Comments on: Spring 2011 http://www.thehotline.org/2011/03/spring-2011-2/ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 Wed, 19 Jun 2013 19:16:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 By: NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk http://www.thehotline.org/2011/03/spring-2011-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1540 NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk Tue, 29 Mar 2011 13:35:24 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=2738#comment-1540 CC: We retracted your name and replaced it with initials, as well as removed his name and put in "the abusive man" to keep as much personal information off of the internet in an effort to keep your safety in mind. The actual names of the counties were removed too; just to maintain focus on the story without giving out too many specifics. This is a good reminder to all the people who are blogging a personal story on the internet and in keeping with the guidelines of our community. Insofar as the "good ol' boy system" going on. This is unfortunately still a practice, especially in many of the rural communities across the United States. Many of the coalitions are taking an extra effort, wherever possible, to reach out to the rural communities to bring them current on the current laws and common practices regarding domestic violence issues. Sometimes, just as you do, there are new staff in the rural communities and they too need to be trained. Unfortunately, the coalitions cannot be in all rural sectors of the state - not only because of manpower, but because of budget constraints. If you haven't already done so, we would suggest that you bring your particular case to the attention of the Texas Council of Family Violence in Austin (since your case was in the Greater Texas areas) at your earliest convenience so that they may also focus on your rural areas of concern. Additionally, this would be something that you may want to bring to your legislators' attention, since they are the law makers in the State. Because of safety issues, please contact the Texas Council of Family Violence's department who works with survivors and legislators all the time, and they can provide you some safe ways to make your story well known, without compromising the safety of your current location, etc. First and foremost, we want you to be safe in your current environment and not to put your life into further risk. The hotline can also help you with some other safety measures to take, that you or the last program you are/were working with may have either not known about, so that we can work with you to ensure your safety. The hotline also has other relocation resources in case your current location ever becomes an issue again. The best guard against that, though, is to continue to keep your safety plan in action and exercise precaution to maintain that safety. We do thank you for sharing your story. Please let our hotline know, if there is anything else that we can do to help you. NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk 1-800-799-7233 - 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week CC:

We retracted your name and replaced it with initials, as well as removed his name and put in “the abusive man” to keep as much personal information off of the internet in an effort to keep your safety in mind. The actual names of the counties were removed too; just to maintain focus on the story without giving out too many specifics. This is a good reminder to all the people who are blogging a personal story on the internet and in keeping with the guidelines of our community.

Insofar as the “good ol’ boy system” going on. This is unfortunately still a practice, especially in many of the rural communities across the United States. Many of the coalitions are taking an extra effort, wherever possible, to reach out to the rural communities to bring them current on the current laws and common practices regarding domestic violence issues. Sometimes, just as you do, there are new staff in the rural communities and they too need to be trained. Unfortunately, the coalitions cannot be in all rural sectors of the state – not only because of manpower, but because of budget constraints. If you haven’t already done so, we would suggest that you bring your particular case to the attention of the Texas Council of Family Violence in Austin (since your case was in the Greater Texas areas) at your earliest convenience so that they may also focus on your rural areas of concern.

Additionally, this would be something that you may want to bring to your legislators’ attention, since they are the law makers in the State. Because of safety issues, please contact the Texas Council of Family Violence’s department who works with survivors and legislators all the time, and they can provide you some safe ways to make your story well known, without compromising the safety of your current location, etc. First and foremost, we want you to be safe in your current environment and not to put your life into further risk. The hotline can also help you with some other safety measures to take, that you or the last program you are/were working with may have either not known about, so that we can work with you to ensure your safety.

The hotline also has other relocation resources in case your current location ever becomes an issue again. The best guard against that, though, is to continue to keep your safety plan in action and exercise precaution to maintain that safety.

We do thank you for sharing your story. Please let our hotline know, if there is anything else that we can do to help you.

NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk
1-800-799-7233 – 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week

]]> By: CC http://www.thehotline.org/2011/03/spring-2011-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1539 CC Tue, 29 Mar 2011 09:11:42 +0000 http://www.thehotline.org/?p=2738#comment-1539 I married a man that I had known since I was 12 years old. I am now 40, but we got married in 2005.after losing contact with him for 10 years. We had, in the past only been friends, but I saw him at a friends funeral in 2005 and he came back home with me and we got married shortly after. My mom liked him at first. Me, being a nurse, I was always giving her money because she was always struggling, didn't make much money. Shortly after I married the abusive man, she quit speaking to me. The abusive man would not work. So I was having to support him and my 2 children from a previous marriage. I was so upset because my mom wanted nothing to do with me. It might of been because I was unable to give her money like I was before. My children and the abusive man were all I had then. The abusive man became physically,emotionally, and mentally abusive to me. At one time, he left me at work at the nursing home I worked at for 3 days. We had only 1 vehicle and I found out latter that he was doing crack cocaine and that is where he was for 3 days. My 2 children were with his female cousin during those days. I stayed the nights at an extra room at the nursing home. My coworkers knew the situation I was in. I was a travel nurse for a staffing agency. I owned my own home on 5 acres in the county. And also rented a house in another county. I guess he was with me because of what all I had and the money I made. At one time, my daughter,then 13 yrs old witnessed him choking me. She got in between us,and said "quit hurting my momma." When I worked the night shifts, occasionally he would watch the kids. My daughter 13 and son was 12 yrs old. Since he did not have a job, he said he would like to go to school to be a diesiel mechanic. He had his class a CDL license, so there is no reason he should not have been working. But I agreed to put him trough school. He quit school after 3 months. He continued to be physical abusive to me. One night, while he was not home, me and my children loaded the car with our clothes and anything we could and moved back to our home in another city. The next day he showed up at my home.That was in April,2008. He physically assaulted me,throwing me on my head.I called 911. He went to jail for domestic violence, then my daughter told me something very shocking. She said that when we were in another county that he had fondled he "private parts" I then went to the county we lived in. Sheriffs office and told the Deputy about this. He called a counseling place for abused children. He set us up an appointment for her to talk to a counselor. That was on May 8, 2008 and by that time the abusive man's grandma had bonded him out of jail and he had showed back up at my home.I had bought my home before we had gotten married. The police did not make him leave my home.after my daughter saw the counselor, a child protective service worker came in and said that cps is taking my children. I was so distraught and upset. The police had not protected my children and I. They never even filed charges on what Alan had done to my daughter. A cos worker said she was taking my son also. She called the school and said not to let me pick him up. That cps was taking emergency custody. My son is a special needs child. His speech is slow. He is a "momma's boy" This tramatized him. And my daughter cried hysterically as they took her. Finally, after many times of going to the Sheriffs office to get the abusive man out of my home, the sheriffs office finally made him leave my home. When he was convicted of the domestic violence, the court ordered him only 20 hours of batterers intervention classes and a fine. I found out that he did not take the classes or pay the fine. In 2010, I received a letter that the charges were dismissed. I thought where is the justice. And the justice for my children. I now have no faith and trust in the legal system. Also a month after he had left my home, while I was asleep on my couch, he broke in my home by busting out a window in the far back room,where I could not hear the glass break. I did not wake up. He stole all the money out of my purse, and stole my medication. I had been put on xanax for panic attacks for all I had been through. I would cry everyday because my kids were gone. I missed them so much. I had bought the 4 bedroom,2 bath home so my children would have a nice home and I bought them horses and show goats. Cps ordered me to go to counseling 2 times a week, anger management classes, parenting classes,bvcasa assessment to see if I'm at risk for drug abuse. My score was zero which means I'm not at risk, and random drug testing whenever they called me, even hair follicle drug tests. I passed all the tests. I do not do drugs, except what is prescribed for me. I jumped through all these hoops for Cps for a year. Then in November, 2009, we went to jury trial for them to terminate my parental rights because they said I have put my children at risk for harm. My county is a "good ole boy" county. I am not originally from there. Had only lived there 5 years. So, of course, the jury terminated my parental rights. Since being in Cps, my children have been in 15 foster homes. My daughter just turned 17 and has had to sneak around to call me. At one foster home, she was sneaking out every night and lost her virginity. Me and my children have always had very good relationships, where they could be honest and tell me anything. My son has been placed in 3 psychiatric hospitals because he threw a fit to come home to me and said he would kill himself. Plus he was moved to15 foster homes in 2 years. What stability is that? Cps takes things too far. They take children that don't need to be taken and children that are abused and the mom does nothing Cps does not intervene. This Cps worker was very young and mine was her first case and she had no children. So how cam she tell someone else how to raise their kids? This all started because I asked the sheriffs office for help. But did not get any help. I have a fracture of c-7 spine and 2 bulging discs in my back because of the abusive man assaulting me. Crime victim compensation helped me to relocate after the abusive man located me in another city and assaulted me again. I ended up in the hospital and that is when I found out he had fractured my neck and back. I am very petite. Only weigh 107 pounds. The city now has a warrant for his arrest and they don't understand why the other county dismissed the charges when I begged for help to get rid of him. I married a man that I had known since I was 12 years old. I am now 40, but we got married in 2005.after losing contact with him for 10 years. We had, in the past only been friends, but I saw him at a friends funeral in 2005 and he came back home with me and we got married shortly after. My mom liked him at first. Me, being a nurse, I was always giving her money because she was always struggling, didn’t make much money. Shortly after I married the abusive man, she quit speaking to me. The abusive man would not work. So I was having to support him and my 2 children from a previous marriage. I was so upset because my mom wanted nothing to do with me. It might of been because I was unable to give her money like I was before. My children and the abusive man were all I had then. The abusive man became physically,emotionally, and mentally abusive to me. At one time, he left me at work at the nursing home I worked at for 3 days. We had only 1 vehicle and I found out latter that he was doing crack cocaine and that is where he was for 3 days. My 2 children were with his female cousin during those days. I stayed the nights at an extra room at the nursing home. My coworkers knew the situation I was in. I was a travel nurse for a staffing agency. I owned my own home on 5 acres in the county. And also rented a house in another county. I guess he was with me because of what all I had and the money I made. At one time, my daughter,then 13 yrs old witnessed him choking me. She got in between us,and said “quit hurting my momma.” When I worked the night shifts, occasionally he would watch the kids. My daughter 13 and son was 12 yrs old. Since he did not have a job, he said he would like to go to school to be a diesiel mechanic. He had his class a CDL license, so there is no reason he should not have been working. But I agreed to put him trough school. He quit school after 3 months. He continued to be physical abusive to me. One night, while he was not home, me and my children loaded the car with our clothes and anything we could and moved back to our home in another city. The next day he showed up at my home.That was in April,2008. He physically assaulted me,throwing me on my head.I called 911. He went to jail for domestic violence, then my daughter told me something very shocking. She said that when we were in another county that he had fondled he “private parts” I then went to the county we lived in. Sheriffs office and told the Deputy about this. He called a counseling place for abused children. He set us up an appointment for her to talk to a counselor. That was on May 8, 2008 and by that time the abusive man’s grandma had bonded him out of jail and he had showed back up at my home.I had bought my home before we had gotten married. The police did not make him leave my home.after my daughter saw the counselor, a child protective service worker came in and said that cps is taking my children. I was so distraught and upset. The police had not protected my children and I. They never even filed charges on what Alan had done to my daughter. A cos worker said she was taking my son also. She called the school and said not to let me pick him up. That cps was taking emergency custody. My son is a special needs child. His speech is slow. He is a “momma’s boy” This tramatized him. And my daughter cried hysterically as they took her. Finally, after many times of going to the Sheriffs office to get the abusive man out of my home, the sheriffs office finally made him leave my home. When he was convicted of the domestic violence, the court ordered him only 20 hours of batterers intervention classes and a fine. I found out that he did not take the classes or pay the fine. In 2010, I received a letter that the charges were dismissed. I thought where is the justice. And the justice for my children. I now have no faith and trust in the legal system. Also a month after he had left my home, while I was asleep on my couch, he broke in my home by busting out a window in the far back room,where I could not hear the glass break. I did not wake up. He stole all the money out of my purse, and stole my medication. I had been put on xanax for panic attacks for all I had been through. I would cry everyday because my kids were gone. I missed them so much. I had bought the 4 bedroom,2 bath home so my children would have a nice home and I bought them horses and show goats. Cps ordered me to go to counseling 2 times a week, anger management classes, parenting classes,bvcasa assessment to see if I’m at risk for drug abuse. My score was zero which means I’m not at risk, and random drug testing whenever they called me, even hair follicle drug tests. I passed all the tests. I do not do drugs, except what is prescribed for me. I jumped through all these hoops for Cps for a year. Then in November, 2009, we went to jury trial for them to terminate my parental rights because they said I have put my children at risk for harm. My county is a “good ole boy” county. I am not originally from there. Had only lived there 5 years. So, of course, the jury terminated my parental rights. Since being in Cps, my children have been in 15 foster homes. My daughter just turned 17 and has had to sneak around to call me. At one foster home, she was sneaking out every night and lost her virginity. Me and my children have always had very good relationships, where they could be honest and tell me anything. My son has been placed in 3 psychiatric hospitals because he threw a fit to come home to me and said he would kill himself. Plus he was moved to15 foster homes in 2 years. What stability is that? Cps takes things too far. They take children that don’t need to be taken and children that are abused and the mom does nothing Cps does not intervene. This Cps worker was very young and mine was her first case and she had no children. So how cam she tell someone else how to raise their kids? This all started because I asked the sheriffs office for help. But did not get any help. I have a fracture of c-7 spine and 2 bulging discs in my back because of the abusive man assaulting me. Crime victim compensation helped me to relocate after the abusive man located me in another city and assaulted me again. I ended up in the hospital and that is when I found out he had fractured my neck and back. I am very petite. Only weigh 107 pounds. The city now has a warrant for his arrest and they don’t understand why the other county dismissed the charges when I begged for help to get rid of him.

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