Law enforcement does not take intrafamily threats, assaults, stalking and harassment seriously.
I cannot find resources for that type of problem. When I was assaulted by my half brother the police
were called and asked if anyone witnessed it and I said no. They told me it would be a waste of time to come out because 1. he was gone 2. I had no witnesses. They told me to call if he comes back or if he put marks on me.
I continued receiving threats of bodily harm and he threatened to go after my son and harm him.
He stalked and threw something at me while I was waiting at the bus stop by my house.

I filed a restraining order but when I went for the extension hearing, my brother mother and father testified for him and said there was no violence and I was lying. The Judge listen to those two elderly looking people and believed them. The Judge said to me “I was like a Shakespear play, then he said, the Lady Doth protest too much” and denied the extension for the restraining order.

That really made my brother feel empowered and he and the other men in the family got worst.
Exactly 2 weeks after the Judge denied the restraining order extension, the father who testified in court
tried to assault me but I ran and locked myself in a room and he ended up choking and assaulting my sister on my front porch and a stranger had to pull him off. He was arrested and convicted, but it has not stopped my brother.

I have been living a nightmare because I went back for another try at a restraing order when he left fliers with my photo and the caption “help the world kill this bitch” and my address on it but he has avoided service. DCMPD tried to serve him, and I paid three process server companies each time he avoided service. The same Judge who denied it the first time is the Judge they said I had to deal with.

Because I cannot serve him, the Judge won’t grant the restraining order. He continues stalking me, sending harassing mail anonymously so I can’t use it in court.

Now he has been sending my birth certificate, my state issue identification to various people
slandering me and I an afraid of identity theft. I can’t use that in court either because he is doing it anonymously. I am at my wits end with worry and fear. I have no protection or legal remedy.

He is also sending anonymous letters with my photo to IRS, FBI, DHS, making false accusations of terrorism and money laundering thinking it will make them grab me and take me to guantanamo bay.]

I was born in the U.S,A, at Walter Reed Army Hospital and I have never been out of the country or in any trouble. I am in my 50s with severe asthma and a heart condition.
I just do not know what I can do. All of this occurred in Wash D.C. ,

If anyone has any suggestion, please let me know. Sooner or later he will kill me.

my best friend has been with her current boyfriend for about 2 years. They’re always fighting it seems, he gets in her face, they exchange comments not even an enemy would dare say. he gets in her face while driving, threatens to kick her out and i could go on forever. shes dealt with this for some time, thinking that its no big deal.she loves him.. and wanted him to get better. until tonight. he shoved her across the room, leaving her with another bruise and spit in her face. you get the point, his dad is in prison for rape, and his mother and sisters all have sexual attractions to him. so i understand where his anger comes from. She has known she deserves better for awhile now but its his apartment, he has the job, and he pays the bills… so where does she go from here? she has to play nice so he continues to pay her bills but once an argument strikes up, their back in the boxing rink. please any advice would be great.

Please be encouraged and know that you can move through these changes, you have the strength, the wisdom and the wherewithall to leave the abusive relationship that you are in. While I’m still going back and forth to court, I know that my kids and I are safe and I know that I have broken the cycle of violence. We have lost all material possessions and have gained the insights only gleaned from risking a new life. Step out into the great unkown….trust that that little voice inside of you telling you to leave knows what it’s talking about…

me and husband have been together for 6 years he has a problem wth drinking i didnt relize it untill about a year into our relationship when he got drunk n verbally abusied me and broke his own hand by hitting a wall i still stayed with him.Right before i got pregnant with our first baby together we had another problem where him and his brother got into a fist fight drunk n when i went to stop it he hit me in the face not on purpose at least i didnt think so the police came n he got arrested for abuse witch inturn resulted in a slap on the wrist and some domestic violence classes. The abuse continued not really hitting just verbal n pushing while i was pregnant i had our son n then rite after got pregnant agian n had our daughter they are 11 months apart.When our daughter was 5 weeks old he hit me agian n pushed my60 year old mother down on the ground i called the police this time he served six months in jail n had to complete a 6 month out patient rehab n 1 year dv classes we lost everything while he was gone our home everything including me letting my oldest son from a previous marrage go live wth his father due to my husbands mother callin cps on me sevral time to the point i thought it was not good for my son to b questioned 1 a week for unfound reasons.Well he came home n i let him come bac to live wth me he was good for a while he did have his moments of verbal abuse n sum slip ups drinkin untill one night he came home n was pushing n shovin me n my mom so i called the police agian n he was sentenced to 2 yrs state prison iam dealing with all the blame from his mother she said its my fault cause he has never been this way in past relationships anyhew what iam on here for is to try to get help i cannot get aid from the state i really want to get a career and move on with my life n my children what can i do if i cant get help from the state????

Here i am, still in the starting over mode. people tell me the worse is over.I am having trouble pushing foreward. the abuse iv endured through out my whole life, has made its mark. iam tearful most or the time. iv moved from my last home of 9 years where i ,at 1 time felt safe, untill my husband of 4 months knocked me down & drug me out in to the snowey winter, in my pajamas, barefooted, not once, but 3 times! he shoved me down & i hit my head on a cast iron trendle sewing machine , which won me a ride in a ambulance to a local hospital. my confidence is all but gone i definatly struggle to maintain any relationship, which has lended me a life of solitude. I am not the person i was. i am not placing all the blame on my last husband. he just happen to be the straw that broke my back, and my spirit. i am trying to gain employment which seems nearly impossiable. It seems I am not able to meet others expectations of a strong & dependable employee. mind you, I ran my own business for 10 years alone, myself, confidently & successfully.I sit here writing this letter, & i dont know why. Its not going to change anything. iv been to counciling, untill i ran out of $. I take antidepressents, I pray, i try to drag up out of this seeningly dead end life, but as life rolls, iv been in a car accident, at no falt of mine, none the less, there it is!!, iv been in hospitals, drs, therapy, living with constant pain, not to once again mention… ALONE. the nations greatest snow storm its pounding down around me, assureing me that there will be no human contact for days.these are the times ,I feel as if there is no reason for me to continue to try.I dont like to admit it but, i dont want to go on. i see no future for me if i cant let go of the past.I want to tell each person that has hit me,that has stolen from me, that has used me for whatever they could get out of me, and lied to me about truley being my friend, and really never was, i just want to tell them they are bad people. and I have always desereved better!!! Iread all these success stories of abused people that quite possiable have had it 1000 times worse than me, and have over come their affliction. but, at some point in each one of their stories, good things start to happen to them which give them hope. I have not been as fourtnate.my life spirles down & down & down to the point of no return. id do anything to have someone love me & respect me, and care for me.
I guess I am done spewing out the crap that keeps me at a stand still in my life. All i can say, is, when will God hear my plea, when will i stop crying, when can i forgive the people that have so freely ripped my heart & soul from me? when can I be happy to be alive?I use to go to a womans strength open group, in peoria 20 yrs ago. it was some what helpful, but i have definatly lost trust it centers of prevention of abuse, thanks to my last abonbament deal with macon county illinois advocates, when they would not stand beside me in the abuse case where my husband hospitalized me, and than lied and lied and lied. those damn women should know the profile of an abuser, and they should of supported me through my 30 court apperiances. it should of never gone that far. it should of been cut dry and he should have been punished. in stead, i was sent to domestic violence classes, and be reminded how to not pick an abusive person, while the courts dropped all his charges!!! iIt has left me bitter, and i get to live a life of solitude, becouse I cant afford to take another chance . theres nothing left of me. i am beat down so badly, i cant get back up. If there is any one that can help my, id rather have help, than to die.as always, Kitty

Kitty,

From the sounds of it, you are in a somewhat rural area (“the nations greatest snow storm its pounding down around me, assureing me that there will be no human contact for days”). We do wish you the best of luck and, hopefully, the bad weather will be less brutal than anticipated. Hopefully, you will be able to maintain communication with others via the internet and phone.

During everyone’s journey in healing, there will always be that fork in the road that folks will say to themselves, “now what?” or question their own progress in healing. It’s a great time for soul searching, re-evaluation, creating a check list of some things you envision yourself going to next, what steps are you going to need to get there, and devising a plan of action that you can achieve those steps. For some, this comes really easy; for most, we may have to really work at it to achieve and make the “good things start to happen”.

What are some of your present hurdles? If some of the hurdles may be that you need some things, you might try “free cycling”. It is a new process that allows one to post things that the want; others review it and see if they have what you are looking for and/or you might find someone else posting some things that you are looking for. The thing is that everything has to be for free. No money is ever exchanged; thereby, creating a great resource for those of us who are just needing a few things to help us to move forward in our lives. You can find a freecycling organization in your area through freecycle.org.

A book that I enjoy recommending is “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger: Turning bad breaks into blessings” by Maxine Schnall. While it isn’t about domestic violence at all (although there may be one story that reflects on a domestic violence scenario), it has a common thread through all the different struggling scenarios, moving forward through a change of perspective of being a victim to that of being a victor. It’s an easy read (no need to get out a dictionary to look up psychological lingo talk) and engaging. You may be able to get this through your library system.

One thing that you can do while being couped up during this artic blast storm is to write some favorite quotes, sayings, Bible verses, affirmations (“I am beautiful”, “I am strong”, “I am a survivor”, “I am a victor”, etc.) on some pieces of paper and place them around your home in key places — your bathroom mirror, your nightstand, your coffee maker, your closet, your front door, etc. so that you see these wherever you go in your home.

You might also play dress up while being couped up in your home. Pretend, like we did when we were children, that you are going to an elegant dance. What would you wear? How would you put up your hair? What would your makeup look like? Be as silly or wild as you want with it. The idea is to have fun in the process of doing it.

Another thing, you might want to do while being couped up, go to YouTube.com and search for the silly, humorous videos that can make you laugh. There are many, many silly ones on there. If you go to xtranormal.com, you can even create one animated video for free.

Call us too. We can certainly brainstorm with you some other ideas to jostle movement towards moving forward. We’re sorry that the court processes, domestic violence classes and support system has left you with a bitter experience. Getting out of a domestic violence relationship truly hits us hard at times and we can feel at a standstill at times, indeed. As I mentioned before, some folks are able to move forward faster than others; it just doesn’t mean that, for those of us that it takes longer to overcome from our past experiences, we won’t move forward — it just means that we may need to work at it a little longer than others.

Counseling is a huge key in being able to move forward. Finding a good counseler to help you re-identify those red flags, rebuild our intuition, giving us coping skills in dealing with various triggers along the way, etc., is imperative to our healing process. Please feel free, too, to contact us if you need help in matching up with a good counselor in your area. (1-800-799-7233, 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week)

BTW, things that could have lead to specificly identifying you have been removed from your posting for your safety and per our community guidelines.

Hotline Advocate_kk

You’re quite welcome, and, no, it doesn’t sound stupid at all. I am glad you reached out, Kitty! Help is available to those who reach out. Without reaching out, no one knows that you need the help, right?

Please be sure to try to do some of those things that I mentioned to you. They will help — even if it is ever so slightly and as silly as they might sound.

There is, at least, one women’s program in Peoria; however, it would probably be adviseable that you just call us at 1-800-799-7233, if at all possible because, for instance, if Peoria doesn’t work out, we can keep working with you to find a program that will specifically work with you and your needs. We are here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week. Just a reminder, that these programs and the things that they offer like shelter, support groups, counseling, legal advocacy, etc are available at no charge to the victim of domestic violence. Money isn’t the issue on purpose because so many times we know that the victim is, many times, also facing economic abuse as well.

BTW, had to slightly edit your post again. Please be sure to not include your last name on your posts and/or any other identifying information to meet the community guidelines and for your own safety. We are happy to help you in any way that we can.

Again, thanks for reaching out. Looking forward to us hearing from you at the hotline so that we can work with you more directly.

Hotline Advocate_kk

I will call tomorrow. thank you so much. iv gotta get this crap out of me before it eats me up.things have got to change, iv got to change.thrers gotta be a better life.
Kitty.

Definitely hear you on that, Kitty. Take care and do call at your earliest convenience!

There is a quote that I have on my cubicle:

“Only when we are no longer afraid, do we begin to live.” ~ Dorothy Thompson

Hotline Advocate_kk

Kitty:

Glad to hear that you are going to give it another try or two or three.

The thing about group meetings is that there is a mixture of folks attending oftentimes as it is oftentimes a continual/ongoing group. While the group maintains its functionality, there is an ebb and flow of folks that come in and out of it at varying stages of their survivorship; some my still be in their volatile relationship, too, and are in there to gain some support and encouragement to make that leap of faith. Too, then you factor in everyone’s mood from their day and circumstance of life can add to a constant change in the meeting as well.

Please give it some more tries before you give up on it totally. One thing that you might want to consider, too, if you find that the support group is totally not for you (in general, it isn’t a perfect match sometimes with other folks as well wherever they may go), you might want to consider the one-on-one counseling, or a different support group.

Here’s to hoping that you find a perfect niche for you, whether it is in this support group or another, or even in one-on-one counseling. Keeping fingers crossed for you; hang in there!

NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk

tomorrows my day. open group day. you said basically what the group leader said, and i understand all the diversities that come with an open forem. I will go tomorrow, & pray no one screams in my face, and that the woman that did, will have enough understanding that we can be helpful to one another instead of hurtful to one another. yes, maby open group may not be for me, but i wont know if i dont give it a chance, so tomorrow is gonna be me giving it a chance. I have a question, the 1 on 1 counseling, are the counslers trained professionals, or are they just simply employees , trained to lend a kind ear? I am searching for relief and i feel that empathy & guidance, is way more helpful than sympathy & acknowledgment.
thank you for your guidance through out the past few weeks.

success. noone screamed noone cryed. iam thankful for a group with a purpose, and filled with information.comments from most every one, that were directly related to the obstacles each of us will go through, are going through, and have been through time & time again.im glad i went. it was way different than last week . there was 1 woman that was empowered, & heading in a good direction, but she was real, acknowledging that she has been through pretty bad times.the group leaders also talked about where i am at. just cause ur out , moved, started over, it doesnt mean its over. that was so important for me to hear, that its not just me, it is part of the process of gaining a new life. the abuser doesnt just stop his unacceptable behavior just because iv made changes. it could go on for years. i am so glad i went. im gonna pray I have enough sense to continue to seek out help, untill I feel ok, 1 more time.thank you, you nameless faceless person on the recieving end of my letters.I know theres a better life out there, but have lost my way on how to get to it.no tears tonite.

Yay, Kitty!

I am so glad to hear that you have continued to give it another chance and it seemed to have made a big difference to you as a person to be there for the next support group meeting. I do hope that you continue to go and learn. You may not have a “speak to you” experience every time that you go; however, there may be something that someone says that will resonnate with you and/or give you an idea about moving forward that you might want to incorporate in your own struggles of moving forward.

In going to the support group again, it demonstrates your own willingness to open up to your own vulnerability and look to it as not necessarily as a negative thing, but as a gift, an opportunity for growth, etc.

Ironically, as advocates, we go through wellness sessions each month. This month was also about vulnerability in a sense with watching a video by Dr. Brene Brown of Houston, Texas. One of the final things she focuses upon in her speech that she was giving was that vulnerability is also an opportunity to let ourselves to be seen, to love with whole hearts, to practice gratitude and joy, to believe that we’re good enough, and to be kinder and gentler to ourselves.

Likewise, it is the hope of many support groups that you, too, may be able to authenticate yourself and shine through your own vulnerability in sharing, providing a path of moving forward. May that light be shined in front of you to aid in your moving forward to a life of fun and laughter in your journey as a survivor. Keep it up!

NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk

after loosing home, business, dignity, moved to start over, i had a few moments to reflect, & journal, heres my thoughts…
NOW, WHAT ABOUT ME?
AUGEST 2010
And now, i enter the part, where solitude,& self examination is foremost on the agenda. For what have i gained, to eliminate stress, only to endure self? As i see it, one seens to be the other. Although there is something to be said for the calm, the still, the rippleing of the water, & the life that causes the ripple. The quiet, the peace, the knoledge that being alone, is not the same as being lonley. The friends we thought we had, the friends we never knew we had. The life we searched for, & the life we got. Now truley IS the time for self care, self love, endurence, & acceptance, for what was, what is now, & what will be. Iv been left here , to only give thanks, as each day turns to nite, & each long nite turns to day, I am forced to appreciate each moment. I am not the woman that thought she was lonley, but I am the woman that stands alone, thankful for the calm, the peace,the rippling of the watter, & the life that causes the ripple, & the grace from God to recognise it! *
Kitty

That is, indeed, a beautiful journal entry, Kitty. Now, some six months later, you are finding yourself on another leg of that journey. Hopefully, you are continuing to work on your journalling.

NDVH Advocate_kk

nervous.

Kitty, Remember to breathe….

NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk

made it through another group.lots of useful information. i may have been inappropriate with some of my responses. makeing a funny, when it probably wasnt very funny.But it just rolled out of my mouth before i could stop it. They were talking about boundaries & safety. one woman asked, what happens when they step over our boundaries, and break our new locks? “which has happened to me several times” as the councilor was responding with the appropriate answer,”we get new locks” my mind was @ my house, I was sleepen, my husband busted in the door , bumm rushed me, & beat me in the bed. 13 stiches above my eye. black & blue for weeks, my little boy in the next room screaming.I wasnt busy getting new locks, I was busy trying to get him off me & get my kid to dial911. so I chuckled, inappropriately, & unfourtnatly said…you,ll be getting 1 more ass beating, when they break your locks & cross your boundries. Man, It was to late, the damage was done, the woman was upset, i put my head in my hands & still kinda giggleing, trying to apologise, I was the ass. I dont know which is worst, crying every time something hits home, or laughing cause the answer is so obvious to me, there IS no other answer. shute do you really think the real answer is, get new locks? Im pretty sure theres gonna be a few unfortunate events that are about to take place, before you,ll get the chance to change your locks again. But the councler is right to keep it simple, keep it positive, give obtainable goals.
Seeme like its just u & me on here, KK. let me ask your honest opinion, Do you think im better suited for this open group, or am I just so damn salty, that I should be segregated from the other women, and be councled 1 on 1. just asking your opinion.I do not want to hurt anyones feelings, I do like to hear all the different stages that people are at in their lives. I also like having the group leaders, addressing everyone, not just pressing down and squeezing the stuffing out of me. cause i sometimes find that mentally draining. it feels as if iv been run over by a truck. I went to 1 on 1 counceling till i ran out of $, and I gotta say, I cryed enough tears to fill a river. it was exhasting. but, I,d do it again if that would be what it would take for me to be o.k. in my own skin again.not scared, not sad, not tired, able to have friends, sleep peacefully, look in the mirror & feel somewhat- a- littli- pretty, hold down a job, you know… feel normal again.

Its funny, I just recognized that when that woman was asking about ,: What happens when they cross your boundaries, & break the locks on the door?” …I go right in to pdsd mode. Im there. I see it. its happening. I dont care about anything else thats going on in the room, till that tape plays all the way through in my mind.I dont know, maby i laughed becouse i know the answers RUN!!!
I have a vault of tapes, that cause me to have a reaction. some noticeable, some not so noticeable. Thats part of the drag of having ptsd.
Well, for what its worth, i am getting something from this weekley group thing. But, you, KK, have given me, a big sense of relief, because, theres no certian time or day i need to meet with you. your right at the end of my finger tips, & for that, I am forever greatful! Thank you for being there .

Kitty, It is hard to say whether or not you are too “salty” for the group because I’m not there and can’t physically see what is happening. However, if the “saltiness” is also a reference to your using humor in the group, I would point out that, oftentimes we use humor in our own healing process. Sometimes it is a coping mechanism that we utilize to lighten the thickness of the weight of the subject matter being discussed and/or to use as armor, in a sense, so that we ourselves don’t continue to experience more hurt.

I believe that, initially, we try to use more humor to cover up our own emotions at times — a fear of exposing our own emotions.

There is certainly a place for humor in our lives, and certainly some humor isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Oftentimes, others are wishing that they could be as quick witted at times so that they can lessen their pains as well. Just keep in mind that exposing our emotions are good for the soul and are also a part of the healing process. Finding that balance of humor allows us, and others around us, to continue on our healing journey, effectively allowing our boundaries to be explored, which is also a part of the healing journey.

I feel that you are probably in the right place at the right time in your group that you are in. Hang in there!

NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk

Awww… you’re quite welcome, Kitty. Anytime!

There are always going to be those trigger points in our lives that we are going to encounter from time to time. Counseling helps us to discover ways to cope with those trigger points, or as the woman referenced as “crossing the boundaries and breaking the locks on the door”. True, the quick knee-jerk reaction is to run when those occur, but the trick is to find a coping skill that allows you not to run immediately when faced with a triggering emotion, albeit the physical reaction may need to run (depending on what that triggering point is at the time).

Did I share a quote with you earlier? Even if I did, it would be appropriate to share it with you again here —

“Only when we are no longer afraid, do we begin to live.” ~ Dorothy Thompson

Keep up with your progress!

NDVH Advocate_kk

EXPECTATIONS
February
2 21 2011
I guess i never realized how many expectations there are in a persons life. Not just the ones I have for myself, but all the expectations, each person i come in contact with, expects of me.Its odd. I think a person has to realize that it is totally unrealistic to think a person could come remotely close to realizing even a an ice cubes chance in hell, in the ability to attempt to satisfy even 50% of those so called expectations. Actually, some of those expectations, are really, demands.
These things i know for sure. #1, I must please God. #2, I must, listen to my own true self. #3,I am to do my best in this life to care for myself, & to care for others,& to for give myself & others when we fall short of that.#4, I deserve to be treated with love ,compaction, & respect, & i am to treat others with love, compaction, & respect .
I am guessing if I could stick with “things I know for sure,” #s 1-4.” All expectations should get met.
Sure looks good on paper:)
Kitty .

as much as I want to go to open group, I have run out of gas, and $.. Ive made the decision to move out of the salon ian curently working in & work in another one. iam saving what little gas i have in my car to move my equiptment. I cant believe i am in such a financial bind. cant buy gas, food, cloths, borrowed $ for rent $ phone. my car is payed for, so i am lucky, but i feel like, what are u doing driving a mercedes(21yrs old) & cant buy bread. im afarid to sell my car & buy a cheeper car that wont be dependable. before my 4 month marriage i had a 10 yr business, i bought my car with cash. of course it was a used car, $5,500 .but since he did what he did, iam poor as poor can be with out living on the streets! I just cant believe where I am at. Its embarrasing. he would be so happy to know that iam loosing it! sooooo unhappy. I want to blame him for every thing. i know its my own damn falt for even letting a person like him in my life, but iam in auw of the distruction he was able to do to my life.I just dont know how i can hurry up & fix every thing in time. my son is comming home on leave from military, april 5th. God, I hope I can pull it together before he gets here. I sure dont want him to see me like this. I havent seen him for 2yrs. hes been in iraq, & living in Germany for 2yrs. he cant see me like this. im the woman that pulled it all together & put him through college, and bought my own business, & owned my owne home, and had rental property. now im the woman that cant hold down a job, cant pay rent, house is in forclosure, no food in my house, borrowering toilet paper from my neighbor. all this has happened in 7 months. sometimes i just cant face it. I learned my lessons years ago, so i thought. Iv been with out a car, a house, food, a job, but that was YEARS ago!!! I learned my lesson. HA! here i am.1 more time. I dont know what to do. but i better hurry. kitty

up down updown. im on some dang roller coaster ride that never stops.I am alive. I am sane. (Ive been tested many times), why am i so depressed? why cant I get on track, & get happy, & live a normal life? whats it gonna take? what can I do to live again? I have a few good days & alot of bad days.I dont fit in any where. I dont want to even try to fit in any where. I got to start this new job, & be pleasant, & meet new people, and not let people know any thing about me, and not cry, and not let any thing trigger my ptsd.will be a difficult task. im not a very good actress.im nervous. im tryen so hard to get through every day. I look in the mirror, & i look like shit. dark circles under my eyes, the look in my eyes is like im not even there. my cloths dont fit. I just plain look crappy. and thats how i feel. I feel as crappy as i look. well, tomorros another day, lets see if i am any better, maby more positive, maby find that can do attitude. who knows,who cares, me & my silly dog i guess.

Kitty:

Regarding Expectations: One thing to remember is to choose your battles and don’t try to overload yourself with too many expecations. Remember, too, to take one day at a time.

Regarding being out of gas: Unfortunately, a sign of the times to take gas into the equation. It sounds like you are making a leap of faith by changing jobs, but if you can at all possible try to stick to the open group. Sometimes having something consistent in your life helps to empower you to keep moving forward.

Regarding roller coaster ride: There is a quote that I ran across that may give you perspective on that:

“When I dare to be powerful to use my strength in the service of vision,
then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
~ Andre Lorde

Hope that helps a bit. Keep up moving forward.

NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk

thank you

i miss going to group, or recieving councling.im sure the people at group think i have chickened out.i just need $ to go. im stuck at home. work, & home. i dont even make enough to pay my rent rite now. hpoefully things will change, & i can go again. not sure it helps, but all things take time.1 on 1 would be nice, maby when i get some $ ill get some counceling. to bad they dont do house calls.lol. while i still have a house. I pray, I journal, I write short stories, i cry every day. I wonder if ill ever be the woman that i need to be to be successful in life again? I heard someone say words hurt worse than being beat. I must dissagree with her. i have flash backs every day. I take a beating every day. it never goes away. I dont like being called names, but i really hate my head being beat till i pass out. or being kicked in the back & knocked down having someones foot on my throat so hard i cant breath. or a forarm across the throat so hard that my voice box is stuck in the back of my air way, and i cant breath, or jumping out of a car thats going 45mph to keep from getting backhanded 1 more time.
iv heard of a electronic pulsating device that is used on ptsd people, u place it in each 1 of your hands & it pulsates back & forth while you think of something plesant, and eventualy it blocks the flash backs of bad things that happened to you. id love to have the oppertunity to try it. but as we all know, that is only offered to people with $. so sorry for kitty, not in the cards for me. sure would be great not to take an ass beating every day. i bet, my personality would change, dont you?I find it very difficult to make it,day to day. im lonley, but wont take a chance on any one, i always see the bad in every one first. i am bitter. i am not able to live a care free life like most people. will i ever? can i live a normal life like others? can i be happy, can i be kind * careing & loving & can i trust a man, not to hit me when i say something they dont agree with. will a man ever support me in my beliefes & ideas, & needs? is there any out there.if so , where are they??
?? or am i just to messed up & a good man will never approch me anyway. guess i am done letting the negitivaitvy ooze out my pours. thanks if any one hears me, if not, im use to it.

Hey, Kitty!

Sorry to hear that you’ve stopped going to the group – at least, for now. The economic times are being hard on a lot of people, especially with the gas prices increasing.

It is important that you continue the self-care and self-compassion things for yourself. The praying, journaling, and writing stories are all good ways to continue that self care. When you began writing on this blog, we discussed some other things too – the youtube laughables and meditations, posting affirmations around your home, eating right and getting plenty of exercise are all components of great self-care techniques.

Some ideas, and a little bit more information about self-compassion can be found on Kristin Neff’s site, http://www.self-compassion.org/.

I don’t know about the pulsating device that you are speaking about. It seems that there are so many gimmicks that come about to resolve the PTSDs, and different theories out there; however, getting counseling is one of the best words of advice that we can give you about dealing with the PTSDs, in addition to the self-care and self-compassion techniques, as well the suggested support group.

Keep up the progress you are making and keep sights forward towards the future. The day will come when you are less affected by the PTSDs and the past experiences. If at all possible, even if you can’t go each week to the support group, try to go at least once a month or make a pact to go on a regular basis — even if it isn’t on as often as you would like for it to be at this time.

NDVH Hotline Advocate_kk

I just watched Vice President Joe Biden on his act on violence against women. What an uninformed man! the only thing he knows is stats of convicted abusers! there are more tat get away with it, than those that get convicted! I just hate seeing people getting pats on the back for something that is not happening! He has the stupid opinion that d.v. is down 50% since his act was put in to place. whose gonna stand up & through out the stats of abusers & repeat abusers that get charges dropped, due to connections in the courts, or the woman that just cant go through it any more, or he has fled. Of course, i shot him off a letter at his, w.a.d.v. site, ” that has a blog app.” the only good this does me is to get things off my chest, with out getting beat 1/2 to death over having an educated opinion. No one likes an intelligent woman, that is speaking from experience. THAT my friends is a prerequisite to a formal ass beating, so hush up around abusers, worthless advocates, and get away from the abuser! & if your lucky, you,ll stop getting beat, but there is no justice! Life will never be the same after abuse. and if your not careful, you might pick another looses, cause thats whats normAL! blahhhhhhh!!!!

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