RHBH: Taylor Shares Fears About Marriage With Friends

National Domestic Violence Hotline Blog

RHBH: Taylor Shares Fears About Marriage With Friends

Photo courtesy of BravoTV.com

In last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we see the end of the trip with the housewives to Camille’s ski property. In a conversation between Taylor and Kyle, Taylor shared the anxiety she was experiencing about her failing marriage. A combination of altitude, wine and feelings seemed to overwhelm Taylor as she broke down and displayed emotions ranging from anger to paranoia and depression.

The other ladies showed concern for Taylor, asking her to talk about her situation and offering her their thoughts on her situation. After a moment where Taylor succumbed to tears, Adrienne piped up, “Sometimes two separate happy homes are better than one miserable home.”

From what we have heard of Taylor’s interview on Entertainment Tonight and from watching Taylor struggle on this episode, we know there is something majorly wrong in her relationship. In last week’s episode, she expressed that she was scared, and last night, she confirmed that she was afraid for her child.

Here are moments of this episode that we’d like to point out:

  • When Taylor says she’s scared, the other housewives don’t ask her to clarify. They never directly confront what is making her afraid.
  • Hotline Help: If a friend opens up to you and uses a word like “scared,” “afraid,” “nervous,” “intimidated” and other red flag words, it’s ok to ask for more information. You can ask, “Do you feel safe in your relationship?”.
  • Alcohol seemed to fuel Taylor’s candor. Consuming alcohol can be seen as a coping behavior and may be another red flag.
  • Hotline Help: If you see a friend reach for the bottle whenever he/she discusses their unhealthy relationship, point out this behavior to them when they are sober. It may sound like, “Hey, I’ve noticed you mostly talk about your relationship when you’re drinking.” Let them know that you want to take the opportunity to talk without alcohol present.
  • Kyle didn’t talk about Taylor’s situation when she had reunited with her husband Mauricio because she didn’t want him to think that she didn’t have a good time on the trip.
  • Hotline Help: If you ever are worried about a friend, it’s ok to use the people in your life as your sounding board. If your friend’s behaviors are striking you as off or concerning, talk about it with someone else and air your concerns. Silence might perpetuate your friend’s suffering.
  • It can be hard to know what to say to a friend in need. Make sure you stay away from areas of victim-blaming. This exchange perked our ears:
    Lisa: “Don’t you really feel that maybe you really deserve better than the way you’ve been treated. Really?”
    Taylor: “I think I don’t believe that. “
    Lisa: “That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
    While Lisa was trying to help, her approach placed the guilt on Taylor, making Taylor believe that she had done something wrong.
  • Hotline Help: No one chooses to be in an abusive relationship or wants the abuse to continue. Remember to be supportive and non-judgmental. Respect your friend’s decisions and do not criticize them. Remember that it’s easier to talk as an outsider looking at the relationship than the other way around.
  • This was an emotional trip for the housewives. As they returned home, especially in light of what Taylor had shared, we were concerned that no one asked her the crucial question, “Do you feel safe going home?”
  • Hotline Help: After a friend shares that they worry about their safety, or the safety of a child, address their physical needs by asking if they feel safe to go back to the house.

Are you ready to have the conversation? If you need help or would like more information about how to support a friend or family member, please contact us at The Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Comment section

18 replies
  1. I’m surprised to not see any comments here.

    I don’t watch the show, but I’m going to start watching. Interestingly, I caught part of this episode while channel-surfing one evening, but it was hard to figure out what was going on.

    For those of us who aren’t familiar with the show – are these episodes taped and then aired at a later date, or is the show aired in near-real-time? Your earlier post mentioned photos of a black eye – did that happen before or since the taping?

    Also, has anyone reached out to Taylor personally to offer her any kind of support? Say, pointing her to available support lines and literature?

  2. This is one of the most helpful pieces of information I’ve read in a LONG time. I am a victim of domestic violence. My close friend has just experienced it. Thankfully these blogs, hotlines, safety plans, safehouses and resources exist. The Family Tree Karlis Center and the Women’s Crisis Center were integral in helping me understand my situation, feel safe enough to explain some of the details, begin to take action and establish a safety plan.

    October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

    Help your friends, family, teens, kids and teachers understand how to help those experiencing abuse.

    Offer to volunteer your home as a safe house if you have a spare bedroom
    Offer to spend a few hours each month on a hotline
    Offer to donate cloths and toys to places such as the Treasure Trunk in Colorado or to the Safe Houses
    Drop off diapers and formula to any Safe House

    My experience: The Treasure Trunk offered me a gift certificate of $50. This was incredibly generous, as I was able to buy gently used or never worn (some had the original tags on them) for me and my two kids. Because I had to spend our money on an attorney to help us, we had very little left for food, clothing and the daily prescriptions my son required.

    1. MyVoiceIsPowerful,
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts and suggestions for getting involved with our blog community. It sounds like through the help of your local DV programs and support services, you were able to get safe and move forward in your life. If you or anyone you know is looking to get involved on a local level, you are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. We are available 24/7, and an advocate could look up local DV shelters that might offer volunteer opportunities. You may also offer our number to your friend who is currently dealing with a domestic violence situation. We are an anonymous and confidential resource for support. Thank you for contacting us.


  3. As being a nationally acclaimed orator. empowerment training specialist and radio personality, I find myself networking with more and more women who are seeking the way of of their tragic circumstances by way of domestic issues so to the point that they believe that their lives are indeed in danger. Think of it, every 2.5 minutes a woman somewhere here in the continental US a woman is being beaten by a man who claims to love her and take her best interest in mind! Listen! Black and Blue Doen’t Mean That Love Is True! It isn’t love at all it is cruelty. Even sadder, so many women remain in these circumstances believing that they can nurse these “demented” men into becoming honorable loving people or else feel trapped! Wrong their is a definite way out and no you can’t make him improve until you move on. Leave him in God’s hands and he will reap what you sow! get out now!

  4. 1 question being told in the car he just picked me up from my evening class to tell me that my nieces baby died as i appproach for my phone to call the family to find out whats going on he knocks the phone out of my hand it drops to the floor and i got angry within myself . he said it will cost to much wait till we get home its cheaper . is this a form of domestic violence ?

    1. Maria,

      Thank you for sharing your concerns with our blog. I am sorry to hear the terrible news about your niece’s baby. The way your partner reacted does show signs of unhealthy behavior. If you would like to talk to an advocate about what is healthy and unhealthy in a relationship, you can contact us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.


  5. I have a question I been in a abusive marraige for 19 years, and I been through bank fraud my son got killed. And when I recorded a cd, my music is all over the internet and I am not geiing a dine of the money, some of the people that is stealing my royalties are my husband friend.And he tell me everyday that is my fault because they are doing this to me.I loss everything my salon, home and cars. Never had to depend on him for money now I DO, he got his own bank account, wont give me a dime, he only pay the bills he feel like paying is week, I cant have a e-mail account because soneone is always in the account, I feel like my phone is tap because he knows everyone who calls, and he put up a camera in the apartment, but is on his laptop to view only, I am so depressed in the place, untill I dont know what to do, he even try to make me think that i am crazy, and call me carazy and stupid all the time. I don’t have any money right now, because the business I am in right now, is very slow, for one reason, I cant get call on my cell phone at home, and my call are sometimes redirected to another number, and he tell me, U are a hair stylist and can’t make money , u don’t need to eat. Can somebody help me please, find a way out of this, I feel like nothing, in a dark place and can not get out.

    1. Sherri,
      I’m so sorry to hear about the pain and fear you are living in, but I am glad you are reaching out for help. It sounds like your husband has done everything he can to make you feel trapped, but I want you to know that you do have options. There are “safehouses” or domestic violence shelters all across the country that can assist you in getting your life and secrurity back. We here at The Hotline can help you find a shelter in your area and help you develop a plan to get out of the house safely. Advocates are available at (800)799-7233, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please feel free to call us whenever you can safely do so.

      Take Care,

  6. I a have just completed a tele script entitled “Freedom for the Stallion…I am my Sister’s KEEPER!” in between Lifetime and Cbs it will be produced! same message with a different approach! The story line is great!

  7. I keep hearing myself and other women begging for a way “out”, but i dont hear any advice of how to be able to stand up for yourself. I dont need a safe house, my xhusband doesnt live with me, but he stays here wednesdays and the weekends. He isnt on my lease, i know i dont have to let him come, but i cant tell him wat i need to tell him because i am emotionally bent, brainwashed whatever you call it. My mind knows what i need to do, and say, and when he is in my presence i buckle and what comes outta my mouth isnt what im thinking and i think who are you? why dont you just tell him to leave omg what r u doing? But i do and say what ever he wants to hear. I feel like an idiot, my friends and family know what is going on, i finally started speaking up and being honest about how i feel to them, now i feel like they think im just stupid, why dont she just tell him to stay away? Im afraid they are tired of hearing me talk about it if im just gonna stay in the relationship, but i honestly DONT want to i just dont know why i cant, wont whatever tell him to go? Please, please help

    1. April,
      Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community. The difficulties you are having setting boundaries with your ex-husband are not uncommon. It can be difficult to stand up to an ex, especially if there’s a history of abuse. It’s not uncommon for someone who is abusive to want to maintain power and control in a situation, even if you are no longer together. Are you afraid of what may happen if you do try and tell him to leave? There may be things that you are doing now to maintain peace or to feel safe. It doesn’t mean that you won’t ever be able to stand up to him or to say what you really want to happen. It sounds like you are struggling with what you feel like you need to do, and finding a way to take steps in that direction. It may be beneficial to get some support to help you deal with the abuse that you’ve been through. You are always welcome to call an advocate here at the Hotline to talk about what’s going on. We can also look for local programs that may be able to offer counseling services. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential.


  8. Oh my Domestic Violence counselor told me if I want the abuse to stop I must move out .
    OK I can accept that. So after 33 yrs of abuse I must move on. My SS income is less then 700.00
    I have been looking for a room to rent. I will not be able to have a car, I just can’t afford the insurance
    tires, gas etc. So I was told to buy myself a bus ticket. OK I have cash, but where to I go?
    Will I be able to carry a change of clothes, a hair dryer? So It’s so hard. I want his abusive behavior
    to stop. It hasn’t. Know matter what I say, please don’t talk to me like that. NO he doesn’t change,
    why do you drink everyday? No change. Why do you keep cussing me out? Reprimanding me in
    public? It will never stop. So where do I tell the bus drive I want to go? Just a safe place.

    1. Hi Open the sky,

      Thank you for sharing your story with the Share Your Voice blog community. It sounds like you have been through a lot these last 33 years but are working hard to get yourself to a safe place. You deserve much better than how you are being treated by him. He has no right to curse you out or be abusive to you in any kind of way. His abusive behavior is about wanting power and control, it is a choice on his part and it is not okay. If you will contact us at 1-800-799-7233, we can help you create a safety plan and try to help you find a safe place to go. We are available 24/7. You deserve to be safe.


  9. I allege to the pledge to put a definite end to Domestic ZViolence on any and every level our society on all 7 Continents. Mark the Calendar. Friday, January 6, 2012 is Save OUR Sisters DAY. Start the chain letter now all across the nation and the world. Lead your community in this mych needed initiative.

    1. Hi Abby,
      We had to remove your contact information from your post in accordance with our community guidelines, which can be found here: http://www.thehotline.org/community-guidelines/. We are glad to hear you are getting involved and being proactive in trying to bring awareness to this issue. You are always welcome to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for information about local domestic violence programs.


  10. I am looking for information on how to leave the relationship to the point where I need to walk away, quit my job and relocate. All these websites are about awareness. Does the hotline help you relocate?

    1. Ray,

      An advocate at the Hotline would be glad to help you figure out how to relocate and help you safety plan around the leave. You can call us 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. Thank you for reaching out to us for support.


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