National Domestic Violence Hotline Blog

New Music Video Brings Awareness to Domestic Violence

Rap duo Atmosphere shines a spotlight on domestic violence and The Hotline today with the release of the music video for their new single “The Last To Say.” The song tells the story of two generations of a family suffering due to domestic violence. In the video, the child who witnessed his father’s abuse growing up becomes the abuser as an adult in his own relationship. The end of the video features the website and number of The Hotline.

MTV is premiering the video on its activist-focused ACT blog, MTVU and MTV2 today. The video has already gotten attention on popular music blogs Antiquiet, Music by Goat and The Originators.

“Domestic violence is something that everyone has dealt with, directly or indirectly,” Sean ‘Slug’ Daley, one half of Atmosphere, stated in an MTV interview about the video.

The group is one of the most successful independent hip hop groups since debuting in 1989. Critics have applauded Atmosphere’s lyrics for their thoughtful and introspective quality. This is the first time the group has taken an activist stance through their music.

Daley also said that the group had wanted to speak out on the subject for some time, but needed the right music for his message.

“Making someone aware of the situation you’re in is difficult, but reaching out and asking for help and finding a way to protect yourself is the most important thing,” Daley added.

43 replies
  1. Christina says:

    This video made me cry. I am pleased to read that it will be shown on MTV’s activist-focused ACT blog, MTVU and MTV2. It would be nice to see it on mainstream MTV too though, because it’s not just a problem activists are interested in. It is a problem real people are dealing with. Heck, I’d like to see it on FoxNews or something…Everyone should see this message. No One should have to suffer.

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Thank you for your comment! You’re right, it is an issue people are dealing with everyday. Domestic violence does not discriminate; it can happen to anyone. It is great that MTV is bringing attention to the issue.


  2. Stephen Tutt says:

    Hi, I am a victom of domestic violence and I have been bullied many times. I divorced my wife because she was getting violent and she put our 1 year old son in danger. She has custody of my son and puts him in danger every day. Even the social study worker in our divorce wrote in her final report that she is concerned that my exwife will get violent in her current relationship. I am homeless now and jobless. I am trying to anything I can to protect my son. CPS cannot find any proof of the things that I reported. I have a hearing tomorrow with my unemployment and if I win, I will be rewarded anywhere from $1,500 to $3,000. I am trying to start a Take A Stand Against Domestic Violence where I will give that money away if I can get my voice out and other victoms or people who want to help. I don’t know if this will work but I have tried everything and I am hopeless and scared for my son. I have to try this. I can only hope that if my voice is heard as well as others, maybe my exwife will acknowledge what she is doing as well as other abusers and maybe they will get get help for themselves. If there is anything you can do to help by either recomendations or whatever you can think of, please help. Thank you!

    S Tutt

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Hi Stephen,
      I went ahead and removed your email address from your post for confidentiality and safety reasons, as per our sharing guidelines. It sounds like you have been through a lot since you have gotten out of your abusive relationship. I understand your concern for your son’s safety, as well as your disappointment in the system. You are always welcome to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and an advocate could talk to you about how to access local resources for assistance. There might be a domestic violence program in your area that you could talk to about getting involved with, or whom might have suggestions for local activist organizations. An advocate could also talk with you about your safety concerns for your son, and see if there are any resources to help you through this process.


  3. Renee Blair says:

    My story is similar to yours, only I am the wife who was abused by her husband. He abused our one year old son as well. When I called the police on him he lied to them, then went to another police station and claimed domestic violence against me! There is now a restraining order against me and I can not be with either of my children while the second generation abuser has them! I am so fearful he will harm them as he did me for years. I now understand why I was always scared to report domestic violence instances to the policce. The victim is NOT easily believed. Many abusers tend to claim thier victims are “crazy” and they get away with it. I also have court dates coming up and am extremly hopeful that a judge will see the difference in False Evidence Appearing Real – FEAR. I hope it helps for you. I wish you all the best and whenever I too have money again, I will be donating to any agency that helps victims of DV.
    Renee B.

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      That is such a powerful story, thank you for sharing it with Stephen and our blog community. It is not uncommon for situations like this to happen; where the abuser is able to manipulate the court system and make it seem like the victim is really the abuser. Hopefully, a judge will see through these false allegations. has a great section on their website about how to prepare yourself for a court case with an abuser. You can find it here You are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for additional support. An advocate would be able to help you locate resources for support services in your community.


  4. J says:

    My story is continuing and seems to never stop. Last night he wanted sex. I thought he was going to rape me. I am isolated and afraid to ask for help. The one time I did the shelter was full. Please someone help me escape my abuser. He also shot his gun yesterday after he heard of a woman turning boyfriend into the police or abuse. He said that he was afraid I was going to call the police on him like that woman did, and ruin his life. Soon after he walkd outside and shoot his gun 4 times, at a cat he said. Very frightened and dont know what to do. I have no family or friends that can or will help me. I dont have any money and no transportation. What can I do? I am not ignorant or uncapable, I just live in fear and self doubt.

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      It is not your fault that your boyfriend is chosing to act in these scary and aggressive ways towards you. He has no right to put his hands on you or to make you do anything you don’t want to. If you are thinking about leaving the relationship, it is really important that for your safety, your boyfriend have no idea about any plans that you are making. Reaching out for help and calling a shelter was a really big step, and i’m sure it was disappointing to not find any help. Shelter space is variable and can change from day to day. It’s not impossible to find, it just may take calling a program every morning until something becomes available. If you feel like a domestic violence shelter would be an option for you, the Hotline can always help you call programs in your area, or outside of the area if that feels safer. It would be safer to call when your boyfriend is not home, and when you have some time to talk. You are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and are toll-free, so you can call from a payphone or cellphone for free any time.


  5. unimportant says:

    My recent xhusband began abuseing our family soon after we bought a home together in an upper middle class area of santa clarita ca 2001. I was a highschool drop out at the time with excellent credit becasue i never used a credit card in my life and had no desire to. i always live within my means. My mother in law moved in just after we purchased our home. there was a series of small disagreements that eventually led to the sheriffs removeing his mother from our home. the financial abuse began then in 2001. We have 3 children together. he has never assisted me with the children. He controlled the money. He controlled us. My x forced me to complete my high school diploma, earn a college degree, and work sevral diffrent jobs graveyard, weekends, holidays ect. The children and i rarely ever saw or spoke to him. i hav never had friends or family support as a former foster child. my x told me he filed for divorce just after i completed my HS diploma and just after my last college final. the divorce was finalied on 7/18/11. He is Military. He was removed from our family home by restraining order 4/28/08. as of 7/31 i am homeless. he was given 75% after fileing false deployment orders with the court. there are also numerous secret buisness loans, forclosure of family home and another home he and our three children live in with his mother that was purchased during the marriage without my knolledge. there is over $1.2 million in debt to be devided. if we hadn”t fought back, None would have ever wondered what happen to ms. unimportant. I am alone with little to no help, on disability, homeless, poor, confused, and without my children. I notified the FBI saturday. We pray anyone will assist. We pray that we can be together again someday. I have never been the worthless person he treats me as. let this be a lesson in partiotism

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with our blog community. It sounds like you have been through alot of abuse from your ex-husband. I can understand why you would feel hopeless and confused. It must feel awful to not have your children and to feel like no one is there to help. Oftentimes, an abuser will be abusive emotionally, and controlling financially throughout a marriage, and then leave their partner to deal with their mess. It makes sense that you would feel so stuck. You are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline could talk with you about local resources for assistance, and look for programs that might be able to offer some counseling support while you are going through this difficult time. If nothing else, we are available for support, all day every day.


  6. Camie Pope says:

    I lived in domestic violence as a child and then raised 4 children in the sane cycle. I finally got out of the situation when my youngest was 11 yrs. old (he is now 19). My daughter entered into the same situation and almost lost her life on July 28,2011. He was strangeling her and the only reason he stopped was because her brother (Thank God) called the police and they came to the door. We were not there that evening. The Federal Court System has picked up his case and he is also now being charged with tampering with my daughter convincing her to lie for him. He still had her in controll untill yesterday when the recorded phone conversations from the jail were used to finally get her to tell the truth. He has beat her self worth down and made everything in her life dependant on him or his family. The two of them have two of my beautiful grand children age 5 and 18 months. She has no job because he wouldn’t let her keep any job. So no income for her. the home she lives in belongs to his grand parents so that should be taken from her soon and the vehicle she drives is in his mother’s name so…that will be taken soon as well. Is there ANY organizations in my area to help her get on her feet? She is a beautiful 23 year old young lady with so much to offer to the world! She needs a job and a home to just give her a start. Are there any organizations to help with this?

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Your daughter has been through alot of abuse in this relationship. It is not uncommon for an abuser to try and maintain emotional control over their partner, even when they are no longer physically around them. There might be a domestic violence program in your area that could talk to your daughter about her options, and possibly offer counseling support. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential, and have a database of programs throughout the U.S.


  7. BRENDA says:

    Jelly Bean, this is so unfair, I’m not in denial when I say I never did come after you to hurt you, tell me one instance where I have done so.
    The bruise on your neck, the elbow on the breast and camper door were all your doing. you were in my way at your apartment. How do I know what crazy thing you were gonna pull and you were standing in front of the door where I could not go out without going by you. And the camper door in Durango, remember you first hit me with a rock. How can you conscientiously explain away such absurd and threathening behavior?
    On top of that, you professed a sincere belief in Abba-God, how can you live with yourself and sleep at nights. And then all the cruel, mean-spirited, hateful things you said to me when I clearly reminded you to be civil and calm.
    Its you who never gave our marriage even a halfway decent chance. I will use this to counter every false claim you make because they are on my e-mail transcripts…your weird Pastor Gil, didn’t even hear my side of the mess and he jumps to conclusions…what sort of crap is this? This is not right!

    this is the crap i get from my abuser he is lieing through his teeth the police is on his side-please tell me WHY THE COPS DO NOT PROTECT ME FROM ABUSE-DID I LOSS MY RIGHTS SOME HOW AND DO NOT REMEBER WHY??

  8. BRENDA says:


  9. HotlineAdmin_RE says:

    Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice Blog. It sounds like you are really scared, and looking for a safe way to get out of your situation. If you are thinking about leaving your abuser, it may not be safe for them to know what your plan is, or where you are planning to go. Communicating over the Internet may not always be the safest way to discuss these things. You are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, We are completely anonymous and confidential, and available 24/7. An advocate could safety plan with you and get you connected with local resources for assistance.


  10. Cheryl says:

    The URL is a link to a song I wrote last night… 1 year 10 months and 7 hours after I left my abusive husband for good. I’ve lost count how many times I left before, I can’t remember the dates but that anniversary is forever etched on my heart. The anniversary of the night he put me, his pregnant wife, in the hospital. Don’t stay because he promises he won’t do it again. Don’t stay because he says it’s not abuse unless he punches you in the face. Don’t stay because his friends and family ask you to take him back. Don’t stay because he’s looks miserable and lonely without you. Don’t stay because he was your best friend. Don’t stay because it’s just verbal or emotional abuse. It WILL escalate to physical violence. There are people who can help you. And even though it may seem hopeless, there are people who have lived your story and come out on the other side. We all carry the scars, some more than others, but scars fade. I am a victor.

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Thank you for sharing your song and your story with our blog community. Your powerful words and experiences will hopefully inspire others in our community to seek help and support for themselves. You are a survivor!


  11. Rena S. Mitchell says:

    These are just suggestions:
    Have you tried any of the websites for divorced fathers?
    Have you researched child abuse websites or abuse of children advocacy sites in your local telephone books?
    Can a librarian help you look for the laws online for your state about child abuse?
    Can you find a mentor; another man or woman, who went through the same thing?
    Can you call your local Women’s Violence programs. They have persons who have dealt with child abuse issues? Can you call 1-800-799-SAFE? It is for abuse to women, but every one realizes that abuse can occur from a wife, to her family in some cases.
    Even if you are not presently employed, don’t let that stop you from advocating for your children!
    I realize that when you are going through severe stress, it is difficult to think clearly. Pray for help in this matter as well.
    I realize that you don’t have much time to deal with this, so focus on what you are able to do in the little time you have, and pray, pray, pray.
    Respectfully speak up before your local authorities at court, you have the right to be heard!

  12. Rena S. Mitchell says:

    These are just suggestions:
    Have you tried any of the websites for divorced fathers?
    Have you researched child abuse websites or Abuse of children advocacy sites in your local telephone books?
    Can a librarian help you look for the laws online for your state about child abuse?
    Can you find a mentor; another man or woman, who went through the same thing?
    Can you call your local Women’s Violence programs. They have persons who have dealt with child abuse issues? Can you call 1-800-799-SAFE? It is for abuse to women, but every one realizes that abuse can occur from a wife, to her family in some cases.
    Even if you are not presently employed, don’t let that stop you from advocating for your children!
    I realize that when you are going through severe stress, it is difficult to think clearly. Pray for help in this matter as well.
    I realize that you don’t have much time to deal with this, so focus on what you are able to do in the little time you have, and pray, pray, pray.
    Respectfully speak up before your local authorities at court, you have the right to be heard!
    Another thought, please don’t take a chance on your wife realizing that she needs help to stop abusing a child. Often abusers will not take the action necessary. You must protect your child.

  13. Rena S. Mitchell says:

    Please google domestic violence shelters. You may not be able to stay in your area, but wherever you have a place of protection, it is better than being dead or crippled. Sometimes a local shelter will help you with a small amount of travel expense. Your life is more valuable that any possession.

  14. Lakisha says:

    Hello ladies how are you guys doing today ? I hope wonderful well I wanted to speak up about domestic violence. I was once a victim of domestic violence and I want to make this clear I know how each and every one you guys feel who may be face with domestic abuse, At the time when I was a victim I felt like no one could understand my pain sometimes I felt like no one even cared. My abuser had a lot of people fooled even some of my family members. So I went through a lot heart ships losses due to this abuse so one day I say self we must do something about this enough is enough so I thank god for this he sent in the path of people who helped me through this ugly thing and made me realize that I was somebody and I was important. So I decided to created my own website/blog to give back to women who may be going through type I want to make this loud and clear any type of abuse is not right !!!!! So I would like to share my website with you if you feel like you can’t use it at home go to a friend house or the library - thank you ladies please be encourage

  15. chodgins says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story of survival. It is a powerful thing that you can use your experiences to educate and inspire women all around the world.
    Keep up the good work! It is important that women stand together and make this issue known so that we can raise awareness and make a difference.


  16. Rena S. Mitchell says:

    You might be helped by reading information at the website:Sanctuary From Abuse. I’m sure you could find it if you googled those words. On about August 18th an article was on their site called “How to be a Passive Aggressive Verbal Abuser. I am sure you would find help in just reading that article and others. It describes how abusive persons act. I am sorry for what you have been through. I hope that this helps.

  17. chodgins says:

    Thank you so much for offering support and encouragement. It’s clear that you’re very concerned. No one deserves to be abused and you’re absolutely right that there are programs that can help. We have a database with thousands of shelters around the country that we can directly connect our callers to 24 hours a day. We also have highly trained staff available (24/7) to talk about all DV related issues and to help callers locate other nonresidential services such as counseling and legal advocacy. Leaving can be a very dangerous and emotionally challenging time and Hotline advocates can help survivors think about how to increase their safety and emotional well-being.


  18. Dawn says:

    If people aren’t aware of abuse it’s because they don’t want to be. My family’s a perfect example. My mom had 4 kids by 3 men. The first 2 were total dead beats. The last was physically abusive or otherwise neglectful then he was another dead beat. Mom’s relatives claimed they didn’t know. How can you miss 4 kids by 3 men? And I know at least 2 saw abuse & at least 1 of them snitched. Yet nothing was done.

    After “dad” came my 1/2 brother & step-dad. They’ve been mentally bashing me for years including well into adulthood. Actually they’d bash me now if I’d answer their phone calls. There’s been no defense or consequences. And much of this was done in front of my child teaching her to do the same. She’s been a walking behavioral problem since she could walk. Sure we’ve tried therapy. If they dragged in these nut-cases abusing us it might do us some good…but they don’t.

    Stopping the cycles of abuse isn’t possible because it’s everywhere & there’s no help to do so. Because of greedy & corrupt doctors we’ve been sick all my child’s life. I’ve been fired over health problems…& no way to sue anybody. With DHS we got no money because the $200/mo child support we got was more then they would’ve given us. We got a few food stamps & Medicaid which might be fine for kids w/ colds but for people with serious health problems it’s a joke. For extras I had to clean my mom’s house & mow her yard…to be bashed by my brother & step-dad in front of my kid. Moving into the projects just gets you more disrespect…& no way to sue anybody.

    If you’re disabled & alone you should avoid TX like the plague. Somebody I dumped over 22 years ago has spent most of the last 7 years slandering me & mentally abusing, neglecting & exploiting my kid & I both & they’ve let him get away with it. There’s no kind of emergency housing here so they leave you to rot. He’s finished what my family started. My kid’s 22 years old & refuses to move from in front of the TV or net. The only thing I can do is pack up what I can, lose the rest & go home where there’s housing & I know where to find it. My kid insists on sitting here & mooching & all I can do about it is disown her.

    • ssnyder says:


      Thank you for posting about your story. That takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you have been through a lot and you are obviously a very strong and resilient person. You deserve so much better than what you have been put through! Stopping the cycle of abuse takes a lot of hard work and courage and we want to support you on your journey. If you are looking for help, I encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime @ 1-800-799-7233. We can try to help problem solve ideas with you and get you connected with local recourses. We are also here to provide you with emotional support any time you need it.


  19. Willlow says:


    I just left a control freak. He was isolating me from my friends and telling me how to spend my money etc. He abuses drugs and alcohol and I tried to get him to go to rehab. I couldn’t help him because he’s in denial. He is always the victim.

    This video was a painful reminder of the cycle wheel of domestic violence. I had to just leave him because it was escalating. I started fighting back and I don’t want to end up in jail.

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. I am glad to hear that you were able to leave your abuser and get safe. It sounds like he was really controlling and blaming. It’s not uncommon for a victim of domestic violence to start reacting themselves, in ways that they would never have before. I’m glad to hear that you are out of that situation. You are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. We are available 24/7, and are completely anonymous and confidential. An advocate on the Hotline could talk with you about how to access local support services.


  20. Drew says:

    Atmosphere did a great job on this video. It definately helps portray how domestic violence effects more then just the immediate victim. If you liked this video youll love our music video which was made in honor of a murdered friend lost to domestic violence. Please watch and share to spread the message. Half the proceeds of iTunes sales are also being donated to the cause.

  21. Gwen says:

    I work nights and right now I am at work thanks to my supervisor and concerned co-worker.
    As with so many other days, and nights, of my life living with an abusive man this evening before I left for work he was “hot and tired and hungry and needs a shower” while he rumaged through the garage tossing his own mess aside looking for a lost cell phone that “has numbers for my family in it” “SO WHERE IS IT!!” He is “going to break some heads if it doesn’t show up on the table right NOW! ” He went on and on and everything that was out of place was that way because I “don’t do anything all day!” He kept on and on and….. I left only 7 minutes early (to get away before I opened my mouth inviting him to choke me or bump my brow with his head) and my phone has been ringing or beeping regularily since.
    His messages are repeats of so many other times I was not around for him to yell at , harsh, threatening, frightening… I never know when he will act on his words or if he is just telling them to me to be mean…So far I have not answered a one. His last 4:
    1) “I’m about ready to EXPLODE THAT WHAT U WANT?”
    2) “Had 2 do it huh OMG.”
    3)” I am FURIOUS”
    just get meaner and meaner… Normally I answer by now but I can’t anymore.
    He is in the home I have lived in for 13 years, he -3 years
    That wood and brick structure is my… was my santuary. I used to tell friends and family that “they would have to drag me out either kicking and screaming or in a body bag.”.. :-( now it looks like I am going to have to live my words. I don’t want to have to be the one to get out. He needs to get out. I am afraid of loosing this home (even though I just am a renter) and never being able to find another house / location like it.
    I think about turning all what he has done to me and all the hurt he has darkened my soul with.. ON HIM! Make him swallow a taste of what he had feed me for years. I shouldn’t go back while he is there… things are looking like I am going to have to find other arrangements for the AM… probably the day, night and weekend..
    My Brother is having a family gathering at his house Saturday. I have missed more of these family gatherings in the past 3 years than ever before but I honestly think I should stay away this Sat. We have 4 young (<4years) children included now. He could be told that I did not arrive.
    Why is he afflicted with this evil hatred? Why won't he make an effort to council? Why did I return the first time…. I'll call the 800-799-7233. once I am off.

    • mbeckham says:


      Reaching out and sharing your story takes a lot of courage and I am so glad you opened up to us all today. Nobody deserves to be treated with anger and threats. You are right that it is unfair for you to have to give up your home in order to be free from his abuse. There are options, please contact us at 1-800-799-7233 any time of day, to talk to an advocate about those options.


  22. wilma says:

    i have a similar story as well – and again I am the wife in this case. I too have been finacially ruined and homeless and have searched for quarters in my purse just to get some food.
    My exhusband was extremely abusive to my children and myself (I have posted my story here before) I am divorced over 3 years and still fighting. My ex husband has had me arrested falsey 3 times – they took my children and he has custody. The DCF workers feel he is a psycopath and 1 physciatrist and 1 forensic psychiatrist – both made statements that he is a socio path and they thought he was molseting my eldest daughter. However DCF said they can do nothing as long as my children wont say anything – even though all research shows children do not speak unless they are safe. NOW – my ex husband is being investigated for molesting another persons child and the police and DCF came for my help in “understanding” what happened in our marriage and the domestic violence – now they wanted to listen. But catch this – they still will not remove my kids from the home they are still there possibly suffering molestation every day and i cant do anything about it.
    The police say I need to wait for the forensic results which takes months (unlike TV where it is 5 minutes) .
    My ex had a really good lawyer – I did not – I had a really bad one or one that i could afford not one lawyer who works for the DV organizations called me back. The lawyers that were suggested I spoke to and they wanted astronomous fees – 1 quoted me a retainer 25,000 .
    There are no organizations to help – I have gone to National coalition for DV – CT Coalition for DV – protective mothers alliance – my local shelter – politicians – I even filed a complaint against DCF with the Childrens advocates – you name it
    Everyone says they pity my situation but have no solutions – I am a hot potato people keep passing me to the next organization who does nothing.
    I dont want any pity – I dont want people to “feel” bad – I want to save my children and other peoples children as he is most likely a serial pedophile (a second girl has made accuastions of inappriate conduct and conversation)
    I want the police to do their job and arrest him and I want the agencies that collect and get money to protect our children to step up and do it.
    I want people to make a stand – and I find many times I stand up alone – I sat outside representatives offices and senators for hours just to get 15 minutes and a promise and a brush off – had I shown up with 15 people I bet they would have listened
    I compare the domestic violence struggle to that of Dr Martin Luther King – he fought for a greater good and future he fought for our children. He would not have made such an impact had the million man march been the one man march.
    we have so many organizations that are on their own – we need to consolidate – no one organization is going to “fix” this – it has to be a society it has to be all of us.

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      It sounds like you’ve been through alot while trying to get away from your abusive ex. It’s not uncommon for an abusive ex to continue being abusive and controlling, even though you are no longer in a relationship with them. He sounds like he’s been able to manipulate the system, despite the evidence that your children are not safe with him. Thank you for sharing your story with our blog community. We do recognize that this can happen, and it sounds like it’s been really difficult for you. You are always welcome to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, if you’d like for an advocate to look up some support services for you.


  23. wilma says:

    I have done that – it does not seem that anyone can really do anything and I understand that abusers can manipulate the laws after all they are masters of manipulation.
    What bothers me is noone does anything about and we have laws on top of laws that actually hurt the victims and help the perpetrators.
    I have been through a lot but I am a strong woman now I handle it well – the question is what about others and future victims
    Something needs to be done to change the laws and change the way of thinking because the bottom line is that Domestic violnce is still “acceptable” in our society and what is failed to be noticed here is that if we make strides to end DV – that would in turn reduce crime in general because almost all criminals that are convicted of violent crimes will site some sort of domestic abuse in their childhood. Violence begets violence and we need to break the pattern.
    Thank you for the offer to call I have actually spoken with you guys a few times. The advocates are very empathetic and kind.


    • HotlineAdmin_SS says:

      Dear Wilma,
      You have a lot of insight and a very powerful voice. Thank you for continuing to share your story on our blog. You are right, domestic violence should not be acceptable in our society. By sharing your story and reaching out you are helping to change that. We are glad to hear that you have been able to find support from the Hotline. Please know that we are here any time that you need us.

  24. Bonnie says:

    I have been reading the messages on here and I felt compelled to jump in. I was also once a battered spouse and then battered girlfriend. I was also stalked. I felt passed from agency to agency…group to group. Domestic Violence is something which those who do not work with it can be overwhelming. I did not quit. I knew my life and if I were not killed my mental health depended on me finding help.
    I went to a shelter. Actually, I went to two shelters. I was not empowered by the first place I went and returned. I continued to believe I could control the abuse and deal with it.
    Eventually, I contacted another shelter and there I found the help I needed. I found safety and empowerment.
    I returned to that shelter to work and became a case manager. I was employed there full time for nearly 15 years. I vowed to empower each victim in some little way, so that, even if they returned they would know more than they had known before. I could never say enough about safety and the effects on children.
    After I stopped working there I moved to where there was a medical university. I for a much shorter time I did presentations to 3rd and 4th year medical students.
    I was able to do all these things because someone told me they had been where I was as a victim and had gotten out and moved on in much the same way.
    I can tell you that you can also move on. You can move from being battered, mentally ill and homeless to a life without any of those things beating and dragging down your belief in yourselves.
    You don’t need to work in a shelter or do the things I did. You can focus on the future you want.
    It begins with a phone call, then a safety plan.
    You don’t need permission to take charge of yours and your families lives.
    There is a real life on the other side.

    • HotlineAdmin_MB says:


      What an amazing and powerful story. Not only did you find a way out of your abusive relationship, but you also found a way to help others. I hope that reader’s of this blog, who might be feeling frustrated by the system or scared to leave, will read your entry and feel the empowering message it conveys. Thank you for sharing with the Share Your Voice community.


  25. CORY says:

    HI I want to know more about this program as DOMESTIC VIOLENCE means. How can I report when some 1 is doing that to me. I am starting to learn more about few diffent kind of VIOLENCE on the website & I have been getting some not nice things to people that does not mean any thing to me that they are not spose to do & I am turning my life around for few diffent reason & I am not friends with those guys & I have seen them few times & they are just trying to start some things & I wont let them do it to me. I aredy report about 1 of the guy & maybe will more later on when the time is right. Send me an email about this program please. BYE for now.

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Hi Cory,
      Thank you for contacting the Share Your Voice blog. Our Hotline is a 24 hour confidential and anonymous resource for victims and survivors of domestic violence. We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behaviors used to gain or maintain control over a partner in a relationship. This could be physical, financial, or psychological/emotional abuse. It may be that a partner tries to control what you do, or who you talk to. Or calls you names and threatens you. They may be physically aggressive with you. There is some additional questions to ask yourself on our website, under the “Get Educated” tab, if you feel like you may be in that kind of situation. You are also always welcome to call and talk with an advocate on the Hotline about any concerns you have. We are available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.


  26. George G. says:

    Greetings NDVH: I have Interstitial Cystitis and while I am 50 years old my Bladder is the size of a two month old. My diseased bladder is always in pain and stay in bed 17-19 hours a day. I cannot defend myself. I’m expected to work and do chores around the house as if I am completely healthy. Currently I am required to buy a new car despite the fact that I cannot afford one because my car “Is lowering the propery value and neighbors are talking”. A few months ago I spilled salad dressing at dinner and was fined $350 for re-finishing of the marble table and need to have “more respect” for the belongings within the home that do not belong to me.
    My room is inspected for cleanliness and when I had some die in my urine from medicine it caused a stain on the bathroom floor. I was charged $70 to replace the tile and banned from using the downstairs bathroom. I had to give her an extra $140 one month when she was short of money. When ever I come out of my room I can expect to be put to some type of work 95% of the time, such as raking leaves, dusting, watering plants, being sent on an errand to buy milk etc. I’ll ask if we need anything else and am told “I send you again tomorrow”. I am required to accompany her to lunch when the person she normally goes with is unavailable. Twice she needed me to take her to Jazzercise. She required me to stay in the Church kitchen “So that nobody see’s me”. “I’ll come and get you when it’s over”.
    Am I being abused or am I just selfish?

    • HotlineAdmin_RE says:

      Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with our Share Your Voice blog community. It sounds like you are dealing with someone who may be both financially and emotionally abusive and controlling. It was unclear from your story who this person is that you are referring to. There is a difference between contributing to the household, and being punished or “fined” for things that are beyond your control. With what you’ve shared about your medical conditions, it does sound like it would be difficult for you to complete all the things that are asked of you. You aren’t selfish for wanting to feel safe and comfortable in your home, or for trying to take care of yourself. It may help you have some clarity or perspective on what’s going on if you were able to speak with an advocate here on the Hotline. We are available 24/7 and are completely anonymous and confidential. We can talk to you about what a healthy relationship looks like, and what is unhealthy or abusive. Please give us a call when you get a safe chance.


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