Comments on: Domestic Violence and Immigration http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:44:44 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: cookie http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-604 cookie Thu, 01 Apr 2010 08:38:15 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-604 Trena, get to social services and apply for welfare,they will give you money for food called food stamps in acard and cash benefits as your child is a US citizen. Call 211 from a payphone to ask for help from government services so he cannot trace your call.Keep your passport ,original documents like birth certificates yours and your child's , Social Services will not care about your immigration status. Do not tell anyone about the money, welfare case number or the name of your case worker as this info is for you only.Carry your documents,money and welfare or EBT card with you in the shower. Learned this the hard way. I put a bait of 7 dollars in one dollar amounts and next day I was missing 3 dollars. It was my roommate..Open a secret bank account and request the bank to stop mail delivery to your house. Read the Art of War by Sun Tzu to develop a mind set for protecting yourself the positive way. You are uniquely created,so celebrate that. You are a winner already for being strong. I grew up with a very overbearing,controlling dad who made you feel stupid , liked to argue and often changed his mind. Years later,A psychologist later told me my mom , family members and i were normal. My dad wasn't I was carrying that burden for more than 30 years before I knew the truth. Trena, get to social services and apply for welfare,they will give you money for food called food stamps in acard and cash benefits as your child is a US citizen. Call 211 from a payphone to ask for help from government services so he cannot trace your call.Keep your passport ,original documents like birth certificates yours and your child’s , Social Services will not care about your immigration status. Do not tell anyone about the money, welfare case number or the name of your case worker as this info is for you only.Carry your documents,money and welfare or EBT card with you in the shower. Learned this the hard way. I put a bait of 7 dollars in one dollar amounts and next day I was missing 3 dollars. It was my roommate..Open a secret bank account and request the bank to stop mail delivery to your house. Read the Art of War by Sun Tzu to develop a mind set for protecting yourself the positive way. You are uniquely created,so celebrate that. You are a winner already for being strong. I grew up with a very overbearing,controlling dad who made you feel stupid , liked to argue and often changed his mind. Years later,A psychologist later told me my mom , family members and i were normal. My dad wasn’t I was carrying that burden for more than 30 years before I knew the truth.

]]> By: Lyn http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-603 Lyn Mon, 29 Mar 2010 05:37:17 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-603 Great story of survival and great truths. We can help prevent domestic violence by teaching others how to love and respect themselves, and to also learn what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships aren't physically, emotionally and mentally violent. Healthy relationships are between two people that respect each other. Great story of survival and great truths. We can help prevent domestic violence by teaching others how to love and respect themselves, and to also learn what it means to be in a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships aren’t physically, emotionally and mentally violent. Healthy relationships are between two people that respect each other.

]]> By: Lyn http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-602 Lyn Mon, 29 Mar 2010 05:27:35 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-602 Try calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline once you are in a safe place. Their advocates will be able to direct and assist you to resources. All the best, stay strong and stay safe! Try calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline once you are in a safe place. Their advocates will be able to direct and assist you to resources. All the best, stay strong and stay safe!

]]> By: Lenise http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-601 Lenise Sun, 28 Mar 2010 23:06:46 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-601 I was in a abusive lesbian relationship for almost 5 yrs i was really scared to let go because of the love i had felt so deep for her, n the things we did together. i was afraid to fight because i loved her n you just dont show someone you love them in that way of showing them physical violence. i fought back with all my might, mentally i took charge, but the more she saw it the more, aggressive she became towards me emotionally, verbally, sometimes physically, i was beaten down emotionally, mentally, verbally and sometimes physically, but enough was enough...love is something but it isnt everything. i learned that i have to love me when in situations like that. love is respect, without the either of the two u dont have. I was in a abusive lesbian relationship for almost 5 yrs i was really scared to let go because of the love i had felt so deep for her, n the things we did together. i was afraid to fight because i loved her n you just dont show someone you love them in that way of showing them physical violence. i fought back with all my might, mentally i took charge, but the more she saw it the more, aggressive she became towards me emotionally, verbally, sometimes physically, i was beaten down emotionally, mentally, verbally and sometimes physically, but enough was enough…love is something but it isnt everything. i learned that i have to love me when in situations like that. love is respect, without the either of the two u dont have.

]]> By: Ariadnakubota http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-598 Ariadnakubota Thu, 25 Mar 2010 22:35:39 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-598 I am going thru this right now and im really scard of what to do about it. I have been with my husband for almost 8 years and its been this way since day one. now i have to two kids to think about and what they have to go thru on a every day. can some one help me please I am going thru this right now and im really scard of what to do about it. I have been with my husband for almost 8 years and its been this way since day one. now i have to two kids to think about and what they have to go thru on a every day. can some one help me please

]]> By: Lyn http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-596 Lyn Mon, 22 Mar 2010 14:57:15 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-596 Please try contacting the following resource and they should be able to further assist you or provide resources http://www.nationalimmigrationproject.org/DVPage/DomesticViolencePage.html. All the best and stay strong! Please try contacting the following resource and they should be able to further assist you or provide resources http://www.nationalimmigrationproject.org/DVPage/DomesticViolencePage.html. All the best and stay strong!

]]> By: Trena http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-594 Trena Fri, 19 Mar 2010 06:09:44 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-594 Hi am an immigrant here and I was living with my son dad for three years when he put me and my 5mth old son out in the dead of winter he told me if I report him he would call immigration, I did not know my rights and I had overstayed om my visa and was afraid of being deported to my home country. (I where I was already fleeing from the father of my first son after he sent me to the hospital with 32 stiches and a mild concussion, I reprted it in my country and the authorities there did nothing and then he started sending death threats to me so I had to chose between hiding my children leaving my means of living and start over here). I supported my son on my own and made a life for bothe of us, I met a man three years after who promise me that he was nothing like my son dad and he ask me to marry him. I told him that I was not a legal resident here and he of my children back home. He said he would change that situation and we started a life, in the first three month of marrige I started getting child support cheks for my son, he started telling me that I should find a job and help even though I tild him it was against the law to do so and that when I was earning I was doing it as charity work for my church where they would compensate me with room and board and a small stipen. I found out i was pregnant in that very month and told him, he completely changed and stop supporting me financially calling me trifling, bitch and that I do not deserved to treated like a person, that he would not take care of me and the baby. My son child support that I get every month he said I should pay the utility bills buy food for the house and take care of myself my unborn child and my son, since then he has not provided for us even though he lives under the same roof, yet he would eat all my son cereal without even asking him if he wants any, and anything else that is in the house to eat he would eat it without any regourds to us getting any. My friends and church family help me with the money to send in my adjustment of status however i have not gotten approved yet , he came home and said he wants a divorce and that i should leave, I cannot drive and where we live the bus does not run there so I have to ask him to take me to get food or to my Dr appointment which he refuse to pay the bills at the obgyn and I also found out that my preganancy is high risk and my baby is not growing as she should. He would leave and go away for days and if I call him he ignors my calls but if he does not have any gas he would answer and tell me to buy gas for the suv because my son needs to go to school ( he is in prek and is doing very well) He does not buy any furniture in the house no toiletries detergent anything and if he knows that I have a penny he suddenly dont have all the money for the rent, ahd he works over 3,000 dollors a month. He also said I baby my 4yo too much and I should make him help me clean while he does nothing but sleep when he is home. My son does not care much for him and he knows it because he held him by the neck to the floor one morning telling him that he plays too much I told him I will call the police if he does that again. He is not helping me in anyway to provide for this baby and am afraid he will withdraw his petition and I will be sent home to face my other child dad who did time for other stuff he was doing and I report him, and also that i might not see my other two children and end up on the street with no job to support theses two because of my status.I have so much that I would love to say but I do not know where to turn please i need advice or help. Hi am an immigrant here and I was living with my son dad for three years when he put me and my 5mth old son out in the dead of winter he told me if I report him he would call immigration, I did not know my rights and I had overstayed om my visa and was afraid of being deported to my home country. (I where I was already fleeing from the father of my first son after he sent me to the hospital with 32 stiches and a mild concussion, I reprted it in my country and the authorities there did nothing and then he started sending death threats to me so I had to chose between hiding my children leaving my means of living and start over here). I supported my son on my own and made a life for bothe of us, I met a man three years after who promise me that he was nothing like my son dad and he ask me to marry him. I told him that I was not a legal resident here and he of my children back home. He said he would change that situation and we started a life, in the first three month of marrige I started getting child support cheks for my son, he started telling me that I should find a job and help even though I tild him it was against the law to do so and that when I was earning I was doing it as charity work for my church where they would compensate me with room and board and a small stipen. I found out i was pregnant in that very month and told him, he completely changed and stop supporting me financially calling me trifling, bitch and that I do not deserved to treated like a person, that he would not take care of me and the baby. My son child support that I get every month he said I should pay the utility bills buy food for the house and take care of myself my unborn child and my son, since then he has not provided for us even though he lives under the same roof, yet he would eat all my son cereal without even asking him if he wants any, and anything else that is in the house to eat he would eat it without any regourds to us getting any. My friends and church family help me with the money to send in my adjustment of status however i have not gotten approved yet , he came home and said he wants a divorce and that i should leave, I cannot drive and where we live the bus does not run there so I have to ask him to take me to get food or to my Dr appointment which he refuse to pay the bills at the obgyn and I also found out that my preganancy is high risk and my baby is not growing as she should. He would leave and go away for days and if I call him he ignors my calls but if he does not have any gas he would answer and tell me to buy gas for the suv because my son needs to go to school ( he is in prek and is doing very well) He does not buy any furniture in the house no toiletries detergent anything and if he knows that I have a penny he suddenly dont have all the money for the rent, ahd he works over 3,000 dollors a month. He also said I baby my 4yo too much and I should make him help me clean while he does nothing but sleep when he is home. My son does not care much for him and he knows it because he held him by the neck to the floor one morning telling him that he plays too much I told him I will call the police if he does that again. He is not helping me in anyway to provide for this baby and am afraid he will withdraw his petition and I will be sent home to face my other child dad who did time for other stuff he was doing and I report him, and also that i might not see my other two children and end up on the street with no job to support theses two because of my status.I have so much that I would love to say but I do not know where to turn please i need advice or help.

]]> By: Lyn http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-583 Lyn Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:52:48 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-583 Thanks, Nancy for your comments. The abuse of immigrants is challenging work for the very reasons mentioned in the article. Therefore, prevention through education methods are critical when dealing with this issue. One aspect mentioned in the article is the abuse related materials for immigrants, being made available once they file their paperwork, then again once reaching the U.S. This will be a major step helping to raise their awareness, understanding the warning signs and where to go to for help. Thanks, Nancy for your comments. The abuse of immigrants is challenging work for the very reasons mentioned in the article. Therefore, prevention through education methods are critical when dealing with this issue. One aspect mentioned in the article is the abuse related materials for immigrants, being made available once they file their paperwork, then again once reaching the U.S. This will be a major step helping to raise their awareness, understanding the warning signs and where to go to for help.

]]> By: Lyn http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-582 Lyn Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:41:30 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-582 Thank you, Beverly for sharing your story. You are right, love should not hurt and we all must teach our children and share with others what it means to be in healthy relationships. Stay encouraged and stay inspired. Thank you, Beverly for sharing your story. You are right, love should not hurt and we all must teach our children and share with others what it means to be in healthy relationships. Stay encouraged and stay inspired.

]]> By: Nancy Werking Poling http://www.thehotline.org/2010/03/domestic-violence-and-immigration/comment-page-1/#comment-580 Nancy Werking Poling Mon, 15 Mar 2010 14:20:24 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1493#comment-580 Lyn, thanks for this informative article. I want to emphasize one of your points: "The partner threatens to have them deported..." I have not had any personal experience like you, but I have read of how the abuser uses the victim's unfamiliarity with language and laws to further exercise control over her. Though you speak to the issue of translating written materials about resources into many languages, helping the immigrant victim still sounds challenging. The fact that the abuser isolates her and keeps her in the house limits her contact with anyone who might be able to reach out to her. It's such a complex issue, but we dare not give up trying to make a difference. Nancy Werking Poling author of OUT OF THE PUMPKIN SHELL www.nancypoling.com Lyn, thanks for this informative article. I want to emphasize one of your points: “The partner threatens to have them deported…” I have not had any personal experience like you, but I have read of how the abuser uses the victim’s unfamiliarity with language and laws to further exercise control over her. Though you speak to the issue of translating written materials about resources into many languages, helping the immigrant victim still sounds challenging. The fact that the abuser isolates her and keeps her in the house limits her contact with anyone who might be able to reach out to her. It’s such a complex issue, but we dare not give up trying to make a difference.

Nancy Werking Poling
author of OUT OF THE PUMPKIN SHELL
http://www.nancypoling.com

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