Spring 2011
In This Issue:
Hotline Constituent Advisory Council Meeting
How the Hotline Supports Deaf Survivors
Vital Legislation for Victims of Domestic Violence
Introducing Sheila Marlow, CFRE
Beautiful Heartline Necklace Benefits The Hotline
Dear Friends and Colleagues,
Fifteen years ago on February 21, the National Domestic Violence Hotline received its first call for help from a father seeking assistance for his daughter who was in an abusive relationship. When then Senator Joseph R. Biden and Senator Orrin G. Hatch co-authored the Violence Against Women Act, they could not have imagined that the historic legislation which created a national, toll-free hotline for victims of domestic violence would have 15 years later resulted in over 2.5 million calls for help to The Hotline.
For 85% of callers, The Hotline is their first call in getting the help they need to build healthy relationships, marriages, and families. We are grateful for the many partners who understand the vital need for The Hotline to be a beacon of help and hope to every caller – the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, local family violence programs, domestic violence coalitions and the many corporate, foundation, government and individual partners who have supported us over the years.
There is more to be done in raising awareness of The Hotline as a vital resource to victims, their family, friends and other caring individuals. To help address this need, we have launched our 15th Anniversary “Love Is” public awareness campaign which brings together celebrities, such as Salma Hayek, Nicole Kidman, Marlee Matlin and Jason Witten, who want to make a difference and help end domestic violence. You can see the entire list of celebrities, view the PSA’s and purchase our 15th Anniversary Love. Dignity. Respect. T-shirts on our website.
We are also reaching out to historically underserved populations such as the Deaf, Deaf-Blind and Hard-of-Hearing, US Territories and Tribal communities to increase awareness and ensure that victims have a place to call for help.
We thank you all for your past and continued support in helping to reach the millions of women, men and children who seek to live a life free from violence. Your support for the 15th Anniversary campaign is critically needed at this time.
Please join with us and Donate. Advocate. Educate. With your help in our campaign, we can all be a source of help and hope for those affected by violence.
Sincerely,
Dyanne Purcell Chief Executive Officer
Hotline Constituent Advisory Council Meeting
The recently formed Hotline Constituent Advisory Council (CAC) convened in Austin for its first meeting on February 17-18, 2011. The group consists of a diverse array of nationwide stakeholders representing many domestic violence and sexual assault services and programs.
During the meeting, the group learned in-depth information about our approach to services and had an opportunity to visit The Hotline. During the tour, CAC members had the opportunity to sit with advocates and hold one-on-one conversations about advocates’ experiences working at The Hotline.
CAC members discussed ways to enhance The Hotline’s external communication with stakeholders, identified specific goals for CAC work over the coming year and identified individuals from across the country who will be a part of Virtual Councils – groups that will be formed to focus on and suggest improvements in specific areas of Hotline services. The areas of focus for the next year are: services to survivors with limited English proficiency, services to Tribal Communities and Native Alaskan Villages, and services to survivors facing complex custody issues. More information about the work of the Virtual Councils will be shared as the groups are formed.
The Hotline is excited to work with this remarkable group of people, all of whom are dynamic individuals and nationally recognized leaders. To view photos from the visit, please visit our Flickr page.
How the Hotline Supports Deaf Survivors
At The Hotline, we understand all too well that for all survivors of domestic violence, abuse thrives in isolation. This can be especially true for survivors of domestic violence who are Deaf, Deaf-Blind or Hard of Hearing. Data from an eight-year survey of college students at Rochester Institute of Technology indicates that deaf and hard of hearing individuals are 1.5 times more likely to be victims of relationship violence, including sexual harassment, sexual assault, psychological abuse and physical abuse, in their lifetime.[1]
Because their abusive partners may exploit the accessibility barriers that those in the Deaf community already experience, Deaf survivors face many additional barriers to escaping the violence in their relationships. The abusive partners may take away or destroy their communication devices. They may limit their access to information and to support in the Deaf community. They may even provide them with false information that makes the Deaf survivor believe they have fewer options. This type of abuse is targeted at isolating the Deaf survivor from family and friends, resources and options.
The safe and strictly confidential services that The Hotline offers to Deaf survivors can be lifesaving. The Hotline has partnered with the Abused Deaf Women’s Advocacy Services (ADWAS) to ensure Deaf advocates are available to respond through e-mail, Instant Messenger, and video phone to those callers seeking help. Deaf advocates are available from 9:00 am-5:00 pm, Monday through Friday. Hearing advocates respond through TTY and Relay Services twenty-four hours a day. Hotline Advocates at ADWAS also provide technical assistance to hearing programs to help them meet the needs of Deaf survivors seeking their services.
IM: ADWASHotline
Email: ADWAS@ndvh.org
Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers: (206) 787-3224
(Hearing advocates at the National Domestic Violence Hotline are on duty 24 hours 1-800-787-3224 TTY or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Voice)
The Hotline has also partnered with Oscar-winning Actress Marlee Matlin to bring awareness to the Deaf community by taking part in a public service awareness video for The Hotline’s 15th Anniversary.
[1] According to a recent study by the Rochester Institute of Technology.
Vital Legislation for Victims of Domestic Violence
This past November, the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act (FVPSA) was reauthorized by the United States Congress; it was signed into law by President Barack Obama in December 2010. This bill ensures that domestic violence victims and their families continue to have a place to call for help through The Hotline. FVPSA also funds lifesaving services such as emergency shelter and supportive services offered by family violence programs to victims of domestic violence and their children. Because of this bipartisan agreement, not only will the National Domestic Violence Hotline remain a lifeline for those seeking assistance, but family violence programs across the country will continue to be able to provide support to those fleeing abusive homes. FVPSA is the only dedicated federal funding source for family violence programs and services. The reauthorization runs through fiscal year 2015.
In September, Vice President Joe Biden and Dr. Jill Biden hosted a reception at their home at the Naval Observatory to mark the 16th anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) and The Hotline, loveisrespect and the National Dating Abuse Helpline were honored to be a part of the celebration. VAWA is a landmark piece of legislation that, in addition to other great achievements, created the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Then-senator Joe Biden was the chief author of the 1994 legislation and has been instrumental not only in supporting The Hotline, but also working to end violence against women and girls.
We thank the president, vice president and all the legislators who support The Hotline and the work that advocates and programs do throughout the year for victims of domestic violence.
Introducing Sheila Marlow, CFRE
We are excited to announce that Sheila Marlow has joined the National Council on Family Violence as the Chief Advancement Officer. Sheila will oversee the marketing, communications and development departments for The Hotline, National Dating Abuse Helpline and the Texas Council on Family Violence.
Sheila is originally from Dallas, where she worked for accomplished agencies like The Dallas Opera, Texas Woman’s University and most recently Big Brothers Big Sisters. She is an accomplished professional who brings with her extensive fund-raising experience to the agency.
Ms. Marlow’s development experience extends across the community, in which her combined efforts have resulted in millions of dollars raised. The Dallas Opera, The Science Place, The Dallas Arboretum and Gilda’s Club North Texas, have all benefited from her time with them. After completing a $55 million capital campaign at Texas Woman’s University, she went on to serve as vice president of community relations for Big Brothers Big Sisters.
Sheila’s many volunteer commitments have included serving on the board for the Promising Youth Alliance, the Greater Dallas Chapter of AFP: 2007 DFW AFP Conference, Dallas host co-chairman for 2007 AFP International Conference, Committee member National Philanthropy Day Luncheon, and External Affairs Committee for the International Association of Fundraising.
Beautiful Heartline Necklace Benefits The Hotline
Back for the second time with an all-new jewelry piece, The Hotline is proud to be the beneficiary of this Heartline necklace by Sueanne Shirzay Artisan Jewelry. This beautiful handmade sterling heart charm with orange/red chalcedony, coin pearl and small natural pearl was worn by Actress Marlee Matlin for the taping of a PSA for our “Love Is” public awareness campaign.
Visit our website to learn more about this beautiful necklace and to make your purchase. Thirty percent of proceeds from the sale of this item will go to The Hotline.
Stories from the Advocates of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the National Dating Abuse Helpline
The Hotline recently conducted a survey of callers to learn about the extent of abuse called “reproductive coercion.” Reproductive coercion is defined as threats or acts of violence against a partner’s reproductive health or reproductive decision-making.
The survey found that 25 percent of the 3,169 callers who agreed to participate in the survey reported that they had experienced this form of domestic and dating violence. Callers reported that their partners would not allow them to use birth control or sabotaged their birth control method by poking holes in condoms or flushing pills down the toilet. Some callers even reported having to hide their birth control. This type of sabotage leads to unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, and can be used as a trap to control their partner.
Read more about the study on The Hotline website.
Hotline:
She was 34 years old; she had married a 49-year-old man just one year earlier. They had been planning to start a family early in their marriage, hoping to avoid any complications with the pregnancy. They were ecstatic when she got pregnant almost immediately. Unfortunately, her first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. She had been devastated.
After her miscarriage, her doctor had recommended that she have a dilation and curettage (D & C) procedure to protect her from further health complications. The doctor had recommended that she abstain from sexual activity for at least two weeks after the procedure. He warned that sexual activity so soon after the procedure might be painful, and a pregnancy within six weeks of the procedure might be hazardous to her health.
My caller was hoping for some support and understanding from the man she had chosen as her partner, but instead she was heartbroken at his response. “I told him that I was hurting and that I wasn’t in the mood, but my husband wanted to start trying again immediately. He didn’t even care that he was hurting me, much less that he was putting me in danger after a physically and emotionally challenging procedure.”
I assured her that it was not her fault for choosing this man, nor was it a result of the age difference, as her parents had suggested. He alone was responsible for his behavior, and his behavior was sexually abusive. I asked if she had considered using birth control to prevent a pregnancy within six weeks of the procedure.
“I was taking the pill. I tried to hide them from him in my desk, but he found them. He yelled at me for being deceitful and subversive, and then he washed them down the sink and turned on the garbage disposal.” She paused for a moment, and then continued. “I never thought I would say this, but I don’t think I can live with a man that treats me this way. I certainly don’t want him to raise my future children.”
I reassured her that she had the right to change her mind about a family with her husband; he couldn’t force her to have children with him. Until she was sure about what she wanted to do, there were birth control methods which could be administered at the doctor’s office without his knowledge.
“Thank you,” she said. “You’ve given me back something he’s taken from me: dignity, and the opportunity to make decisions about my own future.”
Helpline:
My caller was clearly frustrated with her live-in boyfriend. At 19 years old, she was already caring for their 18-month-old daughter and single-handedly juggling two jobs just to pay their bills. Her boyfriend was currently unemployed; not only had he stopped even looking for a job, he was also refusing to care for the baby.
The more my caller talked about him, the more exasperated she became. “And now he’s trying to force me to have a second kid with him! He won’t even take care of the first one!”
I asked her to tell me a little more about that. She said that she had told her boyfriend repeatedly that she didn’t want another kid right now; they couldn’t afford it, and she was already exhausted and overextended. He kept pressuring her to have another child. He was even refusing to wear condoms during sex, no matter how much she begged him to be more careful. When he found out that she had gotten a birth control shot at the gynecologist’s office, he had threatened to throw her cat from the fourth-story window.
“He knows I want out of this. He thinks that he can force me to stay by bullying me into having another kid with him,” she said.
I kept quiet for a moment, hoping to give her some space to truly consider that statement.
“Whoa,” she sighed. “That’s really messed up, isn’t it? I can’t believe he’d do that to me.”
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 16th, 2011 pm31 5:52 pm
Categories: resources
I married a man that I had known since I was 12 years old. I am now 40, but we got married in 2005.after losing contact with him for 10 years. We had, in the past only been friends, but I saw him at a friends funeral in 2005 and he came back home with me and we got married shortly after. My mom liked him at first. Me, being a nurse, I was always giving her money because she was always struggling, didn’t make much money. Shortly after I married the abusive man, she quit speaking to me. The abusive man would not work. So I was having to support him and my 2 children from a previous marriage. I was so upset because my mom wanted nothing to do with me. It might of been because I was unable to give her money like I was before. My children and the abusive man were all I had then. The abusive man became physically,emotionally, and mentally abusive to me. At one time, he left me at work at the nursing home I worked at for 3 days. We had only 1 vehicle and I found out latter that he was doing crack cocaine and that is where he was for 3 days. My 2 children were with his female cousin during those days. I stayed the nights at an extra room at the nursing home. My coworkers knew the situation I was in. I was a travel nurse for a staffing agency. I owned my own home on 5 acres in the county. And also rented a house in another county. I guess he was with me because of what all I had and the money I made. At one time, my daughter,then 13 yrs old witnessed him choking me. She got in between us,and said “quit hurting my momma.” When I worked the night shifts, occasionally he would watch the kids. My daughter 13 and son was 12 yrs old. Since he did not have a job, he said he would like to go to school to be a diesiel mechanic. He had his class a CDL license, so there is no reason he should not have been working. But I agreed to put him trough school. He quit school after 3 months. He continued to be physical abusive to me. One night, while he was not home, me and my children loaded the car with our clothes and anything we could and moved back to our home in another city. The next day he showed up at my home.That was in April,2008. He physically assaulted me,throwing me on my head.I called 911. He went to jail for domestic violence, then my daughter told me something very shocking. She said that when we were in another county that he had fondled he “private parts” I then went to the county we lived in. Sheriffs office and told the Deputy about this. He called a counseling place for abused children. He set us up an appointment for her to talk to a counselor. That was on May 8, 2008 and by that time the abusive man’s grandma had bonded him out of jail and he had showed back up at my home.I had bought my home before we had gotten married. The police did not make him leave my home.after my daughter saw the counselor, a child protective service worker came in and said that cps is taking my children. I was so distraught and upset. The police had not protected my children and I. They never even filed charges on what Alan had done to my daughter. A cos worker said she was taking my son also. She called the school and said not to let me pick him up. That cps was taking emergency custody. My son is a special needs child. His speech is slow. He is a “momma’s boy” This tramatized him. And my daughter cried hysterically as they took her. Finally, after many times of going to the Sheriffs office to get the abusive man out of my home, the sheriffs office finally made him leave my home. When he was convicted of the domestic violence, the court ordered him only 20 hours of batterers intervention classes and a fine. I found out that he did not take the classes or pay the fine. In 2010, I received a letter that the charges were dismissed. I thought where is the justice. And the justice for my children. I now have no faith and trust in the legal system. Also a month after he had left my home, while I was asleep on my couch, he broke in my home by busting out a window in the far back room,where I could not hear the glass break. I did not wake up. He stole all the money out of my purse, and stole my medication. I had been put on xanax for panic attacks for all I had been through. I would cry everyday because my kids were gone. I missed them so much. I had bought the 4 bedroom,2 bath home so my children would have a nice home and I bought them horses and show goats. Cps ordered me to go to counseling 2 times a week, anger management classes, parenting classes,bvcasa assessment to see if I’m at risk for drug abuse. My score was zero which means I’m not at risk, and random drug testing whenever they called me, even hair follicle drug tests. I passed all the tests. I do not do drugs, except what is prescribed for me. I jumped through all these hoops for Cps for a year. Then in November, 2009, we went to jury trial for them to terminate my parental rights because they said I have put my children at risk for harm. My county is a “good ole boy” county. I am not originally from there. Had only lived there 5 years. So, of course, the jury terminated my parental rights. Since being in Cps, my children have been in 15 foster homes. My daughter just turned 17 and has had to sneak around to call me. At one foster home, she was sneaking out every night and lost her virginity. Me and my children have always had very good relationships, where they could be honest and tell me anything. My son has been placed in 3 psychiatric hospitals because he threw a fit to come home to me and said he would kill himself. Plus he was moved to15 foster homes in 2 years. What stability is that? Cps takes things too far. They take children that don’t need to be taken and children that are abused and the mom does nothing Cps does not intervene. This Cps worker was very young and mine was her first case and she had no children. So how cam she tell someone else how to raise their kids? This all started because I asked the sheriffs office for help. But did not get any help. I have a fracture of c-7 spine and 2 bulging discs in my back because of the abusive man assaulting me. Crime victim compensation helped me to relocate after the abusive man located me in another city and assaulted me again. I ended up in the hospital and that is when I found out he had fractured my neck and back. I am very petite. Only weigh 107 pounds. The city now has a warrant for his arrest and they don’t understand why the other county dismissed the charges when I begged for help to get rid of him.
CC:
We retracted your name and replaced it with initials, as well as removed his name and put in “the abusive man” to keep as much personal information off of the internet in an effort to keep your safety in mind. The actual names of the counties were removed too; just to maintain focus on the story without giving out too many specifics. This is a good reminder to all the people who are blogging a personal story on the internet and in keeping with the guidelines of our community.
Insofar as the “good ol’ boy system” going on. This is unfortunately still a practice, especially in many of the rural communities across the United States. Many of the coalitions are taking an extra effort, wherever possible, to reach out to the rural communities to bring them current on the current laws and common practices regarding domestic violence issues. Sometimes, just as you do, there are new staff in the rural communities and they too need to be trained. Unfortunately, the coalitions cannot be in all rural sectors of the state – not only because of manpower, but because of budget constraints. If you haven’t already done so, we would suggest that you bring your particular case to the attention of the Texas Council of Family Violence in Austin (since your case was in the Greater Texas areas) at your earliest convenience so that they may also focus on your rural areas of concern.
Additionally, this would be something that you may want to bring to your legislators’ attention, since they are the law makers in the State. Because of safety issues, please contact the Texas Council of Family Violence’s department who works with survivors and legislators all the time, and they can provide you some safe ways to make your story well known, without compromising the safety of your current location, etc. First and foremost, we want you to be safe in your current environment and not to put your life into further risk. The hotline can also help you with some other safety measures to take, that you or the last program you are/were working with may have either not known about, so that we can work with you to ensure your safety.
The hotline also has other relocation resources in case your current location ever becomes an issue again. The best guard against that, though, is to continue to keep your safety plan in action and exercise precaution to maintain that safety.
We do thank you for sharing your story. Please let our hotline know, if there is anything else that we can do to help you.
NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk
1-800-799-7233 – 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week