Comments on: Finding ways to make a difference http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/ 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 Thu, 09 Sep 2010 15:12:09 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Chelsea http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-552 Chelsea Mon, 15 Feb 2010 03:02:16 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-552 I was in an abusive relationship from when I was 14 to 16 and he was the first person I ever dated. I feel as if I know many people who don't take domestic violence seriously or really know much about it. I've heard friends say that it's the victim's fault or that dating abuse doesn't happen in high school relationships. These attitudes are not okay and I feel that raising awareness about domestic violence should start as early as possible in homes, schools, the community. It's an issue that's extremely underrepresented, especially the fact that men can be/are abused too! I'm in college now and I want to try to bring more attention to domestic violence. It's empowering to read about other people's experiences because then I don't feel so alone. Thank you for sharing your stories! I was in an abusive relationship from when I was 14 to 16 and he was the first person I ever dated. I feel as if I know many people who don’t take domestic violence seriously or really know much about it. I’ve heard friends say that it’s the victim’s fault or that dating abuse doesn’t happen in high school relationships. These attitudes are not okay and I feel that raising awareness about domestic violence should start as early as possible in homes, schools, the community. It’s an issue that’s extremely underrepresented, especially the fact that men can be/are abused too! I’m in college now and I want to try to bring more attention to domestic violence. It’s empowering to read about other people’s experiences because then I don’t feel so alone. Thank you for sharing your stories!

]]> By: Cindy http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-550 Cindy Sun, 14 Feb 2010 19:56:51 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-550 I called my local domestic violence holtline. 24/7 someone mans the hotline that is experienced in all your issues. 1st they will want to make sure all your actions & reactions are safe. 2nd They may want you to make an appointment with an intake counselor in efforts to validate your abuse & get you into a women's group if offered. I didn't do it on my own. I had one person who heard what was going on in my home & gently guided me towards the available resources. The choice had to be mine. It took me quite awhile, simply because I didn't believe I was a victim. But the baby steps turns into giant leaps, your pace is yours and you will know when you have the tools & resources to make the best decision for you. Stay safe. You can't control what they do, but you can control how you react. I would suggest these two tools. 1. Journal (antecdotal, experiences, feelings, etc.) 2. Google domestic violence safe plans I called my local domestic violence holtline. 24/7 someone mans the hotline that is experienced in all your issues. 1st they will want to make sure all your actions & reactions are safe. 2nd They may want you to make an appointment with an intake counselor in efforts to validate your abuse & get you into a women’s group if offered.

I didn’t do it on my own. I had one person who heard what was going on in my home & gently guided me towards the available resources. The choice had to be mine. It took me quite awhile, simply because I didn’t believe I was a victim.

But the baby steps turns into giant leaps, your pace is yours and you will know when you have the tools & resources to make the best decision for you.

Stay safe. You can’t control what they do, but you can control how you react. I would suggest these two tools.
1. Journal (antecdotal, experiences, feelings, etc.)
2. Google domestic violence safe plans

]]> By: dawn http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-548 dawn Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:18:07 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-548 what do you do when someone puts you down all the time has people watching everymove use violence to get you to talk and then reject your calls and e-mails humilate you in public throws other women in your face keeps you from going to school or work and never givers you a compliment abuses your animals tells your you can't hear perfume or makeup but this knows everyone and i do i become free of the abuse im at the point i;m afraid to leave me house what do you do when someone puts you down all the time has people watching everymove use violence to get you to talk and then reject your calls and e-mails humilate you in public throws other women in your face keeps you from going to school or work and never givers you a compliment abuses your animals tells your you can’t hear perfume or makeup but this knows everyone and i do i become free of the abuse im at the point i;m afraid to leave me house

]]> By: Cindy http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-547 Cindy Sat, 13 Feb 2010 17:42:46 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-547 Hi Shellene Some days I am a survivor & some days I am still a victim, but volunteering & receiving appropriate training can start right at your own local women's shelter. Just google DV plus your zip code, should open some doors. Check your local social service department at the county level, they might have a link to a shelter or support organization. Hi Shellene
Some days I am a survivor & some days I am still a victim, but volunteering & receiving appropriate training can start right at your own local women’s shelter.
Just google DV plus your zip code, should open some doors. Check your local social service department at the county level, they might have a link to a shelter or support organization.

]]> By: Cindy http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-546 Cindy Sat, 13 Feb 2010 15:31:43 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-546 Maria has a good point many organizations that claim to provide assistance, are truly not prepared to do so. It's not that they don't have the best intentions or their hearts in the right place, they just don't understand the vast undertaking it is to provide this select population with educated & trained professionals. One astonishing fact is that you can obtain a respectable educational degree from a respectable college and are never required to take a specific course(s) related to Domestic Violence, Abuse, etc. A tool from my survivor's bag is simply to ask: Out of all the service organizations that have entered into my life & into the lives of my children I have tired to ask for a SW that has 12-18 college credits specifically in domestic violence or that has received specific post graduate training/internship with a battered women's shelter that provides counseling & educational services. Being re-victimized by systems designed to help, happens every day. My motto: Never go it alone. Maria has a good point many organizations that claim to provide assistance, are truly not prepared to do so. It’s not that they don’t have the best intentions or their hearts in the right place, they just don’t understand the vast undertaking it is to provide this select population with educated & trained professionals.
One astonishing fact is that you can obtain a respectable educational degree from a respectable college and are never required to take a specific course(s) related to Domestic Violence, Abuse, etc.

A tool from my survivor’s bag is simply to ask: Out of all the service organizations that have entered into my life & into the lives of my children I have tired to ask for a SW that has 12-18 college credits specifically in domestic violence or that has received specific post graduate training/internship with a battered women’s shelter that provides counseling & educational services.

Being re-victimized by systems designed to help, happens every day.

My motto: Never go it alone.

]]> By: Shellene http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-545 Shellene Sat, 13 Feb 2010 01:03:35 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-545 I am a domestic violence survivor!!! It feels great to say that but I had no help because I felt like I had to keep it hush hush. I would like to help other people in the situation I was in. But where do I go I am a domestic violence survivor!!! It feels great to say that but I had no help because I felt like I had to keep it hush hush. I would like to help other people in the situation I was in. But where do I go

]]> By: Maria http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-543 Maria Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:18:34 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-543 Hello Camille, I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship...are you still with this guy? do not feel bad about yourself woman we all get down on ourselves and let others take advantage of the situation. You do have a purpose and it looks like you are trying to make a difference for other woman already! I don't know what religion you are if any, but if you believe in God, I suggest you start developing a relationship with him. He will listen to you if you believe. This has helped me get thru my delima. Also, if you have family close by reach out to them and let them know what is happening even if you are embarrassed because this way they will be aware just in case something happens. Let me know what you circumstances are now, like again is he in your life now? Hello Camille,

I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship…are you still with this guy? do not feel bad about yourself woman we all get down on ourselves and let others take advantage of the situation. You do have a purpose and it looks like you are trying to make a difference for other woman already! I don’t know what religion you are if any, but if you believe in God, I suggest you start developing a relationship with him. He will listen to you if you believe. This has helped me get thru my delima. Also, if you have family close by reach out to them and let them know what is happening even if you are embarrassed because this way they will be aware just in case something happens. Let me know what you circumstances are now, like again is he in your life now?

]]> By: johana http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-541 johana Wed, 10 Feb 2010 22:21:45 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-541 Domestic Abuse is something that can affect anyone surrounded by it. As a child i was raised in an abusive household. I was not abused but my mother was. I watched my mother suffer so much it was unforgetable. My mother never said anything to make this stop because she did not want her kids to lose their father. I very much respect my mother for having so much love for her children to be able to withstand so much pain and suffering. I now till this day cannot forgive my father but i cannot hate him because he now realizes his mistakes and is very resintful for it. It is hard to believe that a man that shows me so much love and cares for me so much can be the one person I became so afraid of as a child, but has now helped me become a better person. Domestic abuse is huge nationally. 1 in every 4 people are abused domestically. this is something that can be stopped as long as you take a stand. Domestic Abuse is something that can affect anyone surrounded by it. As a child i was raised in an abusive household. I was not abused but my mother was. I watched my mother suffer so much it was unforgetable. My mother never said anything to make this stop because she did not want her kids to lose their father. I very much respect my mother for having so much love for her children to be able to withstand so much pain and suffering. I now till this day cannot forgive my father but i cannot hate him because he now realizes his mistakes and is very resintful for it. It is hard to believe that a man that shows me so much love and cares for me so much can be the one person I became so afraid of as a child, but has now helped me become a better person.

Domestic abuse is huge nationally. 1 in every 4 people are abused domestically.
this is something that can be stopped as long as you take a stand.

]]> By: Craig http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-538 Craig Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:45:08 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-538 I am a 51 yr old disabled single male parent, I survived over 2.5 yrs of total hell, My Exwife became Adicted to prescib pain killers, In 4 yrs she put me in the hospital 3 differant times, Broke my rt shoulder BLADE in 2 places,Broke the rotator cup on the same shoulder,, IN that 4 yr period, NOTHING was done to her, There was no place for my daughter and I to go, ALL the shelters in the area where I lived ONLY had places for females and their children.. So I had to keep putting up with it. Finally after She went after our daughter did I FINALLY have the courage to stand up to her and get a judge to listen and see what I had been going through. Got her out of the house permantly.. The prob With most states is the men that get abused have NO LAWS to protect them, NOR can they get law enforcement to listen or do anything.. MOST abuse shelters DONT have accomadations for abused men, I can see where they have to protect the weman, I ub=nderstand it, BUT it hurts, I also had NO place to go for mental help for several yrs after, I had a WONDERFUL chance to finally get help from a abuse shelter, It was the best 2.5 yrs I had had.. Now that Ivemoved from the area, its been 2 yrs since ive had someone to talk to.. I still cant trust enough to even want to date.. Ive been away from her 6 yrs now, I want to trust, IM JUST SCARED TO.. I dont want to go through all that again.. THANK YOU for allowing a man to voice his problems and his opion on here I am a 51 yr old disabled single male parent, I survived over 2.5 yrs of total hell, My Exwife became Adicted to prescib pain killers, In 4 yrs she put me in the hospital 3 differant times, Broke my rt shoulder BLADE in 2 places,Broke the rotator cup on the same shoulder,, IN that 4 yr period, NOTHING was done to her, There was no place for my daughter and I to go, ALL the shelters in the area where I lived ONLY had places for females and their children.. So I had to keep putting up with it. Finally after She went after our daughter did I FINALLY have the courage to stand up to her and get a judge to listen and see what I had been going through. Got her out of the house permantly..
The prob With most states is the men that get abused have NO LAWS to protect them, NOR can they get law enforcement to listen or do anything..
MOST abuse shelters DONT have accomadations for abused men, I can see where they have to protect the weman, I ub=nderstand it, BUT it hurts, I also had NO place to go for mental help for several yrs after, I had a WONDERFUL chance to finally get help from a abuse shelter, It was the best 2.5 yrs I had had..
Now that Ivemoved from the area, its been 2 yrs since ive had someone to talk to..
I still cant trust enough to even want to date.. Ive been away from her 6 yrs now, I want to trust, IM JUST SCARED TO.. I dont want to go through all that again..
THANK YOU for allowing a man to voice his problems and his opion on here

]]> By: camille http://www.thehotline.org/2010/01/finding-ways-to-make-a-difference/comment-page-1/#comment-533 camille Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:39:30 +0000 http://www.ndvh.org/?p=1406#comment-533 my name is camille im 33yrs. im a old aquaintance of crime victim boards because i was a victim of a crime.anyway on tues.feb2,2010 i was assulted by a guy i was dating for two years.it was a wake up call that i had seen before but this one and all of the other ones should have been my sign to leave.im on here today to plead my story with any young or old woman to recognize the signs of abuse physical, mental,controllin all of the above.im a call him bbking cause i treated him just that a king.please listen and do not let this happen to you.let him drive my car cause his wasnt working,keys to my apt cause he was tired of living in his parents apt. two baby mothers,child support being taken out his check and none of those things made me think less of him.i couldnt have friends.there was a time scedule for me to spend time with my family.then tues he went upside my head with a bottle cause a friend i havent seen that he previously met when we first started dating came to my house and tried to help me with getting a job cause they were in charge of hiring and i had previosly lost my job. i had gained a bunch of weight and he didnt make me feel like he really wanted me.he had even stopped having sex with me. i could go on and on about different episodes i been through with man my only wish today by puttin my thoghts on this blog is please do not end up like me. today is fri. the 5th 2010 and i wanna die.why cause i feel like no one will ever love me again.im backed up on my bills i work at wendy the one man i loved wanted to beat on me and i just cant imagine what purpose i a have for this earth.so i hope i help someone cause im ready to come off this earth completely. my name is camille im 33yrs. im a old aquaintance of crime victim boards because i was a victim of a crime.anyway on tues.feb2,2010 i was assulted by a guy i was dating for two years.it was a wake up call that i had seen before but this one and all of the other ones should have been my sign to leave.im on here today to plead my story with any young or old woman to recognize the signs of abuse physical, mental,controllin all of the above.im a call him bbking cause i treated him just that a king.please listen and do not let this happen to you.let him drive my car cause his wasnt working,keys to my apt cause he was tired of living in his parents apt. two baby mothers,child support being taken out his check and none of those things made me think less of him.i couldnt have friends.there was a time scedule for me to spend time with my family.then tues he went upside my head with a bottle cause a friend i havent seen that he previously met when we first started dating came to my house and tried to help me with getting a job cause they were in charge of hiring and i had previosly lost my job. i had gained a bunch of weight and he didnt make me feel like he really wanted me.he had even stopped having sex with me. i could go on and on about different episodes i been through with man my only wish today by puttin my thoghts on this blog is please do not end up like me. today is fri. the 5th 2010 and i wanna die.why cause i feel like no one will ever love me again.im backed up on my bills i work at wendy the one man i loved wanted to beat on me and i just cant imagine what purpose i a have for this earth.so i hope i help someone cause im ready to come off this earth completely.

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