but I don’t know what to do with those feelings so I just pretend I don’t care until I’m alone and then I cry a lot.

The thing he scolds me for is that I’m a skin picker. I always have been since I was a little kid. I have tried to stop and been to therapy for it, but stopping is difficult and I don’t always want to stop because picking my skin is so soothing. He sees it like it’s an addiction that I just have to stop. When he scolds me I just start fantasizing that he will leave and never come back.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think I’m one of those people who’s just supposed to be alone. I am so sad about this one issue and I don’t know if it’s me or him. Sometimes I think it’s him, but those thoughts are scary and honestly, if it is an abusive relationship I don’t see myself ever leaving. Maybe a lot of relationships are a little bit like this? Where’s there’s one issue where a partner is controlling and really problematic? I don’t know any more.

I have first aid products that I use to clean my skin after I pick and last night while I was sleeping he either hid them somewhere or else threw them away. I feel like something in me broke when I saw he’d done that. If he doesn’t like me picking then shouldn’t he just be an adult about it and break off our marriage because he can’t live with someone like me? Why does he stay if he hates the way I am? Why does he think he can change me by scolding me? I feel so conflicted, so overwhelmed, so alone. I’m crying at my desk at work.

]]> By: HotlineAdmin_MB http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-24979 HotlineAdmin_MB Sat, 18 May 2013 04:03:15 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-24979 Millisa, It is great to hear that you are no longer in an abusive relationship. It takes time to heal and move on, so please be kind to yourself as you take that journey. If you would like referrals for support groups or counseling, please give The Hotline a call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 for those numbers. Thank you for reaching out and sharing with our blog community. Hotlineadvocate_MB Millisa,

It is great to hear that you are no longer in an abusive relationship. It takes time to heal and move on, so please be kind to yourself as you take that journey. If you would like referrals for support groups or counseling, please give The Hotline a call 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233 for those numbers. Thank you for reaching out and sharing with our blog community.

Hotlineadvocate_MB

]]> By: Millisa http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-24747 Millisa Thu, 16 May 2013 13:51:12 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-24747 Thank you for sharing the information about the poetry site. I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship. I ended the relationship but am still struggling with being able to heal and move on. It is very difficulty when the person you love treats you with such anger, hostility and disrespect. No one deserves to be treated that way. Thanks again. Thank you for sharing the information about the poetry site. I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship. I ended the relationship but am still struggling with being able to heal and move on. It is very difficulty when the person you love treats you with such anger, hostility and disrespect. No one deserves to be treated that way. Thanks again.

]]> By: HotlineAdmin_VW http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-24626 HotlineAdmin_VW Thu, 16 May 2013 00:03:11 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-24626 Dear Michelle, You have been down a long and frustrating road since leaving your abuser. The work you have put in on resolving your trauma speaks about how courageous and hard working you are. Not every victim of domestic abuse can confront the issues in such a head-on way. Feeling shame is an affect of the trauma and all victims feel it at some time. It is normal. And so is the impatience "to more on". Not everyone understands Domestic Violence and not every counselor either. A Domestic Violence experience is much more than just an unhealthy relationship, it takes time to recognise and overcome the residual trauma and the repeating secondary trauma. You might try calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. An Advocate here can spend time with you to find other referrals that might help move you forward. We are here 24/7, we are anonymous and confidential, please call. Dear Michelle,
You have been down a long and frustrating road since leaving your abuser. The work you have put in on resolving your trauma speaks about how courageous and hard working you are. Not every victim of domestic abuse can confront the issues in such a head-on way. Feeling shame is an affect of the trauma and all victims feel it at some time. It is normal. And so is the impatience “to more on”.

Not everyone understands Domestic Violence and not every counselor either. A Domestic Violence experience is much more than just an unhealthy relationship, it takes time to recognise and overcome the residual trauma and the repeating secondary trauma. You might try calling The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. An Advocate here can spend time with you to find other referrals that might help move you forward.

We are here 24/7, we are anonymous and confidential, please call.

]]> By: Michelle http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-24409 Michelle Tue, 14 May 2013 20:41:28 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-24409 Two years ago I got out of an emotionally/physically abusive relationship, which ultimately resulted with me in the hospital/psych ward because I was so depressed and suicidal. That was the only way I could get out of it seemed, he broke me down so bad that I was too weak to leave. It's not like I didn't try, he just wouldn't allow it (he would block the door, lock me out of the building). He was bipolar and BPD himself and I never believed I had mental health issues until I was with him. He pretty much convinced me that I had depression and BPD but now it seems that was only because I was with him. We fought weekly, it never failed, we screamed and insulted each other. I may have been raped but I'm not sure because of the situation, all I know is that I kept saying no and he continued. So now it doesn't feel like things have been improving much for my mental health, now that I'm on antidepressants. I've never felt so ashamed and unsure of myself and I don't know how to get past it, it's already been two years and I haven't made much progress. I still cry a lot and I hate talking about it to people because they undermine the problem or they just don't understand. I don't know who I am anymore, and I've lost the meaning of friendship. I don't know what my real problems are and I'm getting so frustrated trying to figure everything out. Analyzing my thoughts, what do they mean, what do they say about myself? I have no confidence left, and going to therapy causes more anxiety than it helps. I don't have the motivation to be consistent in therapy, I went to one class of CBT and I quit. I can see that happening in the future. Maybe I don't want to get better... Two years ago I got out of an emotionally/physically abusive relationship, which ultimately resulted with me in the hospital/psych ward because I was so depressed and suicidal. That was the only way I could get out of it seemed, he broke me down so bad that I was too weak to leave. It’s not like I didn’t try, he just wouldn’t allow it (he would block the door, lock me out of the building). He was bipolar and BPD himself and I never believed I had mental health issues until I was with him. He pretty much convinced me that I had depression and BPD but now it seems that was only because I was with him. We fought weekly, it never failed, we screamed and insulted each other. I may have been raped but I’m not sure because of the situation, all I know is that I kept saying no and he continued.

So now it doesn’t feel like things have been improving much for my mental health, now that I’m on antidepressants. I’ve never felt so ashamed and unsure of myself and I don’t know how to get past it, it’s already been two years and I haven’t made much progress. I still cry a lot and I hate talking about it to people because they undermine the problem or they just don’t understand. I don’t know who I am anymore, and I’ve lost the meaning of friendship. I don’t know what my real problems are and I’m getting so frustrated trying to figure everything out. Analyzing my thoughts, what do they mean, what do they say about myself? I have no confidence left, and going to therapy causes more anxiety than it helps. I don’t have the motivation to be consistent in therapy, I went to one class of CBT and I quit. I can see that happening in the future. Maybe I don’t want to get better…

]]> By: Amy http://www.thehotline.org/2012/05/emotionally-recovering-from-an-abusive-relationship/comment-page-4/#comment-24285 Amy Tue, 14 May 2013 04:52:44 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=3771#comment-24285 Hi Lynn, I understand how you feel and what you mean by starting to hit back and it not you anymore. I was in the same situation as you. I was not the same person I was before i met my ex-partner. You know what he's doing is not right. Its time for you to think about yourself. Take courage and know that you will survive whatever comes next. Hi Lynn,
I understand how you feel and what you mean by starting to hit back and it not you anymore. I was in the same situation as you. I was not the same person I was before i met my ex-partner. You know what he’s doing is not right. Its time for you to think about yourself. Take courage and know that you will survive whatever comes next.

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